summary

Something terrible happens Asuka, leaving Shinji angry and confused. As he confronts his feelings he is led down a path of vengeance, with no redemption in sight.

/In Pain's Wake/

- lawless priest -

01- A reason to kill

She lay there bleeding form numerous cuts and bruises. Her eyes were heavy with tears and the black beneath them were testimony to that pain she must have been in. But to me the look in her eyes hurt the most. They were empty, those once clear blue orbs that once held such depth and awareness, also full of confidence and assurance, now remained blank as if the soul that once filled them lay vacant.

"Shinji...?"

Her voice was weak, I barely heard her. If it wasn't for the fact that I was on my knees holding her head with tears falling down my face I probably wouldn't have.

"Shinji... please."

I could her the pleading tone in her voice. It was something that I never thought I would hear from her lips, except in my dreams, but this, this was a nightmare.

"I'm here Asuka. I'm here. Don't worry, everything will be fine." she didn't respond, I wondered if she even heard me.

"Don't leave me... please, don't leave." her whispered sob nearly broke my heart.

She was asking me for help. But the coward in me kept calling. What could I do. I didn't know what to say. I so, wanted to comfort her, but how? How, could I, Spineless Shinji Baka Ikari, do anything to help anybody. I couldn't even help myself

'You can't just leave her' a voice inside my head said.

'But what can I do? I tried before after the 15th, but..'

'DON'T wimp out on this! She needs you!' Look at her, she's helpless and she needs you to be there, so just do it.'

'but...?'

'But what?'

'What will it change?'

'Nothing... Everything... who knows, but you won't know unless you try.'

"I... I... want to... but... she needs me. I have to... I can... I can."

Looking down at her, at her fiery red hair in disarray, all mattered to her face by her blood and sweat. I couldn't leave her. I couldn't.

"I-I won't, don't worry, Asuka, I'm here... for you." She didn't respond, but her breathing slowed to a normal rate and she closed her eyes, her body relaxing.

Just then the Section - 2 guards that were assigned to watch her came in. They had already reported the situation to Misato and soon the ambulance would be here. The damage had already been done, her body would heal, but the wounds to her soul where another problem.

/IPW/

"How is she."

I looked up from my sentry position by her hospital bed.

"She's sleeping better now, but truthfully I don't know Misato."

The Major was looking more than a bit haggard herself. I didn't even consider how I must have looked. Asuka's blood was still stained on my clothes from before. I had never thought to change, mainly because it would have required me to leave her side and I couldn't do that. More likely I didn't have the energy.

It seemed impossible for her to look so peaceful now after what she had just been through.

"Who did this to her?"

My voice was even, but by her little start I must have surprised her. Not hard too do with such a mournful mood about the quite room.

"I don't know yet. Section - 2 is on it. They'll contact me when they find them." Misato paused, her face warring between worry and fury. It took awhile for her to gather herself, but eventually, "I would ask her, but..." she trailed off. I understood her reluctance. She didn't need to be reminded so soon, but they would have to ask her. Only Asuka could tell us what happened.

"Will you let me know when they find them Misato?"

My guardian/surrogate mother/commanding officer, looked at me briefly, weighing my words, trying to gauge their meaning. "I... don't see why not." she answered slowly, not sure if it was a good idea.

I knew if she knew my true motive she would have refused immediately, but I had to chance it. If I was going to proceed with my plan I would need to act before everyone had a chance to interfere.

Something the Section - 2 guards had said when they were loading Asuka into the ambulance replayed itself to him.

"Can't believe something like this happened on our watch." the first guard said. "Doesn't matter," the second answered "when we find the punks we'll set it strait. We'll show them the justice they deserve."

"We'll show them justice"

/IPW/

Those words played over and over in my head. Misato had long since left and I was alone in the room except for the young women in the hospital bed.

"Don't worry Asuka," I whispered. "I'll fix this, somehow. I swear it."