Here is the magical one-shot that I (Sammy) have been talking about non-stop! If you guys follow me on Instagram (it's in our bio), you have heard about this for a while and here it finally is!
You will notice that this is AU but I use the country name as well as human names but they aren't actually countries. There is no reasoning behind this. Just roll with it.
Thank you Sam for betaing this and for your support while I was working on it as well as coming up with the title! I couldn't have done this without you!
And I swear we haven't given up on Appetite for Spamano, we are both just really busy! We'll have the next chapter out as soon as we can get it! Sorry!
So here, have some SuFin!
Disclaimer: I only own the plot and the writing. The characters belong to Hetalia.
Warnings: So, Fin is super upset and idk if there are people out there that maybe can't handle it? Idek I don't think I actually need a warning but better safe than sorry.
I swung the door open, tears streaming down my face. Our room was too small to do that though, and it bounced back. It hit my shoulder but I walked through anyways. I cursed and slammed it closed behind me, my emotions boiling all around. The remaining words that stuck in my mind spilled out.
"Asshole! Who the hell do you think you are? You have no right to criticize me or Su!" I shouted almost violently, balling my fists into my expensive shirt. I all but ripped it off, tearing it over my head jerkily, not wanting anything to do with a reminder of this horrible night ever again, and ignoring the button or two that pop off in my rage. My heart felt like it was in my stomach, pushing my entire body down. The weight, the pain was crippling. I swallowed it once, twice, then I crumbled onto the ground in the middle of the room. My shoulders racked with sobs and my breathing was tight, but it felt good to let the emotion out. Then it felt awful. I was cold and alone, crying to myself in a room I was supposed to share. Where was he? Su... We'd been roommates for only a year so him not being here is something that shouldn't faze me too much, but I realize how dependent I am on Sweden being here within out short time together.
We met on a college tour, he was in the same group as me. He only spoke to ask questions and scared everyone, just standing in the back of the group looking angry. But, true to myself, I hated judging before I knew him, so I decided to meet him. I walked up cheerfully and talked his ear off, asking him questions which he answered honestly but in the quickest way possible. He certainly didn't seem mean, just kind of quiet and brooding. I noticed that he would smile, ever so slightly so that nobody can tell, whenever I laughed or made a joke. And it was the most adorable smile I'd ever seen. At the end of the day once we'd finally seen the entire school grounds and learned everything we need to know, I turned to him and asked what he thinks about going there. Maybe I'd get to see more of that smile.
"It certainly has its upsides." He responded evenly, staring at me, a light warmth in his eyes. "Jag hoppas att se er igen." I didn't piece together that he meant I am an 'upside' until I was home, where I promptly squealed for an hour into my pillow until I remembered to translate what else he said, which sent me into a giggly smiling-all-the-time mood that lasted for the rest of the week and another squealing episode.
Clearly, from the time I met him I was a little love-struck, crushing hard like a teenage girl.
I enrolled there with my friend Denmark a few weeks later, telling myself it was because of the amazing classes and statistics and stuff, but I have to admit a big part of it was mostly so I might be able to see Sweden again. Sure enough, when I was scrolling through possible roommates, his face popped up. I didn't even hesitate to request him.
A few months later, I'd finished helping Den set up around his quiet and mean roomie that seemed to scowl at him the entire time and was heading into my dorm, exhausted from hauling all of Mathias's stuff for him. And there on one of the beds was the handsome Swedish man again, reading a giant leather-bound book with a million yellow bookmarks. He immediately dropped his book and stood up, smiling slightly and unexpectedly taking a giant step towards me, opening his mouth to say something. Startled, I leap backwards, crashing into the door that had closed behind me somehow.
"Shit!" He shouted, stepping forwards again to help me up, his face adorably flustered and red, his normally angry expression replaced with embarrassment and shame. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you! I'm so so-"
"It's fine! You startled me is all!" I laugh, grinning at his rush of words. I grabbed his hand before he can reach it out, pulling myself up but not letting go once I'm standing. Instead, I hold his hand while facing him, smiling brightly at him despite his humiliated (but not uncomfortable) expression. "We've met before, I'm Tino. Or Fin, whatever you prefer." I dropped his hand after a second although it wasn't uncomfortable and I didn't really want to.
"Berwald or Sweden." He muttered, back to his small sentences.
"Can I call you Su?" I ask shamelessly, innocently. But in my mind, I just wanted to have my own name for him, some claim on him. I'd spent months thinking about this man and maybe I'd gotten a little obsessive, but I don't think it bothered him. He blushed and shook his head that he doesn't mind.
"No, I like it. Go ahead."
