Hello again Gentle readers!!
Long time no see, eh? Wellll, alots been going on (life sucks) and my chronic procrastination has been acting up. But I got some ointment and I should be good to go.

So, I started a Pansy/Draco fic a few months back that I wasn't sure I was going to continue 'cause, well, the entire reason for my inspiration died Thursday afternoon after a 5 month battle. So after I took a break and collected myself, I decided to finish the story since it was my gift to her to begin with. I hope you enjoy it :)

A/N: This story was centered around the theme of "unimportance" and "invisibility". That no matter what Pansy or Draco did, they'd only ever be small players on the grand scale of things and the sacrifices made on their part wouldn't matter. So I apologize if you don't gain satisfaction from the ending, but that's the point; There IS no satisfaction when it comes to love and death.
A/N 2: yeaaah, Half Blood Prince sucked, therefore, it didn't happen in this world ::nods::

Disclaimer:: Pansy not mine. Draco not mine. Because if they were, they CERTAINLY wouldn't be evil.

Dedicated to Sarah Baisden:
You are my truth.
You are my strength.
You are my conviction.
You are my tears.
You are my love.
You are my everything...
I will never forget you, Puff.

Don't forget me.

Prologue

Looking back, it didn't seem very long. It was almost unfair how short...cruel even. But so terribly fitting.

He had always been good inside...Was a shame only I had seen that.

Looking back, one week might as well have been my entire lifetime. It was short. It was unfair. But so tragically beautiful...so terribly perfect.

- + -

Chapter One

Draco Malfoy was the epitome of pureblood sophistication. Even at the darling age of 7, when I first met him, he carried himself with an air that was born, not bred. Most would like you to believe he was a snotty little brat who always got his way. Well, that might be true in some cases. Draco DID always get what he wanted, when it concerned material possessions.

I remember his play room used to be full to bursting with an assortment of magical toys. Crystal tops, spy glasses, music boxes, miniature dragons, and toy brooms, just to name a few. Yes, Draco Malfoy was a privileged little boy with a gorgeous mother and a powerful father.

That was what everyone saw.

No one got to see what truly went on in Malfoy Manor, away from the delicate eyes of high class society. I myself only witnessed one such incident, and heard two more when I was older from the source itself...He never talks about it anymore. He likes to pretend it never happened. But if you watch carefully, you can notice that he never rolls up his sleeves in Herbology and he never wears t-shirts during the summer. I asked him about it once and he snapped, saying that he was too well bred to be wearing something as common as a T-shirt.

But I saw the scar one time, when he thought no one was looking. It runs diagonal across the inside of his right wrist. Its white, long and jagged. I didn't realize Incendio came out like that.

So no. No one knows what it was truly like to grow up as Draco Malfoy, because if they did, they never would've doubted him. And they would've seen the crying little boy inside the husk of a jaded aristocrat.

- + -

"So what do you think?"

"Hmm...I say...boxers."

"No way. Briefs. Just LOOK at that bulge. Its got to be briefs."

I giggled and leaned back against the Slytherin table, my brown eyes flicking back over to the Ravenclaw boy Millicent Bulstrode, Daphne Greengrass and Tracey Davis were gossiping about. This was a daily thing. Pick out a boy and dissect him. It was a typical Slytherin trait and wholly boring for my tastes.

"What do you say Pansy?"

Looking back over at Millicent, I try to sound interested, but its a hard feat given the fact that I really don't care about this line of conversation. "To what?"

"'To what' she says," Daphne snickers and plucks a bit of gum from her mouth then leans in with a mocking smirk. " Do try to pay attention sweetie or you just might get left out of valuable information."

I try my best not to rip her fat head from her skinny little neck and instead settled for a smile." Oh? And what 'valuable information' could YOU possibly ever have, other than who has the biggest dick in Slytherin?"

Daphne glares daggers at me while Millicent and Tracey giggle under their breaths. Its an ongoing battle with that one. Ever since she first stepped foot inside Hogwarts, Daphne Greengrass has been on a warpath to obtaining the most power and generally used her body to get it. I'm sure there wasn't a SINGLE boy in Slytherin who hadn't seen her on her back atleast once.

"Ladies, ladies, retract the claws, please, can't have our pretty little table all scratched up."

Well, perhaps there was still one who hadn't.

I sigh a bit as Draco slides in besides me, giving my knee a discreet reassuring squeeze beneath the table. Only he can manage to calm me within 5 seconds flat.

"I'm so sorry Draco, Pansy was just being insolent again. Quite flighty, she is." Daphne complained, attempting to sit on the other side of him.

"Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to me?" Draco said, his face a perfect facade of bored surprise. He then began to pile his plate with cinnamon rolls and fluffy buttermilk biscuits and that was the unofficial end of all discussion.

Daphne surrendered her seat besides Draco to Blaise Zabini and returned to her own spot further down the table with Tracey. Fucking little tart, I thought viciously. Yeah, you better stare at your food, you ugly whore. Draco is so out of your league, its not even funny.

"Best stop making that face, Pans, you'll scare the firsties," Draco chided, a wry smirk to his lips as he bit into a biscuit loaded with strawberry preserves.

