AN: Back with a new story! I'm sure the subject has been touched on before, but I'm hoping to put my own spin on things! I'm also working on the next chapter of A Life Less Ordinary so look for an update on that soon! As always thanks so much for reading and leaving comments. I really appreciate them!
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. One day I can hope he'd be real and all that, but until then I'm only borrowing him from the amazing Rumiko Takahashi!
I Am
"Look Inuyasha! There's an injured man by that tree! We should go see if we can help him!" Kagome didn't wait for him to reply before rushing ahead of the group and kneeling down in front of the injured villager. He looked like he'd been viciously attacked by something, most likely a demon. She slid the massive backpack from her shoulder and began to rummage through the contents. "Aha!" she exclaimed when the first aid kit had been found. The man let out a soft moan of pain and she carefully pressed a hand to his forehead. "Shh… Things will be just fine. My name is Kagome and it looks like you've been badly injured. Could you tell me what happened?"
By this time Inuyasha arrived with Miroku, Sango, and Shippo in tow. Kirara let out a concerned mew as she smelled the "death" which lingered around the area. Inuyasha picked up on her nerves and he muttered under his breath about helping the man being a waste of time. Kagome turned and glared at him from over her shoulder. "It is not a waste of time, Inuyasha. This man is hurt and I'm going to try to help him. Even if I can't save him I can at least lessen his suffering! Sometimes you can be so heartless!" She turned back to her patient and sighed softly. The man grunted and his eyes opened a fraction. Kagome reached for his hand and squeezed it gently before resuming her bandaging of his wounds. "Demons… So many demons attacked. We tried to fight them off, but there was no way. My wife. My… my son. I don't know what happened to them. Please! Please… find…." His voice softly died and he took his last breath. Kagome gasped softly as the tears began to well up in the corners of her eyes. Miroku knelt by her and curled an arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry Lady Kagome. We got here too late. You did the best you could. I'm sure he appreciated your gentleness and your care in his final moments." She nodded and bowed her head as Miroku began to pray for the man's soul as it headed to the next plane. Inuyasha snorted softly. "Told you it wouldn't do no good. Smelled death on him soon as we walked up. All you did was waste time we could be using to find shards." Kagome looked up at him with a startled face. She knew Inuyasha didn't seem to care much for humans, but she had no idea he could be so callous! The tears fell now and she shot to her feet in anger. "Inuyasha! I can't believe you! I… I… thought traveling with your friends had given you a new perspective, but you're just as mean and uncaring as you were when I first met you! How can you be so… so unfeeling! A man just died and you ridicule me for wanting to help!" She turned and began to run. "Hey! Stupid wench where do you think you're going! We've got shards to find!" Kagome choked on a sob and screamed back, "Somewhere away from YOU!"
"Fine STUPID bitch! Go run off and see if I care! It's not like you're the only one who can see the shards anyway! I'll just go find Kikyo and she'll help me find the shards. She won't waste my time with all this sappy shit you seem to be so fond of." Behind him Sango began to clench her fists and even Miroku seemed to be greatly bothered by what he'd said. Shippo ran up to him and kicked him in the shin before taking off after Kagome. "Stupid fox! Do that again and I'll beat the shit out of you!" Shippo turned and stuck his tongue out at Inuyasha. "You are the stupid one, Inuyasha. You are so stupid and mean. All you do is treat Kagome bad. I would miss her, but I wish she'd leave and never come back. Then see how you'd feel!" Sango shook her head and just stalked away in the direction her two friends had disappeared to. Kirara gave Inuyasha a stern look and followed her mistress. Only Miroku remained and he stayed silent for a few moments before clearing his throat softly.
