Prologue
"Its been three months since our last big bounty...three months of small fries…three months of having to eat whatever we can get and make due with what little money we have…I'm sick of it…" Faye slammed her hand down on the table. "Are you listening to me? I'm sick of this, I want real food…I want to do something…I want money…" Her general frustration seemed to die down for a second. "Are you even awake?"
Across from her Spike lay sprawled out on the couch, the usual magazine over his head. She though she heard him snore but wasn't thought it might have been a groan as well.
"Unfortunately, yes, I am awake…" He lifted the magazine and peered out at her, "Your ego won't permit me to sleep".
She smirked in that sort of 'Why, yes, thank you' sort of way as her anger took a back seat.
"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now." She glared at him with a very cocky smile.
He shook his head, covered his face again with the magazine, and rolled over.
She stood up and her anger came back just as hard as it had left, "Men…" she growled and kicked the table.
Jet stepped up the stairs and looked over at the two with a half grin. "You know what they say Faye…" he climbed the rest of the stairs and shirted the box in his hands, "'Don't go away mad…Just go away.'"
Her face turned a very deep red and she screamed, throwing the cup in her hand at him. Caught of guard in his laughter, he just barely dodged the cup flying at his head, and then stood looking at the cup with contempt after it shattered against the far wall.
"You two are worse than a married couple…" Spike sighed and rolled over again.
"Yea…and you sleep entirely way too much…" Jet moved the box under one arm and tilted back the couch as he walked by. It flipped and sent the half dozed Spike sprawling to the floor. "Try and find something productive to do, like finding us another bounty…" Jet left the room for the back hallway.
"And what about you?" Spike groaned, climbing from the floor and righting the couch.
"Me?" He stopped and grinned back, "Why, I'm making supper…" Holding up the box, he disappeared through the doorway.
Spike stretched and yawned upon sitting back down on the couch. He thought for a moment of just going back to sleep, but decided against it and reached for the little broadcaster.
He hit the screen a couple times before it finally came to life with the usual fuzz.
Suddenly the familiar annoying music rang out with the opening gun shot and title:
"Big Shot: For THE BOUNTY HUNTERS"
The tall black man, dressed in a flashy cowboy outfit with his similarly, yet more scantily clad, busty blonde companion jumped out onto the screen.
"Hi amigos, all three hundred thousand bounty hunters in the star system. How're ya'll doin'?" He chattered too happily.
"And now its time for Big Shots, the show that tells all about fugitives." The blonde bombshell spoke slowly with the usual seduction in her voice.
"Shucks and howdy…" The black man continued as the screen changed to a board with the words 'Today's Menu' on it.
"First off we have this hombre…" the screen then changed to the usual criminal profile.
Spike yawned loudly and then nearly fell from his seat when he saw the picture they showed on the screen.
"If you think you're seeing double, think again!"
"Is it twins?" The blonde's ignorance was deafening.
"Not quite…that's Zaphod Beeblebrox, President of the Universe. He had surgery several years ago so now he has two heads and three arms." The black man stood looking at a paper in his hand, scratching his head, seeming quite perplexed.
"I guess two heads are better than one…" The blonde happily chirped.
"Seems our Ex-President has stolen the brand spankin' new Heart of Gold, the ship which supposedly holds the mythical Infinite Improbability Drive. Police all across the galaxy are after him as are multiple governments." He threw the papers up in the air, frustrated with them, "Guess you can name your price with this one amigos, if you can catch him. The ISSP though are willing to give an amazing 3 billion woolongs to anyone who's able to bring back Zaphod and the ship."
Spike choked suddenly as if he'd been drinking something and nearly fell off the couch, "3 Billion Woolongs!?" He shouted, drawing attention throughout the ship.
"That's the biggest reward offer in history…but who knows what other governments and third parties will be offering for such a catch. As is policy, you'll need to bring them both back totally unharmed, or no reward."
"Good luck cowboys…you'll definitely need it on this one…" The blonde smiled again with total ignorance.
Spike fumbled and shut off the screen, his face pale.
"What did Spike find? Tell Edward…3 billion woolongs is quite a lot…" Edward popped up from behind the couch and peeked over Spike's shoulder.
"Edward, I need you to get online and find absolutely anything and everything you can about Zaphod Beeblebrox…"
Edward awed, being deep in thought, "K…" he jumped over the couch and onto the table with Tomato, his computer.
"Found it!" He exclaimed as Faye entered the room.
"Found what? A bounty?" She walked quickly over, "Is that what you were out here screaming about?" They both looked over Edward's shoulder as she brought up all the info she could find.
"Betelguesan…two heads…three arms…'a really cool and groovy guy'?" Spike looked up at Faye, who shrugged, then continued reading aloud through the Zaphod-appraising paragraphs.
"Sounds like you found someone with a bigger ego than even Faye…" Jet came walking in, wiping his hands, "If you can believe that…" He tossed aside the towel and joined them. "Now did I hear you say 3 billion woolongs?" He stared in disbelief at Spike, who simply nodded, keeping his eyes on the screen.
Faye stood suddenly, her face contorted with multiple expressions of joy, amazement, confusion, and her own disbelief. She began to speak, then stopped. She began too again, but again stopped. As she started to a third time her mind decided to give up on it all and take a break to figure it out, at which point she fainted.
The other three regarded her with little interest, all having their eyes fixed on the screen.