Thorns

by Leather Sky

Carrot x Marron x Gateau: Gateau discovers the true nature of Marron and Carrot's relationship. From that moment onward the men's friendships begin to disintegrate until they finally hit rock bottom in a well of psychological thorns.

Thorns

The summer was fading…no, summer was dead, he decided. The late red-orange sun beat down upon a rich green line of trees, the dusk air was still hot and sultry…but for Gateau, all warmth had abruptly left the world. He wasn't sure what had been worse…seeing them together…or the looks on their faces as they turned to face him…turned as one.

Why had this happened? What were the circumstances that had led to this…this moment of supreme and harshest reality? Why was this the explanation for every phrase, every glance, every touch that had gone deliberately unnoticed by him…all these years? The world in front of him was a knife that he walked upon. He did not even have enough self-delusion in him to ignore what he had seen…he knew that it was real, and that it was the only thing that had ever been real…for them.

Gateau walked, not too quickly and not to slowly, across the fields, making for the line of trees. He didn't know what he was going to do when he got there. He didn't even really see the trees. All he saw were two bodies sliding against each other…two of the dearest people in the world to him…two brothers.

As soon as the door had shut (quietly, oh so quietly) Carrot had gently put his hand against the mattress and moved out of Marron. He had then silently sat there on the bed, his hands loosely folded in his lap, watching his brother, as Marron slowly turned to sit up as well. They hadn't spoken, not with their mouths, when Gateau had opened the door, or when he had looked at them like that…now that they were alone again, speech didn't seem any more possible than it had been.

Marron closed his eyes. Carrot blindly reached over to take a black coil of hair in his right hand...then let it slide through his fingers and fall to the bed. Marron reached up to take that hand, and opened his eyes. He looked down at the space between them as two trails silently coursed their way down his face. Even when the drops slid down his chin and fell to the bed, they were noiseless. There was no noise…anywhere.

Finally, Marron whispered the only question in his mind. There was a catch in his voice as he spoke. "Is this…the end…?"

Carrot's eyes were empty, but his voice was determined. "No. He can't do anything…he won't."

"…How do you know that…"

"Because," and Carrot's words were bitter, "he loves you."

Marron was hurt. "Do you think…that matters…if it means…" He broke off.

Carrot shook his head, sorry for his harshness a moment before. "No…I know you wouldn't leave me, Marron…God help you…" His head dropped to his chest.

Marron looked away from his brother, also. He hated it when Carrot was like this…on and off, all their long time together, he would pull back a little…turn it over in his mind…force himself to look at it the way he thought he should look at it…with shame. Marron could not pretend that he felt the same way, although he understood it. In this way, he felt, he was weaker than his brother…Marron had been overwhelmed by the need to be close to Carrot for so long that he couldn't even remember the reasons against it. He both admired and felt betrayed by Carrot's continual struggle with it…Marron had surrendered long ago.

Marron looked up. "What do we do, brother?"

Carrot got off the bed and started to get dressed. "I'm going to talk to him. One of us really should."

Marron's chin shot up, his eyes were panicked. "But…but…what if…shouldn't I do it…?"

Carrot looked over his shoulder at him as he hooked on his belt. "Marron. I know him. He won't hurt me. And…I think I should do it…okay?"

Marron still looked unconvinced. Carrot sighed and walked over to kiss him. "Look…let me at least spare you this…" With that whispered phrase Carrot was gone.

Marron hugged himself tightly. Then he walked over to the mirror…

Gateau's hands were bleeding freely now. His breathing was slow and regular, as if he were resting or sleeping…his face was completely passive as he splintered another tree. His mind was somehow disconnected from his arms…his hands cut and tore through the solid trunks in front of him with mindless ferocity, while his emotionless face lingered somewhere behind. When Carrot came up quietly behind him and grasped his arms, Gateau swung around placidly and moved to rend apart the thing that had interrupted him…

…at Carrot's cry he instantly let him drop and blinked a couple of times. Carrot lay in front of him where he had fallen back on the grass, clutching his arms where Gateau had seized them. The skin was already turning purple under Gateau's bloody handprints.

Gateau blinked a couple of more times before he managed any words. "…Carrot."

Carrot left off tending to his smarting arms and stood up uncertainly to face Gateau. "Hey, Gateau." His tone was formal and polite.

Gateau looked at him for a minute. "Hey, I'm really sorry I walked in on you guys. That must have been kind of…embarrassing."

Carrot kept his voice steady. "It's okay. It was bound to happen eventually."

Gateau's words were mechanical, his face expressionless. "So…I'm just curious, not like I have a right to know or anything…"

"Two years."

"Ah."

Neither man seemed to have anything more to say to each other. Carrot finally turned to go back inside.

As he was walking away, he heard Gateau say softly, "Hey. Tell Marron I'm sorry too, okay?"

Carrot stopped, not looking back. "I sure will. Gateau…"

Gateau inclined his head towards Carrot.

Carrot half-turned. "Gateau…for what its worth…I'm…"

Gateau shook his head. Carrot turned and walked the rest of the way back to the building.

He walked in to find Marron still staring into the mirror, one hand cruelly clamped around the flesh under the left half of his ribcage, leaving the skin red in places. For a moment before Marron noticed him, Carrot noted the expression on his brother's face…he had never seen such animosity there before. Did Marron…hate himself? He looked almost like he would start ripping himself apart. Carrot quickly walked into the room and took his brother's wrists in his hands.

Marron turned, confused. Carrot forced him to lower his hands and shook his head. "What's this now…what's this?" He asked gently. "You trying to mess yourself up?"

Marron looked down. "You think…I'm already messed up…right? I'm sure that's what he thinks…"

Carrot shook his head again. "I don't think he does…and I know I don't. I don't know what's wrong with us, but…its just…I don't think it means you're messed up, Marron."

Marron shut his eyes tightly. "I know I shouldn't…especially after what's happened…but I still…all I want is…"

Carrot quietly let Marron go and went to sit on the bed. Marron slowly wheeled around to look at him, then lowered his chin and went to join his brother.

The next day, when they came down to breakfast, Gateau was there. He was quiet, true, but he passed the butter and he drank his coffee and he didn't give them any trouble. Marron kept trying to look at him, but Gateau never looked up. After awhile he commented that he was done and that breakfast had been very good, smiled vaguely at everyone, and then withdrew. Carrot was alarmed when Marron left almost immediately afterwards, but he had no way to object to this without saying something revealing in front of the girls…the most he could do was bolt down his own breakfast and run off to see where they had gone.

Marron had followed Gateau across the square and into the village's small stone temple. They were only due to stay here another day…soon it would be time to move on. Gateau didn't look around as Marron came to kneel beside him.

Marron still didn't make a sound. Even though Gateau had failed to acknowledge his presence, he had no doubt whatsoever that he knew Marron was there. Finally, Gateau was the one who ended up speaking first.