I glared at him, but it was lost in face of the fact that he had a bit of jam on the corner of his bottom lip. Ugh, I hated him so badly it ached, and yet--

"So I take it things with Greengrass aren't improving, " He inquired as he finished off his biscuit, that little dollop getting swept away by his pink tongue.

"No," I state petulantly. "She's an unbearable little skank and I wish she would just fall into a hole with metal spikes at the bottom and get slowly eaten to death by rats."

I can practically hear Draco's eyebrows shooting up into his hairline. "My my...quite the colorful imagination you have there."

"Oh shut up," I snap and feel my fingers curling up into fists.

Its not enough that Daphne flirts with anything that has a pulse and a dick, but her audacity to think she can have Draco Malfoy, the bloody Ice Prince of Slytherin...Its more than I can bear...because I know she'll want him only for his name and the power that comes with it. She'll stick by his side not out of loyalty, but of ambition, of greed. Draco would make her infinitely wealthy if they married. She'd attend the most important parties in the finest gowns, meeting the most influential people in the wizarding world. And what of Draco? He'd be stuck with a brainless cow that would no sooner suck him off then she'd be spreading her legs for someone else. She couldn't care for him properly. None of those girls could.

A warm breath puffs on my neck and I jolt from my thoughts."...Flower?"

Draco frowns at me, a subtle little crease between his eyebrows and his eyes are a stormy grey that let me know he's concerned. I want to cry. "Don't call me that."

He smirks, the bastard, and leans casually on the table." And why not?"

"Because, I don't want anyone else to pickup on it. I'm still enduring the Pans thing. Do I LOOK like kitchenware?" I then promptly smack his arm and point a finger in his face." Don't you EVEN answer that buddy."

He smirks and puts a hand up in surrender then returns to his breakfast of sweets. Its as easy as that and I take quite a good deal of pride in it. Nobody can strike Draco without dire consequences, and I do it practically 10 times a day, and all he does is smile. I love it when he smiles, probably why I hit him so much.

"So you got up awfully early this morning. Anything wrong?" I ask and eye the pile of bacon near my elbow with distaste.

Draco reaches over and drags the plate away, plucking a few pieces for himself. "Couldn't sleep."
Translation: I had nightmares again and didn't want to go back to sleep and risk waking up in hysterics so I went to go fly until just before everyone would start getting up.

"Ah. Well, I'm sure your godfather wouldn't mind brewing you some more Dreamless Sleep draughts," I say, leaning my chin in my hand. I watch Draco's eyes look at me out of the corner before he resumes eating.

"Hmm," He grunts noncommittally and its left at that. For now, at least. I know there's just too many prying ears for us to get into any sort of details, which was one of the reasons I hated having to come into the Great Hall. If Draco didn't insist upon it for appearances sake, I wouldn't come. I wouldn't do a lot of things if it wasn't for Draco.

"Attention! Can I please have everyone's attention!"

The chatter died down almost instantly as Headmaster Dumbledore rose to his feet, gangly hands spread out to gesture silence. I sigh and reach into my pocket, trying to remember if I put my new pack of cigarettes in there or if I left them on my bed, which I'm now realizing I did. Damn.

"After much deliberation, the staff and myself have come to a decision concerning the signed proposal for a Halloween Masquerade Ball."

Much of the Great Hall suddenly held their breath, myself NOT included.

"We are...allowing it."

I sigh and endure the explosion of cheers coming from the students, catching snippets of Dumbledore's speech, some stuff having to do with 'raising morale' and 'a bit of joy in these dark times'. It was a nice thought, I suppose, but I knew I wouldn't be going. I hated balls. Nothing but tight, stuffy dresses and boring conversation.

An elbow nudged me in the ribs and I turned to scowl at my grinning best friend, doggedly ignoring the butterflies that quivered in my stomach.

"What?" I growl irritably.

"I would look SO hot in a tail."

I blink at him, stumped for a few moments before the mental picture kicks in and I'm laughing along with him. The real kicker being, well, he would look hot.

- + -

"Draco. The Parkinsons are here. Come say hello."

Peering out from behind her mother's skirts, she saw the three Malfoys she'd been visiting for four Saturdays now. She curtsied, small fingers clutching her pale yellow dress nervously as she stared at the little blonde boy. "Hello."

"Hi." He replied coolly, pale eyes so startlingly sharp as they stared at her.

"Why don't you take young Miss Parkinson and entertain her while we adults discuss important matters." The boy's daddy had said to him.

"Yes, Father." He nodded obediently and led the way out of the lavish entry hall they had been standing in and through a series of long hallways filled with portraits and artwork and tapestries.

"So..." She muttered as she trailed behind him. They'd ventured this path three times now.
The boy stopped suddenly and pushed open a white door then walked in, never looking back at her. "Would you like to play a game?"

She paused in the doorway and mulled this over, looking round at the wide spread of brand new toys filling the large nursery. "No."

"No?" He asked, a look of bewilderment flickering across his otherwise expressionless face. She always enjoyed when he showed brief flashes of emotion.

"No. I'd like to see the garden. You said you'd take me the first time I came here, but we never went."

The boy stared out the window at the sun filled day outside, looking almost distraught." The garden, hmm."

