A/N: Forgive me folks, but I absolutely had to take a break this week from Turnabout Everlasting after the last turbo emotional chapter I posted! (To put into perspective the last two chapters took me three days to write!)
In the meantime, for those who haven't had the time to invest in the 100+ chapters this was derived from, I wanted to take a chance to show my attempt at comedy (fluff), with this being the first of a short series of one shots (something I've never before done) showing some of Phoenix's more hilarious moments in fatherhood. This one features Nick's first year as a father to eight-year-old Trucy, who discovers from various sources, that New Daddy is a DILF! XD
(This may look familiar to those of you who have read TE chapter 50, and has been slightly adapted to fit this one-shot. For those of you who haven't read this yet, I hope you enjoy!) :-)
Cover Art by KaNoir
Phoenix Wright and Trucy Wright
Wright Talent Agency
October 14, 2019 4:00 PM
"It was so hot today, Daddy!" Trucy exclaimed as she barged into the office. She fanned herself dramatically with her magician's hat as she took off her cape and hung it up on the hat rack by the front door. "The school bus driver says this is what they call Indian summer!"
"It's at least 102 degrees," her father agreed, taking a swig of his cold bottle of grape juice and leaning closer to the whirring fan perched on the coffee table. "And still a scorcher, even this late in the day! Definitely a sizzler for sure!"
"I bet you could fry an egg by cracking it on the sidewalk!"
Quite possibly.
Phoenix took off his beanie and fanned himself with it. He was seated on the sofa, having forsaken his usual sweat suit in lieu of a tank top and shorts, but as neither the office nor upstairs apartment had air conditioning (that cost extra!) he had few other ways of keeping cool, aside from lounging in the tub for a cold bath for another half hour…which he'd already done that day, twice!
For once the sub-zero temperatures at The Borscht Bowl would have been welcome, but he wasn't working his dual pianist/card shark playing gig that night, so there appeared to be no visible relief in sight! He'd already gone through a half box of popsicles! He got up off the couch and presented his daughter with some cheese and crackers he'd prepared for her after school snack. Normally he'd have told her to go eat upstairs in the kitchen, but it was even hotter up there!
"Do you work tonight at The Wonder Bar, Truce?" He asked, smiling as she dug in hungrily into her fare. Gosh, the girl could eat! Thankfully, despite his current plight and diminished funds, he was still able to keep her healthy appetite fed. Luckily, he was actually making a couple of extra dollars in tips for his piano playing, as well as his poker playing as of late. Who would have ever known that his meager mastering of show tunes would have turned out to be semi lucrative?
She shook her head as she chugged down a whole bottle of apple juice. "Nope, not tonight. That means it's just you and me then, Daddy! What do you want to do?"
Phoenix thoughtfully put a finger to his chin. "Hmmm, let me think…"
"You decide! In the meantime, you wanna hear what happened to me at school today?"
"Of course, baby girl." He reached for his ever-present bottle. "Why don't you tell me a little about your day while I brainstorm a way we can beat this heat?"
"First, I have a question then. Daddy, what's a DILF?"
Phoenix had just taken a swig of juice then, and nearly choked at the words. "Say what?!" He looked at his daughter in disbelief.
Good Lord, please tell me I didn't hear her right…
"A DILF? I never heard of that word before so I thought maybe you could tell me?"
Ngh! So I did hear her right?! Sweet Jesus, of all the times for my hearing not to be failing me …
"What!? Where…how in the world did you hear that word, Trucy?!"
"Well, because I heard my teacher Miss Hickey… you know, you met her last week at parent/teacher night?"
"Uh huh…" he replied slowly, barely surpassing a shudder at the memory of the shapely, overly tanned, titian-haired cougar who'd had zero respect to his personal boundaries. She'd continuously kept in way too close proximity to him during the entire uncomfortable evening, when the "very single" barracuda had seemed more interested in discussing his lack of wedding band than his daughter's academic prowess! She'd also been much too keen on lasciviously bending over in her slightly too-low cut blouse repeatedly before his embarrassed eyes, while repetitively letting him know that her first name was Ivana. "What about her?"
"Anyway, I had to come back inside to use the bathroom during recess, and I heard Miss Hickey talking to the music teacher, Miss Wigglywomp today in the staff lounge, and they were talking about some of the parents from that night. I heard Miss Hickey say that I was lucky to have a daddy who was such a total DILF, and that you shouldn't bother wearing that baggy sweatshirt around, because it wasn't fooling anyone about what kind of sexy lay beneath!"
Phoenix's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. Undaunted, his daughter continued in her rehashing.
"…and then she described your bedroom blue eyes – what does that mean Daddy? That you look sleepy?"
Gah!
Phoenix couldn't have answered that question at that moment if his life had depended on it! Shrugging at his continued abashed silence, Trucy went on.
