fandom - Naruto
title - Ordinary logic and common sense.
rating - PG
pairing - Zabuza + Haku
description – A young Haku is acknowledged by Zabuza…
Disclaimer – Naruto isn't mine. Ordinary logic and common sense.
By miyamoto yui
Swish, slash, kill.
"Make sure he's dead."
The voice is instructional. It is devoid of emotion.
He stands before me and doesn't even turn around as he stands on top of the hill overlooking the village before us. I glance at his tall figure before looking down before me once more. The body before me is twitching in agony.
Even so, a hand fiercely takes hold of my ankle. My eyes squint a little before I slightly turn to aim my needles. I fire away and the hand grows lifeless.
Again, I lift up my head to watch the man before me.
Acknowledging me, he gives a small grunt.
I slightly nod my head and grin. There is no better praise than this.
We want to go into the village to gather information, but as we look at the sky, the sun is being swallowed up by the horizon. I find it very beautiful. The fire in the sky sinks into a blue flame called night, which burns hotter than anything known to the world.
The blue flame reminds me of water. For, when fire burns, it sears into you like ice.
And ice is my favorite thing in the world.
For one moment, you're able to keep water in a tangible form before it melts in your hands.
A brief memory before disappearing with only you knowing of its existence,
if you choose to remember it.
I go over to where my companion is and tug on his clothing twice.
For someone who hates human contact, he doesn't mind me doing that.
Then again, it serves as a reassurance to me that he doesn't forget that I am there.
Disguised, we walk into the village. I'm still too young to ask anything, but I wander around and buy a little food. He gathers information by asking people one after the other and we meet at the fountain in the middle of the bustle.
As I wait for him, my eyes look from one commotion to another. I stand there with my two hands carrying a bag of fruits as they see many people passing by. There are other children my age running from one street to another playing tag. A man with a big nose walks beside a beautiful woman who's laughing at a joke he's made. An old woman holds up her cane to scream at the teenagers who are making a ruckus in front of her store.
A little boy walks in between his parents. Each parent holds onto one of his hands.
Drip. Drip drip drop. Drip drop drip drop drip drip drip…
Only after a few minutes do I notice that it's begun to rain. I am guessing that maybe the sky knows how I feel deep inside.
The sky becomes darker than ever before and everyone runs for shelter.
They are lucky to have a place to go to. I'm sure they're all not aware of that.
After all, people take existence as a right. I laugh because I know that it is more than a privilege.
I rock my feet back and forth. The rain falls over me as I stand there waiting. I blink at the multiple situations before me, but I am more moved when he gestures his head at me, with his hands inside his pockets, to come follow him.
Naturally, we don't have a place to stay. Instead, we squeeze into a dark alleyway and sit down. I take out the fruits and smile at him while offering an apple and an orange with both of my hands out to him. He takes both of them and starts biting into the apple while I peel an orange for myself.
We eat our fruits, but we don't say anything. He will tell me in a few days when we've left the village and there's no one to hear us.
The pitter-pattering of the rain is soothing and falls through the empty space above us once in a while. I don't mind it at all.
I like looking up to the sky, trying to guess how long the rain will last and if it will become harder than it is now. Then, I take a glimpse of his profile.
Again, he is quietly contemplating with a serious face that almost looks scary with its ferocity at the passion of his thoughts.
He tends to get lost inside his plans. And as meticulous as they are, I am overwhelmed by the fact that he allows me to be a part of them. I may be just a tool, but no one knows the joy of being able to know where exactly they're going.
Even if it's death by the blood that's supposed to curse me into unhappiness.
But I've got to survive like any other 'human' because I still believe I am.
I will fight against this pulsating substance with all my might.
When we're done eating, I unwrap his bandages and wipe his face as best as I can. His eyes look away from mine, but once in a while, I catch him carefully observing me with great curiosity. I know he wants to tell me he can do it himself, but I won't let him.
I want to be of some use to you.
All the same, I press my fingers into the deep creases that have become scars. I am fascinated by this face that no one else can see. Everyone can make their own assumptions about this face, but I would bet they're all wrong.
With my fingers, I trace a tear track in the form of a scratch under his eye.
He dares not ask me if I am scared or if I am repulsed.
I hold his face in between my palms and look into his deep, dark eyes. They appear to be menacing, but for someone who complains about shelter in the rain can't possibly understand the need to face red rain.
Bloody rain made from human hands in order to 'survive'.
As I wrap up his bandages, I am telling him that I do not know how to fear even if it's natural to. I am telling him that I do not know how to runaway even if it is natural to save yourself.
I am telling you that I freely chose to defy everything that everyone says I should be.
I should be dead, but I won't be.
They say:
If I kill, then I am a murderer.
