Author's Note: Wow, this sucker is OLD, circa, very early fourth season. I've been digging around the old archives, and hey, you guys get what might or might not be the benefit. I'm a sick, strange person.
Warning: Slash is mentioned.
Disclaimer: these characters aren't mine, and after
what I'm doing here, I'm sure they're not going to
want to give them to me.
Summary: Welcome to the Unconventional 'Shipper's
Convention. Slash is mentioned. G/O/B/W/X/S in any mix of two on two combinations.
Your 'Ship's Come In
by Casix Thistlebane
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Giles read the prophesy over sixteen times before he
finally admitted to himself that, if it were true, he
and the young men and women he'd grown so close to
over the years could be in for some seriously icky,
strange, and bad stuff.
Upon admitting this, he promptly reread the prophesy
another ten times.
He then, just as promptly, threw up.
Once that mess was properly cleaned up, Giles set
about convincing himself that, just this once, the
Codex was wrong, and that they could make the prophesy
go away merely by ignoring it.
The instant that he was finally successful in this
venture, Buffy and Oz walked into his kitchen,
laughing and joking with each other. Oz's arm was
wrapped casually around Buffy's waist. Giles fainted.
He was revived a few minutes later when Willow decided
the best way to wake him up was with a hearty kiss on
the lips. He then dashed into the bathroom shouting
particularly British curses, locked the door, and
refused to come out until the prophesy had fulfilled
itself already, and he didn't have to deal with any of
this any more. There was a distinct sound of mouth
washing following this proclamation.
All these actions eventually led the gathered Scooby
Gang to wonder just what prophesy Giles was so upset
about, and check to see precisely what it was he had
read in the Codex.
This, of course, led to even further confusion, as
none of those present could read the language that the
Codex had been written in.
It was decided that the only way to rectify the
situation was to get Giles the hell out of the
bathroom already, and make him read it to them, so
they could commence researching and solve this
problem, whatever it was.
In accordance with the way these sorts of decisions
always turn out, this was easier said than done.
Finally, Xander, Oz, and Spike all ganged up on the
bathroom door, and managed to knock both it, and
Giles, who'd been leaning against it trying not to
faint or throw up again, flat on the floor. There
then proceeded to be even more confusion, as the
Scooby Gang had to decide how best to revive Giles
again. It was decided against Willow attempting it,
and though both Buffy and Xander volunteered for the
honor, Spike finally found some smelling salts in the
cabinet, which seemed to suffice. And they didn't
have the messy side effect of sending Giles screaming
out of the room.
Finally, they managed to coerce Giles into reading
them the prophesy (it required a great deal of
threatening of horrible bodily harm from each of them,
and then finally succeeded when Spike volunteered to
kiss the Englishman if he didn't. He regretted it as
soon as he learned what the prophesy actually was).
Once the obligatory arguing and unhappiness had been
dealt with, the group set about figuring out what,
exactly, they were to do about this apparent
catastrophe.
"I say we ignore it." Spike stated. "That Codex
thingy can't be right all the time."
"That's what I thought." Giles replied. "But it's
already begun." He turned to look meaningfully at
Buffy and Oz, and then at Willow.
"Well, then," Xander said, stretching happily on the
couch. "Nothing to do but to humor the damn thing."
He too looked meaningfully at Buffy and Willow, but it
was a much different kind of meaningful look.
Buffy rapidly went through a series of expressions
that ranged from disgust, to resignation, to a kind of
curious excitement.
Willow merely frowned and turned to look at Oz. "But
I've already found my true love!" She protested, then
paused to think about it. "Haven't I?"
"You may have found a love, Willow, but are you
certain it's your one, true love?" Giles asked
softly.
Willow searched Oz's eyes for something, anything....
And then she found it. A small piece of dust. No
wonder he'd been blinking so much.
Oz blinked again, and then finally managed to rub the
dust from his eyes. He turned to look at Giles again.
"So that's it? We experiment around, and find out
who amongst us is our true love?"
"Er," replied Giles, a little uncomfortably. "Yes."
"Okay." Oz replied, not letting anything get past his
cool exterior. "Who goes first?"
