LETTING GO
part one
i approach across the edge of words silence itself
"I take the word and pass it through my sense
as though it were no more than a human shape;
its arrangements awe me and I find a way—
I utter and I am, speechless, I approach
across the edge of words silence itself."
—Pablo Neruda, excerpted from "The Word"
Taichi stops listening after "—pulled into the Dark Ocean," whips around so fast that before he himself realizes it, he's shaking Daisuke, wild-eyed accompanied by a frantic "What?! Is she all right?! Tell me!" In the back of his head, Taichi realizes he is unfairly rough with Daisuke, who's sweaty and exhausted and bruised from soccer club practice, but he just can't give a damn right now because it's about Hikari and he's not there to protect her.
"Senpai, it's over! She's safe now!" Poor Daisuke manages to get out, shocked and trying not to wince at the pain. Taichi looks down and notices for the first time how hard he is gripping Daisuke's shoulders. He lets go, and takes a step back. Breathe in…. breathe out… breathe in… breathe out…
"Taichi-san," begins a voice softly, and there's a gentle pressure on his shoulder. It feels like a hand. He turns around, and it's Takeru looking calmly into his eyes. Taichi instinctively relaxes, because it's what Yamato would do to pull him back onto firm ground. "Miyako-san was there." She'll be okay, is how he interprets Takeru's — Yamato's — eye language. She has others to protect her now. Normally, Taichi is terrible at guessing body language, but perhaps he gets it now because it's about Hikari and it's coming from the one other person in the whole world who goes just as crazy as he does when it comes to protecting her. Takeru understands. They're not only ones on whom she relies anymore.
And maybe... just maybe... it's healthier for the both of them this way.
Taichi looks — really looks — at Takeru, and sees that his eyes are brighter and his mood lighter, surprisingly unfettered by bitterness. These are not Yamato's eyes he's listening to, the thought jolts him — they're most definitely Takeru's. Somehow, Takeru has come to peace with Hikari not needing him as much and hasn't let that define him, and Taichi wants to know how he found it.
...
It was nearly eleven, and Taichi still had no idea how he let Yamato rope him into cleaning up the band's makeshift practice room — complete with egg cartons as soundproof barriers — in a dilapidated building scheduled for demolition [1]. After school ended, he had a grueling soccer practice, went home to a poorly cooked dinner, attended juku [2] (his mother insisted that he needed a head start over his peers to prepare for high school entrance exams), half-worked on his homework and half-texted his friends for a wholly unproductive hour or two... until Yamato called him. That had been an hour ago.
"You owe me," grumbled Taichi after greedily gulping down his Pocari Sweat [3], a part of Yamato's bribe, which, admittedly, also included a very edible favor — in the form of a homemade dinner prepared by Yamato, who was an excellent cook — Taichi could call in any time.
Yamato chose to ignore his comment. "I met Hida-kun earlier tonight."
"Yeah?" asked Taichi, ripping open a bag of Wasabeef [3] under his best friend's disapproving gaze. Yamato was the kind of weirdo who snacked on mixed nuts and apple slices, as opposed to deliciously sugary or oily alternatives [4]. It was probably the one thing he had in common with his mother, apart from her golden good looks and French [5] glamor.
"He wanted to ask me about Takeru's angry breakdown over Archnemon creating BlackWarGreymon," said Yamato, face expresionless but his tightly clenched right hand revealed otherwise. Taichi waited patiently for him to continue, watching as Yamato gradually unclenched his fist. "I didn't even know that happened to him..." he finished with a deep sigh.
A silence hung over the air, but it was oddly comforting in its familiarity. It wasn't their style to fully talk out their feelings; it was enough to carve a niche to retreat from reality to share the guilt and pain over not looking after their siblings enough. Younger siblings who were stupidly and stubbornly determined not to "burden" their elder (and only) brothers.
"Angemon," guessed Taichi. It wasn't a question, but Yamato nodded anyway, absentmindedly fiddling with the hem of his school blazer. A casual bystander might not have seen past the casual grace with which Yamato carried himself or his impassive face, but Taichi noted Yamato's set jaw, the tension in his subtly raised shoulders, and hands itching to do something, anything, to feel useful and thereby remain in control. Taichi handed over his Pocari Sweat to Yamato, who downed what was left of it and crushed the bottle.
"I asked him about it," said Yamato slowly, staring at the opposite wall, "but he just smiled at me. It was that smile — the one that stretches across his face a little too tightly, a little too painfully. 'It's nothing, nii-san,' he said... As if I'm supposed to believe that," he scoffed, throwing the crushed bottle into the trashcan, which bounced off the edge and clattered onto the floor. Yamato took a deep breath, and admitted haltingly and reluctantly, as if the words were barbs scarring his throat. "I'm worried, Taichi. If he doesn't talk to somebody about it, he might do something he'll regret." The words were left unsaid because they were too difficult to say but Taichi understood them nonetheless: You might be able to get Takeru to open up to you, though. He won't feel as burdened telling you, and he looks up to you.
Taichi, unable to stand the sheer weight of seriousness of the situation, nudged his friend, grinning slyly. "Speaking from my long experience dealing with the obstinacy of Ishidas, the only way to go about it is to knock sense into their thick skulls."
Yamato shoved Taichi away. "This isn't the time to joke, Taichi!" he snapped, but there was no bite in his bark and the corners of his lips twitched ever so slightly. Eventually, laughter found its way out, and Taichi smiled smugly in response and he was rewarded with a soft punch to the shoulder.
Taichi threw his hands in the air. "I'll talk to him, I promise. Not sure what I should say, though."
"You'll figure it out — with that sheer dumb luck of yours," Yamato jibed, smiling, but his smile soon faded. "Just... give him advice. You never gave into the darkness."
"Neither did you," shot back Taichi.
Yamato smiled wanly, the expression on his face proud but sad. "I drew it in with my heart. But it never even touched you."
NOTES:
In case anyone is wondering, the tense change from present to past is deliberate. Here, the present tense is used to mirror Taichi's irrational, panicked sense of urgency — and as a more readable alternative to Taichi's Overprotective Big Brother stream of consciousness. ;)
[1] A reference to tvN's Shut Up and Let's Go (2012), a Korean drama about the bromantic friendship of bunch of ragtag high school misfits in a band they formed.
[2] Cram school, usually for the purpose of preparing for entrance exams.
[3] Pocari Sweat is a popular soft/sports drink in Japan; it tastes a bit like grapefruit Gatorade. Wasabeef is the name of a brand that sells wasabi- and beef-flavored chips, and it's another popular snack in Japan.
[4] According to Mamoru Hosoda, director of Our War Game, Yamato's expression toward ohagi (Japanese sweets made from sweet rice and red bean paste), offered by his grandmother Kinu is described as "disgust" in the storyboard of that scene. I've interpreted that to mean Yamato does not have a sweet tooth. (Takeru, on the other hand, is described to be very excited and interested.) Translated source: onei-kun at Digital Scratch.
[5] I'm assuming Michel, Takeru's at least part-French grandfather from "Digimon World Tour, Part 2," is Natsuko's father, based on shared hair color and the fact that the connection is directly linked to Takeru only, whereas grandmother Kinu living in Shimane from Our War Game was looking after Takeru and Yamato.
UP NEXT: Good big brother/mentor Taichi! Post-yandere, angsty fluff-ball Takeru! Plus, a cameo appearance by Hikari, and a moment of Takari, if you blink...?