"What're ya doin', Buck?"
The lean gunman jumped at being discovered doing what he was doing.
"Now, Chris, that ain't a very nice thing to do to a man."
Chris had known Buck long enough to manage his friend's woeful attempts at misdirection. He ignored the response he got and went fishing for the one he sought. "What're ya doin'?"
Buck Wilmington stood up straight and away from the door against which he had placed his ear once more and said, "Nothin'."
Chris Larabee, the leader of the lawmen of the frontier town of Four Corners – The Magnificent Seven – just stared at his old friend, his expression telling the handsome ladies' man that he should fess up, right quick.
"Well," Buck said in a near-whisper, leaning in close to the tall blond, "I think Inez and Ezra are … you know," the renowned Lothario and nearly equally renowned gossip said.
"What?"
"What? Aw, come on. You know," Buck said, wiggling his eyebrows.
Oh, Chris knew exactly what Buck was saying, but there was no way he was letting his friend off the hook for eavesdropping, not that easily.
"What?" Chris asked again, feigning ignorance and, based on Buck's reaction, doing it pretty well.
"Damn it, Chris. You know," Buck said, thrusting his pelvis out suggestively. The sight was laughable, but nowhere near as ridiculous as the thought of Ezra Standish letting anyone know if or when he was having sex with Inez Rocillos. It was absurd on many levels. First, the man may not be a true southern gentleman, but Chris did not doubt his sincerity in wanting to be thought of and perceived as one, and would never besmirch a woman's reputation by allowing the less-than-melodic sounds of sex to echo for all to hear. Second, allowing someone like Buck in on that knowledge? That would be the same as placing an advertisement in every newspaper between Santa Fe and Denver, and possibly Saint Louis to San Francisco.
"Knock it off, Buck."
"Well, someone's knockin' somethin', but it ain't me."
Just as Chris was about to give his friend hell for listening in at a friend's door, he heard the first of a series of sounds that explained, in no uncertain terms, what it was that had Buck so … aroused. The only thing Chris wondered about now was why his old friend needed to have his ear up to the door.
"Unh." A man's voice.
Boom. Furniture knocking against the wall.
"Yes." A woman's voice, a faint hint of excitement.
The two friends looked at each other.
"See?" Buck whispered. Before Chris could answer, a repetition was heard beyond the door.
"Unh."
Boom.
"Yes," this time a little more urgent, resounding with passion.
"I gotta stop this. It ain't right. Ezra shouldn't … he wouldn't want … " Chris started to raise his fist to knock at the card sharp's door, but Buck pulled the hand away.
"Now hold on, old pard," he said softly. "You can't be interruptin' that. It ain't right," Buck noted, having intimate familiarity with being interrupted in flagrante delicto.
"Unh."
Boom.
"Yes!" followed by, "Madre de Dios!"
"That's it." Chris knocked on the door, a near-pounding, rapid-fire rap on the hard wood. If Ezra and Inez were finished, as the pretty Mexican's exclamation seemed to indicate, then it was the right time to interrupt, just in case the couple were planning a second round.
"What the hell, Chris?"
"You'll have to get your kicks somewhere else, Buck."
They could hear whispering, faintly, through the door, the sounds of the rocking chair's motion on the boards of the plank floor; just exactly what had been going on in that room? 'Lucky dog,' Chris thought to himself, just as Buck verbalized the same thing.
The door opened to reveal Inez, fully dressed and breathing heavily, a slight sheen of sweat on her lovely face. She stood beside Ezra, also panting as though he'd just finished … some strenuous activity, his string tie hanging loose around his collar, his shirt unbuttoned, his pants and suspenders in place, the cuffs of his shirt hanging below his wrists, cuff links definitely not in place. His face was similar to what they saw with Inez, maybe not as pretty but equally perspiration-laden. Inez looked at Ezra and saw his bangs fallen well into his face. She reached up, combed the wave back into its proper place, then stood back down beside her man. Ezra smiled at her as though nothing unusual had just happened.
"Gentlemen."
"Ez," Buck said, followed by, "Inez." His eyes were barely more than slits as he looked from Ezra to Inez and then back to Ezra. Indeed, all four of them stared at one another, eyes shifting from one person to the next.
"Is there something I can do for you gentlemen?" Ezra asked.
"Excuse me, I do have to get back to work," the saloon manager said. "Is that as you wished?" she asked her lover.
"Indeed. Thank you, Inez."
"I was happy to be of service," she said as she leaned up for a quick kiss. She stepped away, giving Ezra a crooked grin. She stepped between Chris and Buck, swiped the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand, and hurried to the staircase.
Chris and Buck watched her leave and then turned to Ezra.
"What?" the professional poker player asked.
"Is that as you wished?" Buck mimicked what the beautiful woman said, the woman he once had designs on.
"Indeed?" Chris asked.
"I was happy to be of service?" Buck asked, not so friendly-sounding.