"Yes, the garden, I'd like to catch a butterfly," She confirmed and didn't protest when he grabbed her sleeve and led her out another door, down some steps and spiraling passages until she passed through a stone archway and was suddenly blinded by sunshine. Squinting around, she realized they had made it outside and laid out before them were hedges taller than both their parents with tiny white flowers speckled throughout the leaves. She beamed and looked over at him, but he wasn't smiling.

- + -

Being fashionably late was a supreme understatement. But that was the only phrase Draco wanted to call us arriving two hours into the ball. He had left my side almost immediately, whisking away to charm some girl or woo a boy into a dark corner for a few minutes. I wasn't bitter, just annoyed. Yes. Annoyed.

With a glass of punch poised in my hand, I watched with great disdain for the past hour as couples danced happily, grins and eyes brimming with happiness . How I loathed it all.

and i've tried

A grunt of disgust escaping my throat, I left the Great Hall, damning my mother for sending me a dress with so many skirts. Too proud to go back to my dorm and too off-balanced to re-enter the ball, I found myself wandering out the double doors and into the gardens the staff had prepared. Hedges peppered with tiny white flowers that looked more like snowflakes than plants and faeries twirling and giggling between the frosted leaves and the white lanterns they were carrying. It should've been beautiful, I suppose, but I was never one for stupid things like this. Beauty was all relevant.

but i

Tossing my punch into the water fountain and debating how long I could last in the cold before I gave in, I was startled to feel warm fingers touch my bare shoulder. Turning around with a jump, I was stunned to find myself staring up into piercing silver eyes. Even with a mask covering most of his face, I'd know Draco's eyes anywhere. They were melted metal, swirling endlessly with emotions too complicated and fleeting to pin. They were cold mercury, dangerous and gleaming and so enticing you didn't care if you'd die from it, if only for one brief moment to be lost in those icy depths.

can't fight anymore

Blinking in shock from my thoughts, I wasn't prepared for the elegant bow Draco made infront of me or his arms sweeping me into a twirl then a slow waltz. I know it was foolish of me to do it, I know that better than anybody, but for one damn night I let myself do it. I let him lead and I let him smile at me and I let him see me blush and I let him touch my cheek and I let him spin me until I was dizzy and I let him make this night the best of my entire life.

I'm falling from this edge

And I let him bring my body close, sad notes from a song we both didn't know but recognized instinctively, floating from the open doors and I shivered. From the cold or him, I would never know.

i am lost to all i know

His lips brushed the corner of my mouth and I let myself do it.

and life's the only reverie

I let myself fall deeper inlove with him.

- + -

She scurried in after him and gaped at the beauty of the hedges. Perfectly trimmed and running along the base were a row of red and white flowers. Bending down, she sniffed at one, giggling when it kissed her nose. The breeze swept gently across the leaves, filling the air with the calming sound of rustling. Birds sang sweetly somewhere out of sight and she couldn't help but fall inlove with the place. "Its absolutely brilliant."

She looked up to find that he was staring at her oddly. A question on her lips, he pulled out of his pocket a large jar and held it out to her.

"What's this?"

"You wanted to catch a butterfly, right? Well, you'll need one of these." he explained.

She smiled and stood up, brushing off her dress."Thank you, Dra- Oh! There's one!"

Before he could react, she took off running after the orange and black butterfly. Jumping and flapping her hands to reach the fluttering creature, she giggled and squealed in delight. She could hear his sounds of amusement behind her as he joined in. They jumped and reached together, shrieking with laughter. They were too busy enjoying themselves to notice they'd traveled quite far and the maze shifted behind them.

- + -

Was it so wrong to want to be by his side constantly? Was it so wrong to want to see his face, right now, at this very moment, even if it was screwed up in fury, which it probably was since he had Care of Magical Creatures with the Gryffindors?

And was it so very wrong to be this inlove with your best friend?

I don't know why, but my head kept screaming 'yes!'.

And though my heart knew what it was doing, the rest of me wasn't so sure. Because just 'cause we shared a semi little sorta-kiss, Draco was still Draco and I was still Pansy. Which meant, he still kissed others and I still sat back and pretended not to care.

So here I sit in Arithmancy, watching out the window as a white-blonde head disappeared into a broom shed behind a familiar mop of unruly black and tactfully keeping my face a perfect collection of indifference. I can hear Daphne making some stupid comment about it that she thinks is under her breath, but the whole class hears anyways and I only barely manage to not vault over my desk and claw her ugly face to shreds.

Because just because we shared a semi little sorta-kiss, Draco was still Draco and I was still Pansy; his best friend.

- + -

She leapt once more, missed and toppled sideways into him, squeaking as she went.

"Oof!" He grunted as they landed in a tangled pile on the soft grass.

She giggled helplessly and squirmed to right herself, but her skirts had caught on his buckle. Trying to untangle it without ripping it proved fruitless and so she flopped back and there they sat, feet entwined."That was fun."

"The running or the falling?" He asked, a bit of a smile to his pale lips.

"Both," She giggled and crawled forward to sit on her knees infront of him." Can I ask you something?"

His eyebrows knit together as he looked like he was starting to not enjoy himself." Depends on what."

"Why do you wear nice clothes when I come over?"

He blinked, his mouth opening and closing, words failing to come.

"Hehe, you look like a fishy."

"I do not!" He huffed and smoothed his white blond hair back."And for your information, I ALWAYS wear nice clothes."

