Estonia was rarely, if ever, called to Russia's office. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he had been in here, though Latvia and Lithuania made frequent visits, for one reason or another. Estonia frantically flipped through his mental list of recent memories for a possible reason he had been called here, though his apprehension did not show on his face. Truthfully, life in the 'Soviet Mansion' was, although terrifying, somewhat dull as well. Each day sort of melded into one, for him at least, and over the years he had found it harder and harder to pick apart one day from the next in his mind, which irked him. He liked to keep things neat and organized.
His calculating mind would have loved to look around, but he could only focus on one thing: Russia. Sitting across from the northern giant wasn't truly something he had to endure often, at least, not as often has his two Baltic friends. Estonia had been surprised and more than a little frightened to have been wakened suddenly, - at midnight, no less! - and ordered to get dressed and meet Russia in his office. And damn it all if he hadn't stalled, but now he sat across from the big blonde whose violet eyes seemed to stare right into his soul; while the loud winds of a nighttime blizzard raged outside. The light was dim, but Estonia could make out the faint smile gracing Russia's lips. Estonia frowned.
"I suppose you are wondering why I called you in here, my Estonia?" Russia's voice was sickly sweet, and Estonia was for some reason reminded of honey. It tasted sweet, but left a burning aftertaste in your throat.
"You could say that," Estonia swallowed. "Did I do something wrong? It was not my intention." Estonia had never been beaten, and he didn't plan to. Perhaps he could still walk away from this unscathed. He could never read Russia's expressions, or rather, his one expression like Lithuania could. Russia's eyes darkened, subtle and almost unnoticeable.
"I would certainly hope not, Estonia. Why do you ask? Do you feel guilty about something?"
"No," now Estonia was confused. Russia's tone had taken an abrupt and sharp edge.
"You are smart, Estonia." Russia seemed to relax, his smile widened and his eyes softened. Estonia nervously adjusted his glasses, a habit. "You are very smart. That is why I have brought you here tonight." The Russian paused, thinking. "I would very much like to play a game with you."
"A game?" Estonia stiffened. Oh dear, what could Russia possibly mean by that?
"Da, a game. You have lived with me for a long time now. You are a part of my family, just like my Lithuania and little Latvia. But, I found myself realizing that I do not really know you. In fact... You seem to avoid me at all costs." Russia's tone was innocent, and if Estonia hadn't known better he would have said Russia actually sounded hurt. No. Russia? Hurt? That was... madness.
"And... You wish to play a game with me?" At midnight? He mentally added, but didn't say it out loud. There was a lot he left unsaid whilst he had lived with Russia. "So that you can get to know me better." Is that right? Unsaid, for fear of it being taken as sarcasm. God knows that Russia would find sarcasm or defiance in anything one said.
"Do not worry. It is a very simple game. I know you must be exhausted, but I did not want any intrusions. You should be feeling wide awake by the time we are done." Russia's smile intensified, and on anybody else in the world it might have actually looked comforting.
Estonia's frown tightened. He could write on essay on everything wrong with what Russia had just said. If he hadn't been awake before, he definitely was now. "What game?"
"As I said, it is simple. It takes no brainpower at all. Even America could play it. And there is no possible way to cheat." Russia cocked his head childishly, his smile crooked. "But just to be sure," He leaned down and pulled something from behind his chair, and set it down on the desk between them. A rusty old faucet pipe. Estonia's stomach clenched. Out side, the wind blew furiously and the lights flickered.
"What game is it?" He repeated, swallowing a lump. Russia's smile faltered, for only a second, and Estonia wondered if he had imagined it. Russia reached into his coat pocket, and what he pulled out caused the Baltic to break out into a cold sweat. A small revolver.
"It is called Russian Roulette." Russia tossed the gun childishly back and forth in his large, gloved hands like a kitten with a ball of yarn. The site made Estonia swallow hard, that's not a toy! He wanted to reach out and snatch it, but couldn't find the nerve. "Have you heard of it, Eduard?"
Estonia did not like it when Russia used his human name. It felt... Wrong. He hoped he never heard it again. "No," He answered simply. Surprisingly, his voice did not hold any fear. Russia stopped playing with the gun and examined it with boredom. His eyes glazed over.
"I would not expect you to. You are too smart for your own good, but I have worked very hard to keep you sheltered and safe from the real world."
For a moment, Estonia's blood boiled with hot rage that surged through him and caused his cheeks to heat up and his fists to clench. But then it melted down and died into a cold ash. Anger wouldn't help him. It never helped anybody else. What could he possibly do against Russia?