"And what's on second." Xander replied. Everyone
glared at him. Well, except for Buffy, who was still
giving him that strange look. It was starting to make
Xander uncomfortable. As much as he loved Buffy and
wanted said love returned, that expression was just
plain creepy.
Xander squirmed slightly. "Let's get this over with."
He stated, and offered a hand to Buffy. She gladly
took it.
"Why didn't I ever realize how handsome you are
Xander?" She asked sweetly.
Xander grimaced, and shut his eyes. He then opened
them again, very, very wide, as Buffy kissed him full
on this lips. This was, supposedly, his dream come
true. "Gyah," he shouted, and pulled away slightly.
"In private, Buff!"
Buffy considered this. "Okay!" She replied happily,
and the two of them moved off together to another part
of the house.
The remaining members of the Scooby Gang watched them
go, and then glanced around at each other, looking
uncomfortable. Finally, Willow decided to take the
initiative.
"Come on, Spike." She stated finally, offering her
hand to the not-quite-good-but-for-some-
reason-fighting-evil vampire. "I'll go wear some
leather for you."
"Alright luv," the bleached-blonde brit replied, and
the two left, leaving Oz and Giles looking at one
another.
They continued just looking at each other for a long
time.
A cricket sounded softly from the kitchen.
Oz raised an eyebrow at the ex-librarian.
Giles looked decidedly ill, and then finally resigned
himself to his fate.
"Right then," he said, standing. "Let's get his show
on the road."
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
[insert what ever couple you wish in whatever kind of
situation with whatever level of kinkiness you prefer.
Just remember that said characters will also end up,
in varying degrees of television rating, with everyother character. (wicked look from the author)]
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Well," Giles stated, sitting carefully down on the
couch and trying not to remember what had transpired
there a few moments before. "That was certainly
educational...."
"Yes." replied the group in stereo. None of them
seemed willing to look at very many of the others.
"And what did we all learn?" Spike asked, sounding
like a deranged kindergarten teacher.
There was brief silence, until Willow finally spoke
up.
"I learned that I really do love Oz."
Oz smiled happily, the only emotion he'd shown
throughout the entire story, and wrapped an arm over
her shoulders. "Me too. Well, you know what I mean."
"Yes." Giles stated, cleaning his glasses carefully.
"I learned that I still miss Jenny quite a bit, but
that... er...."
"Admit it Giles," Buffy said, smiling a bit
sardonically. "My mom is helping. God, that so
twisted....."
"Yes. And what about you, Buffy?"
"Me? I learned that I still miss Angel, but not as
much as I thought I did. Xander?"
"Well, Buffy, there will always be just a bit of that
whole 'unrequited' business between us," Xander
replied, doing his best to look pious. "But that I
have not yet found my true love."
Spike, who had remained silent for quite awhile, spoke
up. "I for one, learned quite a bit. First, Willow,
you look lovely in leather."
Willow blushed. Oz leaned over and whispered
something in her ear, which only made her giggle and
blush more.
"And Oz, your experience as a werewolf has made you
quite an... interesting partner."
Oz smiled slightly, and Willow giggled more.
"And Xander, you have a rightly disturbing way of
giggling to yourself. It's rather hyena like."
Xander shrugged, trying not to look embarrassed.
"Giles? You weren't bad, but you could be better.
Remember, practice makes perfect."
Giles frowned and tried to look dignified. Buffy
laughed.
"And the darling Slayer. That strength is certainly
good for something. I'm not surprised you made Angel
go psycho."
Buffy glared daggers at him, and her next statement
was so sickeningly sweet it sent the entire room into
diabetic shock.
"And what are your conclusions, Spike?"
"Well, I merely confirmed what I already knew."
"Which was?"
"I'm in love with myself."
There was a momentary silence in the room. Giles
finally cleared his throat.
"Well, that's that then." He snapped the Codex shut
with a, well, a snap. "Now, may I suggest that we
never EVER, speak of this again?"
It was quickly agreed. All those involved managed to,
quite successfully, suppress their memories of the
eventful night, and business for the Scooby Gang
continued as usual.