"Why?" She asked, head tilting and pigtails swinging from the motion.

"Because my mummy says I look like a little prince in them." He answered pompously.

She studied him for a moment." I think you'd look like a prince no matter what."

A bit of a blush appeared on his cheeks and she smiled at him. He cleared his throat and looked away," We should be getting back now. Father will be cross with me if your dress gets dirty."
Getting to her feet, she was about to follow him when she realized that he hadn't moved an inch and looked absolutely terrified. Tugging on his sleeve, she stepped in closer." What's wrong?"

"I...I don't know where we are."

Her breath caught in her throat as she gripped his sleeve tighter." W-what?"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention to where we were going. I..."

She was scared. The tall hedges suddenly didn't seem so friendly and the sky not as sunny.

"I'm sorry, Pansy."

She looked up at the boy who looked frightened and regretful and she couldn't find it in her to be angry. "Its not your fault. Come, we'll find our way out together."

She took his hand in hers and he didn't even pull away.

- + -

Reading was never one of my favorite past times. It took a great amount of concentration and dedication to sit down with a book and read it, absorbing each and every word. Draco could read. He LOVED to read. He'd sit down every Sunday morning in the common room, take out a new book and read it cover to cover by bed time that very same day.

He loved to read mysteries most. For some reason Draco thought himself incredibly clever and was always going on about how he knew who the murderer was and if HE were in that story, he would've had it all figured out and done with by brunch. We let him believe this because, well, its true for the most part. If nothing else, Draco is sickeningly astute. Sure, he might not be a genius, but what he lacked in factual knowledge like Granger, he made up for with his good instinct.

Sighing in aggravation, if at myself or the subject of my thoughts, I don't know and don't care to know. I slammed my book shut in frustration and stared at the clock. Two days had passed since the semi sorta-kiss and things were as they'd always been, perhaps even worse.

Draco went out every night, which wasn't too shocking. It was just...Scrubbing a hand through my black hair, I watched the fire blankly as Roxy, a purple puffskein and Draco's birthday present to me before we started Hogwarts, bounced into my lap and cuddled into my other hand. Why was I so hot and bothered about Draco running off after dinner? Why was I even bothering to CARE???

No answer ever came to me that night, unfortunately.

Draco slammed into the common room just then, sending portraits hung near the door flying to the ground, shouts of protest following his shaking form as he stalked like hell incarnate across the room towards me.
A question on my lips was silenced as my book and Roxy were pushed aside and I found myself with a lapful of soft white-blond hair. I let my questions and my anger and my pain find a nice place in the back of my mind as his fingers curled into my sweatpants and his shoulders trembled.
I held my boy's head as he wept hard and silent, his face hidden deep in my thigh in shame.
And just like that, all was forgotten in the face of Draco Malfoy's devastated tears.

- + -

What felt like hours later, they collapsed on a bench besides a small water fountain. She leaned over and took a drink from the streams of water two stone mermaids were pouring from jugs, then sighed at how cool and crisp it tasted. The boy took a drink as well and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I think I know where this is. Its one of the fountains in the middle of the garden."

She looked around the little circular clearing, liking how much sunnier it was here. A family of tiny yellow birds were bathing in the water fountain nearby, chirping merrily and setting her spirits right.
"If we stay here, we should be ok." He went on to say.

She reached over and took his hand again, smiling." I like it here."

A small smile spread across his face and he nodded in agreement. He moved to sit on the spongy grass and she sat besides him, hands clasped tightly. She leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed happily.

"You know we have to get married one day."

"How do you know that?"

"My parents told me."

"Oh."

"So, do you want to get married?"

She shrugged and looked up at him."I don't like boys."

He nodded and rubbed his thumb across the top of her small hand."I don't like girls."

She smiled and leaned up to kiss his cheek which was softer than she thought it'd be." But I like you."

He turned to look at her, his cheeks a very pretty pink."I like you too. You're ok...For a girl."

- + -

I am lost to all I know.

The hours passed with a vague blur, I'm not even sure how I found my way to my classes. But apparently I did, because before I knew it, I was traipsing up the boys' dorm staircase, my bag terribly heavy with homework. Pushing open the door of the 7th year boy's dorm, I find myself in a place of utter chaos. Books and papers and clothes and feathers adorn the room and in the center of it all, a shaking blonde with a look so deadly it could kill a person on the spot. And the person he was fixing to kill was being held back by two large boys.

"Take it back! YOU TAKE IT BACK YOU DIRTY FUCKING LIAR!" Draco roared, Blaise's arms wrapped round his midsection securely.

"Why! Because its TRUE? Face it, Malfoy, you've fallen from grace in both your father's eyes and the Dark Lord's. Why not make some use of yourself by bending over for Master. You bend over for everyone else."

I could only watch on in horror as Blaise's grip loosened out of shock and Draco hurled himself at Theodore Nott, sending them crashing to the ground. Fists and spit and curses and blood were a blur before I blinked back to my senses and shouted to Vincent." Grab him before he kills him!"

The boy listened, like he always did, and jerked Nott up by the scruff of his neck. I hurried over and helped Draco to sit up, panicking at the sight of blood leaking from his mouth.

