She was sixteen. The young woman sat blissfully, struggling with a pleasant smile. Her bare feet were submersed into the cool, clean water of the lake. Anyone watching her, and there were a few, thought she was merely cooling off- she looked so beautiful, her smile, her beautiful hair, the sunbonnet. But they did not notice the crimson, inkish under the icy lake surface, swirling from the gashes in her feet.
She sat with her feet poised on the rocks, forcing herself to keep them there, even when the pain became its worst. She forced a smile. She must endure. After eight hours, she rose, the pain and hunger, stiffness and sunburn her penance for her uncommitted crime. She dried her feet in the dusk, further punishing herself by walking home.
She did not know why she tortured herself so. But she knew she must do it. A little at first, then bigger and bigger things. People became suspicious, asking why she was always so bruised, bandaged. But she did not hear them. Alone, in her room, always alone, she cared for herself. She always did at least that. She smiled as she admired her scars, the remnants of battles against..... something she knew she must fight. Her skin was imperfect. It was scarred, it bled, no longer smooth to the touch. She was imperfect.
She wasn't suicidal. Of course her tortures were odd and dangerous, but they made her feel brave, important, empowered and unlike her shy self. Maybe that is what she wanted. To become something else than Tomoyo. To escape. She did not know. But maybe she would, finally, if she went a bit deeper....
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"Open your Guide to Understanding Tenth Grade Geometry to page forty-three, Unmasking the Polygon. Mihara-san, please begin for us."
Tomoyo listened with model-student intensity, blissfully unaware of the proud, angry scar she showcased just beneath her lip. She smiled as she obeyed.
Sakura also obeyed, but her mind was not on the lesson. She glanced at Tomoyo, looking concerned. Lately, she had been worried about her. She showed up at school bandaged and bleeding, bruised, and sometimes not even showing up at all. Everyone suspected she was attempting suicide............but aren't the suicidal depressed? She looked at the scar once more. Her friend seemed even more cheerful lately. Inside, Sakura was deeply afraid... She sighed, returning to the Geometry lesson, but every here and then taking quick looks at Tomoyo....
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So, how did you get this one?" Sakura asked only half-heartedly, knowing she wouldn't get the truth. She studied primly green and gardened grass beneath her feet on the Seijou High lawn. She hugged her books to her chest, feeling very uncomfortable. Everywhere students went on with their lives. Once she was one of them, but today the sound of Chiharu strangling Yamazaki wasn't as exasperatingly funny as it used to be.
"I slipped and cut my chin on my wire fence while I was watering the flowers," she said briskly, as if it were an everyday thing. She smiled all the while, her voice too cheerful to be real.
"You seem.......very clumsy lately." She suddenly felt like crying.
"Don't I?" She laughed gaily. "Oh, I've forgotten! Maiko-san asked me to help her with the flute! Very sorry, Sakura-chan.... See you after school!" And she dashed off without ever glancing back. So unlike the old Tomoyo....
She couldn't take it anymore. Sakura collapsed upon the ground, sobbing. Tomoyo never even looked at her. Where had she gone? The old Tomoyo........she didn't like this new one. Ever since she started hurting herself....... What would make her so unhappy? Did she hate her? All their conversations.......they were so sketchy, Tomoyo always talked carelessly, as if she were so distracted. She had made new friends and hardly ever spent time with Sakura anymore. Yet, she seemed happier than ever. Happier..... but not herself. She ached to see her, clutching her V8 and asking to tape her. Didn't she know that she liked her the way she was?
This was too much. She wiped away the tears and sat up, leaving the schoolyard unnoticed.
She was going to call Eriol.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I know, it wasn't very long......... But I hope you see the situation. I also hope I'm taking this off of the beaten path. Let me know if you enjoyed it, or even if you didn't. All comments are welcome; I respect everyone's opinion. Arigato!
(Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura is property of CLAMP, and all characters, likenesses, and any others used in this story are property of their respective owners. Only the plot is my own.)
She sat with her feet poised on the rocks, forcing herself to keep them there, even when the pain became its worst. She forced a smile. She must endure. After eight hours, she rose, the pain and hunger, stiffness and sunburn her penance for her uncommitted crime. She dried her feet in the dusk, further punishing herself by walking home.
She did not know why she tortured herself so. But she knew she must do it. A little at first, then bigger and bigger things. People became suspicious, asking why she was always so bruised, bandaged. But she did not hear them. Alone, in her room, always alone, she cared for herself. She always did at least that. She smiled as she admired her scars, the remnants of battles against..... something she knew she must fight. Her skin was imperfect. It was scarred, it bled, no longer smooth to the touch. She was imperfect.
She wasn't suicidal. Of course her tortures were odd and dangerous, but they made her feel brave, important, empowered and unlike her shy self. Maybe that is what she wanted. To become something else than Tomoyo. To escape. She did not know. But maybe she would, finally, if she went a bit deeper....
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Open your Guide to Understanding Tenth Grade Geometry to page forty-three, Unmasking the Polygon. Mihara-san, please begin for us."
Tomoyo listened with model-student intensity, blissfully unaware of the proud, angry scar she showcased just beneath her lip. She smiled as she obeyed.
Sakura also obeyed, but her mind was not on the lesson. She glanced at Tomoyo, looking concerned. Lately, she had been worried about her. She showed up at school bandaged and bleeding, bruised, and sometimes not even showing up at all. Everyone suspected she was attempting suicide............but aren't the suicidal depressed? She looked at the scar once more. Her friend seemed even more cheerful lately. Inside, Sakura was deeply afraid... She sighed, returning to the Geometry lesson, but every here and then taking quick looks at Tomoyo....
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So, how did you get this one?" Sakura asked only half-heartedly, knowing she wouldn't get the truth. She studied primly green and gardened grass beneath her feet on the Seijou High lawn. She hugged her books to her chest, feeling very uncomfortable. Everywhere students went on with their lives. Once she was one of them, but today the sound of Chiharu strangling Yamazaki wasn't as exasperatingly funny as it used to be.
"I slipped and cut my chin on my wire fence while I was watering the flowers," she said briskly, as if it were an everyday thing. She smiled all the while, her voice too cheerful to be real.
"You seem.......very clumsy lately." She suddenly felt like crying.
"Don't I?" She laughed gaily. "Oh, I've forgotten! Maiko-san asked me to help her with the flute! Very sorry, Sakura-chan.... See you after school!" And she dashed off without ever glancing back. So unlike the old Tomoyo....
She couldn't take it anymore. Sakura collapsed upon the ground, sobbing. Tomoyo never even looked at her. Where had she gone? The old Tomoyo........she didn't like this new one. Ever since she started hurting herself....... What would make her so unhappy? Did she hate her? All their conversations.......they were so sketchy, Tomoyo always talked carelessly, as if she were so distracted. She had made new friends and hardly ever spent time with Sakura anymore. Yet, she seemed happier than ever. Happier..... but not herself. She ached to see her, clutching her V8 and asking to tape her. Didn't she know that she liked her the way she was?
This was too much. She wiped away the tears and sat up, leaving the schoolyard unnoticed.
She was going to call Eriol.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I know, it wasn't very long......... But I hope you see the situation. I also hope I'm taking this off of the beaten path. Let me know if you enjoyed it, or even if you didn't. All comments are welcome; I respect everyone's opinion. Arigato!
(Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura is property of CLAMP, and all characters, likenesses, and any others used in this story are property of their respective owners. Only the plot is my own.)