κάθαρσις(catharsis)

by Marie Blubert

"Today, when Suigetsu told me that Karin was having nightmares about my attempt on her life, all I could think about was how you must be feeling with me being so close to you, living in the same village and walking the same streets." Oneshot

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Summary: Sasuke Uchiha looked into her terrified orbs and realized that never, in a million years, would he have thought things could ever get so out of control. "Today, when Suigetsu told me that Karin was having nightmares about my attempt on her life, all I could think about was how you must be feeling with me being so close to you, living in the same village and walking the same streets."

Catharsis(κάθαρσις)

Catharsis(from the Greekκάθαρσιςkatharsismeaning "purification" or "cleansing") is the purification and purgation of emotions—especially pity and fear—through art or any extreme change in emotion that results in renewal and restoration.

Ooo000ooO

The red haired woman Sakura would later know as Karin was struggling to stay alive, fighting for each and every shady, painful breath she could take, right at her feet. Squeezing her eyes shut, Sakura willed herself to end her misery.

It was what Sasuke asked of her in order to accept her by his side. It was the only way she could get close enough to him to save him from himself.

But the dying, bleeding girl was his teammate. She looked after him and aided him in achieving his goal, however wrong it was. The pink haired girl wanted so bad to just hate her, but found that she couldn't.

The redhead reminded her so much of herself in her younger days. Always eager to please the cold boy with a golden heart…

It was too late when she noticed the warning look the woman laying beneath her feet gave her. It was much too late for she already heard the annoying, terrifying sound of a thousand birds shrieking in her ear.

She managed to turn around just in time to catch a glimpse of her killer.

The one that would take her life.

The one that she would have given her life for.

The one that gave up not only her treacherous heart, but also his brave, golden and powerful one…

Ooo000ooO

Sakura suddenly felt very cold and very wet. The awful sound still ringing in her ears, forever making itself heard.

For a moment she contemplated what she had done to deserve such an ugly afterlife. Being reminded again and again of the agonizing manner in which she met her faithful end, at the hands of her most beloved person.

She had betrayed said person, but with his well being in mind.

Of course, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, isn't it?

But then she remembered Naruto… A flash of light. A flash of orange and she lived to see another day.

She wasn't dead.

No, she wasn't in the ugly afterlife.

She just woke up to face another day in the world of the living. And even worst, it was her day off…

Normally, it wouldn't be such a bad thing, but ever since the war ended, Sakura was afraid to stop working in fear of breaking down and never being able to get her shit back together.

If something like that ever happened, no one, neither Naruto, nor Ino, would be able to piece her back together.

Looking at the clock on the wall, she noticed that she actually managed to get a decent amount of sleep, but still, she felt like she had just run a marathon. Her head was pounding and she was out of breath.

Quite pathetic if you asked her.

Actually, quite pathetic if you asked anyone, she was sure.

In a couple of weeks there would have passed two years since the war and she still wasn't capable of getting herself together. She was still running from the past.

From her nightmares and terrors.

From her guilty conscience.

From him.

With a tired sigh, she raised her still trembling hand and pushed the stray strands of hair out of her sleepy eyes.

With a huffed breath she threw the covers off her bare legs.

And with sheer willpower, she managed to get out of her cold bed and dragged herself into her small kitchen to make herself some strong, black coffee.

It was too late to get back to sleep (not that she could even if she wanted to) and yet it was too early to go out and run the errands she kept putting off.

Sipping her coffee, she glanced at her small apartment and felt disappointment and shame creep into her heart. It was a disaster. Naruto would have been impressed by such an accomplishment.

Of course, part of the problem was that she was never home long enough to put things back in their place, as she was always in a hurry.

Still. That was no excuse, as her mother would say. If her mother came to visit and saw what Sakura was seeing, she would reprimand her and say that she'd never get married with such cleaning skills.

Her cooking skills weren't exactly at their peak either these days. Her fridge was filled with instant ramen. The meal she always had when she ate at home.

She was such a hypocrite for always nagging Naruto about unhealthy food.

But then again, even if her mother ever said that, it wouldn't matter all that much since Sakura wasn't looking for a husband.

Not at twenty-two. Not ever.