"Better listen to your wife, Malfoy. Can't off you before the Dark Lord gets a go at you first." Nott sneered, dangling quite ridiculously from Vincent's fist.

"I meant HIM killing YOU, you fucking imbecile .Vince, Greg, get that pig out of my sight before I finish what Draco started." I hissed dangerously and watched with narrowed eyes as the two hauled the boy out of the room before turning my attentions back to the blonde.

Draco, for just one moment, looked like an abused puppy who was just too used to getting beat that it wasn't at all shocked it was thrashed once more. "Coco...?"

Looking up at me with eyes so dull and lifeless I wanted to cringe and look away, a ghost of a smile tugged at his bloodied lips." You know I hate it when you call me that."

Helping him to his feet as Blaise packed up all of his things to take him to an empty dorm across the common room, I smiled in return and handed him a tissue." And you know I'll never stop."

Draco clung onto my arm like it was his last lifeline as we walked out of the dormitory and as I looped my arm round his waist, I felt just how badly he must be hurting by the way he leaned on me for support." Heh, and you know I hope you won't."

- + -

"That one looks like a puffskein."

"Looks like a rock to me."

She squinted at the cloud and smiled," I want one so bad, but Mummy says I wouldn't be able to take care of it."

"I used to have one, but one of the owls ate it." He answered.

Scrunching her nose, she turned to look at him." Ew!"

He laughed and crossed his legs at the ankles. He looked good when he laughed."Artemis is my eagle owl. Mummy says I'm too young to have him, but Daddy says it'll teach me responsibility."

"Does it?"

He turned to look at her." Does what?"

"Does it teach you responsibility?"

His merry eyes darkened a bit and he turned quickly to stare back up at the blue sky."I guess."

She sat up and crawled over, hovering over him. She noticed he tensed up."Tell me Draco, why do you REALLY always wear nice clothes?"

He frowned and looked down." Because..."

"Because why?"

"Because Daddy's friends say they like the way I look in them." He answered.

She frowned."What about your Daddy?"

"He doesn't care, just as long as I look good...That's all he cares about; looking good."

She brushed a bit of his blonde fringe off his forehead."You do look good Draco. Even in a potato sack with dead bugs in your hair, you would look good."

He looked at her as if she had bugs in her hair herself," That's just gross."

"I'll always be here to say you look good. I promise."

He smiled a bit and let her curl up into him. His body beneath her was warm, and firm and lulled her gently to sleep.

- + -

A day after the Nott incident and Draco wasn't getting any better. I slept in his new dorm, practically moved in now myself, and watched him go through the motions. He was rigid and forced and stern and terribly heartbreaking. But it was so nice to wake up to his pale features in the morning. Its not much and its not like how I imagined, but its enough for me to feel at peace.

I feel safe in the knowledge that Draco still turned to his best friend, Pansy Parkinson, when things got bad. And Merlin have they gotten bad.

I found the letter that started this whole fiasco hidden in his Transfiguration notebook. To explain it would only sicken me worse than I already am, but it's necessary.

In short, his mother wrote to him about the dinner he'd come to three days ago. His father had shown up, no big surprise there, but what came as a great shock was the reasons behind it all.
Apparently Theodore Nott had reliable sources because he hadn't been far from the truth in his accusations. The Dark Lord had indeed found no real use of Draco but found him fascinating anyway and demanded that Lucius bring the teen to him. Draco was meant to take the mark that night then be whisked away to Merlin knew where to become Voldemort's concubine.

It was crude. It was disgusting. It was nauseating. It was sickening. It wasn't what Draco Malfoy was destined for.

So, using courage I didn't even know he possessed, Draco had defied his father and denied the mark, and with it, the Dark Lord's demand.

He'd been disowned straight after. A price on his head immediately followed.

I wasn't sure whether that was the reason he came storming in and dropping to his knees infront of me or not. I know there's more to it than that. I know because I occasionally see a flash of heartbreak flicker across his grey eyes whenever I mention to him that he should try to ally himself with Potter.

I may be a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. I know Draco's heart better than anyone else's and I know its a complex, twisted little thing. I know there will be things hidden deep inside it that I will never get to see, but that's ok with me. Just so long as I get to comfort him when the entire world turns its back on him. I'll be just fine being second place in his heart.

My love for that boy will be the end of me one day.

- + -

"PAAAAN-SEEEE!"

"DRAAAAA-COOO!"

Brown eyes blinked open blearily as a quite familiar voice sounded off nearby. Pale hands came up to shake her gently and she looked up to find that he had been awake. She was about to ask something when her words were interrupted by the sudden appearance of a tall, elegant looking woman with hair as blonde as moonbeams.

She stood up and realized with dread that her mum was going to be mad at her for 1) being lost and 2) getting her new dress dirty, when she promised she wouldn't.

A tall man with long blonde hair came next, followed by her parents. What happened next was a blur to her. She felt a hand clasp hers and drag her back to the big house and for some reason it didn't seem as pretty. She could hear her parents arguing with his about how the boy was a horrible influence on their daughter already by making her run off and disobey rules and get FAR too friendly with the opposite sex for such a young, tender age. Honestly, she didn't think being friendly was supposed to be a BAD thing, but apparently it was because it had her parents quite red in the face.
She saw the front door loom ahead and a horrible sense of fright filled her when she realized her parents meant to take her away, take her far far away from her new friend. Giving her hand a mighty jerk, she freed herself and raced back to him, somewhat pleased that he caught her before she tripped and fell.

