Kinsey and I rushed to the front desk of the hospital. Lindsay told me she'd stay in the waiting room until Damian got there. She hugged me before I ran to my dad's room. Kinsey grabbed my hand and we sped to the room.
"Daddy!" Kinsey shouted, rushing to his bedside chair. She kneeled down beside him and pressed her head to his chest. I stood in the door and frowned at him. Tears were streaking down my face.
I put my hand over my mouth and closed my eyes. I couldn't do it. I put my back to the wall and sank to the floor. I buried my head in my knees. This was just too much. I couldn't bear it. I shut myself off.
I left that room and went some place better. For some reason I flashed back to one of the happiest days in my life. It seemed wrong that my dad was dying two yards away from me and my mind turned to Damian.
Most of my happy thoughts involved him and I needed to be happy right then. I couldn't let myself go. I couldn't let Kinsey or my dad or the nurses and doctors see me cry. I took all the sorrow I was feeling and put it in a box in the back of my head.
I pictured myself, sitting in a tree. My nose was in my copy of Pride and Prejudice. I heard Damian call my name from his back yard. We were maybe thirteen and his voice cracked as he called from his tree. We talked back and forth, tree to tree. It was one of our best moments.
I was quietly and quickly pulled back to reality. "Riss," Kinsey said, walking over to me, "I know it's hard. You need to talk to him." She held out her hand. Her face was strong but her purple eyes told another story. I took her hand and stood up.
She led me to him. His eyes were closed and the monitor next to him was beeping faintly. I sat down next to him and Kinsey excused herself to go find a nurse.
"Dad," I said, twiddling my thumbs in my lap, "You can't leave. There's too much unsaid between us. I'm sorry for never trying…" I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. I tried to hold back my tears. "Dad, please… I need you. I never understood you but now I do. You saved people's lives but now I need you to save your own life. Please…" I sat there holding his hand.
The monitor continued to beep but it never got better. Kinsey joined me and we held hands. I put my head on her shoulder until the monitor started going again.
I looked up suddenly when I saw his heart beat gong fast and fast. I went to call the nurse in. "The monitor," I said to the first nurse I saw, "It's going faster. That means he's getting better, right? Please tell me I'm right." I grasped his arm.
"Yes," he said, nodding, "Yes. I'll go check on him. There are three people in the waiting room asking about him. You might want to go talk to them since we can't." I nodded and walked to the waiting room.
I saw Damian and Lindsay. Damian wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed into his chest, letting my emotions spill finally. Lindsay stood there looking down at the floor holding her jacket in her hands.
Damian let go of me and I grasped her hands in mine. "Thank you, Lindsay," I said, smiling sadly at her.
"Sure, sweetie," she said, kissing my cheek.
"What's going on?" a girl asked. It took me a minute to realize who she was. I finally remember her as my dad's girlfriend.
"Well, he's getting better," I said, smiling at her, "He's still in a medical-induced coma but he's alive." She nodded and smiled, relieved.
"What's happening to him?" Damian asked, taking my hand.
"It's something with his leg," I said, shaking my head, "I don't know the name. He's got clots in his leg and the pain causes him to pass out. I had no idea… He was so sick all this time…" I started crying again. Damian put his arm around me.
Carissa took my hand, silently begging me to take her to my dad. I nodded. Damian let me go so that I could take her. She sat down next to my father as I pulled Kinsey aside.
"Kinsey, I can't stay here," I said, "I just…"
"Go," she said, "I'll stay here." She kissed my forehead.
"Thanks, Kinsey," I said smiling. I took one last look at my dad before going to the waiting room.
"Mars?" Damian asked, taking my hand, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I said, "I'm fine. Could you drive me home?" He nodded.
The three of us walked out to Damian car. I climbed in the back seat, wanting to lie down. We dropped Lindsay off first. When she left I climbed up front. "Damo," I said quietly as we started driving again. "Could I maybe not go home?" I asked, "I just… it'd be too much. Can I stay at your house, please?"
"Yeah," he said, "Yeah. I insist."
"Thanks," I said, smiling a little, "I love you."
"I love you too."