Love just wasn't for her.

She just couldn't bring herself to open her heart to anyone.

Hell, she couldn't even bring herself to open the fucking door of her apartment to most people.

Sakura knew very well where the problem lay.

She knew the symptoms; she knew what she had to do.

She'd done it for so many other war veterans.

She just couldn't do it for herself.

Go out there and face your fears; go and fight for the life you want; nothing is impossible.

Such pretty words that made people feel better.

Most people but not her.

Not her, because she was always the one who said them to other people and they had absolutely no effect on her. She still couldn't comprehend how she managed to regain their sanity while she was losing more and more of hers with each passing day.

With a tired sigh Sakura decided that moping around just wouldn't do. So, she just did what always helped her when these depressing thoughts overwhelmed her (which as all the time), she got to work.

Her apartment needed cleaning badly so she started scrubbing the floors, making a mental note to refill her ramen supply later.

Ooo000ooO

Uchiha Sasuke was standing in the middle of the training grounds.

He was focusing on sharpening his chakra control. The only area that he somehow lacked in. It would've been much easier if he had help from an expert.

Of course, he would never ask for that. Even if he was somehow accepted back in the village and by his old classmates, he could say that his friends were scarce. There weren't many people that would trust him and that he would trust back.

Images of a smiling pink haired girl appeared in his mind, but he decided to discard them in favor of focusing on the task at hand.

And his only friends sucked at control more than him.

Thus, his current problem.

Just as he was about to tap into his chakra reserve, he heard a whoosh disturbing the calm morning silence that he had been enjoying so far.

In a split second, he pared a powerful blow that would've mortally injured him had he not blocked it.

Seeing who his unexpected enemy was, the avenger couldn't help but smirk.

"Not bad, Sasuke. I see you haven't lost your touch."

"Suigetsu."

"Two years later and you're still a bastard."

"Hn."

"A bastard with a limited vocabulary. Seesh."

"What are you doing in Konoha, Suigetsu?"

"Now that's what I call a warm welcome. What did Karin ever see in you?"

"Is Karin with you?"

Looking a bit surprised by his question, Suigetsu decided to quit joking around and plopped ungracefully on the ground.

"Yeah. She went to Tsunade. We got some info and that's why we're here. Thought I'd stop by and say hello."

After the war, Juugo was committed to mental health institution and he was making real progress with Tsunade's help.

Karin and Suigetsu decided that they weren't ready to settle down just yet so they traveled the world and sent Konoha whatever information they came across. In exchange, when they would finally want to live in a single place, Konoha would offer them shelter.

When team Taka split, Sasuke and his redhead female teammate weren't exactly on good terms. More like he scared the shit out of her.

Not that he could blame her.

"How is she?"

"Karin? She's better these days. Not so many nightmares, eats and sleeps well. Life's good. Two more years and she'll even be able to look you in the eye. I think…"

At the word nightmares Suigetsu lost Sasuke completely. He had no idea the girl was so terrified of him.

"What nightmares?"

"You know, the ones with you running her through with a chidori."

Suigetsu was kind of enjoying dropping the bomb on Sasuke. He really liked the guy and he understood that he had dealt with a lot of shit as a kid. Enough to make anyone go mad. Still, Karin didn't deserve what he did to her.

"Don't look so surprised Sasuke. The girl had issues long before she met you and when her Sasuke-kun, her hero, snapped and was about to murder her in cold blood… Let's just say that she was kinda crushed."

"I didn't know."

"Yeah, well, you owe me. It's your fault I had to be woken up by her screams every damn night for a couple of months. Man, I looked like a zombie."

Seeing that the raven haired was deep in thought, Suigetsu didn't know what to make of the situation. In an effort to fill the silence, something that was usually a piece of cake for Suigetsu, he started babbling.

"Anyway, she owes her head to that pretty medic. The one with pink hair."

At this Sasuke's eyes narrowed a dangerous fraction, an unidentifiable emotion flashing in his dark orbs, too fast for Suigetsu to notice.

"Karin keeps saying that they share some kind of sick bond through you. Since you tried to kill them both, you know."

"I have to go."

