"Hey Brendon. Get up there! The interview is about to start, dude. Everyone's waiting." Zack shouted at me. I understood exactly what he had said but I chose to ignore him. The phonecall earlier made me think about my life, the band and most importantly, Ryan and Jon. I had been thinking about it all day. I wanted to talk to someone about it but no one would really understand. Well, maybe Spencer would. He respected me and knew the truth so what was stopping me? Hmm, this interview. That was what was stopping me right now. All I wanted to do was sit down in the tour bus with a nice coffee and think about what Ryan had said to me. He sounded so... so sad. I don't know. It was complicated.
"Brendon? You okay, babe?" It was Sarah. She obviously knew something was up. I could tell by the tone of her voice and the way she looked at me. She was worried. I was worried. Sarah could never find out the truth though. It would break her heart. I had to make her think I was fine. So I did.
"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Just... tired, you know?" I lied. I hated lying to her but what else could I do? I jumped up from the small stool I was sitting on and ran over to the interviewer and shook his hand. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.
"Hey, man. Sorry I'm late. " I said with a reassuring smile. The guy nodded and mumbled something I couldn't understand. Not that he was being rude or anything, I just couldn't be bothered listening. It really wasn't a good time for an interview.
"Brendon? What's up with you?" Spencer whispered. Oh shit, the interview had started and I wasn't paying attention. Oh great...
"I'm sorry. Just tired. Um, what was the question again?" I asked politely.
"Oh, it wasn't for the interview. I just wanted to say congratulations on your engagement." The interviewer said with a weak smile. He didn't seem very patient anymore. He just wanted some answers for his interview.
"Oh, yeah..." Sarah. That was the last thing I wanted on my mind right now. Don't get me wrong, I love Sarah but thinking of her leads to other things... things like Ryan. "thanks." I said eventually.
The interview went on for another few minutes and then before I knew it Sarah was at my side, hugging me.
"Are you sure you're okay, babe? You don't look too well today. Let's take a walk." she said just before she placed a kiss on my cheek. I hugged her as tight as I could. All I really needed now was a hug. I just wanted to forget but it was impossible. I thought Ryan had forgotten but not even Mr Ryan Ross could forget about the past - about us.
Within ten minutes we were in the tour bus, alone. Spencer and Ian had both gone shopping - yeah, shopping. I couldn't believe it either!- and Dallon and the rest had taken the day off to see their families. It would have been nice to be alone in the tour bus with Sarah if I was in a good mood but I wasn't.
"Okay, talk to me. You can't keep this from me. I know something's wrong. Tell me about it." Sarah said after ten awkward minutes of silence.
Oh god, why? I didn't want to explain this now. Maybe one day I could open up and tell her the truth but not right now. I had to speak to Ryan in person first. I had to make sure he wasn't lying.
"It's alot of things, Sarah. I can't explain them all right now though. I need some time." I didn't know what else to say. Sarah looked like she was going to burst into tears so I embraced her and held her close to my body for a while whilst she quietly cried into my blazer.
"Don't you trust me? I... love you-" I had to interrupt her. She was sobbing so much now.
"Ssshh. Of course I do. And I love you with all my heart. I just... I have alot to think about. I will tell you... just not now. Don't ever think I won't tell you though. I will. I'll tell you when the time is right."
Wait, had I really just said that I'd tell her about me and Ryan's relationship one day? Why the hell did I say that? How was I going to explain that he wanted me back all of a sudden? I couldn't. But then again, I couldn't lie to Sarah. I had to be truthful.
I'd tell her. I'd tell her tomorrow.