Dust to Dust
/ I fell in love with the song Dust to Dust by The Civil Wars and wanted to do a Destiel fic based on it idk this is my first one so it might be kind of sucky.
Ripping another page out of his workbook and screwing it into a makeshift ball, Castiel let out a frustrated sigh and tossed the paper in the direction of the nearest bin. A hand on his shoulder made him look up, "Y'alright there Cas?"
"Yeah. Yeah I'm good. Thanks Jess." He forced a smile at the girl stood in front of him, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. Jess shook her head, "You'll work yourself to death… Listen, Sam's brother Dean is coming round tonight, so would you let him in for me? I shouldn't be out for long."
"Sure."
The next few hours were a blur, all Cas succeeded in doing was getting more worked up at himself, no matter how hard he worked, nothing would stick. He was so absorbed in the textbook he was reading that it took a few minutes to register the loud knocks on the apartment door. Groaning inwardly, he walked slowly over to the door and opened it. He was met with a pair of intense green eyes that seemed to mesmerise him for a few seconds that felt like years, a soft chuckle snapped him from the trance and a blush crept up his cheeks. "You must be Dean?" Castiel cursed himself for how high his voice had risen and at the obvious embarrassment coursing through him. "That's me, and you're Castiel, right?" Castiel merely nodded, motioning for Dean to enter the room. Dean brushed past him, and sat down roughly on the moth-eaten sofa. An uncomfortable silence cloaked the room, the faint sound of music was the only noise. Dean smiled to himself, humming along to the unmistakable sound of 'Stairway to Heaven', out of the corner of his eye he could see Castiel running a hand through his tangled black hair that was sticking up in all different directions. The smile that was engraved into his features turned into a lopsided smirk. Damn. He's attractive.
About ten minutes passed before Castiel came back into the room, sitting down on the other end of the couch he was careful to avoid eye contact with Dean, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. Dean glanced up at him, and saw exactly what sort of person this was. This guy was simply crying out to be heard, but he would never do it verbally, no he was too selfless for that. He saw no reason to bother others with his problems. Dean chewed on his lip and cleared his throat loudly, "Hey, er Cas are you okay?" his tone was genuine and almost begging Castiel to open up to him.
"I'm fine thanks Dean."
"I reject that answer. See I've seen people like you before... God knows I've felt the same too."
Castiel turned to look at him, his brows furrowed in evident confusion. For a brief moment Dean thought he might have got it all wrong, so it came as a slight relief when Cas sighed and lifted a hand to his face, covering his mouth. Screwing his eyes up, he tried to regain composure. He felt a hand gently pat his shoulder, not like Jessica had earlier, no this was a comforting gesture that made him feel at ease. It was stupid, but Castiel already knew he could talk to Dean. Maybe that was why he couldn't stop staring at his eyes, because they held the same emptiness as his.
"S'alright man. Let it out. I won't judge you. Life is a bitch, no one knows that more than me and if you don't let some of your emotion out at some point it's just gonna build up."
Castiel let a single tear slide down his pale cheek, and a low groan emit from his lips. His chest felt tight and a lump was rising in his throat, he tried to fight it but that was all he had done for the past few months, and Dean was right. Keeping it all inside was the worst thing to do. A cautious arm wrapped around his shoulder as Dean tried to steady him. The words of comfort being uttered to Cas were swimming around his brain alongside all the thoughts of pain and anguish. They weren't enough to extinguish them, but the thoughts were seemingly numbed and the tightness in his chest began to loosen. If there needed to be proof that one could fall in love with a voice then this would be it. Castiel kept rewinding the words being spoken to him in his mind, over and over like a prayer, focusing on the utter sincerity of them and the way they fell from Dean's lips with such ease.
Dean's arm pulling him into the warmth of his side brought Castiel down to earth with a crash, tentatively he leaned his head on Dean's shoulder, mumbling apologies of all sorts into the soft fabric of his t-shirt. "I used to be so much stronger than this. Honestly I did. God this is so embarrassing I'm sorry."
Shaking his head in disagreement, Dean rubbed soothing circles on his back, "Cas, it doesn't mean you're weak, it means you've been strong for too damn long. I'm not going to say it gets better because that's stupid. I mean how the hell do I know that it will… All I'm gonna say is that I got your back. It sucks ass not having someone there for you… I know."
"Thanks."
"You want a beer?"
"I'm ok. Help yourself though." Dean shifted to leave the sofa, untangling his arm from around Castiel, and heading towards the kitchen.
When he returned, he placed the beer bottle down on the coffee table, and looked over at Castiel, who was curled up on the floor by the radiator, head in hands. "Shit. You poor bastard." Dean hopped lightly around the table and knelt down in front of the shaking form of Castiel.
"I can't do this anymore Dean. I… I'm too far gone. All these thoughts… they won't stop. Feels like I'm drowning in it all."
Dean didn't quite know how to react to this confession, most of all it sent shockwaves through his core as the man he saw in front of him was an exact copy of his past self. Reaching out to touch Cas' knee with a gentle hand, Dean sat down in front of him, drinking in his flushed red cheeks and tousled black hair. Castiel sensed his presence and lifted his head to stare blankly past Dean, focusing on anything other than the pained expression before him. The next thing that happened took both of them by surprise, Dean's lips pressed against Castiel's in a fleeting moment, it took a few seconds for Castiel to reciprocate but soon the air was filled small sighs of content. Dean was the first to break the kiss, leaning his forehead on Castiel's, "You've been lonely for too long. We both have… but that ends now, there's no way I'm letting what happened to me drag you under too." Castiel didn't answer directly but his mouth found Dean's and that was all Dean needed.