"Already? Well, I guess I'd better get those supplies Karin said she needed if I don't want my ears bleeding. I swear I can't understand how such small being can make so much noise."

The water nin kept talking, but the Uchiha was no longer listening to him.

The man was lost in his own thoughts…memories.

He already saw a shaking body struggling underneath blankets that failed to provide the needed warmth.

A pretty face contorted in pain and fear.

He kept seeing green eyes filled with tears.

Ooo000ooO

After a couple of hours of boring but necessary domestic work, Sakura found herself sitting at Ichiraku for a bowl of ramen. The last person she expected to see was the redhead who understood her better than most.

"You know, Sak, ramen isn't the healthiest food out there. Thought you'd know that being a doctor and all that shit."

"Karin."

For a moment the medic was shocked but then her face broke into a smile. The most sincere she had offered someone in a while. Seeing the reaction, the Uzumaki girl smiled back and took a seat next to her friend.

If Sakura could be called that.

The two girls weren't exactly best buds. They both loved and lost in the most hurtful and traumatic way. That's the only thing that bonded them, but their feelings were so intense that they didn't need anything else.

"You know, I used to eat like that too. Never taking care of myself. "

"I'm fine, Karin, but thanks."

"That's what I used to say when people nagged me. Well, Suigetsu was the only one around, but still.., you get the idea."

"Aren't you lonely with only Suigetsu to keep you company on the road?"

"You're lonelier than me, honey. Believe me."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't let people in. I let Suigetsu help me out. Granted, it took some time, but still…"

"How come you were able to trust him after…you know?"

"I guess I needed him. I still do. And he's just that kind of a guy. He won't give up once he has his mind set on something or someone. I can't believe I'm saying this but, I'm lucky to have him in my life."

"He's much like Naruto, right?"

"Yes. And like Sasuke too."

At the mention of the avenger's name, Sakura froze. Never mind that she couldn't understand how Sasuke would be like Naruto or Suigetu in Karin's mind, but she couldn't comprehend how she could say his name with such ease.

"I don't see the how they're alike."

"Of course not. You're too terrified to see. You lost your tongue the moment you heard his name."

"I don't know how you can talk about him."

"I can, since I'm over him. It's not taboo for me anymore. I learned to forgive."

"How? Did he even say he was sorry?"

"He did, but that's not the point. I forgave him for myself. I wanted to just move on and let the terror be just an unwanted memory."

"You mean…You're not afraid anymore?"

"No. Look, Sak, he's not a bad guy, you know. He had some issues and he lost it for a while, but he is a good guy just like Naruto and Suigetsu. You know, he's not the only one who's done bad things. Suigetsu isn't exactly an angel, but we're shinobi. That's our life."

"I guess you're right. I know what you say is true and that he's no longer a threat, but I just can't seem to get over this."

"I think you still love him."

"What?"

"You know it's true. Don't deny it."

The medic could say nothing more. Maybe Karin was right, but that didn't really matter because she simply couldn't bring herself to utter his name let alone talk about her feelings regarding him.

At her silence, Karin gave a tired sigh.

"Look, Sakura, I like you a lot. And I owe you my life. I want to help. Why don't you come with me and Suigetsu for a while? Some distance could help."

"Thanks, Karin. I'm afraid I can't. I have responsibilities here."

"If you change your mind, the offer still stands. I gotta go. Duty calls."

"Have a nice trip, Karin. And I want you to know that I'm happy for you and Suigetsu."

"Thanks, sweetie. And on the off chance that something were to happen between you and Sasuke, I want you to know that I'm alright with that. I got over my crush on him a long time ago."

The pinkette was too stunned to say anything else and was left staring at her redhead friend walking away with a calm and confidence she wished she had for herself. She was sure that if Karin were to cross paths with Sasuke right now, she would be able to keep her head up high, smile that charming smile of hers and even make some small talk.

Whilst Sakura would just run and hide.

Seeing that her ramen was cold, Sakura concluded that life was sad. At least hers was.

She left the money on the counter and left without touching her food.

oooOOOooo

Drops of cold water caressed Sakura's porcelain skin. She lost herself in the harsh, yet comforting feeling.

