Have you ever wondered if life would ever get better.
Sitting there night after night on the stone cold floor, thinking if your ever going to be able to be human ever again.
I have. The nights grow longer and run together like a movie. My soul and meaning for life is gone. Ripped from my reach and placed into an incinerator and burned to ashes. Never will I be able to see him again.
My book lay open on the floor in front of me. Only two pages of the book had been filled. Those two pages mark the time without Edward. Funny how the time seems so much longer when you suffer through them. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my frail arms around them. A distant knock came from the door. I sat there still, hoping that maybe it was him.
"Bella, Dr. Snow is here" Charlie said quietly from the outside of my room.
I froze as I felt the wind rustle past me as the door opened.
I felt two hands on my shoulders. I recoiled and looked up. The hands I wanted to feel were as cold as ice, these hands were far too warm to be them. I slid away from Dr Snow.
"Isabella, I need you to talk to me here okay" His voice was calm and soothing, But wasn't the voice of velvet, even when his voice was hoarse, it was a thousand times smother than the voice that just spoke to me.
I slide further away.
"I am not going to hurt you okay. I just want to talk to you. Have you eaten or drunk anything in the last two days?" He slowly lowered himself onto my bed.
"Do not sit there" I hissed venomously.
His eyes widened.
"Bella, be nice." My Father growled.
"You have no right in being here, you do not come and sit were you please" My voice was icy cool and dripped with acid. They were simple but firmly placed words, I didn't have to even raise it.
Dr. Snow got up automatically as if the bed were going to eat him.
"Well in that case, I will leave you to it." He glided across the room and shut the door with a click.
I sat there listening to Charlie and Snow.
"She hasn't said a thing and missed the last two, well three days of school. It isn't normal. What am I supposed to do? I can't go to work knowing about the pain that my daughter is going through." I heard Charlies voice float up the stairs.
"I think that you should seek professional help, like a shrink." Dr Snows voice sounded disappointed.
"I f she wont talk to you, then what do you think a shrink would do?" Charlie hissed the words.
"I am out of my league here Chief Swan, im only a doctor. Im sorry but I have an appointment in ten minutes. If you don't mind" I heard the front door open and close.
I let my head slump onto my knees. Slowly my mind began to think of happier times.
The only times that I could think of me being happy in, the ones that cause the most pain. The tears began to leak down my cheek and pool on the floor. The wind was Arctic outside, but I left the window open. To show how much I cared. Night after night I sat there staring at the darkness outside, waiting for the pale angel to return. To take me in his cold arms and press his icy lips to mine. To feel and smell his sweet, cold breathe. The dream shattered by a simple paper cut only a mere Week ago. Now the memory seems so much more distant, like a memory from a year ago. My body was shaking and my teeth chattered, I let my body snake to the floor, were I lay for the rest of the night. Curled up into a useless sobbing ball, I felt even more helpless than before.
The morning dawned and I felt the unusually warm sun on my back. I groaned and attempted to unstick my eyes. The time showed that it was only 7am. I felt weak and useless as I sat up I glanced at the sun that was beating down. I felt the tears begin to pool in m eyes.
"No, I am not going to shed another tear for you" I whispered to myself. I stood up and walked to the bathroom.
I looked into the mirror. I was wasting away, my skin was sallow and was washed of all colour. I sneered at the pathetic thing in front of me. I turned on the water and let it reach scalding before hoping in.
I walked back into my room and began to get dressed. As I did I saw a stack of CD's, I laughed Hysterically. Picking up the top one i put it into my stereo. The hard rock let my mind slide away. The beat of the drums and the screaming of the singer helped my outlook on the day. I heard footsteps climbing the stairs, evidentially cautious.
"Bella"
i opened my door and plastered on a happy face.
"Yes dad" I answered a little too enthusiastically, I mentally noted that I had to tone certain things up or down just a bit.
"Are you alright" His eyebrows were furrowed.
"Yeah, why Is that"
"Oh no reason, well.. Um I have to go to work, so if you need anything?" He trailed of.
"Sure" he shuffled away glancing back a few times.
With my head on straight I was ready for the REAL world. I squared my shoulders and shut my mind from anything that would remind me of him. I didn't bother with my truck, I would walk, it was early enough for me to do so. The bell rang just as I walked through the gate, I smiled wryly at my luck.
A few strange glances were thrown my way, I ignored them all and kept up pace.
"Bella" a voice sounded from behind. Mike's.
"Oh hello Mike"
"So um, I thought you moved out of state" His eyes were trained on the floor.
"Nope, who told you that" now I was concerned.
"Oh um." He was looking around frantically. "If you would excuse me" He pointed at Jess.
Mike pretty much ran to her and before I could turn I felt her Brown eyes rest upon me.
"Is that really her" I heard her questioning Mike.
"Isabella" My name rolled of her tongue awkwardly.
"Hi jess" I waved to her as I walked through the thinning crowd.
"Well isn't this a surprise. Chief Swan had told us that you moved back to Jacksonville."
"Okay then, no I am here. I should think so." I laughed nervously and added "Well I better go" I pushed past them.
Home room lasted ten minutes and was followed by trigonometry. I groaned inwardly.
Mr Hathaway questioned me of my presence. Miss Genome questioned me about my homework that I wasn't here to hand in.
And the endless amount of people that questioned me of the Cullen disappearance.
"Oh look who decided to turn up" Lauren sneered at me,
"So Cullen gave you the flick and you end up with Mummy in Jacksonville and then you turn up as happy as a peach" her voice was raspy.
"What could the story possibly be?" Her sarcasm was wearing me thin.
The person that I used to be was lost in my sentence.
"Simply that Dr Cullen was offered a Job in Florida and accepted it. I wasn't in Jacksonville I was helping Alice with all her clothes. Speaking of Alice, would you like to tell me who your inspiration was for the new hair-do?" A cocked an eyebrow up and smirked.
Her usually long Blonde hair was now very short, and styled so that it stuck up in an artless expression. Alice's hair however was naturally like that so no imitation could pull of the look.
Lauren gaped at me as I passed her and winked.
Wow today was definitely a turning point.
I was glad the day was over, however I wasn't to glad that I was free now to think as much as I wanted. So once again I curled myself under the douner I watched the stars twinkle in the black night sky. I just lay there not one tear escaped my eye. Then the exhaustion finally pulled me under and I was asleep.
Friday was marked my second day of being a human. I ate an apple on my walk to school, I quite liked how the sun was sitting, the wind fanned across my face and the leaves crunched beneath my feet. Today I decided to give the school a new topic, how much I had changed. I was no longer the clumsy, shy girl in the back of the class. I was wearing an outfit that accentuated my brown eyes and my lack of curves. The jeans were tight and the Top I wore was gold and off set my deathly pale looking skin. My eyes were rimmed with a fine marking of eye liner and lip gloss glistened on my lips. I walked faster and didn't even trip once. I was sitting on the bench tables when I heard the bell ring.
"Showtime" I muttered.
I had no idea where I had gotten all the confidence from. But it was alarming when it came to gym and I was actually able to play without being a risk to neither myself nor others.
"Bella. You look absolutely gorgeous" Mike pointed out on our way back to the lunch table.
"Thanks." I smiled sweetly.
The tension in the air was almost tangible.
The faces of all the people surrounding the table, were downcast.
Jess looked up from contemplating her carrot sticks.
A slight smile.
"Okay, what the hell is going on" i asked with a tone of panic.