"No! I want to stay! I want to stay with Draco!"

"Pansy Guinevere Parkinson, you get back here this INSTANT or so help me..." Her mother warned in that tone. And though she wanted to stay with him, she didn't want to be punished either.
Unfortunately, she never got the chance to make a choice since her father marched over, grabbed her hand and hauled her out the door.

His name was in her throat when he suddenly fled back up the main staircase and out of sight. She wept and tugged uselessly at her hand as she walked inbetween her mother and father. Looking over her shoulder as they walked towards the main gate, she caught sight of a flash of blonde coming from one of the third story windows. She sniffled and stared as he watched from his nursery room window, beads of something silver on his cheeks catching in the afternoon light. And with a small wave of his hand that she weakly returned, she was gone.

- + -

"Look. It's snowing."

Looking up from my homework, I saw Draco standing by the tall windows in the Great Hall, a cup of tea in hand and his eyes watching flutters of white fall to the ground.

"So it is." I mumble, and return to drawing out my star chart of Orion's Belt.

I hear the gentle rustle of robes, and I feel more than see the blonde sit across from me at the table. We've had to take up residence at the end of the Hufflepuff table, since it put the Gryffindors between us, the 4 blood-traitors, and the Slytherins. It left quite a few students baffled, most of them Gryffindors who'd whisper heatedly to their neighbors, but it served it's purpose.

"Let's go on a date."

I almost cracked my neck looking up. " W-wha?"

Blaise looked over at me with a smirk, his quill idly twirling in his fingers. "I do believe he said--"

"I heard what he said!" I snapped, my cheeks burning.

The Italian merely smiled and returned to his essay while Vincent resumed flipping through his wizarding card collection.

Draco tilted his head in that damned appealing way I'm not sure he knew was appealing, and grinned at me."Good. Let's go, then."

I grumbled, embarrassed and put-out at how easy it was for him to ask all of a sudden. 10 years and he asks NOW, at breakfast at the Hufflepuff table, like he was merely asking for my company to the bathroom. Folding my arms on the table top, I stare petulantly, pursing my lips." And where, oh dear Ferret, would we go? The Astronomy Tower? Hogsmeade weekend isn't for another week."

Grinning like a fiend, like I hadn't seen him grin in so very long, he stood up and simply held his hand out for me. And so help me God, I'd never deny that hand...

Less than an hour later found us in a bakery somewhere in northern Scotland. Don't ask me how he does it, because by now I've learned to just accept his miracles and enjoy them.

"Must've gotten quite the storm last night. Entire town's blanketed."

Glancing from the window at my (sigh) date, I murmured in response and watched the afternoon light dance in his hair, making it glitter like white-gold.

He smiles at me and finishes his cappuccino. "Enjoying your cruller too much to even speak, neh?"

I'm enjoying his smile and gentle teases far too much to tell him that no, it wasn't so much the doughnut than the light catching in his eyes, making shards of silver twinkle whenever he looks at me, that had me so quiet.

"Let's go take a walk outside. It's not as cold here, must be the hills surrounding that blocks out the winds."

So here I am, walking alongside my childhood best friend, on our very first official date, wandering the road from a town nestled deep in the valleys of Northern Scotland, snowflakes fluttering like butterflies against my pink cheeks. I watch his gloved fingers, aching them to swing just a BIT closer when he suddenly stops. I blink from my foolish thoughts and glance up at him, startled to see a solemn expression on his prior jovial face.

"I've been meaning to...to talk to you."

Trying to ignore the painful pang my heart gave, I tilt my head and slip my hands in my pockets." Oh? About what?"

His eyes are staring directly at where the sun should've been, but is covered completely by grey clouds, and they never seemed so cold. "About what happened that day. With Nott. WHY it happened."

"Don't," I reply, shaking my head at the awful flashes that topic brings up for me." I already know."

He turns to me, shock written all over his face. "You do?"

I know him better than that. I know what he's REALLY asking me with those forcibly expressionless eyes is 'You know what He wanted me to do, right? You know what I decided, right? You know and you don't care, right???'. So I nod. And he nods. And it's all either of us has to say on the subject.

He turns back to watch the horizon, chilly winds biting us both in the face, and I think its all over, but then he speaks and I can tell by his voice that something must've come to him in those few moments of silence. Something that made him just...break.

"Too good to be evil...Too evil to be good." Draco smiled cynically, beautiful silver eyes sad as they stared blankly at the snowy landscape." We're fucked, Pansy. Plain and simple."

I frown at the frigid figure Draco made, black cloak contrasting sharply with the endless white. Empty grey eyes shining from flawless pale skin. Destitute against a backdrop of hope...And I shivered.

- + -

With that thought in mind, she jumped to her feet, pocketed the dragon in her play dress and scurried down the hall to her father's office. She'd seen him use the fireplace to, what was it again? Goo? Loo? Oh! Right! Floo!

Yes, she could FLOO to see Draco again! Why hadn't she ever thought of this before?
Slipping a hand into the pot of powder, she stepped inside the fireplace, shivering at the darkness and threw down the powder screaming at the top of her lungs, "Draco's house!"

