Once upon a time, there was a boy named Harry Potter.

Harry was quite famous, but he didn't know it yet. See, he was living with some nasty people named the Dursleys.

Harry thought that the Dursleys should make lunch meat ads for a living.

Dudley, the Dursley's son, agreed. He was quite fond of lunchmeat. In fact, he was quite fond of everything edible.

So, if destiny was to run it's course, Harry would have recieved a letter to a magical school called Hogwarts and become the savior of the world as we know it. But it was not to be, because one afternoon he had an unexpected visitor.

"Cedric Diggory!" Harry said happily as the hansome Hufflepuff cum Vampire stood awkwardly on his doorstep.

"Hey, how do you know who I am?" Cedric said accusingly. "The first book hasn't even started yet, and you're not even supposed to meet me until book three!"

"I have magical powers?" Harry asked jokingly.

"Well, yes, that's a given." Cedric said in exasperation. "Ah, well, I'll just have to take you to Forks, Washington and make Emmett explain everything to you."

"Emmett?" Harry said in confusion. "Who's he? You don't know anybody named Cedric! Just Cho Chang, who's your girlfriend I steal from you after you get killed by my archnemesis!"

"You stole Cho!?" Cedric said in indignation, then stopped himself. "Ah, well, that doesn't matter, because I have Bella now!"

"How do have ANOTHER girlfriend?" Harry said petulantly. I, I mean, Cedric had gotten bored of writing, er, talking to a ten year old, so he had made Harry fourteen when Mr Dursley wasn't watching. Somehow, not sure how exactly...

"Look, the truth of it is I'm not dead, I'm UNDEAD and I'm taking you to Washington so you can be a guest at our vampire party. And cause you'll bug Jacob and I love bugging Jacob."

"Whatever." Harry whined, and next thing he knew he was on a plane.

"Come on!" he said as he used the airsickness bag. "You're a vampire and I'm a wizard, and yet the fastest mode of transportation is STILL a jet??"

"Of course not!" Cedward said smugly. "That would be ridiculous. No, I just like humans suffering when we go through turbulence."

"I hate you." Harry said bitterly.

"That's okay!" The Handsome Hufflepuff said haughtily. "I hate you too. You stole my girlfriend!"