So, in an exercise in putting whatever came to mind down as it came to mind, I ended up writing in actual story. Surprising. I really had fun with this; I've written odd characters before, but never anyone quite like Yuffie. So, do the three R's. Read, review, repeat. Continue to do so until I tell you to stop. Have fun.
Every bedroom in the Highwind had something wrong with it, and never the same thing twice. To keep everyone from complaining, they alternated rooms every night.
Every member of AVALANCHE had some quirk that bothered people. To keep everyone from complaining, they also alternated roommates.
And, for the very first time since the system began, Cloud had drawn the short stick. This meant, of course, that he was looking towards an action-packed night of bunking with a hyperactive ninja. He wasn't sure how this had happened – he could always tell which one was the short stick. The truth was, the others had set him up, feeling he was long overdue for a sleepless night.
"Whatcha wanna do, Cloudy?" Yuffie asked, practically bouncing on her bed.
"I don't know, sleep, maybe?" Cloud replied, staring at the ceiling.
"Aw, c'mon," Yuffie wheedled. "It's our first time sharing a room, we've gotta celebrate it somehow."
"No, we don't. Get some sleep, Yuffie."
Yuffie pouted. "You're no fun at all," she muttered. Then, with a grin, she said, "Well, then, I'd better do my pre-sleep stretches!"
"That doesn't make any sense," Cloud stated.
"Aw, whatever." Yuffie leapt off her bed. "I'm gonna do 'em anyways." With a mischievous look, she stuck her hands behind her head and thrust her chest out as far as she could towards Cloud.
Cloud continued staring up at the ceiling.
An annoyed look flashed across her face, and she turned her back to Cloud before bending down as far as she could. "You'd better not be looking at my butt, perv Cloud," she called, wagging the butt in question at him.
"I'm not looking at your butt, Yuffie."
"What?! Why not?! I have an awesome butt!" she cried out, twirling around to face the jerk.
"Yuffie, go to sleep," Cloud said.
"You're no fun at all," Yuffie told him, once again pouting. "You won't play along, and you won't even react!" With that last statement, a dreamy look entered her eyes as she remembered the last time she had bunked with Cid. Now Cid was fun to share a room with.
"I'm tired," Cloud said simply. "I've spent all day chasing a murdering psycho, fighting creatures that seem to pop out of thin air… while you sat on your 'awesome butt' plotting how to get your hands on our materia next."
"What?!" Yuffie snapped. "I did that ONCE. Haven't I done enough to prove myself already?"
"It'd probably have helped if you hadn't taken Barrett's materia last week."
"He called me a snot-nosed brat."
"And when you took Red's."
"He took my steak right off my plate, with me sitting right there even!"
"Also, there's when you took Cid's."
"Well, his reaction to those kinda things is hilarious."
"When you took Vincent's."
"He wouldn't let me hold his gun."
"Good man. Then there was the time that –"
"Come ON, Cloud. Don't you trust me?" Yuffie said, giving him the saddest, cutest look she could manage.
"As the list I just gave you clearly shows, no, I do not," Cloud answered, unfazed.
"And just why not?"
"Besides the list?"
"Besides the list."
"Well," Cloud said, "you're a thieving, prank-loving, backstabbing, short-tempered, violent, materia-obsessed, clinically insane wannabe-ninja, and if your behavior tonight is any judge, you're a slut, too."
"I have to say, I never took Yuffie as the slapping type," Tifa said, "though I would have done the same if you had said those things to me."
"Why would I have said anything like that to you?" Cloud demanded.
"I'm just saying. Hold still," she ordered, dabbing at the red hand imprint on Cloud's cheek with flesh-colored makeup.
"Really, you don't have to –"
"I said hold still!"
Cloud snapped his mouth closed, letting Tifa go about her work. "Honestly," she was saying, "You took things too far there. She didn't deserve that. Turn your head a little to the left. She's still a child, really. She just wants to have fun. She may go about that in the wrong way, but that's no reason to call her a slut."
"She's only five years younger than –"
"For the last time, Cloud, stay still!" Tifa sighed. "I'm almost done, just be patient. The point is, she wasn't trying to be 'slutty;' you were just ignoring her and she wanted some attention. There, that should do it; now you go right back in there and apologize."
