Tamah: This idea came out of nowhere, really.
Introduction:
This is a collection of parody stories starring one of my original role play characters, a missing ninja named Nariko. Each chapter explores a popular/cliche idea, like "OMG THE AKATSUKI TURNED INTO CATS!1" (God I hate that so much.) Since I really have no updating schedule for anything at all, (I should probably work on that) this is no exception.
Each chapter has a moral. Because everything has a moral. Or a life lesson. (geddit? hur.)
So yeah.
Enjoy.
Lesson One: Kittens
Her name was Seru Nariko. She had long (used to be pure white, but thanks to malnutrition, it was now yellowish) white hair tied up in a bun, and blue eyes that used to sparkle with life. She was a rouge ninja from the Land of Lightning, a wandering mercenary for hire. She left her home to avoid the responsibility of being the heir to her clan. She thought leaving home and becoming a wanderer would be fun when she was fifteen.
Over four hellish years, she realized that it wasn't. It was the stupidest decision ever.
So. She was walking through some no-name village, looking for someone who needed someone else dead. She really didn't care who she had to kill, people had her kill their own children for money. Such was the fantastic life of an S-ranked mercenary. Fun times! Glamorous glitz!
She walked past an alley, bemoaning her current state of starvation when she heard a meowing sound. She stopped, figuring that cat wasn't a bad menu option. She liked cats as pets and all, but still. She had eaten far worse.
A whole damn flock of cats stared up at her. She inwardly grinned. Fuck yeah, feast tonight, baby! She looked for something to stuff them all in, finding a couple sheets on someone's laundry line. She tied them all together, and managed to heard them all into the makeshift bag. She noticed that most of the cats were odd colors. Like blue. What kind of cats were blue?
Hell, she just might sell them. Them damn rich people would pay anything for a rarity, and things didn't get much rarer than a blue cat. A blue fucking cat, seriously. Bright blue, like the sky. Or the ocean.
How many of those have you seen? And she had two! Maybe she could breed them. . . . She prayed that they were opposite genders, and not fixed or anything.
Who would let a bright blue cat wander the streets anyway? Well, other people's stupidity just paid off big time.
She snuck the bag of cats out of the city, and made her way to a safe distance. She let the cats out of the bag (Oh geeze,) and they weren't smart enough to run off, or anything.
Most of the cats were pretty screwy looking, she noted. One was exactly half black and half white, right down the middle. One was orange with purple eyes. Two were blue. One was silver, also with purple eyes, and another was calico with green-and-black eyes. Yet another one was black with red eyes, and another was. . . blonde? There was a bright red cat. . . Okay. There was a shitload of fucked up looking cats. She wondered if she was dreaming, under a genjutsu. . . . or dead.
"Well, time to-" she was interrupted by a flash of bright light and suddenly, instead of fucked up looking cats, fucked up looking people stood instead.
"Oh damn. Was not expecting that," she said, sighing. "Now what am I going to do?" She was hungry, dammit.
One of the people, a blonde woman, spoke up. "What were you going to do with us anyway, hn?" Oh wait, a man. Whoops.
"Well, at first, I was gonna eat you, then I noticed you looked pretty fucking strange for cats," she said honestly. "Then I was going to breed you and sell you to some rich dumbasses."
"Eat us? That's kind of ironic." A. . . Giant fucking flytrap told her in two totally different voices.
"So, yeah. Imma just leave now," Nariko said, slowly walking backwards. They didn't go after her, so when she got far enough away, she ran like hell.
And with that, Nariko learned that there are no blue cats, just people henged to look like it.
Or maybe they were simply hallucinations. Probably.