"Should I say a prayer for you too, Marron? …Or for Carrot?" His voice was soft…it held no malice.

Marron shook his head. "I don't think…there are any left. I've tried them all."

Gateau looked over at him. "I guess I understand. After all…I haven't found her yet." He watched the streams of milky smoke as they curled up from the incense. "I don't think I'll stop…though," he whispered almost inaudibly. "Maybe that makes me stupid."

Marron shook his head. "It's not stupid…"

Gateau turned to face him again. "It's stupid that I never knew. I should have known…how can I even say that I know you…or love you…and not have known something like…that."

Marron bowed his head. "You never knew because I didn't want you to know."

Gateau looked back at the smoke. From the doorway, Carrot watched them unheeded. Slowly, he turned and walked away.

Back in the room he shared with his brother, Carrot made everything ready for them to leave the following morning. He had to do something…or he would just keep thinking about it. Carrot didn't like to admit it, but somehow he felt more threatened by Gateau than anyone else as far as his strange relationship with Marron was concerned. He knew that this was irrational; after all, Gateau knew now and he hadn't done a thing…in fact he was sorry that he had invaded their privacy. Tira and Chocolat, on the other hand, could be expected to do anything up to and including beating him to death if they ever found out. He was also fairly sure that Big Mama would have one or two choice words for him and Marron if she knew…so why did he feel so threatened by Gateau, of all people? He was possibly their only ally at this point.

Yes, wasn't it wonderful, he thought bitterly. He remembered Gateau's voice, so soft…"Tell Marron I'm sorry too, okay?" Marron, Marron…! Apparently it didn't matter what Marron did. Gateau would still feel the same. And Marron knew that now…surely Marron must see that Gateau was…normal, better for him? If Marron had the offer of unconditional love from someone else…shouldn't he just take it and run? Gateau was a way out of what Marron had now…this dead-end mutual obsession that left them both (Carrot assumed) feeling so hollow, so wrong. Yes, Carrot thought, that was definitely what Marron should do…get the hell away from the older brother that held him back. He deserved someone as strong as him…someone who could maybe protect Marron every once in awhile. Guilt, envy and resentment echoed each other in Carrot's mind until he became convinced that Marron leaving him was the only possible desirable outcome. As for what he, Carrot would do, or have, after that…he didn't know, and it made him feel empty.

Gateau and Marron had begun aimlessly walking across the fields. They didn't speak until Marron noticed the trees.

"…Did you come here, last night?" Marron asked quietly.

Gateau wrinkled his brow. "I think…yeah. Oh wow." He looked genuinely sorry as he surveyed the seven demolished trees in front of them. "This is…awful. I shouldn't have done this…I didn't realize."

Marron frowned. "My brother's arms…do you know that you hurt him?"

Gateau looked even more ashamed, if possible. "I guess you healed those last night…I didn't notice anything at breakfast."

Marron nodded, still looking at the terrible wreckage before them. "So…this is how you felt after you saw us. Did you want to do this…to me?"

Gateau looked up in horror. "NO! …God, no…! Marron…my mind just sort of…shut down for awhile, but…I would never want to hurt you…either of you."

Marron looked back, his expression suddenly hard. "…Why not?"

Gateau fell back a step, speechless.

Marron went on. "Maybe we deserve to be hurt for what we've done…maybe it is wrong and terrible…my brother thinks so, I can tell. But…he can't stop it…neither of us can…stop…" Marron's shoulders began to shake.

Before Gateau realized what he was doing, he had taken Marron in his arms.

Marron allowed Gateau's presence to surround him. He closed his eyes and pressed his face hard against Gateau's chest, his hands clenched around the fabric of his jacket…for awhile he just focused on breathing in and out, letting the scent of warm skin flood him. But it wasn't his brother's scent, and he withdrew after a moment, conscious of this betrayal.

Gateau looked down at him. "…If you can't stop…then you can't stop, I guess. I…look…I can try to help you, if you need it…I can try to talk to the girls, or…help you keep it from them…just…whatever you need…okay? Marron? You can tell your brother that, too…"

Marron felt a stabbing pain at these words, and he didn't know why. Wasn't this ideal? Gateau wouldn't tell anyone, if they wanted…Gateau would do whatever he could to help…why did this make him feel so hurt…or was it angry?

"Don't you…" Marron's words were almost a growl…Gateau had never heard this kind of emotion in his voice before. "Don't you…for God's sake, don't you want to condemn us? Or try to convince me to be with you instead? What the hell is wrong with you…!"

Gateau's brow creased. "Nothing's wrong with me, I don't think…" Then he realized what he had said, but couldn't take it back.

Marron, however, only laughed, as if confirmation that he was wrong in Gateau's eyes was what he had wanted. If Gateau thought what they were doing was disgusting or unnatural…then that was at least something Marron could understand and categorize...and dismiss. But then Gateau ruined it for him again.

"Marron…I'm sorry. That sounded…look, the truth is, I have no right to judge you."

"Damn you."

Marron strode off, leaving Gateau to look after him, utterly lost.

Marron got to their room just as Carrot was getting the last of their things ready for tomorrow's departure. The two brothers gazed quietly at each other for awhile before Carrot broke the silence.

"So. I guess you and Gateau had a lot to talk about."

"…Not really. He told me to tell you that he would help us…if we needed it."

Carrot looked at Marron in mild surprise for a moment, then started to laugh bitterly. "Oh, we need help, all right."

Marron looked down, pained. Carrot walked over to him. "Do you still want your older brother now? Huh? Or are you ready to try something new?"

Marron's eyes were shocked and hurt as they looked into Carrot's.

"Come on," Carrot continued. "This is your big chance…he said he doesn't care…you could throw all this off…"

Marron's lips trembled. "I could never leave you, brother…it's not in me to do that. Not…unless you want me to…?" He spoke these last words with dread, not hope.

Carrot opened his lips to say the lie that would release his brother to a normal life. The lie didn't come. He hung his head after a minute, defeated. Marron remained motionless until Carrot half-looked up and gently took Marron's hand to lead him to the bed.

Once there, though, he felt strangely restrained by something. His brother lay there, beautiful and expectant against the white regularity of the sheets…and Carrot could only look down at him motionlessly. After waiting a little while, Marron spoke, perplexed. "Brother…what is it?"

Carrot shook his head. "Don't you feel it…it is all different…now that someone knows…"

Marron's face tensed. "No…but…you said…it didn't have to end…"

Carrot looked down at Marron with newfound misery in his features. "Marron. I want you…I love you…but…I don't think I can face you…" With that, he slid off the bed and went to the door. "Look…our stuff is packed. I think I want to be alone tonight, okay? I just…want to think."

