Red Roses2: A plot bunny attacked. *shrugs*
Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. All of the characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa.
Warnings: Roy x Ed (don't like, get out).
Haunting Eyes
I suppose it does make sense that ghosts exist. After all, how else would Edward be able to put Alphonse's soul in a suit of armor? But I never expected this. It . . . it's disturbing. And Ed doesn't even know.
My relationship with Ed began rather unconventionally. He called me Colonel Bastard, and I made fun of his height, as usual. He then yelled some stupid retort that made no sense, as usual.
Here was the exact phrase: "WHO YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD FIT IN AN ABNORMALLY SMALL MINISKIRT!?"
I'm not entirely sure why he mentioned the miniskirt, and the blush that followed almost as soon as he said it showed that he wasn't sure either.
Then I said something I didn't really mean to say; I just wanted to match him in our verbal battle.
"Well, it would certainly be entertaining to see, Fullmetal." Cue smirk.
The blush covered his entire face.
"What the hell does that mean!? Pervert!"
Laugh and look smug. Pretend it wasn't making me nervous. Pretend I didn't feel the sudden chill that traveled up my spine. Fight the urge to look over my shoulder or scan the office for any eavesdroppers.
"No need to be embarrassed, Fullmetal. There are plenty of women who would've killed to hear praise like that from me."
It was too fun teasing him like that. I just didn't realize how deep a grave I was digging for myself.
I wish I did.
I don't regret making him blush. I don't regret making him stutter. I don't regret the sudden concern that shot through me when he stumbled over the couch on the way out, muttering about needing to be somewhere. I don't regret following him into his living quarters. I don't regret the apology I forced out.
I only regret placing that thoughtless kiss on his lips.
Ed stared at me, fear and hope shining in his eyes. My own eyes widened at what I did. I hadn't thought about it – not really. I had only meant to fix the damage I realized I had caused; but I discovered I had done more than bruised his pride.
I realized I was playing with his heart.
Life was very awkward after that. Edward was all I could think about, but he was the last person I wanted to think about. I mindlessly did my paperwork, all the while imagining those eyes staring into mine. Hawkeye was concerned; she had never seen me work so "diligently" on my paperwork before. I didn't blame her. I was concerned about me, too.
I couldn't even escape Ed in my sleep.
The next time he came into my office, there wasn't any yelling. There wasn't any name-calling. There weren't any short-jokes. His bangs hid his eyes from me. I wasn't sure if I was glad for that. He gave me the paper version of the report. I couldn't remember what the mission even was – it was that bad. All I remember was that I sent him away so I wouldn't have to look at him for a while.
"Edward. . . ."
"Yes, Colonel?"
". . . We need to talk. . . ."
". . . Yes?"
". . . About what I . . . did . . . ."
"Let me guess. It didn't mean anything. Right?"
He still refused to lift his head high enough to let me look at his eyes. I grinded my teeth.
"Look at me, Edward."
He moved his head to the left.
"Look at me."
He raised his head. The tears rolled down his cheeks. His eyes let me see the anger and resentment, the defiance and disillusionment. The disappointment.
I found I couldn't say anything at first. I opened my mouth, but I choked on the words. What was it about those eyes that haunted me so much? Even when he was a little kid, those eyes were burned into my memory. If the height had been normal, if the hair had never been that special shade of blond, if he had never had that temper or the alchemy prowess, I think those eyes would've made sure I'd always remember him.
He bit his lower lip. The flow of tears turned heavy.
I lowered my head.
"M-maybe we can give it a shot. Okay?"
Ed furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding my proposal. "What?"
"We can give it a shot. You know, dating and the like. Is that okay with you?"
I looked up in time to see his eyes change. He wiped the tears away, and relief washed over him visibly. I felt a smile cross my face.
I wish I never looked over his shoulder. The smile promptly fell off.
Her eyes glared distrust and hatred deep into me.
I quickly looked away. Edward hadn't noticed. I forced another smile on my face. He said he'd see me later. I nodded and waved him out the office.
She followed him out.
I asked Hawkeye if she knew who the woman was.
"What woman?" she replied.
A chill ran up my spine again. The same chill that ran up me when the whole thing started.
Life started being a little more normal afterwards. Ed's eyes no longer haunted me at night. I didn't see the woman for a while. I still managed to turn the ladies' heads without even trying. It drove Havoc, Falman, Fuery, and Breda insane. Hawkeye merely rolled her eyes. I pretended I didn't notice and laugh. But the advances I'd receive made me feel uncomfortable. I actually turned them all down. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would've been. All I had to do was imagine what Ed's eyes would look like if I hurt him. All I had to do was remember the woman who had been standing behind him. Poor Havoc thought I was coming down with something. Maybe I was. Depends. Can a person "come down" with insanity? Tell me when someone finds out.
My first date with Edward was in his quarters. Alphonse was off somewhere. Ed said he was rescuing kittens and trying to find them homes. Said with a laugh and a grin. Happy eyes. They were best like that – his eyes. Ed joked that if I made one short joke, he'd kick me out.