In a whirl of green fire, she was sent spinning and flying and by the time she came tumbling out, her elbows hurt quite terribly.

"EEP!"

Dusting off her dress that was now filthy, she coughed and squinted at the house elf staring back at her, startled." Oh Dotty! Remember me!"

"Y-yes, c-course, Dotty remembers. Dotty remembers little Mistress Parkinson. What little Miss be wanting from Malfoy Manor?"

Grinning, she sidled up and bounced on her toes." Draco, please. Bring him here."

With a nod, the house elf disappeared and reappeared moments later with a young blonde boy alongside her.

Giving a cry of delight, she ran across the room and almost knocked him to the ground with the force of her hug.

"P-pansy!"

Burying her nose in his neck, she breathed him in and smiled as she sniffled." I missed you SOOO much, Draco! I had to come. I had to see you."

He tried to push her away, but she wasn't having it." But Pansy, you can't be here. Our parents forbade it."

"No! I don't care! Run away with me, Draco. Its the only way we can be friends." She cried.

She felt him hesitate, his body tensing up as he stumbled over words. He only stumbled over words when rules might be broken, by him, and he knew he really wanted to do that. It was the very first thing she could claim she knew about him that others didn't, which only made her want to insist he run away.

"O-ok."

She grinned and pulled back, suddenly shocked to find his grey eyes kind of red and his voice wasn't stuffy-sounding because he was talking into her hair."W-were you crying?"

He frowned and roughly wiped his face where, indeed, there had been a few tears."No. Boys don't cry."

"Oh." She said simply and grabbed his hand, ignoring the fact that, somehow, she knew he was lying and that she was right and that he knew she was right but he still lied.

Smiling at him, they took off running through his huge house and out the front door, down the long carriage path and didn't stop running until they reached the road. Out of breath, legs aching, lungs burning, but all together happy, she grinned and laughed and wasn't really surprised when he joined in as well.

They walked down the sidewalk, hand in hand, talking about Artemis and how he'd be smart enough to find him even if he was in ALASKA and how she'd brought along the crystal dragon because it reminded her of him and how their parents would never in a million years find them now.

"Ooh! Look! Swings! Come on,'Co! 'Co, lets go play on them!" She called happily and skipped over to the small playground.

She could hear the amusement in his voice as he followed and said,"Did you just call me Coco?"

Turning around, she grabbed onto the chains and struggled to hoist herself up onto the seat."Coco? Ooh, that's cute."

"Ack. Where did you even come up with that?" He grumbled.

"Its the last part of your name. It fits you better than stuffy ole Draco."

He stared at her oddly before pouting."My name isn't stuffy. It's unique."

She giggled and finally got her bum onto the seat." Its stuffy and unique and I'm going to call you Coco whether you like it or not cause it suits you SO much better! So there!" Sticking out her tongue, she laughed, vaguely hearing him mumble under his breath 'atleast my name's not a flower' and looked down to notice that her dirty new white shoes were nowhere NEAR the ground.

He snorted, watching her distress from the next swing over." Problems?"

"I can't reach the ground." She said unnecessarily.

"It's because you're short." He replied simply.

"That's mean!" She shot back, glaring.

"But its the truth," He said, smiling. And even though she really liked his smiles still, she didn't like it when they were a result of him teasing her.

The last thing she expected him to do was climb onto the swing with her, his feet snug on either side of her thighs and hands gripping the chains as he hoisted himself up, but that's exactly what he did.
She smiled and dangled her legs as she felt him moving his entire body back and forth to push them forwards and backwards. Tipping her head back to rest against his knees, she grinned and stuck her tongue out at him and giggled when he returned the gesture.

The sun was starting to set by the time they decided to curl up in the cement tunnel by the jungle gym. The sky was a gorgeous array of orange and red and purple and pink by the time Narcissa and Violet found their children fast asleep at the park down the road from Malfoy Manor. The stars just started to freckle the purple sky by the time the pair of friends were tucked into Draco's bed, fond whispers of "guess they made up our minds for us" floating into their hair as they were kissed goodnight.

And the night sky went on for ages by the time Pansy slipped her fingers through Draco's as they snuggled close together, fast asleep.

- + -

I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but when his lips pressed like moist rose petals against my bare shoulder, I didn't much care anymore. Let me be damned, if only to be here, like this, with HIM, forever.

I glance behind me, feeling his bare chest brushing against my back, and I realize that this was what was missing from my heart; his eyes blazing silver with want, lips bruised from my kisses, cheeks flushed and white-blonde hair in complete disarray. With his strong, pale arms encircled around me, holding me close, almost desperately so, I know this is what I'd always wanted and missed and craved, but never knew. Because how can you crave something you never had?

I feel his breath on my neck as he showers kisses down my skin, and its hot and wet and sinful and everything I never allowed myself to dream it'd be.

"Draco..."