"Inuyasha I believe you were really out of line with Lady Kagome. She's different than you. You know that. I believe you know it, but you don't accept it. Perhaps you don't even fully understand it. Kagome is kind and gentle. Compassion comes as second nature to her and for you to belittle her over it is really disgusting. Remember Inuyasha not everyone you meet is out to hurt you. I know you haven't had it easy. I see it daily on our travels together, but I've never seen you so blatantly attack Kagome like you just did. You owe her an apology; especially for telling her you'd replace her with Kikyo. Behind her smiles and her happiness Inuyasha she hurts. She feels pain just as easily, perhaps even more so, than the next person. You telling her she could be so easily replaced on increases that pain and those feelings of inadequacy. I'm going to go catch up with our friends. I'll leave you to think on this."
Inuyasha watched as Miroku disappeared into the forest. He let out an annoyed sigh and slumped to the ground beneath a nearby tree. "I can't believe they're getting so worked up cause some guy died! People die all the time! Hell Kagome knows this place is violent! She knows what happens. I don't know why she wanted to waste so much time on some dead guy she didn't even know!" He kicked the ground with his foot and watched as dirt scattered. Suddenly there came the sound of coughing and Inuyasha immediately stood. There was another cough and then a cry. A very distinct cry, which hit Inuyasha right in the stomach. "Mama? Mama! Mama wake up! Papa said we had to run. We got to keep running, Mama! Mama!" Inuyasha followed the sound of the crying and came upon a small little girl huddled by the body of a woman who was obviously dead. Her small hand reached out and shook the sleeve of her mother's kimono, but the woman would never stir again. Inuyasha watched for a moment before stepping from behind the trees. The little girl looked up at him with tear filled eyes and began to cry in earnest. "Please! Please help my Mama! She fell and she won't get up. I… I tried to help her up, but she's too heavy! Papa told us to run away from the village when the demons attacked. I don't know where he is now." She lowered her head and began to sob.
Inuyasha stood frozen as the sounds of her crying began to feel very familiar. He knew that girl's mother wasn't going to get up. Just like he knew his own mother wasn't getting up when she died. He looked at the little girl; so helpless and frightened, knowing there was no way she would survive out here on her own. Her village was most likely destroyed and the villagers dead. She could have very well been the only one to make it out alive. Alone. She was completely alone. A feeling he knew all too well. His mother was everything to him. The only one who loved and cared for him and she was dead. The pain of hearing the girl cry only made his chest tighten. "Sorry kid I don't know what you want me to do. I… I can't help you. I just… can't." He began to back away when the little girl jumped up and ran over to him. She reached up and clutched the sleeve of his haori, shaking it hard. "Don't leave! Please! I… I'm scared and I just want my Mama! PLEASE!" Inuyasha froze and swallowed hard. What was he going to do? He wasn't the one who should be helping this girl. Kagome should. Kagome… fuck why had he been such an asshole to her earlier! She would know just what to do and he had to go and make fun of her for being compassionate. He sighed softly and knelt down by the small girl. "Um… what's your… your name? I don't think I can help your Mama, but I can at least keep you company until somebody finds you." The little girl sniffled and rubbed her eyes with the dirty sleeve of her kimono. "Mai. My name is Mai. Why can't you help Mama?"
Inuyasha blinked and swallowed a lump in his throat. "Mai she's… she's gone to sleep. And I don't want to wake her. That'd be kinda mean right? Waking her up while she's sleeping?" The little girl nodded as if what he'd said made perfect sense. "I guess so. What's your name, mister? I've never met anybody who looks like you." Inuyasha winced and looked away. "Inuyasha. My name is Inuyasha." The little girl smiled through drying tears and nodded. "Inuyasha. That's a funny name. I like it. And I like you. You're nice, mister Inuyasha." He blinked softly and shook his head. "You don't mean that. Don't you care than I'm a hanyou?" "Han-yoo? What is that? I don't know what that is Mister Inuyasha?" He would have laughed at her pronunciation if he could, but he was too busy being stunned by what she'd said. She didn't know what he was? How could she not know? Didn't all villagers teach their kids about demons and hanyous and that they were evil and dangerous? Course they did! It's why he was so afraid to interact with them! "Mai a hanyou is… is a half demon. I'm a half demon. My other half is like you." She blinked and grinned softly. "Is that why you've got cute doggie ears? They're so fuzzy and soft looking!" He sputtered and shook his head. "Yeah it's why I've got ears. I'm half dog demon. You aren't afraid of me being half demon?" She laughed and crawled up into his lap" "Scared of you? Why? You're a very nice doggie demon and you've stayed with me cause I'm sad. Why would I want to be scared of somebody that nice?" Inuyasha couldn't speak. He just sat there looking down at the little girl now curled up in his lap. This didn't make sense. Not one bit. People were terrified of him. They were told to hate him and to ostracize him. They were told if they ever saw the likes of him to kill him and keep their villages safe from the evil hanyou. Yet this little girl acted as though he were as normal as the next person. Why?