"But it's so much fun to watch you explode." I retorted. He smirked at me.
"Whatever, Colonel Bastard."
The room suddenly felt cold. Edward didn't seem to notice. Steam from the tea on the coffee table wafted up to the ceiling. The sun bore through the window. It was 97 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I shouldn't have felt cold. But I pulled my military coat around me tighter and sat in the chair opposite Edward.
I can't remember what we talked about. As much as I try to, I can't remember. I remember the room becoming colder and colder until I started shaking. I remember Edward standing up, coming over and placing his flesh hand to my forehead, asking me if I felt all right.
I stuttered some kind of crap about being fine. He obviously didn't believe me.
"You don't have a fever, and you feel so cold. . . ."
At least it wasn't just me.
Ed got a blanket and gave it to me. I wrapped it around me, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it wouldn't do anything. He wrapped his flesh arm around me and tried to use his body heat to warm me. Somehow, it only made me feel colder.
I couldn't stop shaking or my teeth chattering. Maybe I should've left. Maybe I shouldn't have let Ed worry about me. Maybe I should've ended it right then. But as soon as Ed determinedly straddled my hips and hugged me tighter in an attempt to make me stop shaking – to warm me – I knew I couldn't do that to him – to me – because he was already in love – and I was falling hard.
I wish I hadn't looked in the corner of the room. She stood there, glaring at me, teeth bared. She would've been beautiful if she wasn't looking at me with such hatred. Long brown hair, soft skin. She somehow looked familiar, like I had seen her a long time ago, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
She was the one making the room – making me – feel so cold. But why was she there? Who was she?
And why was I the only one who seemed to see her?
Ed kissed my cheek – another attempt at warming me up – and, as though it were magic, some heat returned to my face. I relaxed into the heat, and Ed, encouraged, continued to leave kisses, first on my cheek, then on my forehead. Chin, mandible, nose. The warmth that was left after each kiss chased the cold away. When he kissed my lips, I greedily kissed him back, holding the back of his head, my fingers running through his blond hair. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, and as his heat engulfed me – warmed me – he moaned, subconsciously submitting to me. But Edward being Edward naturally remembered himself and attempted to fight for dominance.
Maybe next time, kid.
When we parted, I felt like I did before I entered the room. I smirked as I noticed the blush on his cheeks. Teased him a little with words and light caresses. Watched his face turn redder.
I glanced to the corner of the room again – and saw a glare that, had I not had Edward in my lap, would have chilled me to the bone all over again.
It was creepy, to say the least.
And she was always there. When Edward was with me – alone with me – she was always there. She'd appear out of no where, and would only disappear if Edward left or if someone else came in. The only exception to that was Alphonse.
When Al walked in – with Ed in my lap again, the multiple scenarios that might've been flying through Al's mind – she stayed. And, if anything, her glare softened into smugness. An actual smirk finally replaced that damned angry frown. I finally had a clue as to who she was. She was more familiar without the glare. Not entirely recognizable, because the only other time I had seen her she had been forever smiling, with happy eyes. But I could place where I'd seen her before. In a picture. In Al's possession. Back in Risembool. In a box that's hiding under Winry's work bench.
The woman was Ed's and Al's mother, Trisha Elric.
Even when Ed and Al started yelling at each other about me, I couldn't look away from her once I figured out who she was. She was dead. That was for certain. Had she not died, Ed wouldn't even have that automail arm, and he never would've been found by the military for his alchemic prowess.
I only looked away from her when Hawkeye came into the office and asked what the fuss was about. Al and Ed stumbled over words, unable to think of a good enough excuse. Hawkeye blinked at the expression on my face.
"Sir? Are you all right?" Hawkeye asked.
Ed and Al turned around. They hadn't noticed my attention hadn't been on either of them for the past few minutes.
"Ed, Al, Hawkeye, do any of you believe in ghosts?"
"No, sir," Hawkeye answered immediately.
"Of course I do," Al said, not understanding what that even had to do with the situation at hand. "I wouldn't be here if ghosts didn't exist."
"Exactly. . . . Colonel, is something wrong?" Ed said.
I let my eyes glance into the corner of the room again. Her glare was back. Her hateful, angry glare that haunted me every day, whether she was there or not. The impression her eyes would leave were the same as her son's.
There was no debating it. This was Trisha Elric. And she disapproved of me.
"Your mother, Ed. . . how protective was she of you?"
His eyebrows furrowed, confusion evident in his expression.
"What was she like when she was angry?" I added.
Al was the one who responded. "We never really saw what she was like when she was mad. She was a little strict, but we never did anything to make her angry. And we lived in a safe neighborhood. There wasn't really any need for her to be protective, so we don't really know. . . ."
"Why?" Ed asked.
I tore my eyes away from Trisha.
"Never mind."
Maybe I should've told them.
"It doesn't matter."
But I don't want to know what Ed's eyes would look like if I made him feel being with him made me uncomfortable.