"But –" Cloud started.
"Cloud…" Tifa warned.
"But!" Cloud protested.
"NOW, Cloud," Tifa pressed, pointing towards the door. Cloud reluctantly left.
As the door closed behind him, Red looked over at Tifa from the bed he was curled up on. "I thought Yuffie was the childish one," he said slyly.
Tifa laughed, but still threw a pillow at him.
"Come on, Yuffie, open the door."
"Not happening."
Cloud banged his head on the door in frustration. "Seriously, let me in," he said.
"Why? So you can say I'm not a real ninja, and… what was it again? Oh yeah, a slut?" Yuffie snapped.
"I want to apologize for that!" Cloud insisted.
"Then get apologizing," she said through the door.
"Well…" Cloud started. "I've… had a really tough day, and…"
"Wrong!" Yuffie interrupted. "I'm not buying that load of crap."
Cloud sighed. "What do you want from me?"
"At the moment? An HONEST apology."
"… I'm sorry I said all that instead of keeping it to myself."
"Oh, yeah," Yuffie said sarcastically. "That's gonna get you back in."
"You said that's what you wanted."
"Right, it's every girl's dream."
Cloud banged his head on the door several times in frustration. "Yuffie, look. I really am sorry for what I said. Yeah, I really think of you like that – except for the slut part, honest – but even so, I still like you. You're still my friend, no matter how sadistic you… seem."
Yuffie opened the door a crack. "Promise?"
"Yeah, I promise," answered Cloud.
"Crosses don't count."
"I'm not crossing anything," Cloud answered.
"All right, come on in!" Yuffie said, quickly back to her usual level of cheerfulness. As Cloud slipped back into the room, Yuffie added, "Say, are you wearing makeup?"
"No," Cloud said, covering his cheek with his hand.
"Aw, did little Cloudy go off and get pretty with Tifa?" Yuffie cooed. "I have some eyeliner that would look great on you!"
"Yuffie, you having makeup is about as likely as Red wearing pants."
"I bet Tifa'd give me some if I asked, though," Yuffie said mischievously.
"… Can't we get some sleep now?" Cloud asked.
"Again with that?" Yuffie pouted – she does that a lot, doesn't she? "You really are no fun at all."
"I'm tired," Cloud said.
"You've also got a debt to pay off. Said some nasty things, didn't you?" Yuffie taunted.
"I already apologized for that!" Cloud protested.
"That got you back in the room; it didn't make it so that never happened."
"… Fine," Cloud said grudgingly. "What do you want to do?"
"Dress you up like a woman," Yuffie answered with a straight face.
"Seriously, though," Cloud answered.
"Who said I'm not?" Yuffie asked, her face breaking into her typical grin. "I'm always hearing about how you dressed as a woman to save Tifa, but I never got to see it."
"And you never will," Cloud told her. "I got rid of that stuff as soon as I was through with it."
"Tifa didn't."
"… What?" Cloud said blankly.
"Tifa saved it. She pulls it out every time she talks about it," Yuffie said with a laugh. "Last time she tried to figure out how you hid that giant slab of metal you call a sword in that dress – almost cut her leg off too!"
"Last time?" Cloud demanded. "How often does this happen, exactly?"
"Whenever there's nothing better to talk about," Yuffie answered.
"Tomorrow I'm finding and burning that dress, and I'm not going to put it on for you. I'd do anything before that."
"Anything…?" Yuffie said with a smirk.
"… Almost! Almost anything!" Cloud corrected himself.
"Nyuk nyuk, too late, Cloudy! I own you now!" Yuffie laughed. "You'll either wear the dress – in front of everyone! – or do whatever I tell you."
"… What do you want me to do?" Cloud asked unhappily.
"Mm… good question," Yuffie muttered. "What should I make you do? Hm."
"You could make me go to sleep," Cloud suggested.
"You've gotta kiss me," Yuffie said suddenly.
"Wait what?" Cloud replied in surprise.
"If you're not gonna put on the dress, you're gonna kiss me. And I'm not talking a peck on the cheek – I mean full-fledged lip-locking. And French it up!"
Cloud stared at her for a few seconds, before finally saying, "Fine."
"In that case, I'll go ask Tif- wait what?" Yuffie said, shocked.