"So then Miss Wigglywomp said based on that sexy DILF description, she wouldn't mind having a wriggly romp with you either, whatever that means…"
Phoenix flat out choked on his grape juice this time, coughing so hard Trucy had to come and thump him on the back. He gasped a few times, thinking asphyxiation on his favorite drink was preferable to having this conversation with his 8-year-old! He couldn't believe the inappropriate conduct his daughter's educational advisers carried themselves in, and had half a mind to actually complain to the school board about this!
If this proceeding conversation right now didn't make him die of embarrassment first!
Having seen the raunchy comedy classic film, American Pie, he of course knew what the term MILF meant, but up until that moment, he'd had no idea that the male counterpart to Mother I'd Love to Fuck had become so mainstream!
Or that it would ever be used in conjunction to him in any way, shape or form!
"Daddy?" Trucy was looking at him expectantly once she'd ascertained he wasn't going to choke to death. "What does DILF mean? It is the same thing as sexy? My friend Gouda Berger says that sexy means –"
"It um, means, Daddy I'll Love Forever!" Phoenix improvised on the spot, hoping his daughter would now cease this beyond disturbing conversation.
"Oh, that's so cool! It's so nice, that my teacher can tell what a loving Daddy I have, and tells people that he is a DILF!" Trucy smiled brightly. "I'm going to tell all my friends at school tomorrow that my Daddy is a DILF!"
"Er…maybe you shouldn't do that, Truce!" Phoenix said quickly. Trucy looked at him quizzically, and he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. "I mean, it would sound like Miss Hickey only says such, ah, nice things about me and not about the other kid's mommies and daddies. And that wouldn't be good, because then they would all be sad…and feel, ah, left out, you know what I mean?"
"Hmm, that's true," Trucy said thoughtfully. "I wouldn't want to make any of the boys and girls in the class feel bad."
"That's my baby girl!" He sighed in relief and lifted her up into his arms, hugging her tightly.
"Gouda says sexy means you have muscles!" Trucy informed him, poking her tiny finger into his firm bare shoulder. "I don't understand why muscles make you sexy though! I think they look weird and funny and lumpy!"
Phoenix drew back and stared at her, his eyes wide.
"Don't worry, you're not so bad! I remember my other daddy was much bigger and lumpier than you are Daddy!" Trucy giggled, not noticing the pink tinge forming in Phoenix's cheeks. "But lately, I've noticed that your lumps have gotten bigger since the spring time – Miss Hickey is right, you can still see the outline of your lumps even in your sweatshirt, and I can see them now even more!" She poked at his bicep again and grinned impishly. "Does that mean you've been trying to be more sexy, Daddy?"
No! Becoming allegedly more sexy is just a side effect from the long daytime jogs, free weights and calisthenics I've been doing to burn off the steam since I lost my badge, because since I work evenings, while you are in school during the day, I have absolutely nothing better to do!
"Ngh!" Phoenix croaked, having no idea how to answer such a question.
"It's OK if you want to be sexy, Daddy!" Trucy grinned. "Ladies like muscles, and muscles are sexy and if they think you look sexy…"
For the love of God, Truce, stop saying the word sexy! I never want to hear that word ever again, especially coming from you, for the rest of my life!
"Then that means you can get me a new Mommy!" She finished happily. "A new Mommy for my sexy Daddy!"
That did it! Phoenix shot up from the couch, nearly knocking Trucy to the ground in his haste. He fanned his face with his hand, which felt as if it were on fire, in spite of the beads of sweat rolling off his temples! He desperately needed to cool down, and get the hell away from the apartment – and this conversation – pronto!
Of course, the law, and Children's Services, dictated that he really should take his eight-year-old with him!
Maybe a cool dunk would distract the little chatterbox?
Perfect!
"Get your swimsuit, Truce!" Phoenix announced. "We're going to the pool!"
Phoenix Wright and Trucy Wright
Community Pool
October 14, 2019 4:35 pm
Luckily, the YMCA was only a few blocks away, and the Olympic-sized outdoor pool was free for local use, so Phoenix figured a dip would be just what the doctor ordered to beat the heat and rinse away the stigma of general ookiness Trucy's sexy DILF revelations had given him!
It was still blazingly hot outside, and there were lifeguards on duty until 7:00 that night, when it would switch to adult only swim time. Trucy was a good swimmer, and could move about like a little fish in her adorable pink swimsuit throughout both the deep and shallow areas without him needing to worry too much. He pulled up a lounge chair near the poolside underneath a tree, and lay back in the shade, enjoying the slight breeze.
The place was packed, with tons of parents and their kids splashing in the water, some of whom Phoenix recognized from Trucy's class. She immediately spotted her friends Gouda and Jinxie, so he knew he could just sit back and relax for a bit since she was with company and not alone in the water, while still being able to keep an eye on his daughter.
