Author's Note: This story is set at the beginning of Season 3. I am assuming that most of what FOX has previewed for the first episode has come to pass - Nick and Jess are a couple, and Schmidt has been two-timing both Cece and Elizabeth. As expected, this has blown up in his face. And so, we open our scene... (Thanks as always to Captain Crunk for his help pulling this one together!)

"Happy new year, Schmidt!" cried Jess as Schmidt strolled into the kitchen that morning. She set a platter of apple slices down on the counter triumphantly.

Nick looked up from his cereal. "Jess, it's September."

"It's also Rosh HaShanah! The Jewish new year," she replied. "I have a day off from school today! Now I know how all the Jewish kids must feel on Christmas."

Schmidt dusted imaginary particles off his already pristine blazer. "Jess is right, Nick. It's Rosh HaShanah, the new year of my people. I gotta go make my appearance at the synagogue later. Listen to a ram's horn. Say 'no thank you' to all the women trying to set me up with a girl my mother would love." He took out his coffee mug and began the intricate process of making his morning soy latte.

Jess smiled. "Oh, before I forget, I tried out a new recipe – apple walnut cupcakes with a honey glaze! And I cut up some apple slices for you to dip in honey!" She gestured to the food on the counter with a flourish as Winston joined them in the kitchen.

"What's with the theme, Jess?" he asked, sitting across from Nick.

"It's traditional on Rosh HaShanah to eat foods dipped in honey, symbolizing a sweet new year."

"Thanks Jess, but Schmitty doesn't do honey. It's all royal jelly for me, yo. Royal J for a royal year. Sweet just doesn't cut it. Besides, all those empty carbs? Not a great way to start off any year." He sipped his latte and checked his watch.

"Your loss, man." Winston grabbed some apple slices off the platter and dipped them in the honey bowl. "This is a good snack!"

"Yeah, thanks, Jess. These are really good. I still like the peanut butter frosting better, though," said Nick, his mouth full of cupcake. "Hey, Winnie, no double dipping!"

Winston grabbed the platter and bowl off the counter. "It's not double dipping if it's all for me. Hey, how do you know all this stuff, Jess? You're not Jewish."

"I teach an A-to-Z World Beliefs unit each year," she said, grabbing an apple slice before they all disappeared.

"A-to-Z?" he repeated.

"Atheism to Zoroastrianism."

Schmidt placed his mug in the sink and grabbed his briefcase. "Well, I'm off to crush it, like I do every day."

Winston looked up, confused. "Wait, aren't you going to synagogue?"

"Later, Winston. I go on my lunch break. I don't need to spend the whole day crying to a God who may or may not exist. Hey, you guys want to come with?"

Jess looked delighted. "We'd love to!"

"Jess, you can't speak for all of us again. Some of us have other things to do," complained Nick. He took another bite of cereal.

"Come on, Nick, please?" Jess sidled up to him and put her arms around his neck from behind.

"No! I'm not gonna fall for it again! I'm going to be resistant to your charms, and your big blue eyes, and – is that – do you smell like honey?"

"What time does your shift start?" asked Winston.

"Four. But I've got-"

"Hey, Nick, if we're lucky we'll get there in time for Kiddush," said Schmidt.

"What's that?"

"It's when they serve the alcohol. And the cookies."

"Happy new year, man!"