Juvenile Misadventures

Chapter one

"Breakfast is a hotpot of misunderstandings."

Sakata Residence:

"Mama! I think Tokuyou-Nii is dead!" A cute, red-eyed, blonde girl yelled down the stairs.

"Just nudge him a bit with something. I'm sure he'll come back to life then!" Her Father yelled back, from his chair at the dinning table.

He immediately received a kunai to the forehead.

"What kind of advice is that, Gintoki!?" His angry wife, Tsukuyo growled, then, to her daughter, she shouted, "Rie, just gently wake him again, your brother is just pretending to be dead!"

With this, little Rie entered her big brother's room again, and, taking into consideration both of her parents' adivice, proceeded to gently nudge her sleeping sibling with his own practice bokuto.

"Tokuyou-Nii, wake up! Kanna-chan is here!" She screamed into his ear as she aimed a poke right into his belly.

The poor boy instantly got up yelling obscenities that, downstairs, got his father embedded with multiple Kunai.

"Yay, you're awake!" Rie chirped, looking very pleased with herself.

Tokuyou looked at her with bulging violet eyes.

"K-Kanna-chan i-is here?!" He screamed, "I-I got to prepare! Stall her for me will ya, Rie?!"

He then proceeded to try and tame his messy white hair with one hand, and wipe at his facial drool with the other.

Rie watched him for a bit before speaking up, "Actually Nii, I just said that to get you to wake up. Why would Kanna be here this early in the morning?"

Tokuyou stopped his futile attempts to clean up his looks, and gave her a look.

"Geez, Rie! Why didn't you tell me earlier?" He growled at his little sister.

"Hurry up and come down, you two!" Tsukuyo yelled.

"Yeah, or else Papa's gonna put some weird stuff into your food!" Gintoki added.

The two kids rushed down the stairs.

"Why's your face all red?" Gintoki asked his son when he sat down, "Did Rie catch you doing something embarrassing in bed? Oi Oi Oi, you're too young to be doing that already. Geez, Kids these days."

Tokuyou's complexion immediately turned even redder.

"What the hell are you talking about, old man!?" He growled, "Rie just tricked me into rubbing at my face, that's why its red!"

In the middle of shoveling extra syrupy pancakes into his mouth, Gintoki replied, "Sure sure, whatever you say kid."

"Yeah, Papa. Nii was doing something really embarrassing in his bed! He even stained the pillow." Rie chimed in, smiling innocently.

In an instant, The rest of her family's faces darkened.

"R-Rie, y-you know about that kind of stuff already?!" Gintoki blubbered, looking at his daughter with horror on his face.

Meanwhile, next to him, Tsukuyo started questioning their parenting, "I-I t-thought with two of us, w-we wouldn't mess up, s-so why, w-why does my six year old know such things? Gintoki what did we do wrong?!" She cried to her husband.

Gintoki, whom was sweating profusely, attempted to calm her down, "H-Hey, don't jump to conclusions just yet. We tried our best didn't we? S-stuff like this is bound to happen with the rubbish they show on the media."

Tokuyou, on the other hand, was just drowning in despair, from the assumptions his parents were making of his activities in bed.

With a deep breath, the boy slammed his hands onto the table.

"WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE THINKING, I WASN'T DOING IT!" He yelled.

His parents stopped their freak out and stared at him.

Rie blinked at her brother as well.

"Yes you did," She told him, "You definitely drooled in your sleep and you got it all over your pillow."

It took a while for her parents to process this information.

When they did, the two heroes that participated in the war to save earth, deflated with utter relief, at the reassurance that their little girl's innocence was still intact.

"Um," Gintoki began, after a while of awkward silence, "Let's just shut up and eat, shall we?"

"Agreed." Tsukuyo and Tokuyou chorused.

Rie, still smiling, continued to eat her breakfast with glee.

Okita Residence:

While their friends were having a crisis over at their house, The Okitas were having a relatively pleasant meal at their own home.

"Oi Kanna, slow down, you're gonna choke." Sougo berated his daughter, whom not only inherited her mother's hair color and blue eyes, she also had her mother's appetite.

In fact, unfortunately, for his bank account, all of his children had inherited it.

"But Papi, It's sooo good!" Kanna exclaimed, stretching her small arms to show just how delicious the food was.

Sougo smirked and looked at his wife, "Ya heard that? Looks like you've mastered scrambled eggs."

"Hah! Of course I would." Kagura replied proudly, "Eat as much as you want kids, I made plenty!" she told her children, whom all immediately increased their eating speed.

