A/N: So, yeah. My first fanfic posted here! Please be gentle and keep in mind that this is all in good fun, yeah? ^.^ Feel free to concrit me to oblivion, though! And send in pairing ideas!! I promise they'll be used eventually, or at least hinted at, no matter how crazy! Now, on with the show!

Zhen Ji knew, in her heart of hearts, that there had to be a logical reason as to why her husband was barefoot, missing his shirt and tied to a column with purple ribbons. There had to be. She hoped.

"My love... Explain." Her words came out a little bit too harshly, she knew. Cao Pi frowned.

"Untie me first, my sweet."

"I think you should satisfy my curiosity." She was doing her best to not jump to conclusions, really.

"Well, I just ... I ... It's Sima Yi's fault." It always was.

"Oh, really?" She had heard rumors.

"Really," a pause, "Not that sort of really."

Zhen Ji had been about to argue about what sort of really was really real when she noticed a flicker of purple silk out of the corner of her eye. Sure enough, Sima Yi soon materialized from behind another column, smirking wickedly.

"Milord, you shall have to grow better at dodging questions, and quickly. Also, the Wu ambassadors I had told you of are coming."

"What?!"

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Sun Shang Xiang was sure her life could get no worse. Arranged marriages were bad enough. Arranged marriages to one's enemy to secure alliances were worse. Being sent off to Wei because somewhere someone's plotting went wrong put her in a mood to strangle puppies. However, someone foresaw that and had trapped her, unarmed, in an elegant dress and too-tight shoes in a carriage that was moving at a surprising speed northward. She sighed and went back to messing with the shoes; she would figure out how to take them off by the time she arrived in Wei.

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"WHAT?!" Ji was vaguely surprised that her voice could go that loud.

"I just explained. Now, milord, you ought to get dressed, at least for the ceremony."

Oh, how she despised Sima Yi at that moment – his schemes, his smirking face, the way his gaze lingered a moment longer than anyone was comfortable with, the way his backup plans had backup plans, and the way he seemed to spare a halfway-honest smile for her alone... Ji quickly shook that thought from her head. She was angry, no, furious.

"Do I need another idiot girl running around trying to steal away my husband's attention?" Ji snarled, getting in the strategist's face as much as she dared.

"Believe me, milady, you will have no trouble keeping his ... attention ..."

"Just. Shut. Up."

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Shang's battle with her shoes was rudely interrupted by the carriage jolting to a stop and a rather apologetic-looking guard who wore blue, mumbled something inaudible, and bowed too much as he escorted her toward the elaborate hall where the wedding was to take place.

"If it would please milady to follow milady's humble servant...?" It wouldn't. It would please 'milady', Shang thought, if she could drive a stake through the 'humble servant' and the cold-eyed man awaiting her by the altar. In fact, that lovely thought process was what kept her from snapping and physically harming someone during the wedding ceremony itself.

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"But she-!"

"There is no beauty in panic. She will not steal him any more than anyone else has stolen him. Although actually..."

"Junyi! You're not helping!"

"Just saying-"

"Don't say it!"

"You're as bad as he is."

"Who?"

"Your husband." A moment of silence greeted that pronouncement.

"I hate you."

"You cheated on him, too."

"Well, I-!"

"You slept with his brother."

"He was hot."

"I'm not denying that."

"Should I hate you again?"

"It is not beautiful to hate..."

"I hate you."