Convincing Al I wasn't detrimental to Edward's health was difficult to do. He sat in on all the dates. Which still made me freezing, but when Edward is comfortable enough around you and loves you as much as he does me or Al, he tends to be clingy when no one else is around. Which makes the cold stay away. Much to Trisha's dismay. She never says anything. All she does it glare and frown. I've almost gotten used to her.
After a while, Al just threatened to rip my testicles off if I did anything to hurt Ed and let us be. I do believe he would go through with that threat.
The first time with Edward wasn't anything I had ever done before. Not only was it my first time with a male, but Trisha wouldn't go away even for that. For the most part, I ignored her. Her cold wasn't affecting me as long as Ed was against me, touching me.
But it was the closest she had ever come to me.
Her hands startled me when I saw them an inch from my neck. She didn't seem to be able to get them any closer. Her face was contorted with effort, frustration, and hatred, almost the exact opposite of her son's face. I tried to ignore her like I had been, but then she spoke.
She actually spoke.
"Leave – Edward – alone!" she cried, her voice sounding sorrowful. "Leave – Edward – alone!"
Ed couldn't hear her. He gave me a small smile and flipped us over, completely unaware of our one-person audience. Sweat rolled down his body, the only evidence I had of how hot it really was in July, in a small room with semi-working air conditioning. He didn't seem to mind as long as I was with him and kept him feeling good.
Trisha tried to strangle me again, but her hand came up short.
"LEAVE MY SON ALONE!"
I closed my eyes. Her screams didn't go away.
I wasn't going to be able to ignore this.
The phone ringing at that moment was a miracle. Hawkeye had no idea how she continuously saved my ass. I was able to give Ed a believable excuse to cut our alone-time short.
But Trisha no longer waited to confront me when Edward was with me.
She haunted me 24/7.
Her eyes bore into me, creeping me out and freezing me to the bone. She may not be able to strangle me, or touch me, but I really don't think she has to. This cold is going to kill me. I can't even make a flame anymore, I'm that cold. I can't do alchemy while I'm this cold, period.
That's why I'm lying on my bedroom floor, too cold to move. I'm going to freeze to death at this rate. Trisha glares down at me, unforgiving, unmerciful. Yet somehow, I can't blame her. Maybe my brain's shutting down. Or maybe it's because her eyes remind me so much of Ed's. And I could never blame Ed for ever having that look in his eyes – that hateful stare. There's a lot of things he deserves to be able to show. Hatred is certainly one of them.
"Colonel?" I hear Havoc's voice.
"Sir, you're five hours late for work." Hawkeye.
"You even here, Mustang?" Breda.
"Roy!" Edward, slipping up. His voice is dripping with concern.
"Colonel Mustang!" Fuery.
My bedroom door opens without warning. I can't see who it is; I'm trying too hard to curl up into a fetal position.
"Colonel! Guys, he's back here!" Falman. I manage out a chuckle. A stampede of footsteps echoes down the hallway. Falman touches my shoulder. "Colonel, are you all right? Good Lord, you're freezing!"
"N-n-nice o-o-of you t-t-t-to n-n-n-notice," I say through chattering teeth.
"Roy!"
Ed's already on top of me, grabbing my arms, feeling me shudder against him. Are – are those tears I feel dropping on my head?
"Oh my God!" Nice exclamation, Fuery.
"What the Hell?" It doesn't look that bad, Havoc.
"Who are you?" Hawkeye, the sound of a gun cocking accompanying her words. Okay, maybe it does look that bad. If they can see her, too. . . .
"T-T-Trisha," I gasp through my teeth. "E-E-Elric."
"Edward. . . ." Trisha's voice.
"What is going on?" Breda says. "Didn't she die?"
I hear Falman pulling out his gun and pointing it at Trisha. Edward tightens his hold on me.
"M-Mom?" Fear trembles in his voice.
"Don't worry, sweetie. . . He won't hurt you any more. . . ."
"What are you talking about!?"
"He can't hurt you if he's dead. . . ."
I smirk, in spite of myself. I smirk into Ed's red coat, even his automail arm feeling warmer than anything else in this room.
"He never hurt me, Mom! Why are you doing this?!"
"I-I-It's okay, E-Edward," I stumble over my words. My body won't stop shaking. "It's j-j-j-just her j-j-j-job t-t-t-to l-look after y-y-you. . . ." Even if the ultimate result is hurting you.
Painfully, I raise my head. I lock my gaze with his and take in whatever haunting expression he has. His eyes show me the betrayal and fear and pain and love he's feeling all in this one moment. Those eyes, so expressive, so mesmerizing . . .
So haunting . . . .
So beautiful.
I know I'm about to die when my body suddenly warms up. Warms up enough for me to say this one sentence properly, without a trace of a stutter.
"You have her eyes. I like them the best."
My last sensation is feeling his tears and lips on my face. After that, it's just me and Trisha. And I can't feel anything.
I love you, Edward Elric. I better not see you again for a long time.
