Song : Break of Dawn and Saying Goodbye (Hetaoni ost)
I do not own Hetalia nor Hetaoni
-Lullaby-
I'll never forgive you if you lose your life again
China felt numb. Everything around him sounded so vague. The only thing that was as clear as crystal around him was the heavy and painful inhaling of breath, the strong sickening smell of blood, his little brother's body on his arms, and blood, blood, blood, staining his uniform, seeping out from Japan's body, from his chest every time he took a breath.
He could only heard France's desperate voice barely. "We have to get him out of here. Italy and the others can heal him. Come on, China. Snap out of it!"
Because as much as he wanted to believe it, that Italy and the others could heal him, he knew that it wasn't the case anymore. His brother had lost too much blood. Even though they managed to heal him, they didn't have anything useful for blood transfusion in here, did they?
Growing impatient, France snapped, "Fine! I'll get them here if you won't move. Just stay here and lock the door, you hear me? Open only if I knock." And he left the library.
China didn't move an inch. Japan's head was in his arms and he knew if he shifted position he would be in more pain. He knew he was crying, so hard and so silently. Tears made their way down his face and not showing any sign to stop soon.
"Just leave me here…"
China blinked. Japan drew another painful breath and managed to whispered it once more. "Go, China-san. It's dangerous here. Just-" his face twisted in pain when he inhaled another. "Leave me here."
"What are you talking about?" China shrieked, eyes wide with fear and surprise and fresh tears sprung out. "You of all people know that I wouldn't do that!"
Japan managed a weak smile. "I do. Because even with all that happened between us," another painful breath, and was it his imagination or was it a rib that stuck out of his chest? Nononono, it was just his imagination, just his wild imagination. There was no way it was ribcage. "You never leave me alone, don't you?"
China shook his head. "And I would never aru. You're my little brother, whether you like it or not."
A weak chuckle escaped from Japan's lips. "I guess I don't have a choice, do I?"
China chuckled shakingly. "No, you don't. I won't let you."
Japan looked up to him, straight on his eyes, and his breath was caught in his throat seeing that his eyes were pleading and he knew what would come next.
"Please, China-san…"
No no no, please God, no.
With another sharp and painful breath, he finished,
"Please let me go."
And China remembered the back of his little brother, that day when everything ended between them, the back that walked away farther and farther, away from him. But also the back that was alone.
He didn't want his brother to be alone again. He didn't want to leave him here, alone in such a terrible place.
He didn't want to leave him alone in death.
Right now, there was nothing he wanted more than to take him home, to the familiar traditional building, familiar scent of flowers, chrysantemums and peonies and plum blossoms and many more in the yard, familiar crowds and noises of his family, their family.
But China knew he couldn't. Japan was in so much pain, every breath he took always seemed more painful than the previous. His eyes were halfway closed and they were blurry. His body grew weaker and colder with every breath.
The sight reminded him of an unwanted memory, memory about the end of World War II, and China shook it away. That and this were really different. In World War II, they were nations. No matter how much they had been destroyed, they would always heal, even though he didn't deny that he had been in a fear so great if Japan would disappear that time. In this mansion, this cursed mansion, they were humans. Humans who could die and never came back.
China bit his lower lip so hard it drew blood. He shut his eyes tightly and hoped that when he opened them, all of this would turn to be just a really terrible nightmare. But his hope went to its demise.
China didn't want his brother to be alone. But he also didn't want his brother to suffer, as much as that. So he made a decision, however shattering that would be.
He lifted his free arm and stroked Japan's hair softly, and whispered,
"It'll never be the same without you."
And Japan's body relaxed and he smiled, so peacefully and so thankfully, it made China cried harder.
"Thank you…" weakly, but his voice echoed in the room, his eyes slowly, finally closed.
And as the body in his arms went slack, China whispered, tears still in his eyes,
"Good night, Japan."
