Summary: Songfic based on the song Firewalker by Liz Phair. Will soon have
another songfic out using another song from this same artist. What can I
say...? Basically, this fic is like a mix of Harm and Mac's thoughts and
memories after a falling out. If you're having trouble figuring it out,
sign a review and let me know, and I'll revamp it for you!
JAG Headquarters Falls Church, Virginia 0934 ZULU
Mac dropped into her chair, and let her head fall onto her desk. It hit hard with a thump, but she didn't notice that pain. It was nothing compared to the emotional pain she was going through, or the inner conflict she was faced with. Finally, she just let the tears fall, and slowly, she began to feel slightly better about the day ahead.
My hopes are like embers lying around
Inside a fire bed
And your mind is a firewalker
It steps on them like
They are dead but
I can grow
Despite all you know
You might not recognize me tomorrow
Mac noticed Harm as he swept quickly through the bull pen and barricaded himself in his office. With another twinge of pain, she remembered the argument.the very pebble that may have shattered the glass house she'd been living in, and not to mention, possibly ruin her relationship with her best friend.
"Mac, back off!" Harm screamed. "What's your issue anyway?! If I want to leave, I can leave! It's my decision and I'm not changing it!"
"It's irresponsible! So you're just going to pack up and leave us? Leave JAG? Leave me? How do you think that makes everyone feel, Harm? You barely gave any notice! It was so sudden." Her voice began to break here, so she stopped mid-thought.
"If this were a couple weeks ago, would you care? Huh?! Would you?! He left, and now you're worried about me? Seems like bad timing." he smirked.
"Harm, it's not like that, and I know that you know that!" Mac sobbed. "I've always cared! I just never expected you to just leave.." She choked. "Why?!"
"Because I feel like it, that's why! This is my career Mac, and you aren't going to stop me from doing what I want to do with my life!"
".There was a time when I thought you wanted me to be part of it." she whispered. "But maybe I was wrong."
"Maybe." he replied, and walked off without another word.
The terrible memory of the fight stabbed at Mac's heart. She looked at Harm's office door, shut tight with shades drawn. She straightened up, and slowly walked in that direction. When she heard no noise coming from Harm's office, her confidence dwindled. "Sorry." she whispered to his door.
Yes I can change despite all they say
Become something strange and beautiful
Like joy
Harm was pacing his office when he thought he heard the tell-tale sound of Mac's heels heading in his direction. All his breath was caught in his throat.until he realized that she wasn't coming in. He frowned as he remembered the hurt look in her eyes, her shouts, her tears. She had a good excuse to hate him. He couldn't blame her.
He sank to the floor, propping himself up against a wall, and placing his head in his hands in defeat.
There was a time when he and Mac had gotten along. And then there was Brumby. And then some lawyer from Washington. He didn't see where he fit in. And maybe he had missed his chance. But Mac had said it herself. She wanted him in her life.or at least she did at one point. But he was pretty sure he'd ruined that chance. Was their flame out? Did they ever have a flame? Was Mac gone to him forever? Was there any way he could fix this mess?
Like joy
Me I'm like a wild flame
That catches on whatever's near
But your mind is a firewalker
It sets its course and never veers but
I can grow
Despite all you know
You might not recognize me tomorrow
Later that day, Mac was still in her office. She doodled on case files, and occasionally reached across her desk for a tissue. No one came by. She could only imagine what they were thinking. It seemed that everyone knew the goings-on in her and Harm's life. It seemed strange now to put their names together, but that was how everyone else saw it...
Three small taps on Mac's office door brought her back to reality, and she straightened up, hoping to look slightly presentable for whoever it was that dared to knock on her door.
"Come in." she whispered. Her voice was harsh and tired.
"Colonel, I need to see you in my office." The Admiral's voice sounded slightly stern, and Mac winced at the sound of it.
"Yes, sir." She nodded.
She walked quickly across the bull pen to the Admiral's office, and hurried inside. "What did you need from me, sir?" she asked, looking up. She saw only Harm. The Admiral came out from the adjoining room.
"Colonel, the Commander would like to talk to you. The two of you can chat in here since the whole office seems to know your personal business. I'm going on lunch break." He nodded, smiling. "Work it out." He gestured.
Yes I can change
Despite all they say
Become something strange and beautiful
Like joy
"I'm sorry." Whispered Mac. "I wasn't thinking, and you were right. I can't stop you. You should be able to make your own choices.."
"I'm.not going anywhere." Harm revealed.
"What?!" Mac spat. "But Harm, you said."
"I don't care what I said." He interrupted her. "I've changed my mind. You were the one that was right about everything. I do want you in my life. I really do. I just hope you still have a place for me." He admitted.
Mac was silent for several minutes. She looked at Harm. She could see the sincerity in his eyes. They looked almost as hurt as she felt. She took a deep breath, and exhaled.
Like joy
Take offers from every side
And give my attentions about anywhere
Well do I recognize my actions
I look like I'm so unaware
Like I don't care
"Mac?" Harm whispered. "If you need to think about everything, I don't blame you. Take your time. I understand. I deserve it, anyway." he frowned, looking down now at his feet.
Mac took a step closer to him, and smiled.
"Mac?" he repeated.
"Harm, I do want you in my life. How could I not? You're my best friend. I don't think you have any clue how much I care for you. I was so worried you'd leave me.." She began to choke again, and stopped talking to regain her composure. A single tear floated down her cheek.
"Tears of joy?" he asked hopefully, using his sleeve to wipe the renegade water droplet away. "Does this mean we're okay again?"
"Yes, Harm. We're more than okay." Mac nodded.
I can grow
Despite all you know
You might not recognize me tomorrow
Yes I can change
Despite all they say
Become something strange and beautiful
Like joy
Like joy...