Sougo sighed while watching them literally suck in their food like a vacuum, "This is why we both had to learn the choking safety procedure."

Kagura giggled and playfully slapped at her Husband's arm.

"Mami, Can I go hang out with Kenji later?" Hikaru, the second youngest after Kanna, suddenly asked.

He, unlike his two other siblings, had his father's hair color, but his mother's eyes.

"What? But I'm hanging out with Kenji later!" Kou, the eldest, whom possessed his mother's hair color, with his father's eyes, exclaimed.

"Yeah right! He said he was going to show me the new sword he got!" Hikaru argued.

Now slightly mad, Kou abruptly got up from his seat and leaned in closer to his brother, "He's showing his sword to me!"

The two looked just about ready to fight, when Sougo interceded, by shoving an arm between them.

"That's enough, both of you sit back down." he ordered.

The two boys glared at each other for a bit, but took their seats after seeing what a real glare looked like, courtesy of their father.

Sougo let out a sigh, "Honestly, I'd be happier if you guys were fighting over a girl, and if your argument did not involve who gets to see Kenji's sword." saying the last word with air quotes.

This earned him a poke from Kagura, in the ribs.

"Get your head out of the gutter will ya?" She muttered.

"Yeah yeah. Still, maybe its best that they both don't go." Sougo said to his wife.

"But I wanna go see Kenji's sword!" Hikaru immediately protested.

"Yeah! Its supposed to be a huge sword!" Kou added, "As big as his dad's!"

At this, Kanna's eyes widened with awe, "I wanna see Kenji's sword too!" she squealed.

"No!" Sougo immediately yelled at his daughter, he pointed a shaky finger at her, "You're definitely not gonna see ANY swords until you're thirty, or when I'm dead and can haunt the basta-" he blabbered, before getting smacked at the back of the head by his wife.

"Get a hold of yourself!" She growled.

After shutting up her husband, she turned her attention to her kids.

With one look, she had them all back, sitting properly in their chairs.

"Now," She began, "Kou, Hikaru, both of you can go over to Anego's and see Kenji's sword."

"Yay!" the two boys cheered.

Kagura gave them another look, and they quieted down.

"So Hikaru, you can go after breakfast, and Kou you go fetch him for lunch and when that's over, it's your turn to see Ke-"

"Or they could just go at the same time. They're all friends anyway." Sougo interrupted, looking pouty from being scolded by his wife.

His two son's gave him bewildered looks, "Oh right!" They chorused, "We should just go together!"

Sougo made a face at their lack of thinking.

"Hmp! They obviously inherited your rigid thought capacity." Kagura told him.

"Says the one who didn't think about sending them together, in the first place." Sougo retorted, making his wife's eye twitch.

"Okay, after breakfast we'll go." Kou declared.

"Yeah!" Hikaru let out in agreement.

"Oi, just make sure he shows you his sword in a public setting and, if possible, with his mother around." Sougo warned.

"It's a friggin sword!" Kagura yelled at him.

He turned to her with a dead pan expression, "Hey, last time I said I'd show you my sword, we had him." Sougo said, pointing at Kou.

The boy, obliviously, blinked at his parents, as his mother threw the whole plate of eggs, into his father's face.

Isao Residence:

"Kenji-kun, put down the sword and come eat breakfast." Otae called to her son.

The bespectacled boy looked at her, "But Haha-ue, Kou and Hikaru are coming over later to see it. It's gotta be extra shiny when they come."

Kondo chuckled, "Showing off your new sword already, huh?"

His son smiled back at him, "Thanks again, Chichi-ue! I'm the first one of all my friends to get an adult-sized katana."

"Well you're capable enough to wield it already so why not?" Kondo replied, looking proud.

"As long as you be careful." Otae added.

The couple settled themselves around the dining table.

"Kenji-kun, c'mon now, you can do that later." Otae chided.

Her son put his sword away and joined them for breakfast.

"Eat up before it gets cold." his mother told him.

To his relief, he found normal food at the table today.

"Chichi-ue, you cooked today?" Kenji asked, looking at Kondo like he was his savior.

Kondo bashfully nodded, ruffling his son's reddish brown hair.

"I thought I'd give your mother a break today, since its my day off, I had time to cook."

Otae lovingly patted her husband's hand.

"I appreciate it." she told him, sweetly.

Me too! Kenji thought to himself as he dug in.

Summer vacation had been somewhat of a roller coaster ride since it meant being home all the time.

