A/N: If you haven't seen "The Murder in the Middle East" you might want to skip this story until you have seen it. This story is filled with spoilers for that episode, also, it's possible you might need a tissue.

I don't own Bones.

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She remembered his words and she remembered hers.

She met Sweets in the Diner, a place she considered neutral ground. She'd been worried about Booth and she needed to talk to someone. She'd considered Angela, but she needed someone close to Booth, so Sweets was the one she talked to. "Booth is different."

Solemnly, Sweets had replied, "I agree. He has a lot to deal with, after all that's happened, the incarceration, the attack, now. . . Booth suffered trauma before . . . war, abduction, confinement, even torture.

Her worries bubbling to the surface, Brennan explained, "Yeah, but this is different. I've seen the injuries, the trauma is similar.

"Physically, yeah." Sweets needed her to understand, "But not according to my pseudoscience . . . psychologically. Booth is driven by his belief in honesty, in honor and service. Now, Booth's beliefs have been betrayed by the organization that he trusted, that he served."

Sad, Brennan uttered, "It's as if someone died. It's like Booth died."

His own sadness a weight on his soul, Sweets agreed, "In a sense he has, you know?"

Ignoring the interruption, Brennan continued, "He . . . he doesn't know where he fits in anymore. He . . . he doesn't have an anchor, faith in something greater than himself."

She never forgot that conversation and with those words echoing in her head, she watched Booth as he struggled. She noticed that he slept less than he ever did before. He deflected the conversation if anyone tried to talk about the past. He didn't go to church anymore and he didn't seem to care about God. He was different and that difference frightened her in a way she couldn't admit to him or anyone else.

After months of watching and waiting, she noticed another change in him and wasn't sure what to make of it. He'd gone undercover and gambled and she felt that the change started then but she didn't have proof. Without proof she was forced to wait and wonder. She had to admit that the changes were subtle and almost imaginary, but she knew him and she knew the changes were real.

He seemed to be himself and yet he wasn't. He came home when he was supposed to. He spent time with his family. He cooked for them and tried to show her how much he loved her and yet, something was wrong and she knew it.

She wanted her Booth back, but deep down she feared that maybe that Booth was gone forever.

Her fears came to fruition while Booth was in Iran helping Arastoo and Cam solve a murder. A stranger came to the door of their house and claimed that her husband owed him $30,000 from gambling and he wanted it either from Booth or her. His threats were thinly veiled and Brennan knew them for what they were.

In the end she paid the bookie to save Booth's job and perhaps his sanity, but she now had her proof and she knew without a doubt he had fallen and it would have to be her to help him.

She knew she needed to come up with a plan. She loved Booth, but his recklessness had endangered her and her child. She wanted to help him, but she had to protect her child and herself first. She had a new life growing in her and that baby also had to be protected. She had time to come up with a plan and she used what she knew about Booth, about what he valued most to formulate it. She was strong and she would use that strength to do what had to be done.

She knew that it would be harsh, but she needed to reach the Booth who lay hidden from the world. He'd always hidden himself from those around him and it had taken her years to understand that. He had a college education and yet seemed to be ignorant of things he should know. She came to realize that he used stupidity as a weapon. Over and over she'd seen criminals underestimate him only to realize in the end that he was smarter than they had given him credit for. He used jokes as camouflage and he tried to control his environment as much as possible. If he couldn't get what he wanted, he pretended that it didn't matter or he didn't want it in the first place.

Months ago, when his world had shattered, when he was almost been killed and then incarcerated by the people he thought he could trust, he'd changed. He'd hidden himself further from everyone around him until she almost couldn't see him. In a way, he had died and now she was left with his ghost.

Ooooooooooooo

When he'd entered the house, she'd been so relieved to see that he was home safe. After making sure he knew that she was proud of what he'd accomplished in Iran, she confronted him.

Her plan was simple and logical. At first she'd given him a chance to come clean and he'd lied to her. She knew that was the risk she was taking when she confronted him and in the end that was the result she expected.

She understood this simple truth, he's an addict and addicts hide. They hide from their loved ones and they hide from themselves. They lie and they evade the truth. Considering Booth's propensity to hide already, well it was what she expected.

She knew she had to be strong, so when Booth realized that she already knew about his gambling he tried to 'fix' it, but she knew he wasn't in a position to fix anything. He was hiding behind his love for her and she knew that she needed him to become visible. The Booth she knew and loved was buried under a mountain of distrust and fear and she needed to reach him in the only way she knew she could.

He pleaded with her, "I messed up. I'm sorry. Look at me! I love you." The look he gave her was one of stunned fear and it almost broke her heart.

Though it pained her to say it, she said it anyways, "I don't believe you. Not now."

The pain that washed over him washed over her, but she knew that she had to do it, "Go."

And in that moment, he seemed to give up. She wasn't sure if she'd done the right thing but it was done.

Did he give up on her or did he give up the shield he'd been hiding behind? She wasn't certain, but she knew that when he left the house she would cry. She was being strong for both of them, but she needed to grieve.

It was as if Booth had died. She only prayed that he could save himself and return to her in the end. She would always stand beside him even if it meant from a distance. As illogical as that sounded she needed him to lose to win. She wanted her Booth back and this was the only way that this would happen. She no longer wanted to live with his ghost. She wanted the man.

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So let me know what you think of this story. Thank you.