Deep in the woods near Konoha, a tall and mighty waterfall stood, unknown to most despite its unique beauty. The pink haired medic was glad to have it all for herself.

Despite putting up a strong front, what Karin had told her earlier got to her.

She felt as if everyone was moving on with their life and finding peace and happiness. Everyone except her.

Until her meeting with the redhead, she believed that the trauma she had been through was different from what the others experienced and that she had some sort of stupid right to not be so strong. She thought it was ok for her to feel so damn small.

After all, Karin went through the same thing and she was just as fucked up.

But Karin managed to get over it and no matter how proud the pinkette was of her, she just had to ask herself why she was the only one who never managed to let her guard down for a moment.

Why was she spending her time feeling so afraid of her own shadow?

Those thoughts were running havoc in her mind when she felt a strong but calm chakra approaching her. Not wanting to greet her unexpected guest stark naked, she quickly slipped on her red and now wet dress.

It clung to her curves like a second skin, leaving little to the imagination, but it was all she could do to be at least covered.

She was nervous, not knowing who could be reaching the waterfall and what their intention were. For a brief second she contemplated hiding in the bushes and hoping they would soon leave, but that thought was quickly thrown out the window when Uchiha Sasuke emerged from behind the thick green leaves of the trees.

Her breath caught in her through and she felt her blood turn to ice.

Now, she wished more than ever that she would have trusted the gut feeling she had and not only went to hide but to run as far away from that place as possible.

"Sakura."

His voice sent shivers down her spine. What she knew was a mere greeting made her jump in her own skin. Her imagination was running wild. What did he want. Did he finally decide that it was time to take his revenge on her? For her foolish attempt on his life?

It was funny how the scenery around them reminded her so much of that time.

Would she fight back? Did she even have the right to?

Because no matter how much she wanted to blame him for everything, the harsh truth was that she started it.

She was the one who really betrayed him.

She was the one who broke her promise and tried to deceive him, faking compliance only to turn her sword on him.

She couldn't help but wonder, in these years after the war, while she was hiding like the coward that she was, what was he doing? Was he waiting for her to say that she's sorry? Was he controlling his anger with as much patience as he could muster?

Had that patience run out?

She knew she deserved what was coming to her. She had brought it on herself and she really had no right to fight it or to whine about it.

She felt something wet linger on her check and she tried to ponder if it was a lone, traitorous tear, or if it was from the waterfall. Maybe her damp hair was guilty for the wetness on her check just as she was guilty for the blood that would soon flow from her wounded heart.

Her end would be painful, yes, but at least it would be poetic.

"Sasuke…"

It was barely a whisper and she wondered whether he could hear her with all the noise coming from the falling water.

Funny how in any other situation, it would have been music to her ears, but now it was making it hard for her to breathe. She felt suffocated, unable to make a sound. She feared that if spoke, she would die from some kind of exhaustion before Sasuke had the chance to kill her and find his peace.

She had always been so afraid that he would lose it and come after her one day seeking revenge and now that it finally happened, she felt oddly at ease. Terrified out of her mind, yes, but the guilt that burdened her heart seemed lighter now.

Afraid for herself she was, yes.

Her vision was hazy, yes.

She felt like chocking on her own breath and dying, yes.

But at the same time, she never felt that her thoughts had never been so clear. The only thing running through her mind was Sasuke's feelings.

After so much time, it was only know that she wondered how he must've felt to return to a village where his family had been slaughtered on the order of the authorities, where his friends were no longer his friends and where the girl who said she loved him with all her life and couldn't live without him but then tried to kill him lived.

He must've felt afraid as well.

He must've felt…betrayed.

Maybe he never loved her like she did, maybe he never looked up to her like she did to him, but at least he trusted her.

He never promised her anything.

She promised him everything on more than one occasion.

Only to break those promises in that horrifying moment.

These thought and memories ran through her mind and she actually saw her life flashing before her eyes as her breathing became uncontrollable.

She saw him advancing towards her with great speed that only he was capable of.

She realized she was having a panic attack as her knees gave up on her.

So much for her poetic ending.

She briefly wondered if Sasuke's sword would reach her before she hit the ground.

But moments passed and nothing happened.