"It is easy to play." Russia's soft gaze never left the gun as he stroked its barrel gently with his thumb. "We take turns. One player shall hold himself at gunpoint and pull the trigger. Then, the next player takes his turn. We do this back and forth. Only one chamber is loaded. The winner lives. The loser takes a bullet to the brain. Fun, da?"
Estonia was squirming in his seat, not something he often did. Of course, only Russia would find this kind of madness fun. He didn't have a choice, did he? Silently, he pleaded to whatever god would listen that this be some sort of sick dream. But he knew it wasn't. Somewhere in the room, a clock ticked loudly.
Suddenly, Russia's gaze flickered back towards Estonia's, and the Baltic found himself locked in place by dark and angry eyes. "Da?!"
"...Yes. It sounds... riveting." Estonia licked his lips and once again pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Russia's violent look melted into one of disconnected happiness.
"Good. But I would like to change the rules, only a fraction." To Estonia's utter shock, Russia handed him the revolver, handle first. "We will point the gun at each other. I do not trust you."
I thought you wanted to get to know me? He thought bitterly, and hesitantly took the gun. His fingers brushed Russia's for only a second, sending cold chills down his spine and goosebumps to rise on his flesh. Even through the gloves Russia's hands were colder than death.
"I go first, da? You shoot me."
Those words were so ridiculous coming out of Russia's mouth, Estonia let out a choked and somewhat hysterical laugh. Who would have thought in a million years that Ivan would say that, to him no less?
"How many chambers?" Estonia realized his hands were shaking.
"Six."
"Okay. Okay. Got it. Okay," Estonia struggled to calm his breathing. Six chambers, one bullet. Why? Why?! What could possibly be going through Ivan's head right now?! He couldn't have settled for a friendly game of chess?
Estonia held the cold instrument of death tightly in both hands, trying to calm himself down. Slowly, he raised it and pointed it directly at Russia's forehead. He forced himself to try and imagine what a triumph it would be if Russia lost. It wasn't as though he would stay dead; and it certainly wouldn't change the three Baltics situation, but the thought was indeed comforting. Narrowing his eyes, he glared directly into Russia's; trying to read his emotions. The big country had a glassy, distant look in his eyes and a small smile on his face. Scowling, Estonia thought of everything Russia had ever done to him, to his brothers. The beatings, the violence, the blood and pain and tears they had endured. With a righteous fury he had never felt before, Estonia pulled the trigger.
Click.
Estonia sucked in a deep breath, his anger drained completely into fear. Had that really been him? The shaking returned. Was this how Latvia always felt? Russia held out his hand expectantly. My turn, the baltic thought. Estonia reluctantly gave him the gun; despite instinct telling him to throw it as hard as he could out the window and run. Outside, the wind howled. The large house creaked, and the only other sounds above his own ragged breathing was the ticking of the clock.
Russia's violet eyes locked with Estonia's blue ones once more. People said eyes were the window to the soul, but Estonia saw nothing behind Ivan's. It was like looking into a bottomless abyss that would swallow you whole if you let it. Slowly, a sort of awareness started to creep back into the Russians eyes, and his smile faded somewhat as the glazed, faraway look diminished. "That was real anger I saw, Eduard. My suspicions were correct. I thought you were humble and obedient as a trained dog, but I knew you always had something hidden behind those dull eyes of yours. It is a good thing I caught you." He smiled again, his eyes sparkling like a child's. "Now I know you better, da? What have you been doing behind my back while I was busy looking the other way?"
"What?" Estonia's fear and anger were replaced by confusion, before easing back to an angry simmer. Don't let your emotions rule you. Don't let him get a rise out of you. Still, somehow it was... Satisfying, knowing that Russia, if in a very, very subtle way, feared and possibly respected him. But it was also terrifying. It meant that Russia would start noticing him.
Lost in his thoughts, Estonia hadn't even realized the barrel of the gun was pointed directly at him until it was pressing against his forehead. He let out a small gasp, jerking backwards. Russia was frowning. "Pay attention. There is much for you to absorb. I want you to feel it penetrate your big brain before you are enveloped in cold... Death is always cold. But you would not know that, would you?" Russia narrowed his eyes. Estonia gulped. Slowly, Russia pulled the trigger.
Click.
"You are shaking much like Latvia. I was not aware you were capable of much emotion, Eduard. Now I know you better." Russia's stern look disappeared, and now he looked very thoughtful, his eyes growing distant once more, lost in thoughts of his own. He handed Estonia the gun. The irony of his words were not lost on the Baltic. "I fear you might have been doing... things behind my back. I should have known better. I shouldn't have let you get out of control. I know better now. What have you done? What have you sabotaged? My cameras have been shorting out. Was that all your doing? I was so busy keeping Latvia and Lithuania in check I allowed you to run wild."
