My first little Death Note fic ^^ I know it seems like it can be interpretted very broadly, but there is a method to the madness. I wrote this for my creative writing class so I thought of the specific characters while writing, but didn't peg down any incredibly concrete details so it could be taken either as a fanfiction or a really good story. I went with the M rating for the references to suicide, S&M, and mild sexual references. I thought the subtletes would be better understood by a more mature audience... Anyhow, hope everyone enjoys ^^
Look at me
Look at me. Maybe you'll find something that wasn't there before, or you may find the same old thing. Just look at me. It bothers me so that now you won't allow our eyes to meet, and a fissure seems to be forming between us. Why can't we go back to how things were? What happened that made me seem a repulsive monster when once I was a butterfly? Now that you seem so distant from me I just want to disappear and live in pretty delusions of the past.
Please look at me. I feel like the walls are closing in around me, ready to crush my life away. This place used to be a paradise, but now it feels like a prison. I'm the inmate locked in my cell, and you are the guard whose only purpose is to make my life hell on Earth. Where happiness once permeated the very air now there is only perfect misery. It makes me want to throw myself off the bell tower at times, but in my cowardly heart I can't bring myself to do it. I can't stop thinking that if I did you might want me back after I'm gone.
I'm begging you to look at me. I will grovel like a pitiful slave at your feet if it means you'll take me back. At this point I'm not above begging anymore. I need you so badly that it physically hurts. Every morning when I wake up and think of you I feel so sick that I can hardly stand it. If this will be my life from now on… well no one would want to live it.
I'm glad you won't look at me. I'm a masochist and you are my sadist. The more you avoid my gaze, the more you abuse my love, the more you make me hurt, the more I like it. I've become a lover of punishment. When I cut my hand on that jelly jar and the blood came out I felt alive again. If only you could hurt me like that Smucker's jar did. Now that you've made me sick I want you to make me bleed. Then my pretty picture will be complete.
Why are you looking at me? What's the pity I see in your eyes? Don't look at my bandaged wrists. Don't look at me. I fell and broke so don't glue me together and put me back on the pedestal. If I fall again all the glue in the house won't fix me. It's best just to leave me like this. Please don't try to help.
I'm confused now that you look at me. Why am I beside you again? I don't understand any of this. God, what's wrong with me? I want you. I want this. I don't want to hurt anymore. Your comfort is all that I want now.
Don't stop looking at me. Life is sweet once more. You are my limelight once again. The paradise I'd forgotten has returned. Love me. Love me like you did before. Spend every night, every morning, every day in my company. Please don't leave me again. At this point, as the glue dries, I'm not entirely sure what I'd do if I broke again.
AN: Boy, I love this story! So short and yet it packs a big punch XD I hope everyone enjoyed and I hope that I was able to peg down what I was going for while keeping the prose as vague as possible. If you've got an opinion or critisism tell me what ya think! I coould always use the opinions of my fellow authors! Thanks for reading everyone!