Keeping in Mind

Chapter 1

Leah's Point of View

There are times when remembering the past isn't that distressful, although sometimes reminiscing can be your worst challenge. Occasionally, I still remember Sam. I'm still not sure if keeping him in my mind is helpful, but I have no other way to just kick him out of my damn head. I'm not even sure how many months it has been since he had dumped me…

"Stupid Leah," I muttered to myself, lying on the bed in my dark room, hoping something would just fall out from the sky and kill me. "You've got to get over him. You'll find someone as good as that jackass. He wasn't even worth your time." Images of our past were rushing through my head now: our first date in High School, our bonfire at the beach, whale watching, and the first night he crept into my room to spend the hours of darkness with me.

Everything was just messed up for me; I didn't have anymore hope for my cold-stoned heart to recover. Even the pack would resent me from time to time, for showing them my annoying thoughts. This was it. I was doomed for all eternity.

A little tear escaped from my eye. Soon after, I couldn't help myself anymore. I let loose and just let my tears spread all over my face. There were many different reasons too. I swore that I would never let another tear escape my eyes, but why was this promise so hard to keep?

My brain waves of Sam then vanished. My thoughts were being processed into something else…my dad; how much I missed him. My dad was the only being whom I was very attached to. He was the person that always understood my ways of being. And now that he was gone, my life was even more messed up. If there was anything in this world that would make me feel happy right now, it would be my dad.

Through my silent sobs, I heard someone approaching my room. I quickly wiped them off of my face. I knew who it was. It was Seth, my annoyingly cheerful brother. I already knew his way of walking and the way he smelled. I could carefully just make him out from a crowd of more than a thousand people.

My door silently creaked open. "Leah, are you still coming with us to the cliffs? The guys are going to be doing some kind of fun activity by the beach," Seth said, whispering. When he whispered to me like this that meant that Mom wasn't aware of what the pack was doing. They were probably going to be doing stuff that the council would never allow.

"Who's going?" I whispered back, stupidly, repositioning myself upwards. I already knew that everyone was going –Sam included. But I just wanted to ask him that question for the heck of it.

"Everyone's going, Leah…oh and all of their imprints are too."

"Oh, then no thank you. I don't want to be hanging out with a bunch of losers and their retarded imprints. Wait, Seth you're going? It's late; mom isn't going to let you go."

"Mom doesn't know. She's going out with Charlie tonight, anyway. And that's why you have to go with me. You're the older sister and you're the pack's Beta. Please?"

As much as I loved Seth, I hated him getting in my business. I mean, it was nice of him to remind me, but he already knew that I hated Emily and Sam. Why would he want to take me somewhere that their ugly faces would have to be in?

"Get out of my room, Seth," I warned, in a menacing voice, "or you'll get busted."

"No, until you decide to accompany me," Seth spat back at me.

"I'm not going. Now if you don't get out of my room in a minute, you'll be sorry that you even stepped in here."

"Come on, Leah. It's Friday night. You spend all of your days like this; locked in here. Come and have some fun for a change. I promise that it'll be fun." He made his puppy face. I hated it when he did that, because then I would instantaneously give in.

My little brother did have a reason. I had to admit that. But now, the only problem was that I just didn't want to see Emily or Sam, especially together, giving each other those gooey love gazes. Just thinking about it made me sick to my stomach.

"You get out first," I finally answered, budging. "I'll be outside in a few minutes. I just need to get myself ready. Oh, and before I forget, are we going to be swimming or something? Or what kind of "Pack Gathering" are they going to have?"

He pressed his lips together. "I don't know. It's a secret. That's why I want to get there early, so we can know before hand. Jake and Sam were very careful not to spill anything when we phased. It must be something cool. So hurry up. I'll be under your window," Seth confirmed.

And with that, he came into my room and jumped out of my opened window. He should really stop doing that, one day my hands might just slip when he's not looking.

I got up from my bed and rummaged through my dresser to find something to wear. Should I wear a tank top or a bikini? I had no clue. It was pretty hot outside, especially with my skin being so warm.

Striped shirt with some jeans or my polka bikini top with my short shorts? I thought, having difficulty trying to find the right apparel.

I heard Seth grumble all the way from the bottom of my window. Wow, I've never heard him that annoyed at me before. He really must want to get there early, before anyone.

I hurried to take off my old pajamas. Just there, I felt something sticky and humid on my underwear. I couldn't have possibly peed on myself. Ugh! It was that time of the month. This was very rare; I didn't get my monthly period since I began phasing. Great! Right on the day that I was supposed to have some 'fun.' Blah!

I dashed across the hall to my bathroom and fumbled through the cupboard for the stash of tampons that I hid in the back, just so Seth wouldn't get disgusted—we shared a bathroom together. My box was nowhere to be found. Damn it! I went back into my room and grabbed some fresh underwear and a pad. I got all cleaned up and awkwardly launched myself out of my back window.

"Alright bro, let's go," I said. I hope this wasn't a bad idea, having my woman thing. I felt very awkward just walking.

"Alright, then, but let's run. I want to get there already," Seth said, joyfully.

"You can go ahead. I don't feel like running right now."

"You're going to beat me, so yeah, what's the point. Let's just walk."

The walk down to First Beach was very weird. I was never used to having Seth be quiet on long walks. Was he contemplating on what the party was about? Who knew?

"Lee, you know what I just realized?" he asked.

If he realized something annoying, I was sure to give him a good punch in the face. "What?" I responded.

"That you don't sound like you, very much. I feel like you're kind of happy for going out, but then kind of sad."

That was a stupid question. I wasn't going to punch him of course, I wouldn't go that far. But somewhere in that statement he made, he was right. I was lighting up. The pack should do this more often. I was anticipating some good moments, even if they would get messed up by a few people. Who cared? I wanted to have fun tonight, and fun was what I was going to do.