Hey all. This was an English essay I got and 'A' in, tell me if you agree?
It's kind of AU, not after the series finishes, but Kyo doesn't transform.
Essay title : A Summers Evening.
His orange hair shone in the evening light, his head tilted slightly towards hers.
"Y-you don't have to h-help me. I think I understand now," she stuttered, her face red at the thought of causing trouble for him.
"I'll help. You go that one wrong, by the way," he pointed to a maths equation and explained her mistake. He did not point out that she had made the same mistake twice before.
"Oh! Um, okay..."she scribbled furiously on the copybook, her face screwed up in concentration. "Is that right?" she held up the sum to show him and he laughed at her expression. How could one small being hold so much determination and goodwill?
"You nearly have it, Tohru. Just be careful with the ending," he pointed again to her mistake and gently explained why it was wrong.
"I'll get it right this time!" her determined face made him chuckle, his lighthearted laugh illuminating her world for the brief moment. She set to work on the next equation as her partner, Kyo, gazed around them with eyes full of sadness and guilt. The cherry blossom trees were in full bloom and their pale pink petals floated down from the low branches. The two were working on Tohru's homework in the Sohma Estate. The day had been hot, so Tohru had suggested they work outside. Kyo had agreed, wanting to keep her happy. Little things like that were how Kyo demonstrated his love for her, through actions rather than words.
Kyo was pulled from his thoughts by Tohru announcing that she was finished.
"Am I right this time?" she gazed up at him as he compared her workings to his own, her golden hair shining like spun gold as it fell down the back of her blue uniform.
"You've got it," he handed her copybook back with a small smile.
She sighed with content at finally cracking the equations and turned to face out over the lush gardens of the Sohma Estate. The gardens were in the traditional Japanese style, with small materfalls and lakes among the wooden steps and plants, some native like the cherry trees and others more exotic like rhodedendrons with their beautiful pink flowers and waxy green leaves.
He pulled her closer, leaning against the trunk of a tree and letting her rest her head against his chest. The were silent, her listening to his steady heartbeat and him brooding over what was to come.
"You know I love you, right?" she asked, still looking out over the grounds.
"Yes, I know," his voice was tinted with amusement for she asked the same question each day, as if to assure she wasn't dreaming. To convince her further, he bent over and kissed her on the head. She sighed again, knowing that her life could not improve and offered a lsilent prayer to her mother, thanking her for helping her to reach this point and knowing that she was always watching over her daughter, wherever she may be.
He wondered why he had been blessed with her, he who had done such wrong, who had caused such trouble. She was his angel, his guardian as his life unfolded, one event after another. She was constant, always there with a ready smile and a laugh. He kissed the top of her head again, his arms resting on her slight shoulders as she gazed, oblivious to his heavy thoughts and feelings.
What did you think? Please review. My teacher said "Good narrative style here, well used dialogue and great description"