She felt neither the sharp pain of his blade, nor the dull one from hitting the ground.

Instead, she felt warm.

She felt strong arms wrap around her waist and trembling body to try and keep her still, maybe, if they weren't who they were, even offer some warmth and comfort.

She felt hot breath on her face and she heard a deep voice calling her name.

Slowly and weakly, she opened her eyes only to see the man that had to power either make her or break her with just one glance.

"Sakura, are you alright?"

To say that his question surprised her would be an understatement.

She didn't understand why he didn't draw his sword yet and why his eyes weren't blood red with his sharingan waiting to deliver her death at any second.

But maybe she let her fears get the best of her once again. Maybe he didn't come here looking for her and maybe he still had a little patience left for her.

Maybe she would live to see another day of her miserable life.

She wouldn't exactly call it living, but at least it wasn't dying.

Somehow, she couldn't decide which was worse.

"I-I'm fine."

She managed to stutter while he laid her on the ground as gently as he could, not wanting to cause her anymore distress.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, trying to sound alright and making an effort to not clue him in on what she was feeling.

"I came to see you."

At his unexpected answer she looked at him with wide, fearful eyes and seeing his unreadable expression, she somehow knew that he knew.

He knew about her fears and yet he was there with her. What did that mean?

What kind of cruel game was he playing?

"Sasuke… I need to go back."

The pinkette said, hastily getting up and intending to make a run for it. She didn't get too far as a strong but gentle grip pinned her to that very spot.

"No. We need to talk, Sakura. No more running away. No more running from me."

"I-I-"

"You don't have to say anything. I'm the one who has to explain himself. I made a horrible mistake when I tried to hurt you. It's my biggest regret. My second biggest regret was not talking to you about it. Not telling you how I felt. I thought that, with time, we would be close again, but I was wrong. "

"Sasuke…"

"Time changes nothing. If we don't do something, if I don't do something, we'll never move on from this and the two of us will remain forever strangers in the best case scenario."

He paused and took a deep breath before continuing.

"I don't want to be a stranger to you, Sakura. And I don't want you to be afraid of me, even though I know you have every right to. Today, when Suigetsu told me that Karin was having nightmares about my attempt on her life, all I could think about was how you must be feeling with me being so close to you, living in the same village and walking the same streets."

A heart wrecking sob was heard from the pinkette and Sasuke knew he deserved it, so, he went on.

"Do you feel as if you have no where to go? As if every moment could be your last, Sakura? Are you scared, that maybe, at any given moment I could snap and break your neck?"

"Y-yes." She answered in a trembling voice as she looked into his dark orbs and knew that she was breaking his heart all over again, but it was the truth.

He raised his hand to her neck and touched the smooth skin. She swallowed hard and made an effort to control her erratic heart.

"Don't be afraid of me, Sakura. Please."

He pleaded as his hand traveled to her cheek and wiped her tears.

"I will never hurt you again. I swear on my life. And I will never let anyone else hurt either. I swear that as well."

"I'm so sorry, Sasuke!" She shouted as she buried herself in his arms and chest, as if trying to unite their hearts, as if that could convey all the fear and guilt and hurt that she felt.

But their hearts didn't become one.

All she managed to do was crush her unbidden chest into his muscular one, but still he seemed to understand a little of what she was feeling and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her closer to him.

"Shh. You're safe, Sakura."

"No, Sasuke, you don't understand! I'm sorry! I betrayed you; I tried to kill you first! Not the other way around."

Sasuke moved to look in her eyes. They were filled with hot tears which were now trailing freely down her checks. He put his hand at the back of her head, placing a firm, but tender hold on Sakura.

"Listen to me, Sakura. I know what happened. I know that I lost it back then and the others decided ending it was the best. Shikamaru told me. He said it broke your heart but that you took it upon yourself to end my suffering."

"Not a day has passed by, in which I didn't regret what I did Sasuke. I lied to you. I betrayed you. You have every right to kill me right now."

Sasuke listened to her intently and tightened his hold on her waist.

"Don't ever say that, Sakura! No one has any right over your life."

"It's the same for you. No one has the right to take your life."