He has me on my back, the sheets of the small inn's bed already rumpled and bunched off to the right. It seems an odd sort of place to have such a special moment, but I'm Pansy Parkinson and he's Draco Malfoy and nothing is ever really normal with us. But his breath on my throat and his husky voice sending chills down my spine and his skillful fingers doing maddening things to my thighs, normal doesn't seem to be of consequence, really. Because what's so great about normal, anyway?
Normal wouldn't have me purchasing a hotel room for the night with my best friend. Normal wouldn't have me stripping off my panties as Draco presses his naked body completely ontop of me. Normal wouldn't have me wrapping my legs around Draco's waist as he thrusts into me. Normal wouldn't have me screaming in pleasure, sobbing in ecstasy, moaning in want. Normal wouldn't have me drenched in sweat, nails drawing angry red trails down Draco's pale back, staring up at him like he's my last sight before I die.

Normal would never have allowed me to watch his face contort with pleasure and normal would never have let me hear him sobbing my name and normal would never have given me the chance to know that his eyes turned a stormy blue when he climaxed.

And normal wouldn't have had me wrapped up in his arms, pressed impossibly close, sticky skin against sticky skin, damp blonde locks mixing with stringy ebony, gray melting with brown.
As his trembling fingers trace my swollen bottom lip, his glistening eyes following the motion and exhaustion lulling me to sweet oblivion, I knew I'd gladly give up normal. Because normal was being Slytherin Royalty, and all that entailed, and we were anything but ordained.

- + -

When I woke up, birds weren't singing, the sun wasn't shining and symphonies weren't going off in my head. No, everything was, in fact, as it should be. Sky was dark gray, the room hidden in shadows and Draco's back a stark white against those shadows. His eyes, those eyes that could break me apart and put me back together all in the same moment, looked at me and I knew what he wanted to say before he said it.

"Let's go." I mumble, slipping from the warm sheets and into my cold clothes.

What I don't expect is the day to look as if a storm is on its way, and his hand in mine as we head back to Hogwarts. But both are there.

The day passed by in a happy blur.

Draco smiles at me, walks besides me to every class, feeds me lunch and dinner, curls up next to me on the couch while I do my homework and sleeps in my bed. Its all too good to be true, his warm love. And perhaps it was, because the following morning, I found him gone.

- - - +

Chapter Two

Sitting here, with his journal splayed out on my lap, I can't help but feel resentful. Resentful that he'd be so damn selfish, resentful he could be so heartless, resentful that I hadn't seen it in his eyes as he gazed tenderly at me that one perfect day.

"She looks like the real thing, she TASTES like the real thing…but I can't help the fear…and it wears me out…its worn me out."

I trace my fingertips over the tear-speckled parchment, feeling every single blotted ink stain right down to my bones. My moist brown gaze rose to watch anguish swirl in Blaise's pale green eyes. He probably felt even worse. He had slept right through Draco's silent escape, only waking when I came in.

"Do you suppose--"

"Yes." I interrupt numbly, fingernails clawing into the pages of the leather bound journal. "And he's dead by now."Even I'M surprised by the monotony of my voice. But the reality of the situation is brutally clear and I'm just too fatigued to deny it any longer.

Standing at the precipice of utter bliss, it's heartbreaking to find the laws of gravity don't apply.

-+-

As I stare into the many faces of people I had come to loathe beyond recognition, their expressions feigning shock and concern for a lost classmate they never actually knew, I feel sick. That journal held defensively against my chest is the only thing I have to hold onto as Potter tries to stammer out an apology, as Weasley mutters darkly under his breath 'git had it coming' or as Granger's stunned tears drill holes into my rage.
They never knew Draco Malfoy, nor did they try. No one knew about the burns on his wrists he covered up desperately, the nightmares he woke to, the house elf he'd been forced to watch die because of his own childishness. Seeing Potter look white as a ghost, his green eyes darting between me and the ground, those lips of his mumbling words only he (and now Draco) could hear, I can't help but pity the fool.

"Draco only ever wanted to be worth something to somebody…but in the end, I guess he wasn't even worth saving, eh Potter?" I find myself hissing. All that rage, all that frustration, all that misery, came surging to the surface and I hugged the journal closer. "He gave himself up to save me, to save Blaise, to save Vincent and Gregory. He was always there for us, always there to protect us, but you…" I choked on my words, too disgusted by the paling Gryffindor infront of me. "Draco might've had an ugly soul by the end of all he'd gone through, but he'll still be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

I go to leave, but Potter's hand yanks me to a stop and those green eyes ringed by red make me all the more furious.

"You, Harry Potter, are the most pathetic creature I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. I hope you spend the rest of your life killing yourself with guilt over the life you COULD'VE saved, but didn't. I hope you DROWN in your agony." Because I will with mine.

Turning, I make my leave. Blaise flanks me like the good sidekick he is and escorts me outside to the carriage waiting for me.

My part in this story has come to an end. My only reason for existing had turned himself over to the Dark Lord and died violently at the man's hands. All that's left for me is to wait until I can see his beautiful face once more. My hand lingers on my belly, and perhaps it was imagination that made me think I could feel a slight kick meet my palm. The carriage sways back and forth and I can't help but feel this is the most fitting end to a most Slytherin of stories.

Looking back, it didn't seem very long. It was almost unfair how short...cruel even. But so terribly fitting.

He had always been good inside...Was a shame only I had seen that.

Looking back, one week might as well have been my entire lifetime. It was short. It was unfair. But so tragically beautiful...so terribly perfect.

Just like Draco.

the end