Ezra shook his head. He looked first at Buck, who stood with his legs akimbo, his hands on each hip. The southerner blinked, then turned to Chris, who seemed to be working the inscrutable look for all it was worth.
"What?" the former con man asked, the pitch of his voice raised higher with his frustration.
"Ezra, we heard you in there," Chris explained.
"Yes. So?"
"We heard you and Inez," Buck said and, once again, not the least bit concerned with anyone's personal space, leaned in and said in a hushed tone, "doin' it."
Ezra scowled at one friend and then the next. "Well, it was quite more physical activity than Ah like, but Inez made the effort far more pleasurable than you gentlemen might imagine."
Chris looked over at Buck and could see him imagining just fine. "Buck!"
"What?"
Chris shook his head and looked at Ezra. "There wasn't much imagining needed, Ezra. Not with the sounds we could hear out here in the hall," Chris said, not attempting to hide his irritation.
"Well, Ah … " Ezra started, frowning as he realized what his two partners in law enforcement just said. "Ah can understand Mistah Wilmington eavesdroppin' at mah door, but Ah admit to bein' disappointed in you, Chris."
"I wasn't eavesdropping, Ezra. The sounds of you and Inez … doin' it, as Buck so eloquently said … "
"Hey!" the mustachioed man objected to the tone.
"We could hear exactly what was goin' on as if we were in the room."
Chris and Buck stood there as Ezra seemed intent to catch flies, his mouth stood open and unmoving for so long. Finally, the always eloquent Ezra Standish was able to speak.
"What the hell are you two talking about?"
"Unh," Buck started.
Boom was heard next, as Chris banged his hand against the wall, making Ezra jump.
"Yes!" Buck exclaimed, softly, in a feminine voice.
Ezra blinked confusedly as he looked from Chris to Buck and then back to Chris. And then he let out a loud and decidedly unexpected laugh, followed by more of the same, mixed with the occasional snort.
"You … You thought …." Ezra looked at his, what was for him, near state of undress. The sounds that Chris and Buck just made, combined with his own visuals of what truly happened behind closed doors? The gambler was near hysterics, laughter bubbling out fast and furious.
"Why does he think this is funny?" Buck asked.
All three men turned as they heard the familiar rushed gait of Vin Tanner heading up the stairs.
"Am I too late?" their resident tracker asked. He looked as Ezra laughed and Chris and Buck did not. "What's goin' on?" he asked.
"W … W … Well, Mistah Tanner, it s … seems you missed your w … w … window of opportunity for a menage-a-trois." He saw that Vin wasn't understanding the French and amended in between snorts of laughter, "a th …th … three-hee-hee-way," Ezra said, barely making it through before snorting out a laugh at the looks on Chris and Buck's faces.
Vin frowned, looked at Chris and Buck once more, then back at Ezra with a smile. "You bin drinkin'? Kind o' early," he said, but he knew Ezra wasn't hearing him and the gambler burst out in all out uproarious laughter. Ezra caught the sparkle in Vin's eyes and knew he'd caught on to the prospect, which they both knew wasn't a possibility at all.
But still …
"No," Ezra said as he leaned on his door jamb, exhausted from his earlier activity as well as the workout from laughing so hard. "Mah stomach hurts," he said through a simmering giggle. He took a deep breath, looked at Chris and Buck again and immediately looked back toward Vin. "Ah cannot look at them." He took another breath and said, "No. You were late."
"Yeah, I know. Sorry 'bout that." Vin tried his best to ignore the 'three-way' comment for now and asked, "Did Chris and Buck help you?"
Ezra started to chuckle again, but it wasn't long before he was once more having trouble breathing for the laughter. He still refused to look toward Chris and Buck and said, "No, definitely not." They watched as a look came over Ezra's face, one of deep contemplation, and then a raised eyebrow, followed by a firm shake of the head, another snort of laughter followed by an annoying giggle. "No," he added definitively.
"What the hell is going on?" Chris asked, his patience no longer visible to any man present. Vin noticed his friend's hand tickling the butt of his gun. Best get this resolved, whatever this was.
"Ezra asked one of us ta help him this afternoon ta move his furniture 'round. Remember?" They clearly hadn't. "Miss Nettie was here for her monthly shoppin' trip. Took longer to load than I figgered it would."
Chris and Buck looked from Vin to Ezra. The poker player snorted a laugh, slapping his hand over his mouth at the unexpected reaction. The realization of what happened came to Chris well before it came to Buck, though Buck was likely still back thinking about how pleasurable Inez could be.
"Inez was helping you move furniture," Chris stated matter-of-factly.
"Indeed. 'Unh, boom, yes!'" the former con man said, grabbing his stomach as he broke out into some serious, breath-robbing laughter. "Sh … Sh … She's strong, b … but still … " More laughter brought Vin to a chuckle of his own.
"Wish I'd o' bin here. Sher miss them three-ways," the tracker said.
The comment nearly sent Ezra to the floor.
The End.