"Brother…"

"Good night, Marron. I love you." Carrot shut the door.

Marron rolled onto his side and stared at the door for awhile. He had a vision of the night before…them, locked together in the bed…the door swinging open (Carrot…he must have forgotten to lock it again)…a pair of horrified blue eyes hanging there for a moment…the door shutting again, much too softly. "Damn you," Marron whispered once more.

Carrot looked around for a moment before plunging off down the hall. It had occurred to him that he didn't actually have anywhere to go to be alone. He didn't want to just get another room for himself and then have everyone wonder why he and Marron had all of the sudden felt the need to have separate rooms…that left one option.

Gateau had by this time returned to his room. After his conversation with Marron, he felt upset and emotionally drained. Did Marron hate him now? He felt that he could (maybe) handle Marron wanting to make love to his brother, but he really didn't know if he was strong enough to deal with Marron hating him. That seemed like the one thing that was worse than Marron loving Carrot. As he was having these bleak thoughts, a knock came on the door.

Gateau opened it thinking that it was Marron, and was somewhat taken aback to see the other Glace brother. He wordlessly let Carrot in, however, and pulled up a chair for him.

Carrot sat down immediately. "…Sorry. This was the only place I could go…"

Gateau was immediately concerned. "What do you mean? Did something happen between you and Marron?"

Carrot's face darkened a little. "…You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Gateau was hurt, but tried to let it go. "No. I wouldn't."

Carrot snorted. "You expect me to believe that? And…what's this line you fed Marron about wanting to help us? Come on."

Gateau was getting angry, but he still did his best to keep his feelings in check as he replied, "I meant it."

Carrot's resolve started to crack slightly. "If that's true…then why? I don't get it."

"Because he picked you, dammit."

They both fell silent. After awhile, Carrot picked up the thread again.

"Then…I'm sorry. I really do wish that…he would pick you. I mean…I look at us sometimes and I feel like, this can't be right…" He put his head in his hands.

Gateau was torn between jealousy and resentment for the man who had beaten him for Marron's affections…and pity for his friend that he loved and had sworn to protect. Ultimately, pity won, and he went over to kneel beside him.

"Look…I really believe that…if you truly love each other, it'll be okay. It's got to be," Gateau added, desperately.

It's got to be, or else…what are you? What is…Marron?

Carrot detected the uncertainty in Gateau's voice. "God…what do I do, Gateau? How can I protect him? How can I save him…?"

Gateau shook his head, speechless.

Carrot buried his face in his arms. Not knowing what else he could do, Gateau remained next to him, one hand gently on his back, comforting him. After awhile Carrot shifted and sat up again, leaving Gateau unsure if he had been crying.

Carrot looked at Gateau. "Gateau…you can help me…you want to help us, right?"

Gateau nodded. "More than anything…if I could just help you make this better…I'd like to."

Carrot nodded back, and then bent forward to kiss him.

Since this was roughly the last thing Gateau was expecting, it went on for a moment before he pulled away sharply and fell backwards. He half-lay like that for awhile, feet flat against the floor, leaning back on his lower arms, just staring up at Carrot. Even after he recovered enough to speak, his eyes stayed frozen wide.

"What are you doing?"

Carrot looked down at him impassively. "Please. You've got to show me there's something else…there's been nothing but him for so long."

The shock in Gateau's face deepened into horror. "I can't—"

Carrot's face clouded over and he looked away. "Of course—I'm sorry. I should have known, I'm not…beautiful."

Gateau sat up a little more and shook his head desperately. "No…! That's not it. I saw you with him and…that's not it, anyway. It's just…" Gateau looked at Carrot helplessly. "Don't you understand that part of me hates you for even having him? Having him…instead of me?" His voice dropped. "Having him…when he's your—"

Carrot's face unexpectedly lightened at this. "Oh, that doesn't matter…I'm the same as you. I hate myself for having him."

Gateau found it impossible to reply to this. He looked down.

Carrot still didn't face Gateau directly, but his voice became softer and more intense. "Please, Gateau…please, show me…show us…there's something else? I don't think…I can live like this anymore…"

Gateau closed his eyes and caged his hands to the sides of his face in utter distraction. "Carrot…you…you can't ask me this…"

Carrot slid off the chair and moved so that he was right in front of Gateau, kneeling between his legs. He took Gateau's hands and pulled them down (and what did that remind him of?) forcing Gateau to look at him again.

Gateau was finding it harder and harder to keep saying no, and this both angered and dumbfounded him. He hadn't realized it at the time, being so taken with the very conscious shock and disappointment that had flooded him at that moment. But when he had seen them like that…completing each other…somewhere deep he had felt awe at the beauty in it…and a savage desire to be part of that terrible and malignant perfection.

Carrot sensed Gateau's weakness and was on him in a moment. He leaned into him again, forcing Gateau's lips apart with his own lips, gently urging him to the floor with the weight of his own body. Gateau's strength was gone…it had been ripped from him yesterday, when he had opened that door and seen. Carrot knew this, and he didn't want it to be this way, but he needed this…he needed it so much…and so he went on.

They ultimately ended up on Gateau's bed, alternately pulling each other there and then stopping for different reasons only to start again a moment later. Their anger at each other and at the situation only seemed to make it more intense. They wanted to hurt each other…they wanted to save each other…nothing could work, but it felt so good…lips one heartbeat and teeth in the next.

By the time they reached the bed there was nothing left between them…not their clothing, nor any of the mental protections they had built between each other. They were no longer friends, or partners, or soldiers in the same army. All of their love and hatred and resentment for each other was laid bare. Gateau drank savagely from Carrot as if this were breathing. Carrot dug his nails into Gateau and forced him deeper. Pain was the deepest pleasure.

Eventually they both fell back, gasping. Gateau's vision swam; Carrot's breathing was fast and shallow. Gateau had just enough consciousness left to put out the lamp and pull Carrot toward him so they could share the covers…and then the blackness claimed them both. They lay there, against each other, and it was so dark that their dreams could not find them.

Marron was tossing and turning in the bed that Carrot had lately quitted. Carrot's scent was all around him…sleep was impossible. All he could think of was the possibility that he was losing Carrot…that couldn't be allowed to happen…! All his life he'd looked to Carrot for everything…until he'd grown and begun to find that he looked to him for that as well. Carrot was everything to Marron…

…And now Gateau had found out and ruined everything. It was his fault Carrot had left. Marron seethed as he thought about it and sleep became even less possible than before. He didn't want to admit to himself what he already knew: that Carrot had always had these feelings of uncertainty and that this had arguably been coming for some time…it was better and less painful to lay all of this at Gateau's door. Gateau's door…

Marron got out of bed and violently pulled on his clothes. He didn't know what he was going to do when he got there, but he knew that he was going to get satisfaction from it…whatever it was. Gateau needed to know how much he had wrecked everything for Marron…

He took the same path that Carrot had taken not two hours ago. When he got to Gateau's room, he knocked savagely at the door…but the sleep that held Gateau and Carrot was more savage still. They heard nothing…Marron knocked again and then roughly opened the door.