In other words, he couldn't avoid his mother's deadly cooking as much as he did, back when he went to school.

Thankfully, there were days like this one that his father stepped in to make an edible meal.

"It's your day off? But it's a Tuesday though, don't you usually have a break on Sundays?" Otae asked her husband.

"Ah well today Old man Matsudaira is doing his annual, 'Take Over' day, where he takes command of one of the many different police departments. I was lucky that this year, he picked the Shinsengumi." Kondo explained.

"Oh that's great, you get to be home all day!" Otae exclaimed, smiling.

Kondo immediately turned red with glee at his wife's apparent happiness over his presence.

"Right? We can finally spend time together and just laze aro-"

"So the roof needs fixing, the sink needs to be checked because it's been draining slowly, the guest bedrooms need new curtains, the tatami in the living room needs to be patched up and since you offered, you're going to be cooking the rest of the meals today as well, right?" Otae interrupted, still with a smile on her face, though this one definitely had a more dangerous aura.

"A-ah of course, Honey! I-I'll do all that today! O-Of course!" Kondo replied, his eyes visibly getting teary as his dreams of spending a lazy day with his wife in bed, shattered to pieces.

Otae placed a kiss on his cheek, "Thank you, dear."

This cheered the Chief of the Shinsengumi a bit, "I'll get right onto those after breakfast. Actually, I already bought the replacement tatami last week!"

Kenji, who had been watching his parents; whole exchange, while stuffing his face with the good food he'd been missing, joined in on the conversation.

"Oh, Chichi-ue, is that why you were at the hardware store at Kabuki-cho last week?" Kenji asked.

Kondos face immediately darkened.

The dangerous smile was back on Otae's face, "The hardware store at Kabuki-cho? The one with the cashier girl that your father called pretty before?"

This time, Kenji's face also darkened.

Did he just dig his father's grave?

"A-ah, eh! Ah M-my memory must be wrong. I think it was a different store and n-not in Kabuki-cho!" He attempted to explain.

"No no, you definitely said it was the one at kabiki-cho. Which, I know by the way, does NOT sell tatami mats." Otae said, then, grabbing her husbands arm tightly, she turned her killer smile onto him, "So, tell me dear, what were you doing at the hardware store that didn't have tatami mats but has a pretty cashier girl?"

Kondo tried to blink away the tears that came from the pain of his wife's grip, "W-wait wait wait, Honey! You've got the wrong idea!" he protested.

With a roar, Otae threw Kondo over her shoulder and put him in a wrestling hold.

"How dare you cheat on me, damn gorilla!?" She growled.

"Haha-ue, s-stop!" Kenji cried, looking scared for his life as well.

"Kenji," Otae began, her voice deep with demonic anger.

"Y-yes!?" Kenji squeaked.

His mother held out her free hand to him, "Your sword, let me borrow it for a bit."

"GYAAAH DON'T GIVE HER THE SWORD, KENJI!" Kondo wailed.

"Shut up you cheater!" Otae yelled at him, she waved her empty hand impatiently at Kenji for the sword.

"Like I said, you got it all wrong, Otae-san!" Kondo pleaded, "I didn't go to the hardware store to cheat on you, I'd never do that!"

But his wife wasn't hearing any of it, with a glare from his mother, Kenji finally handed over his sword and prepared himself to be a single-parent child.

"Wait!" Kondo yelled as Otae unsheathed the katana.

"After I fell in love wih you, even though you were an annoying stalker, how could you betray me like this, Kondo-san!?" Otae wailed as she lifted the sword for the strike.

In one last desperate attempt, Kondo spilled the beans, "I DIDN'T GO TO THE DEPARTMENT STORE FOR THE AVERAGE LOOKING CASHIER GIRL, COMPARED TO YOU! I WENT THERE TO BUY YOU A PRESENT!"

Otae paused her hand.

She blinked for a few seconds at Kondo.

"A present?" Otae squealed, her normal smile back on her face, "Oh let me see it!"

She released her husband from the hold and the poor guy plopped to the ground with relief and exhaustion.

"I-I hid it in the loose tatami over at that corner." Kondo told his wife, in between breaths.

Otae, in a good mood again, shuffled over to the mentioned corner and lifted the tatami there.

She gasped before taking out something big from underneath the mat.

"An Autocooker?" Otae exclaimed, looking at her husband.

"Y-yeah, Don't get me wrong! I l-love your cooking!" Kondo told her, "Righ, kenji?"

