Broken
It wasn't fair.
Gopher silently stood by as his master approached the young shinigami, his fists clenched so tightly that he could feel his nails digging into the flesh of his palms. He watched as Noah knelt down to meet the level of the shinigami, who was sitting against the wall, asleep, his arms held up by his restraints. The closer Noah got to the shinigami, the more difficulty Gopher had suppressing his fury towards the boy.
Why? Why does Noah-sama have to waste so much of his precious time and thoughts on that pathetic shinigami? Why does that boy get to be part of Noah-sama's collection when that's what I've wanted the most for so long?
Gopher was the one who had always been by Noah's side. Gopher was the one who had always obeyed every single word Noah spoke. Gopher was the one who had always treasured Noah's presence. Gopher was supposed to be the one who could satisfy Noah, not that shinigami, Gopher!
Despite all of this, Noah never gave Gopher a second look. And yet, for some unthinkable reason, Noah decided to take interest in someone who doesn't even want to have anything to do with him!
Were all of Gopher's efforts wasted? Or were they possibly the reason Noah never thought twice about Gopher?
Gopher was used to seeing women try to cling to Noah. His master's good looks and mysterious air attracted women, whether they were serious or just wanted to have fun. But Gopher was also used to seeing Noah reject every single one of them, with not a single exception.
This shinigami, however, was different. Not only had he caught Noah's attention, he hadn't even tried to gain the collector's interest! And then he even had the nerve to reject Noah!
Gopher's eyes narrowed as Noah lifted his hand to stroke the shinigami's cheek, the affection put into the touch painfully noticeable to Gopher. Gopher could tell that Noah wore a gentle expression, despite only being able to see his master's back. After all, Gopher knew Noah better than anyone else in the world! And yet, despite that, Noah has never offered his kind smile to Gopher. He has never offered his kind smile to anyone. Anyone except for that shinigami…
I want to see it. I want to see Noah-sama's gentle smile, overflowing with kindness and love. I will never forgive that shinigami for being allowed to see it!
"Gopher."
His master's voice snapped Gopher out of his thoughts. Gopher focused once again on Noah.
"Could you leave the two of us alone? I would like to have some private time with him." Noah didn't even turn to look at Gopher as he spoke, his attention focused on the sleeping shinigami.
Resisting the urge to protest, Gopher grunted his consent and reluctantly exited the room, barely stopping himself from slamming the door shut in frustration. Gopher knew that no matter what he said or did, Noah would continue to do as he pleased with the shinigami.
Gopher stiffened in anger when he heard the awoken shinigami raise his voice at Noah. How could Noah stand such insolence? How could he resist killing that arrogant shinigami? That shinigami was being kept prisoner, and yet he still had the nerve to speak to Noah in such a disrespectful way!
Gopher walked away from the room, gritting his teeth in frustration.
How can Noah-sama continue to be so taken by that damn shinigami? What makes him so much better than any other part of his collection? What makes him so much better than me?
Gopher rushed out of his room the moment he heard the door to their prisoner's room open, waiting silently for Noah as his master closed the door quietly.
"Do you need something, Gopher?"
"Noah-sama, I…" Gopher gulped, nervous about what he was about to say. "I need to speak to you about something. Could we please go somewhere to talk in private?"
Noah stared at Gopher for a few moments, saying nothing, before he finally nodded. He turned and walked down the hallway, Gopher soon following.
After finding an empty room far away from their allies and captive, Noah sat down on a chair and looked towards Gopher, waiting for him to speak.
"Noah-sama, I need to know. What is so great about that shinigami? Why do you spoil him so much with your attention when he doesn't even appreciate it? What does he have that I clearly lack? Please tell me so that I can fix it!" Gopher anxiously watched Noah, impatient to hear his master's response.
Noah's expression continued to give away nothing, his thoughts a complete mystery to the desperate man before him. His eyes remained cold when he finally spoke up.
"Is that all?"
Gopher felt like his heart was torn in half by the words of his master. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes, but did his best to hold them back so as not to show such a pathetic side of himself to Noah. Gopher nodded weakly, trying desperately to ignore his inner turmoil.
"I see." Noah stood up silently and walked past Gopher to the door. After placing his hand on the doorknob, Noah stopped.
"Gopher, don't waste my time with such idiotic questions again. A mere tool such as yourself will never be able to understand my feelings for him."