Russia's paranoia was satisfying as it was frightening. Estonia took the gun, licking his lips. Truthfully? He had been so terrified of Russia all these years he had never even thought to take advantage of the twisted version of freedom he had. He certainly wasn't hounded as badly as the other two. But it wasn't as if he could have done anything that actually mattered. This was exactly the kind of confrontation he had wanted to avoid, and here it had happened anyway. Of course, he should have expected it. This was Russia.
He pointed the gun at Russia, who still looked thoughtful. Their eyes met again: cold blue against distant violet.
Click.
Three shots, three more to go. Estonia was sweating again, and he placed the gun on the table and pushed it towards Russia. He didn't want their hands to touch again. Russia's eyebrows drew up into a sad, melancholy look. "I should have known better," The Russian continued after a long pause, not even acknowledging the gun. "But now I do know better. I know you better. Do not tell me what you've done. I would like to figure it out for myself. I like games."
Eduard hadn't done anything. He couldn't speak for his people, though. His heart quickened as Russia continued to ignore the gun, why couldn't he just get this over with?! Estonia cleared his throat nervously. "Mister Russia? I am exhausted, and my brothers might miss me if we do not hurry this along." If his absence didn't wake them the gunshot certainly would. He could only hope that it wasn't his bloodied head that they rushed in to find.
"Do not interrupt me, Estonia." Russia's eyes sharpened so suddenly that the Baltic flinched, Russia's voice had taken a deep, dark and menacing tone. Russia picked up the gun. "Have you been planting seeds of false freedom in Latvia's mind? Have you been manipulating my Lithuania to feed hope to the thought of independence? We are a family. We stay together. Forever." He pointed the gun at Estonia, who wanted desperately to look away but Russia's gaze held him in place. The Russians face was twisted into an angry scowl Estonia had never seen on him, and his eyes were deep and dark. Estonia was being sucked into the abyss. "Sometimes I wish nation regeneration were not possible. You are a part of my family, but you are not a good addition. Like a weed in a sunflower patch. I must break you, or you will choke the beautiful sunflowers." Russia waited for this to sink in, before pulling the trigger.
Click.
Estonia let out a breathe he hadn't realized he had been holding. Oh dear - two shots - only two shots! The next one had to be the bullet, it just had to be! Russia stared down at the gun and the angry look glazed over. "We are close to the end of our game. Tell me, who do you think will lose?"
"You," Estonia said without hesitation and immediately regretted it. He tensed, expecting a slap, or maybe a hit with the pipe. However, Russia only smiled sadly, his eyes still distant.
"I do not blame you, Eduard. You cannot help your nature. I know you a bit better now." He handed Estonia the gun. "Weeds will never be flowers, but they can be tamed and controlled, da? I will keep you on a shorter leash now. I cannot have rebellions in my family. Ah, I can see fire in your eyes! I never thought I would. I learned from my dear neighbor China that those who do not have emotion are considered... cracked. I suspected you to be 'cracked.' Perhaps you are."
"I'm not crazy," Estonia leaned forward on his elbows, glaring at Russia through his glasses. He held the gun tightly in his hand. "You're crazy, Russia. And I think somewhere in that broken, taped together and then shattered all over again psyche of yours...You know it." He felt suddenly very brave. In the face of possible death, even if it wouldn't last, he felt he could do and say anything with no consequence. He felt alive.
Russia looked at Estonia with pity. "I was told that crazy people do not think they are crazy, Eduard. It is called denial, and you seem to suffer from it." Russia watched as Estonia lifted the gun with a cold righteousness in his blue eyes and directed it at Russia's head. Russia's smile was sad. "Goodness... I would hate to live like that."
Click.
"...And now you won't have to any more," Russia finished. "At least, for a little while, da?" Estonia blinked, his mouth dropping open. No. No. Russia took the gun, Estonia blinked rapidly, his mind and body numbing. No!
"Russia. Ivan. We don't have to finish this. I mean... You know me better now, right?" Usually Eduard's silver tongue was what saved him, but now it seemed he couldn't find any words to appease Ivan.
"No forfeits. No turning back. You are a coward. I thought you would be braver, Estonia. But now I know you a little bit better."
Estonia hated this. He hated begging, but he didn't want to get shot, either! "It..." Estonia felt himself suddenly grow courageous as Russia's words sunk in. He was no coward. He was going to lose, fair and square, whether he liked it or not. "Okay. Fine." he glared into Ivan's eyes, he glared into the abyss. "I'm not afraid of you, and I'm not afraid of death. Go."
Russia clucked his tongue. "Good." He raised the gun, his eyes growing distant, and started to put pressure on the trigger.
