Disclaimer: Not mine!
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'Someone's lost a wife.'
Even before he speaks I know that this will not be an ordinary case. My husband is very good at keeping his emotions off his face, but they shine through his eyes if you know him well enough. I watch him watching this poor woman who reminds him of me and I feel helpless. But I know this is not the first of these cases and it will not be the last.
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One day I realise with shock that it has been five years. My only real concept of time comes from watching my husband living, but it is difficult to believe that it has been five years since I last saw him or touched him. The thought shakes me and so the first thing I do is talk to Shannon because she can always soothe me. When Mac would introduce me to some of his old marine friends I was bemused by the marine wives who all seem to have a strange eternal optimism. Now it strikes me that they are the best prepared for this strange situation where you can get glimpses into the life of your husband, helpless to protect him. I do not think I am strong enough to do this. I am glad my husband left the corps before I met him.
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When he locks his wedding ring away carefully I am not sure what to feel. I know this moment is long overdue but I am scared of what happens next. This Rose seems to be a good woman and I can scarcely blame her for being interested in my husband, but I wonder if she is really good enough for him and whether she will hurt him in the end. Shannon jokes that I sound more like his mother but promises me it will get easier.
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Rose has been offered a promotion but it means a transfer to San Francisco. Of course it is too good an opportunity to turn down for a man she only met three weeks ago. Her and my husband part amicably. Despite my conflicting feelings towards her I am disappointed, but Shannon tells me he will find someone else soon enough, that the first step is always the most difficult. I cannot help but ask the question that has bothered me since my husband first noticed Rose,
'She was nothing like me, is that a bad thing?'
Of course Shannon assures me that it is not and that Mac simply knows he will never be able to find me in anyone else. I know she is thinking of a man who has married three women who looked like his lost wife, then punished them and driven them away because they simply were not her. So I feel better about my own situation and I wait for the next woman to come along. It takes a while but Peyton proves to be worth waiting for.
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The day he pushes Peyton away I am so frustrated I would scream at him if I could. I cannot believe that he considers his work more important than this woman. Before I had worried about whether I truly wanted to see my husband with someone else, but now, with his chance for happiness slipping away from him, it becomes horribly clear that this is my greatest wish. There has to be someone else and I want it to be this woman. Why is he doing this?
'Some men seem to think that a job is enough of a reason to live.' Shannon is harsher than I have ever heard her before but I do not comment on it. Her husband buried himself in his work and shut the world out. We both know that when sitting at his family's grave is not torture enough he visits a certain rooftop and punishes himself with memories of a woman who died never knowing how her boss loved her.
Peyton does not seem likely to meet an untimely end any time soon but I of all people know how uncertain life can be, so watching Mac walk away I am distraught and panicked. I do not want to watch my husband live with the regrets the way Shannon must. This is the first time she cannot find any words to comfort me.
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The day Peyton takes my husband back I could cry alongside her. I am incredibly relieved but there is also a hint of sadness there because I know that this marks the end of something for me.
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One day Mac sits at my grave for much longer than usual, long after he has arranged the flowers he has brought and carefully tucked the card between the stems. He is going to propose to Peyton tonight. I watched him buy the ring and it is quite different from the one he gave me, which makes me feel better in a petty sort of way. When he finally leaves I do not follow him. Instead I wait by my grave for a while and look at the card with his familiar handwriting on it,
'Semper Fi.'
I have worried that he would not be able to move on but now it is me that needs to let go. I know she will say yes and so I do not need to watch anymore.