Gopher gasped quietly, his eyes widening. He said nothing more as Noah left the room. After he could no longer hear Noah's footsteps, Gopher's legs gave out and he slid to floor. He lifted his hands to wipe his eyes, which were now overflowing with tears. He noticed dried blood on the palms of his hands from when he dug his nails into them earlier that day.
This is all his fault! If it had not have been for him, I would've continued to be the one constantly by Noah-sama's side! I wouldn't be forced to suffer so much! That damn shinigami! He can't be allowed to stay with Noah-sama! He can't be allowed to stay alive!
Gopher left his room after making sure that the others had gone out, making him the only one left at their hideout besides the captive shinigami. Filled with anticipation, he approached the room that held his most hated enemy.
After continuing to be tormented by Noah's words, he had finally come to a conclusion. Gopher knew what had to be done: he had to get rid of the shinigami.
Inside the dark room slept the prisoner, his physical condition kept too well for Gopher's liking. Gopher slammed the door shut behind him and quickly flicked the light switch, startling the captive out of his slumber. After blinking several times, the shinigami slowly lifted his head to look at Gopher, a defiant glare replacing the dazed expression that had previously been on his face.
"What do you want?" The disdain in his voice was clear, further angering Gopher.
"How dare you speak in such a way to the ones holding you prisoner! I don't see how Noah-sama is able to put up with you!"
The shinigami sighed, obviously tired despite his confident act. "Is that what this is about? Listen, I will tell you this for the hundredth time: I don't have any idea why the hell that freak is so obsessed with me!" Gopher almost flinched at the force behind the boy's words. He was about to respond when the boy continued. "Do you think I like being kept prisoner? Do you think I like being kept away from my loved ones? Do you think I like being constantly beaten or violated? Trust me, if I knew why Noah is obsessed with me, then I would do everything in my power to change that!" By the time he was finished, the boy was gasping for breath. He closed his eyes, clearly trying to calm down after getting so worked up.
Gopher stood silently, still surprised at the shinigami's outburst. After finally processing everything he heard, Gopher felt rage start to boil up inside of him. Roughly grabbing the boy by the collar of his shirt, Gopher yanked the boy's face up to his own. "How dare you act like your situation is so dreadful! I've never wanted anything more than to just be part of Noah-sama's collection! Who cares about your loved ones?! There's no one that can compare to Noah-sama! And don't complain about being beaten and violated, Noah-sama has a right to do whatever he wants with his possessions! Don't be so full of yourself, you damn shinigami!"
"I'm not anyone's possession! And when I mentioned being beaten, I was referring to you! You're the only one here who attacks me!"
After glaring at one another for a few minutes, Gopher smirked. "Well, in that case, you should be pleased to know that you will no longer have to suffer through any of this any longer." Gopher's smirk widened at the confused expression on the shinigami's face. Pulling the boy's face up to his own once again, Gopher spoke, his voice full of self-satisfaction and ill-intent. "I'm going to kill you right here and now. You should thank me for going out of my way to put you out of your misery."
The young shinigami gasped, clearly surprised at Gopher's declaration. Swallowing hard, the boy hesitated for less than a second before speaking, his pride obviously forcing him to maintain his confident appearance, "I see. Well then, this truly is a pleasure! I, Death the Kid, son of Shinigami, humbly thank you! Thank you for going so out of your way to free me from this hell!" Death the Kid's sarcastic tone and arrogant attitude caused Gopher's smirk to quickly morph into an angry scowl.
"So even now you choose to maintain this act. Well, I don't care anymore!" Gopher stepped back and took a deep breath. "Hmph! I really don't understand why Noah-sama is so taken with you. No matter; he will no longer have to waste his precious time on you after I kill you! Yes, that's right! I'm sure that your death will make him reali…" Gopher trailed off when he noticed the boy's eyes widen, his expression turning into one of fear. "What? Are you finally starting to understand the position you're in? Ha! Well, it's too late! Nothing you do or say now will stop from-"
"Gopher. What do you think you are doing?"
Noah's cold voice, though calm, was seething with rage. Gopher's body began to shake at just the thought of what he knew was waiting for him. He swallowed hard before slowly turning around. When he did, he flinched at the sight of his master, more furious than he had ever seen before. "N-Noah-sama, I…I just…!" Gopher desperately tried to form words, coherent thoughts, any sort of believable excuse that would calm his enraged master.