After a few minutes more of thinking inside of his head he looked down and found Mai was sound asleep. He knew he couldn't leave her and also knew he couldn't stay. He had to find the group and catch back up with them. He had some serious apologies to make and then work to find Mai a home. He rose and headed through the forest in search of Kagome and the group. They were easy to track and knowing Kagome she wouldn't have gotten far. After about an hour of walking he came upon their small camp. Miroku raised his head and gave Inuyasha a stunned look. Sango turned to see what Miroku was gaping at and with one look she too felt her face mirror Miroku's shock. Inuyasha stood in front of them with Mai cradled in his arms, still fast asleep. Inuyasha laid the sleeping Mai down by the fire and sat down beside of her. "I know. I know. You've got questions. The kid's mom was dead and I found her trying to wake her up. I couldn't just leave her. I… I felt bad for her so I told her I'd stay with her. But I had to find you guys too, so I just brought her. Don't make some big deal about it." Miroku and Sango exchanged silent looks between them and nodded softly. Sango spoke quietly "We understand, Inuyasha. You did the right thing bringing her with you. I'm sure the next village we come across we'll be able to find the girl a proper home." Miroku echoed her sentiments and began looking for something to cover her with while she slept. It wasn't until Inuyasha relaxed he realized Kagome was missing. "Where's Kagome?" Sango looked up at him sadly. "She's down by the river, Inuyasha. We tried to get her to come and eat, but she's still upset. Maybe… you can talk some sense into her." He nodded and headed off toward the river.
He found her at the edge of the bank, dangling her feet into the cool water. He could smell the salt of her tears and he sighed quietly. "Kagome?" There came no reply from the girl. She remained as she sat. "Kagome? Kagome please talk to me. I… I… didn't mean what I said earlier. It… wasn't stupid to want to help that man." Still she remained frozen. It was as though she wasn't even listening to him. He stomped over and pulled her shoulder for her to turn around. The breath was momentarily knocked out of him when he saw her face. Her eyes were red and still shining from tears she'd yet to shed. There were tear tracks all down her face. She looked like she'd been crying the whole time they'd been separated. The curse he'd been about to lay on her died on his lips and he just sighed and let go of her. "I'm sorry." It came out so quiet she almost missed it. She'd heard it, though. She'd heard it and she wouldn't dare ask him to repeat himself. She knew how much it took for him to say that and she'd never ask him to lower himself to saying it more than was needed. One "I'm sorry" to her was almost like him telling her he cared about her. That was too much to ask for so the sorry would do.
