It seems I am a closet romantic and the breaks at the end of seasons are more than I can stand. Castle and The Mentalist have left me wishing I could time-travel or hibernate across this three month gap.

I resisted writing something Mentalisty because the chemistry of the show has never burned as brightly as it does in Castle. Then I started re-watching Season 4 and I saw what I missed before. Lisbon is hurting and that comes from something real.

One thing lead to another. I read some other fanfics (some good stuff, btw) and caught the meme.

So, here's a thing: I wanted to speak from inside Lisbon – to have the camera on her shoulder. I wanted to turn the tables of most of the fanfic I've read – to make her the one who takes control.

Anyway, here it goes. I am tempted to write it all before posting because I am a little manic and might just stop totally. On the other hand, perhaps your reviews will help this go places I haven't felt. So I'll take a chance and post early.

Question: Does one have to disclaim the characters and story? It seems obvious that it's not mine, not profitable, etc.

Coming unstuck

The last six months had been confusing for Teresa. The last six days, darkly confounding. Jane had abandoned them; then suddenly returned. Chaos, death and betrayal.

Then he had shot her with more than a pantomime bullet.

It dawned on her that she might be stuck. Her career has been a roller-coaster. Three bosses, well four. A suspension of sorts. Was she in control of anything that happened to her? Was she simply pretending to be a good cop, an excellent agent? Or, was she blowing in the winds of fate?
What was she waiting for? How long could this continue?
"What do I want?" She asked aloud, cloistered in her office.

As if in answer, Director Bertram knocked and intruded.
"We need to talk." He said. Teresa nodded and waved him to sit.
"Sir, I—"
But what could she say? Wainwright, her last boss, was dead. Her team had, again, failed to stop the infamous serial-killer. Jane's recent frenzied stunt had put them all off-balance and now the FBI was involved.
She started and stopped a few times, feeling abstract and small.

The Director let her stew. Was he friend or foe? She knew he wanted her gone, had vanished her once before. She also knew that Jane had faced him down. None of this was filling the 'friend' column.
Foe, then. With an effort she stilled her hands and looked at him.

He made a winced, pained face. (The one he reserves for me.)
"Agent Lisbon, of all your spectacular achievements of late, this one has been a personal best," he leaned forward slightly, "And by that, I mean the opposite."
She remained calm. After his short visit to her in hospital he had shown his true colours.
He leaned back again, a sigh oozing out. "What am I going to do with you?"
Before she could volunteer a few lurid suggestions, he continued, "It seems I have two choices."
He raised his fingers. "One, fire you and bask in the sight of your back." That made her wince. One finger closed, "Two, promote you." He scowled.
Teresa blinked. Where had that come from? "Sir?"
"The FBI are involved now. This whole Red John thing has—" He flicked his hand.
"Suffice it to say, you have nine lives and they want you here." He shoved the chair backwards and stood.
"Congratulations CBI Chief Lisbon." There was no pleasure in his eyes and he did not extend his hand. "Try to out-last your predecessors."
She immediately queried, "And Jane, my team?"
He didn't bother turning as he left, "Just as charmed."

An hour later she was still in her office. The promotion didn't fit her state of mind. She was still asking the same question. "What do I want?"
It was tough because so many roads forked at that point. There were alternative universes that she could forge and it was taking a long time to précis them.

Teresa slumped on her (Jane's) couch and played scenarios in her mind. She was looking for something and the outside world would have to wait until she found it. Her hand kept massaging the imaginary bullet wound in her chest. Perhaps she didn't notice.

..xx..

"What's keeping the boss?" Rigsby asked, not for the first time. Cho shrugged. Grace blinked her eyes from her screen and back. No one replied.
He pressed-on, "The Director left over an hour ago. If —"
Cho grunted, "If we were fired we'd be gone."
"Yeah, just wait for her." Grace said, not looking up.
Rigsby turned to look down on Jane's couch. "What do you think?"
Jane only wiggled his fingers.
"Great." Said Rigsby.

Teresa could hear them; almost picture them. She knew she should go out there and set them at ease. She knew the invisible presence of Lorelei in the holding cell was a weight that must be crushing Jane right now.

It was crushing her too — so she made her decision.

It was not like her to dwell on failure and defeat. She chose to see this as an opportunity — to change, to become unstuck. With that thought her smile returned. She knew what she was going to do — well, what she was going to try.