An orange plane of light from the hall fell across the two men on the bed. Marron stared at them for a long time, his knuckles white as he gripped the side of the door. There could be no other explanation for what he saw than the truth…their sleeping faces bore this out. They lay on their sides, facing each other. In sleep Gateau had flung one protective arm over Carrot's waist. Marron shook with rage. No one else had the right to protect Carrot…! Carrot moaned slightly and moved closer to Gateau…as if even now he was trying to escape it…well, he couldn't escape it. No matter what he thought now, or what he tried to do, Carrot would never escape it. Marron knew this as a simple fact…he had thrown himself against that wall time and time again, and finally given up…long before. He didn't really blame his brother for trying…but there was no escaping what they had…for right or wrong.

He didn't blame Carrot…but Gateau…

Marron's eyes narrowed as he concentrated on Gateau for a moment. When he was walking to Gateau's room he had wanted to give Gateau a piece of his mind…try and make him understand what he was putting them through just by clumsily flinging his light upon the sins they had kept so dark. Now, as he watched Gateau take his place with Carrot, talking wasn't enough anymore. It wasn't in him to want Gateau dead…they were friends, they had come through too much for that, and besides, what would happen to Carrot if Gateau died…? …But…he very definitely wanted to hurt Gateau now. If it was possible for Gateau to feel every bit of the pain Marron was feeling at this moment looking at the two of them…Marron wanted to make him feel it.

He walked out and closed the door. What he wanted wasn't for tonight…he would have to think.

Gateau and Carrot were exhausted enough to oversleep the next morning. Marron told the girls a gentle lie about going to get Carrot out of bed and then checking on Gateau…and walked straight to Gateau's room. He didn't even bother knocking this time. They were much as he had left them. He forced himself to breathe normally and composed his features. Then he walked over to Gateau's side of the bed.

He nudged Gateau awake and then held a hand over Gateau's mouth as he started forward in shock. Marron shook his head deliberately and inclined his chin to indicate Carrot, who was still fast asleep. Then he softly withdrew his hand from Gateau's mouth and motioned him to come out into the hall. Gateau pulled on his jeans quickly and followed Marron, closing the door behind them as quietly as possible. When they were out of danger of waking Carrot up, Marron rounded on him.

He had meant to say a hundred things, but nothing came out. He just stood there, letting all the rage show in his face now, glaring up at Gateau. Gateau for his part was the picture of contrition as he looked down at Marron. He was painfully aware of all the levels of wrong he had breached by taking Carrot…now he was ready for anything, knowing that he deserved anything. For a long time they stayed frozen like that, locked in each other's gaze.

"This is a strange way of loving me." Marron finally said. Then he turned and walked away.

Gateau's mouth opened, then shut, as he looked after Marron's receding form. Then he clenched his fists and whirled around to go back into his room. He tried to calm down before waking Carrot up, but Carrot seemed to notice that something was wrong immediately.

"Gateau…?" He said sleepily as he rubbed his eyes. "…What is it? Do you feel bad…about last night?"

Gateau closed his eyes but gently ran his hand through Carrot's hair, as he said, "No, Carrot. I can't pretend I didn't want it too. I just hope…I mean…did it help?" He opened his eyes and turned to look at Carrot searchingly.

Carrot looked him straight in the eye. His voice was firm as he replied, "Yes. It helped. It helped, Gateau."

In the end, Gateau didn't feel comfortable telling Carrot that Marron knew. He told himself that since the brothers were so (very) close, such a thing would come to light soon if not immediately…and that, anyhow, wouldn't they prefer to talk about something like that alone, without any outsiders? Gateau was still an outsider…Carrot had wanted him because he was an outsider. The truth was, though, that for all his rationalizing, Gateau was afraid. He had, irrevocably, lost any chance for anything with Marron…ever. That was a simple, ugly truth and had to be faced. But what about Carrot…Gateau was very afraid that if he said or did anything further, whatever had happened with Carrot last night would melt like a drop of milk in water and he would ruin that, too.

Gateau had never seriously considered having anything with Carrot, of course, besides the close friendship they already shared. But last night was impossible to ignore…or to forget, he realized, as he tried to force the images of what had happened between them from his mind. He had seen how beautiful the older Glace brother could be two nights ago…last night, he had felt it. He didn't dare admit it to himself…but it was something he desperately wanted to feel again. He was being drawn deeper into this thing, and he hated it.

Carrot, for his part, had meant it when he told Gateau that last night had helped him. He felt like his question had been answered…there was something else. He didn't go so far as to think that his actions might have consequences. He didn't consider the possibility of doing anything like that again, either. He just felt a little better than he had the day before, and vaguely grateful to Gateau.

Marron kept quiet. He didn't tell Carrot what he had seen…and he didn't let Gateau know one way or the other what he was thinking. Instead, he kept careful watch on them both as the five of them traveled. Marron noticed that Carrot's mood seemed to have lightened considerably, and this drove a spike into his heart. He should have eased his brother's mind…not Gateau or anyone else. Because of the consternation this caused him, Marron was able to take little pleasure in the misery Gateau was clearly feeling as his mind revolved around it all...

All in all, it was a terrible day for Marron and Gateau…with the prospect of an even worse night ahead.

They had sent Gateau out to get wood for the fire while Marron and Carrot went to do a little fishing. The girls stayed behind to clear the ground and roll out the sleeping bags. The five of them had long since fallen into a rhythm with each other; for all of their teasing and infighting, they worked extremely well as a team. Even the new undercurrents between the three men seemed to do nothing to threaten the group dynamic…but perhaps this was because it had already existed for so long without being disrupted by Marron and Carrot's constant deception. In the face of that, what difference did one more player make…?

The two brothers sat next to each other on the bank, quietly. Marron was relatively good at fishing; Carrot would have been if he had any patience. After awhile they had enough for supper, but neither of them seemed inclined to go back to the fire.

"You seem like you're feeling better today, brother," Marron remarked quietly.

Carrot nodded. "I really do," he said honestly. "I'm sorry I took off like that last night, Marron…"

Marron allowed himself a brief glimmer of hope. "Then…you won't leave me like that again?"

Carrot turned toward him, his features troubled. "Marron…I still feel like…everything's different now."

You mean, now that you and Gateau—Marron made himself stop that thought before it was finished. Instead he said, "I see. So…that's it then."

Carrot frowned. "Marron…that'll never be 'it.' No, I just mean…well…don't you feel like what we've been doing is…wrong? Or at least…" he faltered.