"Y-yeah! You always feed us great stuff, Haha-ue!" Kenji replied, assisting his father.

"It's just, I know you get tired from work a lot and you also have to cook at home, so I thought I'd get you something that'd make it easier and less tiring for you." Kondo continued.

Kenji stepped forward and took the Auto-cooker from his mother.

"Yeah Haha-ue. I heard a lot of mothers use this now as well. You basically just prepare the ingredients, like peeling and cleaning, but after that you can just put them all into this chute here, and, after entering your recipe into the machine data, it will cut, chop, season and cook everything for you!" He explained to his mother.

He had to hand it to his dad, this was a genius idea to prevent them from eating dark matter ever again.

"Oh I love it! Thank you, dear!" Otae exclaimed, giving her husband a kiss, "I didn't know such a convenient item existed!"

"R-right?" Kondo and Kenji chorused, "Very convenient!"

Goodbye, Dark matter, they both thought.

The Streets of Edo:

"Your mother almost killed your father this morning, as well!?" Hikaru exclaimed in disbelief.

Kenji nodded, his face turning green just from the memories.

Kou chuckled, "Our parents are really outrageous huh?"

"I wish they were normal sometimes." Hikaru muttered.

"Normal is boring." Kou scoffed.

They began to squabble.

Kenji sighed, not again.

"Yo! It's you guys!" A familiar voice called.

The Sakata siblings, along with Kanna, came up behind them.

Without a word, Kanna reached her hands into the dust cloud that contained her fighting brothers, and pulled both of them away from each other by the ear.

"Good job, Kana-chan!" Rie cheered.

Ignoring them, Gintoki's eldest made his way towards Kondo's and draped an arm over the boy's shoulders.

"Oi," he began, "Why didn't you invite me over to see your sword?" Tokuyou complained to Kenji.

"Sorry, To-kun. It was just a spur of the moment plan when Hikaru, Kou and I were hanging out yesterday. I didn't have time to call you or ask your parents' permission." Kenji apologized, fixing his glasses after Tokuyou's movements had dislodged them.

"Where'd you hear about it anyway?" Kou asked while rubbing at his ear.

"Kanna-chan told us." Rie replied for her brother, "She was really bummed because you two didn't take her with you."

To show just how disappointed she was to her brothers, Kanna proceeded to avoid looking at them.

Hikaru patted his sister's head, "Sorry Kanna, but you know dad banned you from seeing swords until you're thirty...or something like that." he said, faltering at the end.

The little girl stomped her foot on the ground, "I don't even know what he means by that, I want to see swords!"

At that moment, Gintoki was passing by with Kagura, on a job.

The silver-haired man stared at his foster daughter's child.

"Oi, did you hear that? she wants to see swords already." He told Kagura, "You gonna do something about that or do I have to stop my Rie from hanging out with your kid?"

This earned him an instant punch from the yato.

"Like I said to my idiot husband, Its just a sword!" Kagura screamed.

The kids looked on with grimaces on their faces.

"I think my mom just killed your dad." Hikaru said to Tokuyou.

The boy shrugged, "What's new?"

First chapter done, sorry if the kids were children of ships that you don't ship.

Concerning the children's names:

GinTsu: Rie is derived from Kagura's voice actress since Kagura is like a daughter to Gin already. Plus it means 'blessing' which is what little Rie is to her parents.

Tokuyou came from the mixture of Tokugawa and Shoyou, which were important people and impactful deaths to Gintoki. Plus it sounds a lot like Tokyo, which is what Edo later became after some time.

Okikagu: Kanna is from the actress that played Kagura in the live action, as well as the fact it begins with K, in accordance to how Kouka and Umibozu named their kids. Plus, just imagine how cute it sounds with Sougo and Kagura's voice calling out to their daughter 'Kanna-chan'

Kou's name is a tribute to Kouka but also to Mitsuba since Mitsu in her name means light and the Kanji I chose for Kou also means light.

Hikaru, just like Kamui and Kagura, whom share a kanji with each other in their name, he also has the same kanji as Kou, meaning light , as another tribute to his aunt Mitsuba.

KonTae: let's be honest, Otae would have ALL the say when it comes to naming their kid. Kenji is derived from the mixture of Ken(Otae's father) and Hajime(Hajime Obi, someone that also meant a lot to Otae), hence Kenji, plus it can mean 'sacred sword' which relates to Kondo as well.

Anyway, if there are anymore kids you want me to add to this, that belongs to people that weren't already mentioned here, go ahead, suggestions are welcome.

Til next chapter~