Tryst
Dee took one last drag of his cigarette out on the tiny balcony outside Ryo's apartment. Technically, the apartment belonged to both of them since they'd moved in together six months ago, but it still felt strange to call their joint home anything but Ryo's place. Maybe it was because Ryo still made all the apartment rules. This included the law that if Dee was going to smoke, he'd do it outside on the balcony. Not that Dee minded; he was trying to cut back anyway.
With his latest cigarette smoldering hot, smoked nearly down to the filter, it was time to come back inside. He stubbed out the butt in a misshapen ceramic ashtray on the table beside him. It was glazed and painted with a daisy in the middle, something Carol had made for him at summer camp and given to him for Father's Day. He thought of her every time he looked at it and that somehow made it easier to resist the temptation to smoke another one.
He stepped back inside and found Ryo at the kitchen sink, cleaning up the dinner dishes. The cuffs of his collared shirt were unbuttoned and rolled up past his elbows, exposing faint traces of ginger hair on his forearms. Unaware that he was being watched, Ryo sighed and brushed his forehead with the back of his wrist. He squeezed more dish soap onto a sponge and began washing a plate. The soft clink of ceramic on the bottom of the sink, the swish and sway of soapy water—something about the sounds felt "warm" and blissfully domestic. Dee thought his partner had never looked more beautiful.
He sidled up behind him and laid a kiss on the side of Ryo's neck. "Hey," he said, his voice a low murmur. "Why don't you come back to the bedroom with me? Those dishes can wait." He hooked a finger in the side of Ryo's collar, pulling it away from his skin, and planted a light biting kiss there.
Ryo gave a weak smile and shrugged away. "Not right now, okay? I'd like to get a few things done tonight."
"Later then, right?" Dee stepped close from behind and slid an arm around Ryo's chest. He slipped his fingers between the buttons on his shirt and teased his nipple.
Ryo huffed a short exasperated sigh. "Not tonight." He turned to face Dee with a serious expression. "I want to get to bed at a decent hour for once. We need to be at the station early tomorrow morning for that department meeting."
"You know nothing ever gets done at those meetings." Dee waved a dismissive hand. "Everyone just sits around and complains. The chief tells us about all the new regulations that are about to make our jobs even harder than before, and we only adjourn when Ted's eaten the last of the donuts. You could sleep through it all and not miss a thing." Dee reached a hand for Ryo's waist, but he stepped away.
"I'm just under a lot of stress, all right? And I just don't have time tonight."
"That's why we won't wait for time; we'll make time." Dee dropped his voice to a sexy whisper again. "Remember when we used to come back here for a quickie on our lunch break?"
Ryo's voice exploded with unexpected force. "Not tonight, okay, Dee? I'm not in the mood!"
The dauntless charm of Dee's smile faded in an instant. Sadly, it was the answer he had come to expect. For almost three weeks now, Ryo had turned down his every advance and Dee was finally growing sick of it. He'd tried every approach from gentle romance to fiery assertiveness, but lately Ryo's answer had always been the same. His answer "Not tonight" might as well have been "Not ever."
Lying together in bed every night, seeing Ryo naked in the shower or half-clothed around the apartment—it filled Dee with passion that exceeded reason. When they first moved in together, Dee drooled to himself with wolfish anticipation at the thought of how much sex they would have. He expected night after night of carnal desire like in the early days of their relationship. Instead, the steady flow of Ryo's desire had withered to a dry river bed. Their relationship went from lovers to little more than roommates.
It wasn't just a matter of unsatisfied lust to Dee. It was the—
(REJECTION)
--sum of many different factors that frustrated him to no end. Ryo was beautiful and every little thing he did turned Dee on—even washing dishes—so why wasn't the feeling mutual? Didn't Ryo find him attractive any more? Did he think he was lousy in bed? Why the change of heart? It made Dee sick with anxiety to know that he might be part of the problem, but he'd never know for sure.