And from then on I kept him close, trying to keep that light smile on him at all times. I introduced him to Den, who he got along with both amazing and horribly. They were assholes to each other, but they both laughed about it. And seeing Su laughing was worth any twinge of jealousy.
Once I made a comment about how I love seeing him smile. "I love that you can make me smile, älskling." He muttered before blushing and attempting to change the subject. He told me about a communications-based club that the school had. At the end of the year, we had to give a speech about something we are passionate about, most likely a philosophy thing, and the judges chose who did it best. Before then, you spend the time debating and working on speech skills such as persuasion. He smiled again when I told him I signed up and attended every single competition and helped me practice my speeches.
I cringe at remembering this. Why did I have to do the goddamn speeches?
After a year, nothing happened between us that didn't happen to me all the time with friends, we'd held hands, hugged, he'd cry a few times after having bad nightmares of murderous animals like koalas and flamingos (I know it seems weird, but he was always so shaken up that I didn't want to question it) and I comforted him every time. All of these things would be little to me, but obviously it was all new to Berwald, so it was huge for me. I'm the one he's affectionate to, I'm the one he cries to.
And he never brought guys home, never admitted to a love life or social life. He turned people down and came home to me, while I stayed out late and dated around and went to school clubs. He'd been stable, coming home every night at 7pm and leaving again at 6am, just coming back to get his stuff for different classes. I felt warmer knowing that he was so steady, but cold knowing I had an hour to be sad and alone before he came home.
And so I cried for who knows how long, my heart spilling out and tearing apart. I just wanted to be alone, but I wanted the option. I wanted to push someone away, be alone by choice. This wasn't exactly my decision. I stayed in my spot on the floor, but tore my fancy clothing off, sitting on the carpet floor in boxers and nothing else, hating the fact I thought I had to make myself look good tonight for this speech and even more that I let it all go to waste.
And then when the door creaked open, my Swedish roommate's scent wafting through, I felt more tears rise. He gasped lightly, his low voice slightly hoarse, and I knew he saw me, but he didn't come over. He dropped his bag on his desk and opened his closet, pulling out one of the pairs of the tee-shirts that he wore as pajamas all the time, which was just light blue with the yellow lines of the Swedish Flag across it. He set it on the desk and pulled out more clothes. Ignoring me, he changed into his flannel bottoms and took off his shirt. His spare shirt slung over his arm, he finally turned. I was watching with curiosity, letting myself cry weakly even though he could see me, too tired and worn down to care.
He crouched in front of me, pulling my arms off from around my knees. He kissed my forehead, leaving behind a warmer feeling, and popped the shirt over my head, his scent suddenly enveloping me. The shirt was warm, like it was fresh out of the drier. I saw the computer and almost laughed. He'd had it on his desk where the computer made the wood hot. He'd heated the shirt up for me. Instead I cried harder, my body limp.
"What's wrong?" He asked gruffly, although his eyes read worried.
"The speech went horrible... My competition knew exactly what to say to make me seem like a terrible person." I mutter between sobs, hiccupping, and sniffling. I leave out the part that he did it by insulting Su and then insulting me for defending him, all in a way that made me look like a bully trying to start a fight.
"Oh, sorry. I'm -uh-" He frowned awkwardly and then reached over carefully. He wiped away my tears with his thumb and stood up, crawling into his bed, abandoning me. I felt myself grow cold again. Of course he's a caring person, but you should know better than expect him to be comforting, that's not who he is and it's unfair to expect it, I scolded myself. My crying slowed and I looked up, trying to tell if he was watching. He was, but I stood anyway, not feeling protected enough with just boxers and his shirt around me.
His cold and hypnotic grey eyes met mine in the dim light and he held up a corner of the blanket, smiling slightly and patting the area next to him. I smiled weakly and climbed in, letting my face fall onto his shoulder when I lay down next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and let the blanket drop. Exhaustion filled me suddenly and all of me relaxed, snuggled in with the sweetest man on earth, although he hardly shows it, and his warm blanket. I frowned again, thinking about this and re-remembering everything all over again, every single second we'd spent together, from beginning to this very second. Every moment that he'd been there for me and every time I was there for him flashed by. The room gets even darker as the sun sets and quieter as people outside are replaced with crickets.
"Su?" I mutter, looking up at him through blurred vision. His eyes open immediately as if he'd been waiting the entire time for me to talk to him. "Hey Sweden?" He looked down at me, his face giving away that he's intensely worried. He doesn't respond but I know he's listening. "Hey, Su. I think I love you."
Our heartbeats are the only sound for a few long moments before he brushes his fingers over my cheeks softly and uses that beautiful smile once again.
"I love you too."
Well I'm always a slut for sappy endings.
I hope you liked this! Please leave a review, tell me what you think!