He sat down next to her on the bank and tucked his feet beneath him in his customary position. The pair remained quiet for a few before Kagome spoke softly. "I accept, Inuyasha. I'm sorry I said all those horrible things to you. You aren't heartless. I should be more understanding with what you've been through. You've lived differently than I have." He sat completely stunned by her apology. He hadn't even asked for one, but here she was offering it regardless. "Kagome you don't have to apologize. I… I think maybe I need to be more understanding of you, too. It's just you're… you're so open with your feelings. You want to take care of everyone you meet even if there's nothing you can do. I guess I just don't understand that." Kagome leaned closer and gently rested her head against his shoulder and smiled softly. "Inuyasha you understand better than you think. You take care of us you know. Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and I. You always run in to fight even if the odds aren't exactly in your favor. You hate when people are hurt. I can tell. I've seen when we run across villages where a child might be bullied or villages where thieves are robbing them. It makes you so angry and you go out of your way to try and put a stop to it. You have compassion, Inuyasha. I think you're just sometimes afraid to show it." She lifted her head and looked at him softly. "Your past makes you who you are, but it never determines who you can be. You were hurt and you were always in pain when you were little. Look I know I can't pretend to know what being a hanyou is like, but I know what being your friend is like. And if I'm any judge I think you're just about the most amazing, most honorable, most brave person I've ever met. And that goes for humans, demons, and hanyous alike. There's no one like you, Inuyasha. Be proud of that." He sat there speechless. Did she really mean that? Did she really think he was special? Honorable? Him? A hanyou? No one would ever call a hanyou honorable. They were worthless, being the worst of both the worlds they're torn between. Yet Kagome truly felt he was… special. He felt his cheeks warm and he sputtered softly. "What…whatever. I guess. Maybe." She giggled softly and reached for one of his ears, brushing her fingertips gently along the edge. "No maybe. Just accept it, Inuyasha. I think you're special and I love you…. I mean I love being with you." She turned bright red and jerked her hand away abruptly before scrambling to her feet. "I think Sango's calling us for dinner. We should go." She turned to go, but his arm shot out and his hand wrapped around her wrist, stopping her retreat. "Wait." He stood, never letting go of her wrist. He gently turned her to face him and he watched her closely. "I'm not going to go and get Kikyo. I… I didn't mean that. When we find all the shards I want it to be with you, not her." Her jaw dropped and she gaped at him softly, her whole face bright red. "Re… really? You mean that? You want it to be with me?" He took both of her hands into his and stepped closer to her. "You don't care that I'm hanyou. You never judge me, Kagome. I've never been around people who didn't have their minds made up about who I am. You were the first, but being with you has changed things for me in so many ways. I have friends now. Miroku, Sango, hell even that damn kitsune. They are true friends and I wouldn't have them without you, Kagome. Look… I know I get mad at you. And I know I get frustrated when you stop to help people, even people you can't save. I see how sad it makes you. You feel every single one of those losses and I can't stand to see you be hurt. It hurts in here." He let go of one of her hands and touched his chest above where his heart lay. "And I know it hurts you here, too. So when I get mad it ain't because I think you're being stupid. It's just… you hurting hurts me and I don't know how to make it stop."
Kagome stood silent as he kept hold of one of her hands. She'd never heard Inuyasha speak so plainly about his feelings and it thrilled her. Tears began to fall from her eyes and she choked on a sob as she threw herself at him and hugged him tightly. "See! I knew! Oh Inuyasha I knew you weren't heartless! I knew you cared. You do. You really do care!" He sighed and wound an arm around her, gently stroking her dark hair. "Yeah wench I care. Don't let it get out or nothing, but I care. Just don't go running off on me anymore okay? I'd rather you s-i-t me than do that." She lifted her head and sent him a dazzlingly bright smile. "I promise, Inuyasha. I won't run away like that again. It isn't like I want to run from you. I want to be by your side always. I've told you that." He stepped back and laid his hands on her shoulders. "Um so… I need your help. I found a little girl. Her Mama's dead and she doesn't know where her Papa is. I think she lived in that village of the man we found. The one the demons attacked? They're probably all dead, but I couldn't just leave her. I brought her with me, but I know how good you are with... with kids so.." She smiled and nodded. "Sure I'll be happy to help. That was a good thing you did, Inuyasha. Come on. Let's go back to camp and get her settled." She started to head back to camp when she noticed he wasn't following. She stopped and turned back. "Are you coming?" He nodded softly. "I'll come along soon. I just wanna sit here a minute and… think." She grinned softly and turned back, continuing to walk back to camp. He turned back and looked up at the sky, sighing quietly. "I am… a hanyou. I am… brave. I am… honorable. I am… special. At least Kagome thinks so. Mama…. For the first time in a long time I'm something else, too. Mama, I am… happy."