He stiffened when Noah started to slowly walk in his direction. Gopher quickly faced the floor, shutting his eyes tightly to brace himself for whatever punishment awaited him. When no form of punishment arrived, Gopher looked up and was surprised to see that Noah was no longer within his line of vision.
"Are you alright?"
Gopher turned towards the sound of Noah's voice, his blood boiling at the sight that awaited him. Noah was kneeling down at eye level with shinigami, staring fixedly at the boy's face. He tenderly caressed Kid's cheek, ignoring the way he flinched away from Noah's gentle touch.
"Yes, I'm fine! You can rest assured that this single piece of your precious collection is fine, so stop it! Stop touching me so tenderly and speaking to me in such a kind and gentle voice! Quit messing with my head! I won't break even if you're cruel to me, so just leave me alone!" Even though Gopher could see the tears welling up in the corners of the boy's eyes as he gulped air down selfishly, out of breath from his desperate outburst.
"How dare you! Noah-sama goes to out of his way to check on your well-being, and yet you still speak to him in such a way! You selfish, ungrateful brat!" Overcome by rage, Gopher stomped over to the young shinigami and swung his fist down, aiming for the boy's face.
Gopher was surprised to feel a sharp pain in his stomach as his body was thrown back. He landed painfully on his back, winded from the blow and impact. Gasping for breath, Gopher sat up and glared at his supposed attacker, Kid. Kid, however, wore an expression of shock that matched Gopher's own. Gopher's expression transformed into one of horror when caught sight of his master's elbow sticking out where he had been struck. "N-Noah-sama…you…!"
Noah stood up slowly and faced Gopher. The collector's piercing glare paralyzed his follower as he spoke, "Gopher, get out, now. Wait for me in the hallway; I'll be out to speak with you soon."
Gopher could feel his body trembling in fear as he stood up on unsteady legs. He wordlessly left the room and waited as he was told. After what felt like years for Gopher, Noah finally walked out. He closed the door gently before locking it and placed the key in his jacket's pocket.
Gopher watched as his master walked down the hallway, aware of the fact that his master expected him to follow. He swallowed hard before catching up with Noah and walking behind him quietly. The follower's eyes didn't leave his feet until they arrived at their destination: the same room that they had previously used to speak in private.
The second Gopher heard the door close, he found himself on the floor. It took him a few moments to notice the intense stinging sensation he felt on his left cheek. He slowly brought his hand up to cover the sensitive flesh. A strong blow to the stomach that sent him to the wall on his right was the last thing Gopher felt before Noah spoke up.
"Gopher." Despite the searing pain from Noah's slap and kick, Gopher was frozen in place from his master's words rather than his actions. "I had assumed that you would understand the implications of our recent discussion, but it looks like I overestimated your intelligence." Gopher winced at the blunt insult. "I will say this once: don't lay even a single finger on him. Actually, don't even go near him. If you try something like this again, then I will kill you. I have no need for a tool that does not obey its own master."
After getting over the initial shock of Noah's words, Gopher noticed a strange hollow feeling inside him. What is it…? This emptiness…
Gopher crawled onto his hands and knees before slowly standing. He was surprised to see Noah staring directly at him, but soon realized that the collector was merely waiting for Gopher's response. The strange feeling within him grew as he looked at Noah's face, conscious of the truth in his master's threat.
Gopher averted his eyes, unable to bar the empty feeling that grew in him the more he looked at his master's face. "I understand, Noah-sama. I will never attempt to harm the shinigami again, and I will not go near him unless ordered by you to do so."
Clearly satisfied, Noah nodded before walking towards the door. Gopher gazed in Noah's direction when he heard the sound of Noah's footsteps cease; quickly noticing the collector's hand in his jacket's pocket Noah spoke without sparing Gopher a single glance. "I expect you to follow your orders properly this time. There will not be any warnings after this one." His master took the key out of his pocket before walking out of the room.
Gopher stared at Noah's back until the collector's figure left Gopher's sight. Even after his master's exit, Gopher continued to stand there, frozen in place. Ah… Now I understand… This empty, hopeless feeling…so this is what despair feels like.
All of the sorrow and agony that had filled Gopher started to fade, leaving nothing in their place. He couldn't feel any more pain, nor could he remember feelings of joy. All of his emotions were leaving him, abandoning him. His despair was chasing everything else out.
It wasn't fair.