"Daddy!" Trucy called after a while. "Aren't you going to come in? The water's great!"
Phoenix looked around self-consciously. While there were plenty of middle-aged and older men and women at the pool, there really weren't any other men in his demographic there at all. And after the bizarre conversation he and Trucy had had earlier, he really didn't want to draw much attention to himself!
"Um, I'm OK Truce, you enjoy yourself!"
"Daddy, please!" She begged, looking at him with pleading eyes. "I want to play chicken against Gouda and her daddy and Jinxie can't hold me up on her shoulders!"
Phoenix sighed in defeat. He'd never been able to say no to females with imploring puppy dog eyes!
Kicking off his sandals and yanking off his hat, he padded unenthusiastically down the stairs into the pool, smiling politely at the pretty, bronze, copper-haired lifeguard on duty, who sat up and suddenly appeared much more interested in the on-goings in the water as he walked past her and up to Trucy's group.
"Excuse me, Sir!" She called. "But appropriate attire and regulations must be followed in this pool! Please remove your shirt if you're going to be in the water!"
"Um, is it really that big a deal if I keep it on?" Phoenix asked awkwardly, feeling a blush creeping over his face and neck as Trucy, Jinxie, Gouda and her father, a slightly rotund, red-faced man with a comb over, all stared at him.
"It's a health and safety regulation, Sir," the lifeguard stated firmly, extending her hand to take the clothing from him. Then she tilted her head to the side and gave him a dazzling smile. "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on your shirt for you!"
"Um…thanks but…" Phoenix gripped the bottom edge of his shirt uncertainly.
"You don't have anything I haven't seen before!" She joked, winking. "But I also don't think you have anything to be self-conscious about either, from what I can see!"
"Hey Trucy, is your Daddy too chicken to play chicken with me and my Daddy?" Gouda taunted. "That's OK, you'd only lose anyway! Because my Daddy is taller than your Daddy anyway, and he's stronger too!"
"My Daddy isn't a chicken!" Trucy declared indignantly, scowling at the freckle-faced red-headed girl. "He's just as strong as your Daddy! And your Daddy may be taller, but my Daddy is way more sexy than your Daddy!"
"Truce!" Phoenix turned beet-red. "Don't say things like that! It's not… nice!"
The lifeguard was leaning forward in her chair now, amusement on her tanned face as she listened to the exchange.
"But it's true!" Trucy sulked. "Gouda told me muscles are sexy! And you have muscles, Daddy! More than her Daddy does! Prove to her you're not a chicken!"
It was with this mortifying prompt that the now scarlet-faced Phoenix reluctantly took off his top and tossed it to the appreciative-eyed lifeguard, who was grinning broadly at him as she extended her hand for it.
"Wow, your Daddy does have muscles!" Jinxie marveled. "My Daddy's are bigger, but that's only because he's a wrestler!" She smiled reassuringly at Phoenix. "Don't worry, Mr. Wright! You're still sexy though!"
Phoenix gave the dark haired girl a sickly grin and wished he could disappear.
"Ready to play chicken now, Truce?" He asked turning back to his daughter. He was beginning to get unnerved by the admiring looks he was getting not only from Jinxie, but from the lifeguard, as well as several other of the mothers in the pool now that Trucy had made such a scene!
Also from (and he hoped he was imagining this one!) Gouda's father?!
"OK Daddy!" Trucy said blithely, clambering on top of his shoulders. Then she turned back to the lifeguard and flashed her a proud smile. "Don't you agree that my Daddy is sexy?"
"Yes!" Blurted out Gouda, then blushed and clapped a hand over her mouth as Trucy flashed her a triumphant smirk and Phoenix felt himself wishing he could dive for cover somewhere.
"I wasn't asking you, Gouda! I was asking the pretty lifeguard!"
Phoenix wanted to drown himself into the water at that exact moment.
"Actually," the young woman drawled, smiling flirtatiously. "I really do, honey. You're lucky to have such a handsome, sexy Daddy."
"My teacher thinks so too!" Trucy confided in a stage whisper, seeming to forget that her friends and Gouda's father were still in ear-shot. "She says my Daddy is a sexy DILF with bedroom eyes!"
The lifeguard clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter as Phoenix turned crimson and prayed for the earth to swallow him whole.
"Not now, Trucy!" Phoenix groaned, struggling to carry his daughter away from this conversation as fast as he could, but not before Trucy made one more last pitch to the lifeguard over her shoulder. "Hey Miss, since you think my Daddy is sexy, does that mean you'd want to be my new Mommy?"
Heaven help me! My daughter is traumatizing me with the word sexy, making her little friends agree with the diagnosis, and is now at the present, publicly pimping me out at a community swimming pool! Someone…Please. Just. Kill. Me. Now…