Marron closed his eyes. "Brother…I used to think like that, but that was a long time ago. I don't care if it's wrong or right anymore…I can't live without you."

Carrot looked at the river. "I don't want to desert you, Marron—"

"—But you don't want to do this anymore…do you?"

Carrot shook his head. "It doesn't matter what I want…except that I want you to be happy." He turned and smiled sadly at Marron. "As long as you're happy, I will be too."

Marron frowned and said nothing.

Carrot stroked Marron's chin. "Don't worry about me…Come on, do you think loving you is hard or something? I'll always love you…so just…tell me what to do to make you happy…and that's what I'll do." He leaned in to kiss Marron, but Marron backed away gently.

"No," he said in little more than a whisper, "You…don't want this, do you? You haven't…for awhile."

Carrot looked at Marron, confused and a little hurt. "Marron, of course I want you…"

Marron shook his head, first gently and then more violently, until he was afraid he couldn't stop. "No," he breathed, and then he was gone…running back to the camp.

Carrot sat on the bank, even more deeply confused than before. After awhile though, he blinked and gathered up the fish…and walked back to camp, where they were all waiting for him.

That night, only two of the five Hunters found it possible to sleep. Gateau was still plagued with thoughts of the night before. Carrot was worried about his brother. Marron…Marron had it the worst.

Marron had finally realized what Carrot was saying, even if Carrot didn't. Carrot had gone to Gateau for help, and Gateau had given him something Marron couldn't…a glimpse of what life should be like, a glimpse of what was normal…acceptable. After that, rather than abandoning his brother and taking up that normal life that he wanted so badly…Carrot had offered quite plainly to stay with Marron. Normally, this would be a cause for happiness on Marron's part…Carrot was still his, no one had taken him away…but Marron knew what the look on Carrot's face had meant when he had told Marron he wanted him to be happy. Carrot planned to sacrifice his own feelings in favor of Marron's. Carrot had experienced something he felt was right, and was consciously throwing it away for Marron. That could only mean…that Carrot truly felt that Marron…that being with Marron…was wrong.

For his brother to want to do something like that for him…it was far worse than if Carrot had wanted to leave. At least then Marron wouldn't see Carrot and think…that he was dragging him down…

Marron's fist clenched against the inside of his sleeping bag. Gateau had ruined everything. The brothers had always shared everything, but now Carrot had gone further and experienced something beyond what Marron knew. Now, no matter how many times Carrot made love to him, or said the words to him…even when he meant it, even when he liked it…he was no longer Marron's. Carrot was lost to him forever.

Marron opened his eyes and looked balefully into the darkness beyond the firelight. He would make Gateau pay for what he had done…taking Carrot away from him…taking Carrot somewhere Marron couldn't follow. Suddenly Marron's eyes widened and his lips parted as a new thought hit him. Follow…maybe…that was the problem. Maybe…if Marron knew…if they were the same again…if the field were level again…maybe Carrot could be his again. Marron half-shut his eyes. Maybe…and maybe Gateau would finally understand…what he had done. Marron could make him understand… Tomorrow, then.

The next day they reached the town of Malouin. There was nothing much to do there but seal a forbidden magic that no one had (thankfully) taken advantage of yet. After this was done, the rest of the day was theirs. Chocolat took the opportunity to try and drag Carrot off for "a walk," but Tira wasn't about to let them go by themselves…so, as had often happened before, Marron and Gateau were left to their own devices for awhile. Gateau seemed intensely uncomfortable at the prospect of spending time alone with Marron, but Marron obviously welcomed the opportunity. After they had taken it upon themselves to settle with the innkeeper and arrange for everyone's lodging that night, Marron suggested that they go to Gateau's room and talk awhile. His manner didn't leave much room for Gateau to refuse.

The rooms here were bare, but relatively large in size. Marron and Gateau sat facing each other across a small wooden table at one end of the room, opposite the bed. Two cups of tea sat between them, untouched.

"Marron…what you said earlier…I…wanted to apologize to you."

Marron looked down into his cup. Marron looked back at him, reflected in the surface. "Apologize to me'…Gateau…do you even know what you've done?"

Gateau's shoulders sagged as he looked painfully down at the table. "I…slept with your…with the person you love. I know it must have been awful to see us like that…it was stupid and cruel and I'm a weak son of a bitch for letting it happen, and you have every right to—"

Marron held up his hand, stopping the flow of words. "No. You took him from me, Gateau. You've ruined everything…"

Gateau looked at Marron, shocked. "But…I didn't take him from you…hell, he hasn't said two words to me since that night, it's pretty obvious that all he wanted was—" He looked away again. Saying it out loud to someone else cemented the sense of rejection…of being used…that had been growing on him all this time. After a moment, he was able to go on. "…Anyway, its pretty clear to me that you have nothing to worry about so far as I'm concerned. I served my purpose…"

Marron's fists were clenched on the table and his knuckles had gone white. Hearing Gateau talking about his brother like this was bad enough, but it almost…sounded like…Carrot had used Gateau. That couldn't be…! All this time Marron hadn't thought through the how and why the two of them had ended up in bed, because…honestly, he didn't want to think about it. But now that Gateau was talking about it…was he really saying…that Carrot had initiated it?

Gateau in the meantime had noticed the change in Marron's attitude. "Marron…I'm just…making this worse…I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to make it sound like Carrot was…" He faltered, unsure of the words he wanted.

Marron grasped at this, however. "Then…my brother didn't ask you? You were the one who started it?"

This was so obviously what Marron wanted to hear that Gateau found himself wanting to lie to him and say that yes, he had done everything…but he couldn't do it for some reason. It wouldn't have mattered, though. The answer was in his eyes for Marron to read.

Marron's face fell. "…No. No, you didn't start it."

Gateau looked back at him miserably. "No…" he whispered.

Marron looked down and gritted his teeth. He was shaking. "How…how did it feel?"

Horror and disbelief battled each other for control of Gateau's features. "…What?"

Marron stood up, almost shouting. "How did it feel? How did it feel to have him against you…in you…No, not that," he said suddenly, bitterly. "Somehow I can't see you letting my brother do that. No, I bet you took him, didn't you…I bet he liked it, it made for a change, that's what he wanted…"

Gateau looked up at him, trembling, his eyes wide, as Marron walked savagely around the room. He wanted to stop him from saying these terrible, poison things…but what could he do? Tell Marron to be quiet? Answer his questions? Leave?

Marron whipped around and slammed his palms down on the table, making Gateau jump. "What the hell stopped you from saying 'no?' Why did you do it?"

Gateau decided that all he had was the truth. "I told you…it happened because I wasn't strong enough to stop it. Ever since I saw the two of you…I just…I don't know, there was something beautiful there…and I couldn't take it…I can't stop seeing it…"

"Beautiful." Marron spat out the word. "You think it was beautiful."