Except for the total renovation of Giles' apartment
that followed the replacement of his bathroom door,
that is.
The End.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Warning: Slash is mentioned.
Disclaimer: these characters aren't mine, and after
what I'm doing here, I'm sure they're not going to
want to give them to me.
Summary: Welcome to the Unconventional 'Shipper's
Convention. Slash is mentioned. G/O/B/W/X/S in any mix of two on two combinations.
Your 'Ship's Come In
by Casix Thistlebane
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Giles read the prophesy over sixteen times before he
finally admitted to himself that, if it were true, he
and the young men and women he'd grown so close to
over the years could be in for some seriously icky,
strange, and bad stuff.
Upon admitting this, he promptly reread the prophesy
another ten times.
He then, just as promptly, threw up.
Once that mess was properly cleaned up, Giles set
about convincing himself that, just this once, the
Codex was wrong, and that they could make the prophesy
go away merely by ignoring it.
The instant that he was finally successful in this
venture, Buffy and Oz walked into his kitchen,
laughing and joking with each other. Oz's arm was
wrapped casually around Buffy's waist. Giles fainted.
He was revived a few minutes later when Willow decided
the best way to wake him up was with a hearty kiss on
the lips. He then dashed into the bathroom shouting
particularly British curses, locked the door, and
refused to come out until the prophesy had fulfilled
itself already, and he didn't have to deal with any of
this any more. There was a distinct sound of mouth
washing following this proclamation.
All these actions eventually led the gathered Scooby
Gang to wonder just what prophesy Giles was so upset
about, and check to see precisely what it was he had
read in the Codex.
This, of course, led to even further confusion, as
none of those present could read the language that the
Codex had been written in.
It was decided that the only way to rectify the
situation was to get Giles the hell out of the
bathroom already, and make him read it to them, so
they could commence researching and solve this
problem, whatever it was.
In accordance with the way these sorts of decisions
always turn out, this was easier said than done.
Finally, Xander, Oz, and Spike all ganged up on the
bathroom door, and managed to knock both it, and
Giles, who'd been leaning against it trying not to
faint or throw up again, flat on the floor. There
then proceeded to be even more confusion, as the
Scooby Gang had to decide how best to revive Giles
again. It was decided against Willow attempting it,
and though both Buffy and Xander volunteered for the
honor, Spike finally found some smelling salts in the
cabinet, which seemed to suffice. And they didn't
have the messy side effect of sending Giles screaming
out of the room.
Finally, they managed to coerce Giles into reading
them the prophesy (it required a great deal of
threatening of horrible bodily harm from each of them,
and then finally succeeded when Spike volunteered to
kiss the Englishman if he didn't. He regretted it as
soon as he learned what the prophesy actually was).
Once the obligatory arguing and unhappiness had been
dealt with, the group set about figuring out what,
exactly, they were to do about this apparent
catastrophe.
"I say we ignore it." Spike stated. "That Codex
thingy can't be right all the time."
"That's what I thought." Giles replied. "But it's
already begun." He turned to look meaningfully at
Buffy and Oz, and then at Willow.
"Well, then," Xander said, stretching happily on the
couch. "Nothing to do but to humor the damn thing."
He too looked meaningfully at Buffy and Willow, but it
was a much different kind of meaningful look.
Buffy rapidly went through a series of expressions
that ranged from disgust, to resignation, to a kind of
curious excitement.
Willow merely frowned and turned to look at Oz. "But
I've already found my true love!" She protested, then
paused to think about it. "Haven't I?"
"You may have found a love, Willow, but are you
certain it's your one, true love?" Giles asked
softly.
Willow searched Oz's eyes for something, anything....
And then she found it. A small piece of dust. No
wonder he'd been blinking so much.
Oz blinked again, and then finally managed to rub the
dust from his eyes. He turned to look at Giles again.
"So that's it? We experiment around, and find out
who amongst us is our true love?"
"Er," replied Giles, a little uncomfortably. "Yes."
"Okay." Oz replied, not letting anything get past his
cool exterior. "Who goes first?"