"I was insane then, Sakura. You did the right thing. If I ever lose myself again like that, I want to be killed before I hurt other people again."

"No! I will never betray you again, Sasuke! I swear it to you. Cross my heart!"

"Then I swear to never lose myself again. For you, I will do that for you."

"Thank you, Sasuke."

"But I'll need your help, Sakura. I will need you by my side."

He said looking into her forest green eyes, his onyx ones intense and pleading with her."

"Sasuke…Whatever you want, whatever you need…"

She said as she cupped his checks and he rested his forehead on hers, enjoying the feeling of his hands on her waist, holding her close to him.

"I'll do and be whatever you ask of me. I may have broken my promise in the past, but never again. Right now, I'm giving you my word that I am never going to leave your side and that I am going to do my best in making you happy. And I'm not going to go back on my word. Never again."

"Sakura… If you were to stay here with me, there would be no regrets… because every day we'd do something fun, we'd be happy I swear!… I would do anything for you! so… Please just stay with me!"

The girl stilled in his arms and looked at him with wide eyes. She couldn't believe he remembered what she had said all those years ago. She thought he hadn't relly paid attention.

"You remember…"

"Of course. The memory of you saying how you felt, your confession gave me strength all these years. The knowledge that someone, somewhere cared for me and loved me."

"Sasuke, I still feel the same."

He cupped her checks and wiped her tears one more time. Then, he tangled his fingers in her wet, pink tresses and angled her head so that their lips were touching as he murmured against them.

"If we both feel this…then let's stop running and just be…together."

He said before he brushed his lips tenderly over hers.

Sakura felt like she was reborn as she shyly responded to his gentle touch.

They were both very careful with each other, unsure and mindful not to hurt the other more than they already had. Sasuke was the one who nipped at her lower lip with such care he himself never thought possible.

Sakura lifted her hands, trailed them over his toned chest and then wrapped them around his neck, never wanting to let go of the boy who she knew, would always have her heart.

Somewhere along the line, they both sat in the tall, green grass. Sasuke slipped his arms around her small waist and brought her closer so that she was now sitting on his lap.

The two parted for a moment to catch their breath. It was just a moment in which they managed to break the kiss but they looked into each others eyes and they knew that no matter what would happen, they finally managed to find their peace by being with their other half.

The moment passed but that thought would forever remain engraved in their mind.

As Sasuke kissed her with more passion and hunger than the first time, as he crushed her slender form into his bigger one, he realized that as insane as he had been, he probably wouldn't have been capable of ending her life all those years ago.

As he felt her flesh dig into his own, he knew that she was his and he was hers. The raw desire he felt to be one with her proved that. She was part of him and he wouldn't be capable of hurting her.

Right there, by the waterfall near Konoha, two souls found their way to each other. Right there, a promise was made by both of them. And both of them kept it for the rest of eternity.

oooOOOooo

A/N: I loooove this oneshot! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I proof read it, but there could be some mistakes that I didn't catch. Please tell me if you find such things.

In my sincere opinion, Kishi should have addressed the killing problem more seriously. But he's more about action so I guess I can cut him some slack.

Anyway, since I don't think a simple 'Im sorry' from Sasuke is enough, I wrote this. At first there was more angst against Sasuke and Sakura was blaiming him, but then as I wrote the SakuKarin conversation I realized that unlike Karin, Sakura was actually the first to try and kill Sasuke so maybe that's why they could work out as a couple. They're both guilty.

Speaking of Karin, in the beginning, I didn't like her at all. I'm not much of a fan now either, but I don't dislike her that much.

I liked how in Shippuden, Sakura and Karin didn't get into a cat fight over Sasuke which is what I expected to happen. I believe the way Kishi wrote their interaction made them a little more mature with Sakura saving Karin's life and Karin caring about Sakura's feelings. That's what I tried to capture in this fic regarding them.

They're not really friends, but their feelings for Sasuke make them have a deep bond.

I guess that's all I have to say for now. Please tell me what you think about this.

Regarding my other story, Breathe into me, don't worry, I will update chapter 12 someday. Hopefully soon. Also, there's a high chance that I will be writing a SasuSaku AU soon so stay tuned, darlings!

Please review!

Marie Blubert