Gateau's eyes were squeezed shut and his hands clenched into fists on the tabletop. "Yes...the two of you were…beautiful. I hate thinking that…and I don't think its right for you to be…like that…with each other, okay? But…I still couldn't deny how much I wanted…both of you…in that moment. So, if you're wrong…I'm wrong too…and Carrot just…he just wanted to try to get away from it, too…he said I could help him…I couldn't stop…"

Marron straightened up and really looked at Gateau for a moment. So…Gateau knew a little, at least, of what he was feeling. He knew what it was like to be caught in the trap, now. He was starting to taste self-loathing.

Gateau was shaking slightly now. "You said that was a funny way to love you…and you're right…but I do love you, I swear. I never, never meant to hurt you…I just…I care about him, too…I wanted to help him…I…I don't know." He subsided.

Marron's face softened. "I understand…I never could say 'no' to him, either." (At this, Gateau tensed, but Marron barely noticed.) "But Gateau, you've got to understand…up until now, Carrot and I have shared everything…I've always known what was on his mind. Maybe it's not your fault…but you've come between us. Carrot hasn't told me anything…he's keeping what he did with you to himself. He's gone somewhere I can't reach…" Marron walked over to stand next to Gateau; he let his hand rest on Gateau's shoulder. "I want to make everything right again. I want to know what he's thinking again…do you understand?"

Gateau looked up at Marron, unable to fathom his expression. Finally, he slowly shook his head. "Marron…no, I'm sorry…I don't understand."

Marron spoke very quietly and deliberately. "I want you to help me understand what Carrot felt when he was with you. I want you to take me where he is now. I want to know what he saw…outside of the two of us…that made him so different…"

Gateau's brow knitted. "I mean…what…you want me to try to describe what happened…? There really isn't much to tell, and besides…"

Marron slid his hand down from Gateau's shoulder, but didn't take it off him. Gateau drew in his breath sharply as Marron leaned forward to whisper into his ear what exactly it was he meant.

Gateau sat completely still. He didn't even breathe. It wasn't possible. He hadn't heard correctly. His desperate gaze met Marron's calm one…and he knew with a sinking feeling that yes, he had heard right.

His lips moved but no sound came out. Marron watched impassively. Finally, from somewhere deep, the words came. "…Can't…"

Marron frowned. "Why not? I thought you loved me."

The table broke. Gateau had been pressing down upon it with his fists, harder and harder until the wood had buckled. "Marron…that's why…I won't…I can't…"

Marron smiled gently. "Gateau…you couldn't resist my brother…how on earth are you going to resist me?"

"You know I can't resist you…so I'm begging you…not to push me…if you ask me for this…"

"…If I ask you for this…what? You'll finally get what you've been begging me for, all this time? I fail to see the problem."

"Marron…if you do this…I won't come back from it, do you understand? Between the two of you…you'll hollow me out…" Gateau had never been particularly eloquent, and this was working against him now. Marron realized this and pushed his advantage…confusing him deeper, taking away his base.

"You make it sound like you have no free will, Gateau. If you don't want this, surely you can still say no…I don't control you…" He leaned closer.

Gateau moaned and tried to push him away, but since he didn't want to hurt Marron his move was ineffective. Marron stayed.

"Please…don't do this to me…to him…"

Marron moved so that he was standing behind Gateau. His voice was barely audible as he said, "I don't know what you mean…I'm not doing anything…nothing that you can't stop…"

Marron's hands found their way under Gateau's shirt. As he bent forward in sheer reaction, he felt Marron's teeth against the back of his neck. Gateau's breath came in harsh gasps as he felt Marron bite him gently…and then he was growling, standing, so quickly that the chair crashed to the floor, followed immediately by the two of them.

It was neither necessary nor possible for them to make it to his bed.

It was a long time afterward when Gateau finally blinked and glanced uncertainly around. The first thing he saw was the ceiling, rather further away than it should have been. This made him realize after a moment that he must be on the floor. He turned his head, only to see the door…and the nearby remains of the table. This puzzled him deeper for a moment, until he turned his head the other way.

Marron lay there on the floor next to him, still sleeping. Gateau's eyes widened as he took it all in…the white expanse of his naked skin, his hair as it pooled on the floor around him, his hands loosely caged on the floor in front of his face. He was lying on his side, and Gateau rolled onto his side to face him. As he did so he realized that his skin felt hot in places…when he looked down at himself he realized why. There were red tracks on his stomach…there must be many on his back too, from the feel of it. Places where Marron's nails had dragged against him…Gateau looked more closely at Marron and saw that his body was marked here and there as well…although his marks looked more like those left by teeth. Gateau put his hand to his mouth, then to his neck. He was remembering…and he knew now that if he looked into a mirror, his neck would bear marks like Marron's.

Gateau closed his eyes and lay his head down against the floor. He remembered everything now…and it amazed him. He had thought nothing could match the intensity of Carrot's desperation…but Marron had proven him wrong. Marron had been completely unashamed…savage. Gateau knew that this was because of Carrot: he had made Gateau the recipient of every scrap of envy and rage that he could not allow himself to feel for his brother. Gateau was also fairly sure that Marron was so feral because his desire to understand Carrot and go where he had gone was feral. Marron might as well not have come to him at all, Gateau thought bitterly. But of course, in Marron's logic, this all must make sense, somehow…

As if he knew he was being thought about, Marron began to wake up. Gateau watched him, wanting to keep that beauty in front of his eyes as long as possible before Marron fully woke up and most likely left without a word.

As it happened, Marron didn't leave immediately after he woke up…although he did stay silent for quite some time. Gateau kept watching him, not venturing to say anything. For awhile they just looked at each other. Then, Marron propped himself up on one elbow and gently used his free arm to push Gateau until he was lying on his back again. He slid over until he was half-lying on Gateau's chest, and then quietly looked down at him.

Gateau wasn't sure if this were some kind of waiting game to see who would speak first, but since he honestly didn't have anything to say, he stayed silent. Marron traced the marks on his neck gently with his fingertips so that Gateau shuddered. Then he looked down at himself and seemed faintly amused at what he saw.

"Well," he said quietly, "I must look rather like a leopard. You on the other hand," here he traced one of the scratch-marks he had left, "…Are a little more like a tiger…I think."

Gateau nodded. "That's about right…we acted like a couple of wild animals, anyway."

Marron rested his face in one hand. "We are animals that walk on two legs. What difference is there, really…?"

Gateau frowned. "People do selfless things for each other…are animals selfless?"

Marron yawned. "I don't know if animals are selfless or not…but no human act is selfless."

Gateau decided not to argue. "Marron…are you satisfied, now?" Gateau hoped that maybe, now that Marron had found out whatever it was he wanted to know, he and Carrot would both leave him alone. It would still hurt to see them together, especially after having tasted for just a little while what being with either of them could be like…but at least they would have each other, they would be happy, and Gateau might not go completely insane. As it was, he felt like any more of this would drive him over the edge.