"And what's on second." Xander replied. Everyone
glared at him. Well, except for Buffy, who was still
giving him that strange look. It was starting to make
Xander uncomfortable. As much as he loved Buffy and
wanted said love returned, that expression was just
plain creepy.
Xander squirmed slightly. "Let's get this over with."
He stated, and offered a hand to Buffy. She gladly
took it.
"Why didn't I ever realize how handsome you are
Xander?" She asked sweetly.
Xander grimaced, and shut his eyes. He then opened
them again, very, very wide, as Buffy kissed him full
on this lips. This was, supposedly, his dream come
true. "Gyah," he shouted, and pulled away slightly.
"In private, Buff!"
Buffy considered this. "Okay!" She replied happily,
and the two of them moved off together to another part
of the house.
The remaining members of the Scooby Gang watched them
go, and then glanced around at each other, looking
uncomfortable. Finally, Willow decided to take the
initiative.
"Come on, Spike." She stated finally, offering her
hand to the not-quite-good-but-for-some-
reason-fighting-evil vampire. "I'll go wear some
leather for you."
"Alright luv," the bleached-blonde brit replied, and
the two left, leaving Oz and Giles looking at one
another.
They continued just looking at each other for a long
time.
A cricket sounded softly from the kitchen.
Oz raised an eyebrow at the ex-librarian.
Giles looked decidedly ill, and then finally resigned
himself to his fate.
"Right then," he said, standing. "Let's get his show
on the road."
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
[insert what ever couple you wish in whatever kind of
situation with whatever level of kinkiness you prefer.
Just remember that said characters will also end up,
in varying degrees of television rating, with everyother character. (wicked look from the author)]
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Well," Giles stated, sitting carefully down on the
couch and trying not to remember what had transpired
there a few moments before. "That was certainly
educational...."
"Yes." replied the group in stereo. None of them
seemed willing to look at very many of the others.
"And what did we all learn?" Spike asked, sounding
like a deranged kindergarten teacher.
There was brief silence, until Willow finally spoke
up.
"I learned that I really do love Oz."
Oz smiled happily, the only emotion he'd shown
throughout the entire story, and wrapped an arm over
her shoulders. "Me too. Well, you know what I mean."
"Yes." Giles stated, cleaning his glasses carefully.
"I learned that I still miss Jenny quite a bit, but
that... er...."
"Admit it Giles," Buffy said, smiling a bit
sardonically. "My mom is helping. God, that so
twisted....."
"Yes. And what about you, Buffy?"
"Me? I learned that I still miss Angel, but not as
much as I thought I did. Xander?"
"Well, Buffy, there will always be just a bit of that
whole 'unrequited' business between us," Xander
replied, doing his best to look pious. "But that I
have not yet found my true love."
Spike, who had remained silent for quite awhile, spoke
up. "I for one, learned quite a bit. First, Willow,
you look lovely in leather."
Willow blushed. Oz leaned over and whispered
something in her ear, which only made her giggle and
blush more.
"And Oz, your experience as a werewolf has made you
quite an... interesting partner."
Oz smiled slightly, and Willow giggled more.
"And Xander, you have a rightly disturbing way of
giggling to yourself. It's rather hyena like."
Xander shrugged, trying not to look embarrassed.
"Giles? You weren't bad, but you could be better.
Remember, practice makes perfect."
Giles frowned and tried to look dignified. Buffy
laughed.
"And the darling Slayer. That strength is certainly
good for something. I'm not surprised you made Angel
go psycho."
Buffy glared daggers at him, and her next statement
was so sickeningly sweet it sent the entire room into
diabetic shock.
"And what are your conclusions, Spike?"
"Well, I merely confirmed what I already knew."
"Which was?"
"I'm in love with myself."
There was a momentary silence in the room. Giles
finally cleared his throat.
"Well, that's that then." He snapped the Codex shut
with a, well, a snap. "Now, may I suggest that we
never EVER, speak of this again?"
It was quickly agreed. All those involved managed to,
quite successfully, suppress their memories of the
eventful night, and business for the Scooby Gang
continued as usual.
Except for the total renovation of Giles' apartment
that followed the replacement of his bathroom door,
that is.
The End.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\