Not days ago, my sweet Bella had decided enough was enough. We were to be married, she shouted at me, to live together as one forever. She'd wanted to know why I'd insisted on breaking her heart time and again, always rejecting her when she had sacrificed everything she was brought up to believe to be my wife.
And it hurt, more than I was aware was possible.
Did she not understand that I didn't want to hurt her? That I loved her too much to lose her over desires of the flesh?
Of course, telling her this was apparently not in my best interest.
Her sweet face crumpled then, desperation spilling into her expression. And I couldn't stand it. I reached for her, trying to sooth her in some way because her pain was my pain, her heart was my heart.
But she turned away from me, showed me her back, and I was struck by the finality of it.
"I'm leaving," she said.
"Bella..."
"No Edward, just... just leave me alone. You don't want me, so leave me alone."
And she walked off, left my room, left my home, and drove off without another word.
To say I was stunned was an understatement. I was paralyzed, rooted to that very spot by the shock of rejection.
All I could think was that Bella had left me, and that there was the possibility she wouldn't be coming back.
My legs failed me, my knees hitting the steel-reinforced floor with a resounding thud.
We'd had this conversation so many times before... but never with this outcome.
I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see. My world had gone black and cold, and I was too frozen, too helpless to stop it.
Was this what she felt when I left her before? Was this what she felt each time I stopped her amorous advances?
How could she endure it? I was supposed to be indestructible, yet the vulnerability with which her words struck me wiped me clean of all my strength.
Before I knew what was happening, I had regained myself.
It had seemed to take hours, thousands of eternities even, but I had roused myself and was running to Bella's house as though I was running from the gallows.
I was in her room and through her window just as she opened the door. I did not pause; before she could protest, I was kissing her deeply, my hands digging into her hips as hard as I could without leaving a bruise.
My was relentless in my pursuit to taste her, to pour every ounce my desperation, desire, and need for her from my mouth to hers. I was soothed somewhat, only when she responded in kind, her hands in my hair, her legs wrapping around my waist.
Suddenly, there were too many obstacles between us, too many physical barriers. I wanted to touch her everywhere, to feel all of her warm skin against mine. And in that moment, the raging desire for her blood spiked.
I reveled in it, letting it spike my lust for her body that much more, letting myself go so that I could finally give all of myself to pleasing life's love.
I don't remember who threw whose clothes where, or even how they got off so fast. I only remember the sweet, heady taste of her skin, her breasts, her nipples... God... her core.
I had tasted her blood only once, and even it could not compare to her nectar, the flow of which I had created.
And then, before I realized it, I was kissing her again and preparing to enter her body for the first time.
I could tell it hurt her at first... I was her first, and I would be her last.
To make love to Bella was the ultimate in joy, in sensation, in utter and total bliss. It is truly indescribable, and unreasonably addicting. For I did not let her sleep for very long that night.
When she did sleep, I was still inside her, unable to bring myself to disconnect, to sever the bond we had created.
I found myself like a man driven wild by ambrosia; the need for more was never far away.
I understood now what it was my brothers and sisters experienced, what my mother and father experienced. Because Bella was truly my mate now, completely and totally mine as I was hers. This... this joining, this coupling between us was much more important, much more monumental, it seemed, than the marriage that I had desperately wanted.
Of course, I never actually realized that the addiction, the desperation would carry over for such a long period of time. I suppose I should have realized I was addicted to all things Bella, and a thing so new and so beautiful between us as our blossoming physical relationship would have it's price.
I was quivering again...
It isn't the sort of word most men would describe the physical results of their desire but, well, there it was. My hands were shaking, and my body was quivering.
It had been happening more often lately, the feeling so intense that I've had to excuse myself from classrooms full of helpless children on several occasions this very day. I could tell others were noticing as well, which was not good. But it could not be helped... I could not seem to get a handle on myself, despite years of practice and control.
I just... I had to be near her.
More so now than ever, ever before. It hurt not to be touching her in some way, to see her face, smell her scent. It was agony, absolute and complete.
And the jealousy... I very nearly snapped Newton's neck not five minutes ago. As it was, I had him pinned against the lockers in the hallway, where I slammed his body for the smallest flicker of his eyes toward Bella.
I was enraged, to the point of actually letting loose a feral, animalistic growl.
If it were not for Bella, the little twit would be without his head.
She had placed her hands on my shoulders, rubbing my back, daring the beast that begged for her blood.
I instantly dropped Newton's body, spun to face my mate, still growling. She was in my arms in exactly the same moment, and we were in my car the next.
I had her pressed against the steering wheel, her body straddling mine as a buried my face in her neck, inhaling her glorious scent, trying to calm myself and failing miserably.
"Mine," I growled. And Bella, brave, sweet, wonderful Bella, she knew. She seemed to sense what I needed, seemed to instinctively know what would cool my sudden possessive nature.
Because now... now I was inside her again. Where I had been dying to be all the while.