Marron's brow lowered and now it was his turn to frown. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well…now you know what me and Carrot did…pretty much. Now the two of you can be like you were before…right? Now you're even?"

Marron's face was darkening quickly. "Do you think…that's the only reason I would sleep with you? To get back at my brother? To punish him?"

Gateau wasn't in the mood for it anymore. "Look, you said you wanted to do it because you wanted to follow Carrot," he began tiredly. "You obviously didn't care whether or not you ever slept with me, except that I was the one who Carrot slept with. And I knew that, and I did it anyway, and now all I would like is for both of you to leave me the fuck alone, please." He gently took hold of Marron by the sides and lifted him up so that he was no longer against his skin. He laid Marron carefully down next to him, and then sat up, looking around for his clothes. Because he was looking around, he didn't notice or have time to dodge Marron's fist. Gateau was knocked down, half from the blow and half from surprise.

As he lay disoriented on the floor once more, Marron leaned over him again, shaking with rage. "How dare you speak to me that way? Did you ever consider…that it mattered to me…how you felt about me? That I noticed?" Marron quieted down a little and looked off to the side. "I'm sure…that if my brother hadn't started to drift further from me…all right, nothing would have happened. He's…everything I need, that's true. But he did drift, and he kept questioning it, and…I wanted to punish you, punish him too, I suppose…but I couldn't have just…I couldn't…do those things…with just anyone, all right?"

Gateau nodded gently. "All right. All right. …I appreciate you saying that. But we still both know that it's him you love, and its him you'll go to when you leave this room. And maybe that's for the best." Marron looked at him oddly. Gateau tried to be clearer: "You're right…I just don't think there can be anyone else…for either of you. And I wouldn't want to try to be that person for either of you…because…after all this…I think I love you both…sick as that sounds. So the best thing that could happen, I guess, is for you to have each other…and I'll have neither. I couldn't choose, anyway."

Marron sat up, still giving Gateau that strange look. Then he got up, located his robes, and got dressed. Gateau watched him as he finished and then left the room without any further word. It was only when the door shut that he allowed himself to sit up and lean back against the nearest wall. "Thank God…" he whispered…but there were tears running down his face.

Marron did go to see if Carrot was back yet, just as Gateau had said he would. But his face was troubled as he walked down the hall. Gateau seemed convinced that now Marron and Carrot would be able to resume with each other as if nothing had happened…but Marron was not so confident. He had already known that Carrot had chosen to go outside of the two of them for fulfillment, and that he had chosen not to tell Marron…and now he knew something further. He knew why. Gateau had implied that he was willing to leave the two of them alone after this, even though he still cared for them. But…could Marron say the same? Could Carrot? Marron understood why Gateau thought Carrot was done with him…but he also knew that Carrot's lack of communication after the fact meant nothing. If Carrot wanted to go back, he would…and given his impulsive nature…he might.

As for Marron himself…he couldn't deny that there was something potent in Gateau's thwarted desire for him…his sense of incomprehension and betrayal at Marron's choice for his own brother…it all came out when he was with Marron. Of course Gateau hadn't said any of this…neither of them had used words…but he spoke it with every bite, and with every movement, he drove it into Marron…and that had been powerful. It had resonated with Marron's own long-sublimated guilt and aversion for himself, and had made him feel more real than he had for quite some time…and he didn't know if he wanted to give that up.

Marron got to the room they were sharing that night and opened the door. Carrot was there, waiting for him. Marron sat down next to him on the bed and ran his hand down Carrot's chest…then brought it back up to cup his cheek.

"How was your walk?"

Carrot smiled vaguely. "Oh, you know. It was…a walk. With Chocolat hanging off me and Tira fuming all the way, and…yeah, the usual."

Marron smiled and stroked his brother's cheek. "You have so many admirers, brother."

Carrot chuckled softly. "You've got your own admirers…well…admirer. What did the two of you do while I was gone?"

Marron's face gave him away. Carrot sat up and put his own face against his brother's neck for a moment…then he lay back down. "Never mind…I already know," he said quietly. "I can still smell him on you."

Marron looked down at his brother, uncertain how to feel. The way Carrot had said that…it was a simple statement of fact. His tone had been the same…there was no anger in it.

Carrot ran his hands through the dark curtain of hair that streamed from Marron's right shoulder onto the bed. "I figured maybe…I mean…he told you, right? You already know…"

Marron straightened up a little. "He didn't tell me…I found the two of you. Right after it happened."

Carrot closed his eyes and half-hid his face in Marron's hair. "I see. I'm sorry…I bet that wasn't very pleasant…huh?"

Marron shook his head. "No…it wasn't. It really hurt…as a matter of fact."

"I'm sorry, Marron. If you want me to, I won't—"

"—Brother…aren't you going to say anything about what…I did?"

"…Why? You had every right. I told you I thought he was better for you anyway…"

Marron fell silent for awhile, absentmindedly continuing to caress Carrot's face. "Brother…when you were with him…did you like it?"

Carrot sighed almost inaudibly. "Won't it hurt you to even talk about it?"

"…Is that why you didn't tell me?"

"…Yeah."

"…No…I want to hear it now."

"All right…yes, it was…nice. Well, that's a strange word, it was actually rough as hell…but…it was…nice?"

Marron nodded silently, his expression not changing. His hands on Carrot stayed relaxed.

Carrot looked up at him. "…What about you…?"

Marron looked down into his brother's face. "…It was nice."

Carrot nodded and closed his eyes. "So, uh…what the fuck do we do now?"

They looked at each other, silently.

As time passed Gateau did his best to forget everything and pick up where he had left off…except of course, he didn't tease Carrot anymore…and he didn't chase Marron. Carrot and Marron seemed to have resolved whatever it was that had sparked everything…in fact, they seemed closer than ever, completely at their ease. Gateau tried not to be bitter as he observed this. Maybe…he had even helped them get closer to each other. If that brought them happiness, well…maybe that was good. Gateau tried very hard to either be happy for them…or to not think about them at all. This was somewhat possible during the day, when they were all busy, and the girls were there…but at night, when he was alone, he knew they weren't alone… Even when he tried to escape into sleep, more often than not his dreams would be invaded by hair sliding over a white shoulder…or fingers as they sank into the mattress next to his own. He would wake from these dreams frustrated and bathed in sweat. The days went by and it didn't end.

Gateau was right; Marron and Carrot were at peace with one another now. All along there had been some part of each of them that they had felt the need to sacrifice so that they could stay together…now they had found a new sacrifice. After a little more than a week had passed, they looked at each other and saw that it was time. They comforted themselves with the knowledge that there could be no other way…not for them, and not for Gateau.