"Wait!" Estonia cried.
"What!" Russia hissed.
"The sound will... It will wake my brothers. Can you at least take us somewhere where we won't disturb them?" He swallowed. He didn't want Latvia to see his bloodied corpse.
"Nyet. This ends here and now."
Time seemed to move in slow motion for Estonia. He was frozen in place, eyes wide and mouth open. Sweat poured down his face as he watched Russia's hooked finger close, and he noted with rising amusement and hysteria that Russia's finger was a bit to big to fit behind the arc that protected the trigger from accidentally shooting something. Wind howled outside; the house creaked loudly, the clock ticked, but none of these things registered in the Baltic's mind: It was just him and the revolver. That was all that existed. He could see down the barrel, pitch black, an abyss.
Click.
Silence. Dead silence. Estonia didn't move, didn't breathe. Russia's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh?" he pulled the trigger again. Click. Once more. Click. Estonia stared in numb shock. Russia looked up at him, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Did you remove my bullet?"
Estonia couldn't speak. His throat had closed up and all that came out was a terrified squeak. Numbly, he shook his head.
"I do not believe you. How did you do it?" Russia looked upset, like a child whose parents had taken away his favorite toy and ruined his fun. "No! Do not tell me. You are clever. I will figure it out myself." The silence stretched on, and Eduard realized he wasn't breathing. He sucked in a sharp breathe that burned his lungs. The confused look on Russia's face twisted into a playful smile. "Clever. I thought you were really frightened. You could be an actor."
Estonia watched Russia set the gun down on the table, and his heart nearly stopped when the Russian picked up his beloved pipe. He opened his mouth to - what, protest? - but nothing came out.
"You have lost all color in your face," Russia clucked his tongue. "Would you like a glass of vodka to warm you?"
Estonia didn't. He shook his head.
"Suit yourself," Russia pulled a bottle from his coat with one hand, popped off the lid with his thumb and took a long drink. "Well played, Estonia," he said, swinging the pipe like a toy. His face looked somewhat pale as well, and suddenly his smile looked very tired. "Your brothers might miss you. It seems as though I will simply have to let the weed grow a bit longer. I do not mind. I like a challenge. Go to bed."
Dumbly, Estonia nodded. He stood on legs that felt like jelly, turned around and stumbled towards the door.
"Eduard?"
Stopped seconds from the door, he turned to look at Russia. Finally, his voice returned. "Y-yes, Mister Russia?"
"You are an interesting person. I look forward to playing more games with you in the future." Russia took another gulp of vodka and waved his pipe in a way that indicated Estonia could leave. Estonia wasted no time, and as soon as he stumbled into the hall he gasped, his legs nearly giving out, he leaned against the wall.
"Estonia?" A quiet voice whispered and he nearly had a heart attack, looking up to meet worried, big blue eyes.
"Miss Ukraine?"
Ukraine smiled gently, "Here." She handed him a glass of water, which he gulped down gratefully. "Are you alright?"
"I've... I've been better. Why are you up so late?" His voice was returning, and he wiped sweat from his brow with his sleeve.
"Little brother, he, well, he told me what he planned." Her voice lowered to a whisper. "But I couldn't bear the thought, so I removed the bullet. I didn't think he would blame you!" Her eyes filled with tears. "I hope you're not in trouble! I will tell him it was me!"
"No, no! Don't do that." Estonia smiled, a weak but genuine smile. "Don't. It's okay. I'm okay. I cannot thank you enough. Were you standing out here this whole time?"
"Yes," she admitted, blushing. "I hope you don't think me rude."
"I don't. Thank you." Estonia took a deep breathe, and stood up straight. His legs felt better. "Good night."
"Right." She took the glass from him. "Good night." She smiled a motherly smile, and then the two of them parted ways, Estonia towards the baltics shared room and Ukraine towards her own.
As Estonia struggled to walk straight, he felt a strange sense of calm overtake him. He had looked into the abyss, and he had survived. But damn if it hadn't been terrifying.
Estonia smiled.
Reviews and critiques would be much appreciated! I sincerely hope Estonia wasn't out of character, and Russia too. They're so hard to write! Suspence isn't really my thing either, I hope this doesn't suck! I don't have a proofreader, so all mistakes are mine. Sorry! If it wasn't obvious, this takes place around Soviet Union times, when the baltics were under Russia's control. It's not really based on anything specific, it was just an idea I had.
Also! I know nothing about guns and bullets, so I kept descriptions vague. I hope I haven't caused gun lovers to shake their heads at my gun-stupidity. My only experience with guns is Fallout, and I don't even know if their use of guns is accurate either.
Also: Ivan isn't considered a name in word. XD