Ganondorf in a Bottle.
A retarded short oneshot, by OperationJonny.
Another yell, and another slash, another slash, another yell. Finally, he plunged his blade deep into Ganon, and he growled, finally defeated. But, inevitably, his Triforce would bring rebirth to him, and the battle would continue.
He could only die in two ways; Master Sword to the skull, or banishment into the Deepest Reach of the Sacred Realm. Just as he felt life slipping away from him, he felt the warmth of the Triforce of Power flooding into him.
Just as he was about to rise back to his feet, ready to reduce Link by half, he was hit in the face by a golden light.
"NOOOOO!!" Ganon roared, as he was suddenly knocked into another realm, an endless spinning realm of white nothingness. Upon entering this realm, his power was rendered completely useless, and powerless.
"I'LL GET YOU, LINK, ZELDA!!! I'LL GET YOU!!!" He roared, from his human form, as without his power, he couldn't sustain his Beast-God form. He spun for a few moments more, but then hit unpleasantly hard glass.
"OW, WHAT THE FUCK!?" Ganondorf yelled, rubbing his sore head. The crazed warlock conqueror looked about his imprisonment... it was an endless white void, not a single bit of detail... nothing but a never ending hellhole.
And it was white. Ganondorf ground his yellow teeth. He hated the color white. With a passion that bordered the color green, of the damned fairy boy who HAD to interfere with his world conquest dream of ultimate power.
This was going to be hell, day after day. If he could tell what day it was, that is. He began running in one given direction, trying to find some wall of some sort.
Eventually, he did find a wall. Strangely, it was cold to the touch and crystalline to the point of reflection. He knocked on it, and it sounded hollow... like there was an outside... like glass?
He was imprisoned in... a glass room!? "WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL, IS GOING ON!?" Ganondorf yelled in a fit of his famous fury as he unleashed volleys of fists on this wall, trying to break it, hoping he could escape.
He made not a single mark in the strange, crystal wall. "WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!?" Ganondorf exclaimed, becoming frustrated. He moved away from the wall, and charged at it with his shoulder. Slamming into it, he made only a slight 'thud' noise.
"Hehehe..." An amazingly loud voice chuckled in glee. It sounded like Link's voice, and Ganondorf's sickly skin flushed and contorted with anger. "WHERE ARE YOU, BOY?! SHOW YOURSELF AND LET ME RIP YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!" He roared.
"Look at him in there..." A child Zelda said, peering into one of young Link's glass bottles. "He's, like going crazy... but he's only the size of a flee, so I'm not sure what good him attacking the glass will do." She said, and Link giggled like a schoolgirl.
"And when he finally dies of starvation, he'll just come back, because of his retarded Triforce. That's what he gets for being so damned stubborn, and just refusing to die the first time I kill him..." Link said. "Oh, watch this!" He said, in childish glee, as he began shaking the jar rapidly.
Zelda burst out into mad fits of giggles, as she heard the dink dink dink dink dink dink of Ganondorf's body colliding with the wall, over and over. "This was such a great idea... there's no way he'd be able to escape this... and either way, the Goddess' don't have enough space in the Sacred Realm, they're out of rental spaces." She said, and Link giggled, as he peered into the glass bottle to get a better look at his nemesis.
He lied there, crumpled, near the wall of the prison, looked contorted and broken, as he lay in a pool of his own green slimy blood. Sudden, in a glow of golden light, once he saw the twitching body cease to move and breathe, brought him back to life.
Ganondorf lay there, panting from the amazing amount of pain he was just in. He was just thrown around like a ragdoll, by some amazing force of power he had never experienced. This was truly a prison that the Goddesses had created to imprison him in.
Then he saw an enormous eye at the crystalline wall, partially clouded by the all-consuming white void. He took a step back, from the large piercingly blue eye, terrified.
"They even have a powerful looking sentry watching me at all times... I think I may just have bought it, this time..." He said, seeming disappointed at his lack of chance to escape. He eventually sat down, thinking of what he could do, if the power of his Triforce, except rebirth, had been disabled... there was always his spell repertoire, but what could they do to get him out of here?
After what felt like days to Ganondorf, he heard a sudden and earsplitting pop. "OH MY GODDESSES, MY EARS! I THINK MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!" Ganondorf exclaimed, clutching his ears, which, indeed were bleeding profusely from the intensity of the popping noise. Suddenly, though, a bright red liquid began pouring from the sky, and soon Ganondorf found himself buried under what seemed like fathoms of liquid to him.
Amazingly, though... this red liquid could be breathed in, and it made the pain in his ears go away, as he could actually hear properly again. What is this devilry...? He thought, as he began swimming upwards, towards the surface, to assess this new strange situation.
Link looked at his fourth bottle, previously emptied, and filled with red potion, to heal him, when the need be. He left the potions shop, and head for the plains, to eradicate some more monsters to make the fields safer for travelers.
Back inside the bottle, Ganondorf found himself groping about at the ceiling of this strange prison. "What the... based on the shape of this prison... I think I'm in a..." But suddenly, that loud pop noise sounded again, and Ganondorf could see the sky.
"FREEDOM!!!" Ganondorf yelled, as he tried climbing out, but then to his great dismay, he saw what looked like a mouth cover the opening. Abruptly, Ganondorf felt the liquid flowing out of the bottle, dragging him with it.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!"
Glug, glug, glug... "AHHHH!" Link exclaimed, after chugging the entire bottle, after having a fierce battle with a Peahat. He then turned the bottle, and his eyes opened in fear. The label read; "Ganondorf. Do not use this bottle. Do not fill it, or drink from it."
Link looked down to his stomach.
"Oh shi-"
END.
Authors Note: Completely random, and stupid. XD But, I thought it was mildly humorous, at least in a dry sense. I just wondered where exactly the Sacred Realm put Ganondorf, and a long time ago, I came up with this as a joke. So, I put it to writing.
Hope you got at least a little laugh out of this retarded oneshot. XD Well, review and tell me how stupid it was. ;D