Gateau was in the middle of one of his dreams when something woke him. He lay there disoriented, blinking at the darkness, wondering what had disturbed his sleep…then he heard the knock. He sat up slowly and ran a hand down his face, and looked at the door. After a moment, the knock came again.

No…no, he was most definitely not going to answer that knock. He stared into the blackness in the direction of the door and willed whoever it was to go away…because he was terribly afraid it was one of them. …As it happened, he was half-wrong.

"Gateau…" Carrot's voice.

"…Open the door." Marron's voice.

Both of them? What the hell…now Gateau was even more reluctant to open the door. He sat there in the dark, not daring to even breathe, lest they hear him…finally though, the door swung open and then shut. He cursed himself for not bothering to lock it tonight…and then they were at his bedside.

"…Okay…um…what?" Gateau asked the darkness irritably.

The darkness didn't answer…but after a moment there was the sound of two people sitting on the bed, and Gateau felt them on either side. One of them moved, and he could tell that Marron was to his left and Carrot to his right. For a few beats they made no move, said no word.

"Why are you here? What the hell do you want?" Gateau's anger was rising along with his apprehension at the strangeness of the situation…and the uncomfortable proximity of them both.

Marron's voice came out of the darkness…quietly, almost in his ear. "You said…you cared for both of us."

Carrot's voice came to him next. "You said…you couldn't choose."

Gateau started to shake. "…I also said…I wanted the two of you to leave me the fuck alo—"

His words were cut off suddenly by Marron's mouth on his. Gateau leaned forward and tried to grip Marron's arm to pull him away, but Carrot moved with him and took hold of his wrist with one hand as he roughly pulled away the blankets with the other. Gateau made a sound of protest, but he was moving in a nightmare: everything was slow motion.

Marron pulled back a little, but his hair slid down Gateau's stomach…by accident or by design. Gateau shuddered at the feel of it and Carrot moved his hand to still him. Gateau didn't know where to turn…who to fight…and now he could feel Carrot shifting…and his mouth was—

"Look," he whispered, "…If I have to…I'll use my strength…I'll stop you."

Marron was the only one of them who could answer him at the moment. "…No…you don't have any of that left…do you…? Not here, with me, or my brother…all of us lost everything to each other…a long time ago."

"You know…that's not true…its only been…"

"…And how long have you loved me…? The first time you looked at me and wanted me…that was when it took you too. Carrot and I are one…you cannot separate one of us from the other…it started for you then, too."

"That's not…true…none of us…have to do this…" It was getting harder to speak, or to breathe. Carrot was moving in the dark and Gateau knew that his eyes were closed as he focused on the repetition…rise and fall…and the salt taste, steadying himself with the fingers of one hand pressed deep into Gateau's inner thigh.

Marron moved to bite Gateau's neck. "…Don't have to do this…then…stop, will you? And then…show us how to stop…if you can."

Gateau moaned and Carrot lifted his face for a moment, leaving him aching there between them. "Yeah…I mean…can you stop…Gateau? Can you stop…now?" Carrot's voice shook. "I want to know if you can…if we can…"

Gateau forced himself to climb out of bed…they let him go. Neither of them spoke as he walked across the room to the door. The door opened for a moment, and the light from the hall threw a broad line down one side of him as he paused there. They saw him look into the hall, as if he were searching…then he turned back to face them both. His eyes were empty…a sleepwalker's eyes. Four hollow eyes impassively watched him from the bed. Void and void…he shut the door and locked it…he walked back to the bed.

There was no saving anyone now. No pretense of helping. Gateau lowered Carrot onto the bed…Marron moved to kneel behind them. Gateau only wanted an end to the pain Carrot had given him…Marron pressed his face against Gateau's back and gripped his side…one moved into the other…into the other.

…Blackness. It was drowning, but he clawed his way deeper instead of to the surface. It was burning, and he wanted everything to be consumed…there must be nothing left, not even ashes. They were killing him, and he moaned for them to take every drop of blood. It went on…and on.

In the morning, he woke first. He sat up—slowly, so as not to wake them—and watched them as they slept. They breathed as one, in and out…and they were dead, and he was dead with them. He traced the line of Carrot's cheek…pushed Marron's hair behind his ear. They stirred.

As he watched them he knew it was all over. He had lost. There was nothing else for him now…all his short life was written there, under their skin, if he wanted to read it…but there was no need. He already knew that there was nothing but them now, and couldn't ever be anything again…but them.

They stretched. They sat up, first Marron and then Carrot, and they looked at each other…looked at him. Here in the light everything was small and dirty…the bed, the room, their sins. Gateau glanced over at the window and tried to gauge the time of day. "I think…they must be wondering where you are," he said dully, addressing Carrot.

"Yeah." Carrot absently wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and rolled out of bed to look for his clothes. They hadn't fallen far from the bed. Marron slid onto Gateau's'chest and lay there, watching his brother. Gateau didn't try to shake him off.

When Carrot was dressed, he turned to face them. He took in the sight of them for a moment and then said, "You know, that…it makes me think of something…" His brows drew together in thought but after a moment he gave it up, looking lost as he mumbled, "No…I don't know…it's gone. See you later."

When the door had shut behind them, Gateau leaned back to look at the ceiling, stroking Marron's hair. Marron propped himself on his elbows and looked down into Gateau's face. "I think I know what my brother meant," he said after a moment.

Gateau closed his eyes and answered tiredly. "That's hardly surprising…"

Marron shook his head. "…Listen. I think he knows…that one day, they'll win…and then it will be like this…only the two of us left."

As far as Gateau was concerned, this was just Marron being confusing again…but he humored him. "Who is going to win? What do you mean?"

Marron, however, fell silent and lay against Gateau again. It would happen soon enough, he knew…Tira, or Chocolat…one of them would wear Carrot down. There was something there that Marron didn't understand, and it made him afraid. He bent his head back to look at Gateau without getting up. Last night only meant that they could hold onto Carrot a little longer…it didn't mean that they had won.

Soon it would only be the two of them…and the two of them would always be incomplete without Carrot there. Things hadn't felt right after Gateau had come between Marron and Carrot...but they had drawn him in, and now he was theirs. It wouldn't work like that again. Eventually Carrot would be called away where neither Gateau nor Marron could follow. Marron had been so sure that Carrot couldn't escape it any more than he could…and maybe Carrot couldn't ever escape it…but he could leave it behind.

Marron hid his face behind his arm. …After everything he had done to hold onto Carrot…it wasn't fair, and it was going to happen soon.

Gateau noticed after a moment that something was wrong. He put his hand protectively on the back of Marron's head and asked, "Marron…why are you crying?"

Marron didn't answer his question. Instead, he merely whispered…

"It doesn't matter. Now…is now."