-Funeral-
We went back in time,
and in that timeloop I, I died, so…
Romano was pissed. No, he was upset. How could Veneziano said that so smoothly (okay, he stuttered) like it was just natural, like it was just okay? But Romano chose the "yelled at him until he got into his senses again and see what you truly mean" as number 2 in his list of priority and pretended to be calm. He did it so well he surprised himself.
When he came back from the annexe with Prussia and Japan though, he chose to stay silent and cancel his yelling-at-Veneziano session. Because as he leaned on the wall and closed his eyes to rest for a while, he opened them to find that he was not standing in the safe room.
Instead, he found himself in a room at the first floor. But what caught him off guard was the body that laid in the center of the room, surrounded by flowers (how the hell they did they find flowers in here anyway?).
He had gone back in time? But how? Then he remembered that he and Veneziano shared memories, so it was possible this was a memory.
He walked forward, approaching the casket, hesitantly. It was Veneziano indeed. Pale and unmoving, and Romano found himself shaking lightly, his heart pounding painfully inside his chest.
His brother looked so peaceful, so content, just like he was sleeping. But he was not. Flowers placed neatly around him, and Romano thought was it like this if someone died? They were put in a coffin and surrounded with flowers? If the situation was not so serious, he would find it funny, almost embarrassing, and he told himself that if someday he did die, he would be sure to tell Veneziano before that he didn't want to be covered in flowers.
Slowly, he lifted his hand and touched him. He tensed when he felt the cold. His brother was so cold, and so pale, and lifeless. There was no sign of his bright smile, or his always shining eyes, or his silly cries.
His brother was dead.
Romano knew this was just a past, one of another God-knows-how-much pasts. But his chest tightened and he inhaled sharply. His eyes stung and tears threatening to form. Would it feel like this in your own brother's funeral?
He knew Veneziano was still alive, very much alive, but the Veneziano in this time loop was already dead. And they both were his brother.
For some reason, even though his chest tightened on the realization that Veneziano was dead and he never wanted that, he was relieved that at least once, his brother was able to finally find peace. He had tried so hard. He had cried so much. He had endured almost everything.
Blood.
Wounds.
Monster.
Battles.
Deaths.
Loneliness.
Despair.
And above all that, he had prayed. Prayed and hoped that God would listen, hoped that He would grant his wish.
But in this time loop, he had finally given the chance to rest, peacefully, contently, because he had protected his friends. Because he had finally, finally done it right.
He poked Veneziano's face lightly, tried really hard to look angry but to no avail, and finally sighed, saying,
"Don't get me wrong for fucking saying this, stupid little brother, but…"
He swallowed, hoping with all his heart that this wouldn't affect the future.
"I'm really glad that He finally answered your prayers."
He heard voices outside the door, and temporarily forgotten that this was just a memory. In a panic, he attempted (or tried) to leave, before he cursed himself when he remembered that it was just a memory.
Nevertheless, he took one final glance at his brother's dead body and said,
"But don't you ever dare try and do this again, Veneziano."
He paused.
"Or I will make you regret it if you do, even if it means I have to find a way to fly into the Heaven to do so."
The scene around him started to blur and he knew he would wake up from this memory soon. He thought, "God, please let no fucking person in the world know about this," and he bowed down and did something he only did once, when they were little and his brother had fallen asleep beside him on his bed.
He kissed his forehead lightly and whispered,
"May God be with you, even in your dreams"
A/N:
How I love this song and when I watched Hetaoni 10 part 1 and this song was in the background, I cried so hard inside. ;_;
May Italy and everyone have a happy ending.
The Lullaby part was written from China's words after he got back from the past, though the death scene itself wasn't in the game. The Funeral part wasn't in the game either, but I think that when Italy said that he died in the past, Romano must be pissed. In the game he wasn't, so I made this part of the fic.
As always, I apologize for any OOC-ness and grammatical error. I still can't fix them, especially the characterization. I just tried to position myself in their feet and imagine what I would possibly feel and do if I was faced with such situation.
Critics are always welcome, as long as you're not too harsh.
But no flame please. :)
Thank you for reading, and (if there's any) reviewing ^^