Dee didn't doubt Ryo's fidelity for an instant, but worried that he might have a naturally frigid sex drive. Perhaps Ryo had buried his sexuality too long or taken his obsessive self-control to a level that forbade all desire. Whatever it was, Dee knew he still loved him more than anything, but he wanted a lover, not just a friend. If Ryo had a low purr of a libido compared to Dee's unquenchable roar, he was willing to work through that, to compromise somehow. But being told—
(REJECTION)
--"no" night after night was wearing him down. This was not compromise; it was a complete shut-out. It left him unwanted, unloved.
Dee forced a weak smile. "All right. Can I at least help you dry the dishes?" He leaned forward to give Ryo a chaste kiss on the lips but Ryo turned his face away.
"Darn it, Dee! Could you give it a rest for just a minute?"
What? He wasn't supposed to even kiss him any more? Dee felt a surge of anger pull through him. It started in his gut and rolled through his throat, loosening his tongue to the brink of saying something they would both regret.
When he was younger, Dee would have gone ahead and said it anyway. Shooting his mouth off was the habit that got him in trouble more than any other, an ugly trait that he saw all too often in Bikky. Now Dee had the composure to hold his tongue, but anger and frustration vibrated through him right down to his guts.
Ryo stared back at him, looking equally hot-tempered and annoyed. He was probably thinking that Dee was horny and selfish, not pausing to think that he was the selfish one for treating Dee as chaste as a brother for nearly a month.
Ryo's pale cheeks were flushed pink with agitation and Dee found to his chagrin that even this aroused him. Ryo's half-anxious, half-defiant look was heavy with expectation. The flush in his cheeks looked remarkably like the blush of arousal that crossed his face in the throes of their lovemaking. Dee felt the hanging ache of unfulfilled desire clench in his balls and his cock jerk in eager stiffness.
His animal instinct urged him to just push Ryo down and have his way with him, but his love and respect for his partner wouldn't allow him to make such a risky move. When he'd pushed Ryo down to kiss him in those early days of them first meeting, he'd done it only to help Ryo face the long-buried secret of his homosexuality. He had no such noble excuse this time.
Fuck it! Fine! He'd just stalk off and masturbate in the bedroom or beat off in the shower like he usually did when Ryo was being a cold fish. But tonight the thought of this simple solution filled him with shame and irritation. He was sick of being reduced to hiding like a twelve-year-old boy, tugging on his dick behind a locked bathroom door and guilty as a criminal. He was an adult, damn it! This was getting ridiculous!
Ryo wouldn't let him enjoy a good fuck and Dee couldn't hang around any longer being shot down and denied, stroking himself in dismal solitude. He needed to get some air and clear his head.
Dee grabbed his brown leather coat from its hook by the door and thrust his arms into the sleeves. "I'm going out." He snatched his keys from the table and thrust them into his jeans pocket. "For a beer."
"Oh." The anger on Ryo's face vanished like vapor. "Okay." He looked wounded and concerned.
Dee couldn't help but feel a faint sense of relief, even dark satisfaction at the worried look on his partner's face. At least he cared enough that Dee could still get a rise out of him.
"Are you going to be at Trudy's?"
Dee flinched inwardly. Was he really that predictable? "Trudy's" was the bar where he, Ted, and Drake would sometimes go for drinks after work. It was a quaint little hole in the wall with friendly servers and damn good hot wings but it was only half a block away. Storming off only as far as Trudy's to cool off was akin to a sulky teenager declaring that he was running away from home, but camping in the backyard.
It was the place Dee had been planning on, but now he scratched it from his list of options. He didn't want to be predictable. He didn't want Ryo to find him easily. He felt a twinge of guilt, that this was all just a juvenile ploy to make Ryo jealous. Instead he told himself that he didn't want Ryo to be in control of his whereabouts. He already had total control of his sex life as it was.
"No. Not Trudy's. I don't know where I'm going yet." He buttoned the front of his jacket. It would probably be snowing outside.
"Will you be back, uhm, before too late?" Ryo twisted the dish towel he held in his hands as if trying to wring out the dry cloth.
"Probably. I won't miss that all-important department meeting if that's what you're worried about." He opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. "Later."
Feeling smug, vindicated, and just a little bit guilty, Dee stepped out into the dark city streets.