"I'm Loki, of Asgard, and I am a god!" Natasha did an ungraceful spin wearing Loki's leather coat that was far too big for her. The sleeves dangled past her fingertips and the leather flaps attached to the back proved to be a constant tripping hazard.
Loki eyed the flask in his hand and gave it a shake to hear what little of the remaining liquid sloshed around. "Tell me you didn't drink all of this."
Natasha nearly stumbled forward, but Loki grabbed her shoulder and helped keep her flushed face from smacking the floor. "I-I saved you some," she hiccupped with a lopsided smirk.
Loki should've found her behavior charming and worthy of recording for future blackmail, but she was proving to be horribly obnoxious in a drunken state.
"Kneel!" Natasha shouted, swatting his hand away. "Y-you're beneath me! 'Specially in bed!" She snickered at her own joke.
"This is over three thousand years old," Loki warned, dangling the flask high above her head. "You should be thankful drinking this much hasn't killed you." He had her super soldier side to thank for that. Loki had never understood exactly what that meant until this very moment… She wasn't human.
"I'm a god!" Natasha proclaimed. She stepped back, but tripped and fell.
"Natasha!" Loki dropped the flask and hurried to her side.
"I'm Loki!" she corrected in an awful slurred English accent.
"You're an ass is what you are," he growled.
"Be-" She hiccupped. "Be Natasha."
His eyes narrowed as he lifted her to her feet. "No."
"Be-be Black Window!"
"Can you even hear yourself?!" Loki scoffed. "Honestly, you make Stark on his worst day look like the epitome of intelligence!"
Natasha wrapped her arms around his neck, her breath reeking of Asgard's finest ale. "Kneel before me, Natasha…Let me-let me kiss you where you like it!"
Loki reached beneath the coat to feel her jeans' pockets. Stealing his alcohol deserved a proper punishment. He hoped to feel the bulge of her phone, but her pockets were empty. Loki wondered what she'd do if he gathered her friends and let them get a firsthand experience of their prized assassin reduced to a drunken mess. She would kill him with her bare hands. The idea made him smile.
"Nat… Nat, drink it." She grabbed the flask and shook it in Loki's face.
He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Never again are you to go near this…"
"You're just jealous cuz I'm Loki," she sneered.
He arched a brow. "What makes him so special?"
Natasha slicked her hair back and grinned. "I'm a god! Mighty and powerful god!"
"I don't talk like that," he growled.
Natasha's hands roamed to the front of his pants. "I thought you liked having sex with me."
"Not drunken Natasha."
"Loki!" she snapped.
"Well," he huffed. "Two can play at your game!" Loki swigged what remained in his steel flask. His mind felt a bit fuzzy, but that was to be expected from the ancient drink. He combed his hair over his ears before getting into character. "Oh, I'm Natasha, I look down on everyone because I'm so great!"
She snorted. "She is pretty great."
"Barton, focus on the mission! Stark, pay attention to my plan! Threaten me, and I'll shoot you!" Loki mocked, swinging his hips as he spoke.
Natasha roughly shoved him in the chest. "I don't walk like that!"
"And Loki does not behave like a blabbering fool!" he hissed.
"Yeah. He does. He's more vain than Stark. H-he's a sober vain Stark!"
Loki frowned. "Honestly listen to what you're saying."
"L-" A fit of laughter interrupted her. "Listen to your face."
Loki was far from impressed by this rare spectacle, but he was suddenly feeling lightheaded and found himself chuckling right along with her. "Oh, shush!"
"Natasha would be the killjoy to say that…"
"So you acknowledge your role on the team?" Loki grinned. "Do as I say, Loki," he drawled in a high-pitched tone. "I wear the pants in this relationship, so sit down and shut up while I go share this mindless cat video with Barton!"
"Everyone loves cat videos!" she protested.
"Midgardians," he droned with an eye roll.
"You're doing it again," Natasha warned. "Looking down on people."
Loki eyed her with a curious expression. "Is that so?"
"Loki," she whispered.
"Hmm?" A warmth spread throughout his body.
"It… It must be cuz you're…" She brought her lips close to his ear. "A god."
He burst into a fit of laughter and stumbled backwards with Natasha on top of him. "I am!" he snorted. "I am a god!"
Natasha rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Natasha!"
"She can be quite the killjoy," Loki noted.
"Who?"
"Natasha," Loki replied.
She buried her face against his chest and nodded. "She's… a badass killjoy... She's pry jealous she's not an awesome god."
"Gods are 'awesome?'"
"And mighty!" she shouted. "An' powerful!"
They both proceeded to pass out on the floor and awaken to pounding headaches. Natasha couldn't recall a single thing, but Loki spotted his empty flask on the floor and could only remember what felt like a hazy dream.
"Why am I wearing this?" Natasha rolled away from Loki before slipping out of his coat. "Smells like booze…"
"I…" Loki paused and gave her a silent stare. "Perhaps you wished to be a god…"
Despite the throbbing in her head, Natasha began to laugh. "Sure, Loki," she drawled.