If I stay with such a man, then I will never know where Heaven is.
If I don't give into human inclinations, then I am no longer human.
So be it.
I just won't listen to anyone.
Just you.
As he leans his back on the cement wall, I sit beside him, but the rain decides to pour even harder than before. My eyes find themselves staring above trying to catch a glimpse of the night sky, but the sky's tears keep on falling onto my face and become my own.
Without a word, he pulls me close. He pulls me into his lap and bends his head forward to go to sleep with his arms at either side of me.
This is my reward.
It is the best feeling in the world even though no one can ever imagine this moment between two people like us.
The nights, as cold as they are, are my favorite time because, occasionally when we can rest and have no jobs, they're quiet. In this small expanse of time, I can live like 'normal people' do.
For a few hours, there is peace.
Even within the limitations of our lifestyles and showing any emotions, I have discovered a freedom that no one else knows. In giving everything to this one person, there is no room for doubts.
Doubts combined with seductive suggestions, these are the true seeds of wickedness that threaten the fragile human existence…
Being next to this person, I know what to do. I know who I am. I know where I stand in the world and there is nothing clearer to me in the world than that. I don't have to scrounge around for food because he'll never let me starve. I don't need shelter because all that I want is right here.
I don't need to desperately search for a place to be because when he asked for my name, he made come next to him. And I didn't want to go away.
Ever.
My eyes grow sleepy and I snuggle next to him. I know that this will end someday when I 'grow up', so I savor these moments inside my mind and deep within my heart.
There are no pictures and no other people to remind me of what's happened so far, so I have to close my eyes tightly as if praying and making a wish again like the day I sat on the bridge thinking about suicide.
But I don't ask Kamisama for anything anymore. That would be selfish because I have everything I need.
The rain that slips down his hair falls onto my face as I open my eyes again to look up to his sleeping face. Playfully, I bite on a dangling piece of bandage and then readjust it so that it doesn't come out again.
Day after day…
I dirty my hands day after day, but that doesn't mean I am unfeeling.
I look like the ice is freezing my own blood, but that doesn't mean that I can't bleed.
I may have a doll-like face, but that doesn't mean I don't wish to smile.
Many disapprove of my existence in the world, but that isn't for them to decide. I may not live like 'everyday' people do with something as shallow as shopping or as self-centered as trying to fulfill your every desire.
I know that I live inhumanly, paving my past with needles and corpses…
…but I know I am deeper than everyone else. I am more human than anyone else in the world.
I experience each emotion to its extreme. I shout deep inside whenever I have to end someone's life. I am relieved every time I realize that I am able to live longer, even if it isn't the way it should be. I'll keep fighting what 'should be' and cut my way through to build a new path that no one's ever touched before.
The next day, as soon as I wake up, he comes back to the alleyway with a bag for me. He throws it to my lap and says, "For you."
Without even seeing my reaction, he turns around. "I'll be back. I need a little bit more information."
When he leaves, I open up the bag and hold the soft, blue-greenish cloth in my hands. It is a pair of pants and a shirt. It is my uniform to serve him.
With this, he's totally acknowledged me as someone worthy of his time and effort.
I think about all the things that led me here and what lies ahead before me. Deeper into my thoughts, my knuckles become whiter the more I hold onto the clothing with my fingers.
It is at this moment, that I understand why you've chosen me to become your ultimate weapon. It is more than having the bloodline limit or that I am efficient…
"As long as you are sincere, those who can't speak will shout their hardest through you," I sob in realization as I hug my uniform with all my heart, my head almost touching the ground.
Your eyes are kind when you look at me, but your harsh words always try to brush me away. And each time you watch me, we become more embedded into one another. In denial, you had been searching all this time to share your vision with someone who would understand.
Through the loneliness of rejection, we were able to find one another and grope vainly for our humanity.
So, shout out your dreams through me, Zabuza-sama!
Push me to my limits. I will take on anything because I'll only listen to you.
Again and again, until I breathe no longer, allow me to fight through with my crimson hands to prove to the world that happiness isn't a prescribed formula set through ordinary logic and common sense.
It is the depth of your vision,
and your strength to achieve it.
I hold the clothes closer to my chest and cry so hard with joy that I'm shivering. I tightly hold on as the sun beats down on my tear-strained face. Then, in gratefulness, I sob and lean forward with my forehead almost touching the ground.
Owari.
-
Author's notes – If I could cosplay Haku, I would. He is one of the best characters in Naruto and I wish there was more about him because he's so wonderful. ^_^ So, I wrote a fic just to ease my craving.
I am very satisfied with this. It is the way I've envisioned Haku and was able to translate my thoughts into words. ^_^
Love,
Yui
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
12:58:04 AM