She Lets Me Call Her Baby
By
Becca
Rachel once told me that no one really knows what goes on in the relationship between a man and a woman except the man and the woman. I've found that's true as is most of her advice. Even though we all shared a bunkhouse and got to know just about everythin' about each other, including catching each other in all sorts of compromising positions (sure taught Cody and Jimmy not to sleep in the altogether anymore), there's just so many things the other boys don't know about Lou.
Distant thunder rolls through the hotel window after the brief flash of lightning a couple minutes before. I can't help the soft snort of laughter that comes out as Lou makes this soft kittenish whisper and snuggles closer. I hope she can sleep a little longer yet. It's been a long couple days between guarding and escorting Dawkins. Neither of us got any sleep the night before but that wasn't due to any dancin' like tonight. I know she'll wake up completely once the storm gets closer.
Well, that's a good example of something the others don't know about Lou – she has this terrible fear of thunderstorms. She'll stay awake all night if need be until a storm passes by. The only reason I know is that I caught her sneakin' from her bunk one night a few days after she'd been shot and I'd found out she's a girl…er, woman. She'd sat down on the floor between the table and stove in her longjohns far away from any windows. When she crossed her arms and started rockin' I just couldn't lay there pretendin' to sleep anymore.
We ended up spending most of the night huddled beneath my blanket on the floor whispering stories to each other. Lou told me about a tornado that hit near the orphanage in St. Joe when she was ten. Ever since that night, she's been deathly afraid of storms. We'd been talkin' about our mamas –in fact, she's the only one who knows that my mama went a little crazy after pa left and ended up takin' her own life – and I was singin' this little ditty my ma used to sing, when Lou laid her head on my shoulder and fell asleep. Every time there was a storm after that, even when we weren't together, Lou would sneak into my bunk and ask me to sing my ma's song.
I'm also the only one Lou told about what happened with Wicks. May he rot in Hell, the bastard. Actually, I'm pretty sure at least Noah, Jimmy, and Buck have some idea of what that bastard did to her, but I'm the only one with the details. Because of that night, Lou can't stand the smell of Bay Rum – which really explains her reaction when I tried that cologne in Thompkins' store. She'd also been exposed to a lot of the "other" things men and women do alone together while she was workin' for Wicks and his girls. So, when we started "dancin'," Lou had a lot of head knowledge but no experience to speak of outside of what Wicks did. And the only gal I'd been with before Lou, I'd known since she was four. I think that whole first time at Redfern woulda been a whole lot more awkward if we hadn't loved each other the way we did.
If you just look at Lou on the outside, you see this tough as nails, determined, confident woman who faces the world like she could take on anyone or anything. But, that's only half the picture. With those huge, dark eyes I get lost in and bein' as tiny as she is, Louise McCloud is one beautiful woman. Maybe it's her size or maybe it's because I know what she's been through – losin' her mama, livin' at the orphanage, leaving her siblings, Wicks, and survivin' on her own – but there's this part of Lou that's still a little, soft, sweet girl that I can't help wantin' to take care of. No one's ever just let her be a girl and taken care of her or protected her from getting' hurt. She's so unsure of herself as a woman, too, and keeps comparin' herself to ladies around town or Doritha.
As for Doritha, why would I want to be with a little girl who never grew up? Dollhouses are fine for little girls, but what grown woman plays with dollhouses? Don't get me wrong, I loved Doritha, she was my first and a dear friend, but what I felt for her was nothing compared to how I feel about Lou. I spent five years living out here away from Doritha, but I can't imagine five minutes without Lou in my life in some way. Those weeks we were broken up almost killed me.
I love how Lou states her mind, no matter what her opinion. She doesn't try to figure out what you want to hear or play games to get what she wants. I don't care if she doesn't wear dresses or skirts every day. I want her to be able to wear what she wants. Frankly, I prefer the way she looks in pants most of the time anyway!
