A/N: Set after the Grey's season 7 finale and the PP season 4 finale; spoilers included. However, on the PP front, this story ignores the latest Pete and Amelia storylines.

I do not own Grey's Anatomy.

Best of Me

Chapter 1: What the Hell?

"You'll try to love me?" "Try?" Addison asked in astonishment. She quickly sat up in her bed, where she had been lying with Sam, and stared at him in disbelief.

Sam sighed, "You know that having more children was never part of my plan. I already have Maya – come on, Addison, I have a grandchild, for crying out loud! But, yes, because I am a nice guy, I will try to love you and your child, should you chose to adopt or use a sperm donor or whatever. That's a lot to ask, you know, but I will try."

"There you go again with the try! Derek tried to love me when we were together in Seattle and it didn't work. In fact, I've never felt more unloved than when he tried to love me." Addison ran her hand through her hair in frustration, "Look, Sam, no matter how you slice it, trying to love someone doesn't work, and I sure as hell am not going to subject any child of mine to that type of quote-unquote love. And you know what, I don't think I deserve it either."

"So what are you saying, Addison?" Sam asked, a hint of annoyance creeping into his voice.

Addison exhaled noisily, "I'm saying that getting back together would be a mistake. We still want different things, and we need to stop pretending that it's just going to go away. You know, maybe it's time for us to act like responsible adults, for once, and realize that, as a couple, we have an expiration date – and we are so far past expired! I mean, seriously, thank goodness we're not some type of food, like bread... we'd be all moldy and disgusting," Addison rambled. "Oh, or milk. Could you imagine? If we were milk, we'd be all…"

"Addison," Sam interrupted. "Could we not talk about expired food?"

"Right, sorry." "Sam," Addison continued more calmly, "What I'm saying is, we want different things, and neither of us is willing to sacrifice the things that we want for each other, so it looks like we're at an impasse." Then mustering up her courage, she said softly, "Sam, I think you should go."

"Well, if you think it's best," Sam replied stiffly.

Addison sighed – did he ever show emotion? True, they had only "gotten back together" an hour ago, so this breakup technically wasn't as huge as their last one, but still, no change in emotion whatsoever. Seriously? Come to think of it, since they had gotten together, Sam hardly ever showed emotion. He didn't seem particularly effected at the hospital on the night of Charlotte's rape, he didn't have much of a reaction when Addison thought that she might be pregnant with his child, even though he had made it very clear that he did not want to be a father again. In fact, now that she thought about it, he hardly showed emotion when they broke up the first time. It was always this cold, calm, calculated look – it was actually kind of creepy. Now Alex Karev, he showed emotion. There was more emotion in just one of his gorgeous chocolate eyes than there was in Sam's entire body, but that wasn't her point...her point was…

"Addison?" Sam questioned.

Shit, Addison thought to herself. Pushing her thoughts about Alex Karev, his emotions, and his beautiful eyes out of her head, she met Sam's eye.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"I don't know," Addison mumbled. Finally, she conceded, "I guess that would be best. You can let yourself out?"

"Sure," Sam answered calmly, making his way off her bed, grabbing his shirt and heading for the door, as though nothing major had just happened.

Once she heard the door close, Addison decided she might as well start drinking. She knew she wouldn't be falling asleep anytime soon. "I could actually use a good cry," she mused but, with the exception of the past few months, she wasn't really a crier. Stupid proud tear ducts. So, she would have to settle for the next best thing – drinking. And lots of it.

Removing a bottle of vodka from the freezer and pouring herself a large glass, she debated changing into her drinking uniform – oversized sweats and a horrendous bucket hat, but changing would only delay her drinking, so she would drink in her silky negligee.

The first sip of vodka burned the back of her throat. What was she thinking dating Sam? He was her best friend's ex-husband – how much lower could she get? "Well, I did cheat on my husband with his best friend," she muttered to herself. "I'm not sure which is worse." Rather than play that game with herself (she knew there would be no winners), she focused on the project at hand – getting drunk, so gloriously drunk that she would forget about Sam, and their overly complicated relationship, which had once again made her a selfish, backstabbing bitch. Yes, she would get so drunk that she would forget about her failed marriage to Derek, her failed relationship with Mark, and Alex's humiliating rejection – "You're not my girlfriend." She never even asked to be his girlfriend. Seriously, who does that? Well apparently Meredith Grey did, if the rumors about a certain "Pick me, choose me, love me," speech were to be believed. But she, Addison Forbes Montgomery, did not do that. Sure, she saw the potential for a relationship down the line, but you would have to be blind not to. In addition to being undeniably attractive, Alex Karev was a decent guy, maybe even a good guy, maybe even…

What the hell are you doing, Addison, she chided herself. You are supposed to be mourning your relationship with Sam and, now, for the second time tonight, you are thinking about Alex Karev. You need to stop this. Now. Okay, two more minutes, she bargained with herself. Why was she even thinking about Karev anyway? It's not like they ever had anything. Liar! she scolded herself. Okay, fine, they may have shared several loaded looks, an almost kiss over an incubator, an actual kiss at Joe's, not to mention the "awesome," to use his word, on-call room sex. Still, it didn't make sense. She and Sam had sex, lots of sex. So, why, on the night of her breakup with Sam, did her mind insist on thinking about Alex Karev?

"Maybe it's because I never let myself get over him," she said aloud. She hadn't. Shortly after the "You're not my girlfriend" humiliation, she drove out to California with a new mission – to have a baby. When she learned that her chances of bearing children were slim to none, it was easy for her to redirect the pain she was feeling. And she found that she could further avoid confronting her feelings for Alex if she conflated the pain of not being able to have children with the chances that she missed to have a baby with Derek and Mark. In time, she became an expert at convincing herself that her only meaningful pre-L.A. relationships were her marriage to Derek and her short relationship with Mark. Alex Karev was nothing more than a fling – she never had any true feelings for him.

Addison glanced at the clock on the wall. Ten minutes had passed. "Damn it, Karev," she swore angrily. I was only supposed to devote two minutes to you. Clearly I am not drunk enough if I am still thinking about Alex. "And still able to read the clock," she muttered dryly. She began making her way to the freezer to pour herself another glass of vodka, when she heard the doorbell ring. She raised her eyebrow. Who the hell would stop by at this hour? Quickly, she composed a mental list of who could possibly be at her door. Sam – not likely. He was a master at avoiding difficult conversations and, after their difficult conversation a half-hour ago, he certainly wouldn't be coming back for more anytime soon. Pete and Violet – probably not. Charlotte and Cooper – definitely not. Amelia – that's got to be it. Derek's younger sister, Amelia, had been living in Addison's house for a while now. She must have forgotten to take her key when she went out tonight, Addison figured. Confident that it was Amelia at the door, Addison made no attempt to cover up her skimpy pajamas. Amelia wouldn't care.

As she opened the door, Addison cursed herself for not having the good sense to grab something to cover herself up with because, instead of opening the door to find Amelia, she found herself face to face with Alex Karev.