"If it means getting out of wearing that dress, I'll do it," Cloud said.
"I wasn't… I mean… that was just… okay then…" Yuffie said faintly.
The next thing she knew, she was in Cloud's arms, her face pressed against his in a fiery kiss. At first too shocked that this was really happening, she shortly came to her senses and began returning the kiss as best she could. The two stayed there, entwined, until…
"Holy shit, at least close the damn door! Stupid kids…."
Cloud quickly broke the connection to twirl his head to the doorway, in which Cid was standing, puffing away on a cigarette as always. "Cid!" he exclaimed. "This isn't what it looks like!"
"Damn it, boy, I look blind to you?" the old pilot snapped. "You two idiots were sittin' there makin' out for the whole world to see, 'course it was what it looked like!"
"But – you don't have the whole stor-"
"Yeah, yeah, shut up," Cid interrupted. "It ain't none of my business… which is why you blockheads should keep the door closed!" Slamming said door shut, Cid proceeded to march away from the room.
"That was… awkward," Cloud muttered.
"I dunno, I kinda liked it," Yuffie mused.
"Dare I ask why?" Cloud said apprehensively.
"… I'd rather you didn't, honestly," she answered.
Before Cloud could reply, the door cracked open again, and Tifa popped her head in. "Cloud?" she asked. "Why was Cid just yelling about you two making out?"
"Ah-wha-Tifa-we weren't! Honest!" Cloud said, flustered.
"She's still in your lap, Cloud."
Cloud stared down at the ninja, who hastily slid off onto the bed.
"Well… it's good to see you two made up, at least…" Tifa offered unconvincingly.
"It- it's not like that, honest!" Cloud protested. "She was threatening to put me in a dress, and –"
"Cloud, don't lie to me about it!" Tifa snapped. "Like she could actually get you into one! A three year old could see through that! If you'd rather be with her, then fine! But don't go lying about it – in front of her, even!" Once again, the door was slammed shut.
"Oh, yeah, how was I going to get you into it…?" Yuffie wondered.
Cloud said nothing.
"Hey, why didn't YOU catch that?" Yuffie demanded.
Cloud said nothing.
"You… didn't catch it, did you?"
Cloud said nothing.
Yuffie leaned around to look him in the face, and saw that where there wasn't makeup, there was blush – of the natural sort, of course.
"Did you catch it?"
"… Yeah. Not right away, but yeah."
"When, then?" Yuffie demanded.
"You know… before…" Cloud mumbled.
"Before what? Before Cid came in?" Yuffie asked.
"Before I agreed," Cloud finished, turning away.
"… Hah hah, nice joke, Cloud," Yuffie laughed nervously. "Really convincing, you had me believing you for a second.
Cloud, once again, said nothing.
"I mean, it's not like… not like if I asked you, right here and now, to start going out with me, it's not like you'd say yes, right?"
"Who knows?" Cloud answered.
"… Hypothetically, if I asked that, what would you say?" Yuffie asked.
"Hypothetically, I guess I'd say yes, especially after Tifa being more upset about the lie than anything…."
"Wait, so it WAS a lie?" Yuffie said with a start.
"… Oops," Cloud flinched.
"So… you'd go out with me? Even after all those things you think of me?" Yuffie asked blankly.
"… Like I said, I still like you even with those things," Cloud reminded her.
"Right, as your girlfriend, you are obligated to buy me something at least once a month, and take me out on a date once every two weeks, oh, and all your materia is now jointly mine, and from now on you have to agree with me on everything, and…"
'Good thing I already knew what I was getting in to," Cloud thought with a silent laugh, as the young ninja continued to shoot off her demands.
Every member of AVALANCHE had some quirk that bothered people. To keep everyone from complaining, they alternated roommates every night. Two of them, however, shared the same room every night. After all, Cloud could always tell which stick was the short stick.
The end. Step one's out of the way, you may now proceed to steps two and three. Actually, I've got to be honest, I don't expect a lot of reviews. Not that I'll be complaining if I get them, of course - I've just got low self esteem that no number of reviews will ever change. : p Any-what-way, I do hope you've enjoyed this excursion into the depths of my mind, and check out my past, present, and future works. Peace out.