I never could understand why Doritha felt the need to keep the peace at all costs. To be perfectly honest, some of my best intimate memories with Lou happened after we'd fought and I love fightin' with Lou. Sometimes, I just can't help but say somethin' just to get her dander up so I can watch the fire in her eyes. There's just nothin' quite like a riled up Lou McCloud…and the makin' up ain't that bad either!
It's funny. On the outside, it looks like Lou's the boss between us and I have no problems with the guys thinkin' I'm whipped. When we're alone, though, she always looks to me to make the decisions. During a lot of our alone time at first, I started most of anything physical. It took a few weeks before Lou got comfortable enough to take the lead and she figured out that I really, really like it when she does.
No one would ever guess that someone so standoffish in public would be so touchy-feely in private. Lou's so responsive to even the littlest touches on her hand or shoulder. She loves to be touched, which works great for me 'cause I love to touch her! Nothin' lewd or anythin' but just a hand on her back or pushin' her hair out of her face. That was the hardest part of not bein' together, I think. I still wanted to touch her and hold her but not bein' together made it wrong. That don't mean the touchin' didn't happen a couple times anyway when we were apart. I couldn't help myself.
That's another secret we're keeping from the others. We ended up "dancin'" a couple times even after breakin' up. Those two times weren't anything like all the other time Lou and I had been together. Even broke up, we still loved each other, but I'm pretty sure we didn't like each other then.
It was strange. The first time was after she'd gotten back from Willow Springs with Jimmy. I saw the bruises on her neck and demanded to know what he'd done to her. She said that someone who'd almost been in a duel over another woman had no right to ask. She yelled, I yelled, and I remember wantin' to choke her and kiss her at the same time. Guess I kissed her 'cause next thing I know, we're in my bunk catchin' our breath with her pants gone and every button unbuttoned between the two of us.
The second time happened after Ike died and I found her cryin' in the hayloft. We'd gone back to bein' friends by then and I held her while she cried. When she finally stopped, we'd been sitting with our foreheads together and a moment later she kissed me. Afterwards, we got into a huge argument because she said it was a mistake and was upset because we hadn't been careful at all that time. We didn't speak to each other 'til after we'd sent Ike on his way.
I hear a moan and feel Lou's arms tighten around me as she nuzzles her nose in my neck. The storm's been getting closer and Lou's wakin' up again. I know I should go close the window, but the breeze feels really good, and, well, I'd rather stay right here.
"Kid?" she mutters against my shoulder. "Storm comin'?"
My left hand rubs over her side in light, comforting passes and my right threads into her short hair as I drop a kiss on her forehead. "Yeah," I whisper, "go back to sleep, Loulabelle. I ain't goin' anywhere."
She grunts sleepily and smacks my chest lightly. "Not Loulabelle to you," she growls.
"Sorry," I reply. And here is the biggest and final secret we keep from the other. "I forgot, baby."
She lets me call her "baby."
I can't help the groan I let out as Lou swings a leg over mine and rolls to sit astride my hips, the sheet sliding down her back to reveal pale skin and slight curves. Mt hands naturally fit around her hips to adjust her position just slightly. She leans down to kiss me and I grin because I know what's coming next.
After a few slow, deep kisses, Lou's hand comes up to cup the side of my face while her left hand strokes the feather-light patterns over my bare shoulder she knows drive me crazy.
"Kid," she drawls out in a sweet whisper, even as she jumps at the crash of thunder outside. "Distract me."
"You want me to sing now?" I ask with a teasing grin. Even now I can feel her hands beginning to tremble and her heartbeat pick up.
"No."
She adjusts her position and we both gasp as our bodies merge for a third impromptu celebration of our recent engagement. "I've got somethin' better in mind," Lou replies against my lips before beginning the rocking motion that will distract us both from anything other than each other.
Have I mentioned how much I love my baby? Of course, too much more of this and Lou may have to share that title sooner than we'd planned. I don't think she'd really mind, do you? Just as long as I can still call her "baby".