A/N: I have no clue what I was thinking when I wrote this, so if you're wondering, there's the answer to that question. R&R please!
JAG Headquarters Falls Church, Virginia 0934 ZULU
Mac dropped into her chair, and let her head fall onto her desk. It hit hard with a thump, but she didn't notice that pain. It was nothing compared to the emotional pain she was going through, or the inner conflict she was faced with. Finally, she just let the tears fall, and slowly, she began to feel slightly better about the day ahead.
My hopes are like embers lying around
Inside a fire bed
And your mind is a firewalker
It steps on them like
They are dead but
I can grow
Despite all you know
You might not recognize me tomorrow
Mac noticed Harm as he swept quickly through the bull pen and barricaded himself in his office. With another twinge of pain, she remembered the argument.the very pebble that may have shattered the glass house she'd been living in, and not to mention, possibly ruin her relationship with her best friend.
"Mac, back off!" Harm screamed. "What's your issue anyway?! If I want to leave, I can leave! It's my decision and I'm not changing it!"
"It's irresponsible! So you're just going to pack up and leave us? Leave JAG? Leave me? How do you think that makes everyone feel, Harm? You barely gave any notice! It was so sudden." Her voice began to break here, so she stopped mid-thought.
"If this were a couple weeks ago, would you care? Huh?! Would you?! He left, and now you're worried about me? Seems like bad timing." he smirked.
"Harm, it's not like that, and I know that you know that!" Mac sobbed. "I've always cared! I just never expected you to just leave.." She choked. "Why?!"
"Because I feel like it, that's why! This is my career Mac, and you aren't going to stop me from doing what I want to do with my life!"
".There was a time when I thought you wanted me to be part of it." she whispered. "But maybe I was wrong."
"Maybe." he replied, and walked off without another word.
The terrible memory of the fight stabbed at Mac's heart. She looked at Harm's office door, shut tight with shades drawn. She straightened up, and slowly walked in that direction. When she heard no noise coming from Harm's office, her confidence dwindled. "Sorry." she whispered to his door.
Yes I can change despite all they say
Become something strange and beautiful
Like joy
Harm was pacing his office when he thought he heard the tell-tale sound of Mac's heels heading in his direction. All his breath was caught in his throat.until he realized that she wasn't coming in. He frowned as he remembered the hurt look in her eyes, her shouts, her tears. She had a good excuse to hate him. He couldn't blame her.
He sank to the floor, propping himself up against a wall, and placing his head in his hands in defeat.
There was a time when he and Mac had gotten along. And then there was Brumby. And then some lawyer from Washington. He didn't see where he fit in. And maybe he had missed his chance. But Mac had said it herself. She wanted him in her life.or at least she did at one point. But he was pretty sure he'd ruined that chance. Was their flame out? Did they ever have a flame? Was Mac gone to him forever? Was there any way he could fix this mess?
Like joy
Me I'm like a wild flame
That catches on whatever's near
But your mind is a firewalker
It sets its course and never veers but
I can grow
Despite all you know
You might not recognize me tomorrow
Later that day, Mac was still in her office. She doodled on case files, and occasionally reached across her desk for a tissue. No one came by. She could only imagine what they were thinking. It seemed that everyone knew the goings-on in her and Harm's life. It seemed strange now to put their names together, but that was how everyone else saw it...
Three small taps on Mac's office door brought her back to reality, and she straightened up, hoping to look slightly presentable for whoever it was that dared to knock on her door.
"Come in." she whispered. Her voice was harsh and tired.
"Colonel, I need to see you in my office." The Admiral's voice sounded slightly stern, and Mac winced at the sound of it.
"Yes, sir." She nodded.
She walked quickly across the bull pen to the Admiral's office, and hurried inside. "What did you need from me, sir?" she asked, looking up. She saw only Harm. The Admiral came out from the adjoining room.
"Colonel, the Commander would like to talk to you. The two of you can chat in here since the whole office seems to know your personal business. I'm going on lunch break." He nodded, smiling. "Work it out." He gestured.
Yes I can change
Despite all they say
Become something strange and beautiful
Like joy
"I'm sorry." Whispered Mac. "I wasn't thinking, and you were right. I can't stop you. You should be able to make your own choices.."
"I'm.not going anywhere." Harm revealed.
"What?!" Mac spat. "But Harm, you said."
"I don't care what I said." He interrupted her. "I've changed my mind. You were the one that was right about everything. I do want you in my life. I really do. I just hope you still have a place for me." He admitted.
Mac was silent for several minutes. She looked at Harm. She could see the sincerity in his eyes. They looked almost as hurt as she felt. She took a deep breath, and exhaled.
Like joy
Take offers from every side
And give my attentions about anywhere
Well do I recognize my actions
I look like I'm so unaware
Like I don't care
"Mac?" Harm whispered. "If you need to think about everything, I don't blame you. Take your time. I understand. I deserve it, anyway." he frowned, looking down now at his feet.
Mac took a step closer to him, and smiled.
"Mac?" he repeated.
"Harm, I do want you in my life. How could I not? You're my best friend. I don't think you have any clue how much I care for you. I was so worried you'd leave me.." She began to choke again, and stopped talking to regain her composure. A single tear floated down her cheek.
"Tears of joy?" he asked hopefully, using his sleeve to wipe the renegade water droplet away. "Does this mean we're okay again?"
"Yes, Harm. We're more than okay." Mac nodded.
I can grow
Despite all you know
You might not recognize me tomorrow
Yes I can change
Despite all they say
Become something strange and beautiful
Like joy
Like joy...
A/N: I have no clue what I was thinking when I wrote this, so if you're wondering, there's the answer to that question. R&R please!