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Santana wakes up the day they leave for the nationals competition and she feels like vomiting.
For a second, she wonders if this is what Quinn had to deal with when she was pregnant. She's kind of glad she's gay. It's about the best birth control she can think of.
She's brushing her teeth in the bathroom when she hears her phone ring in a text message.
Good morning! r u ready?
Santana almost drops her tooth brush in the sink.
Are you ready?
She hesitates. The question is innocent enough. Brittany is asking her about getting on stage and performing. But the question weighs heavy in her heart. Is she ready? Is she capable of handling the consequences of what is to come?
She tenses at the idea because she is cowardly more than she is brave. There is panic in her eyes and for a moment, she entertains the idea that she's not ready at all.
She reminds herself that Brittany is referring to just the competition. She spits the toothpaste out of her mouth and wipes her face clean before shooting Brittany back with a quick reply.
U kno it
-l-
Santana's surprised to see Quinn's haircut when they all meet up to drive to the airport. She's more surprised to admit that it looks pretty damn good on her. She's considered cutting her hair short, maybe in junior college before starting her lesbian colony, but she doesn't want to look too butch. And she really likes her weave extensions.
When they all board, she ends up sitting in the middle with Quinn in the aisle and Brittany by the window. She tries not to think that they will be thousands of feet up in the air in a metal box just waiting to fall in the middle of a farm somewhere.
Brittany looks at her when they start moving on the runway. When she waves off the concern in her best friend's face, she doesn't expect for her to grab hold of it and place it in her lap. Before Santana can ask, Brittany's already explaining.
"My mom doesn't like flying either. So I hold her hand and she calms down."
She smiles gratefully and lets her hand be held by her best friend and they're silent as the flight attendants double check their seatbelts.
She knows that they're not going to die and they're getting to New York and kicking ass at nationals, but a small part of her is still worried that shit will go down. She doesn't want karma to catch up to her now. Not when she's just finding herself and liking what she's finding.
But just in case they do end up nose-diving into the Hudson Bay and the pilot isn't as competent as Sully, then she's at least glad to be around the people that's made her feel like home for the last two years.
She looks out the window and sees trees and buildings from the horizon. It may not count, but she's going to tally it on her wall anyway when she tilts her head towards Quinn and offers her a compliment.
"Not that it matters or anything, but you don't look like a toddler with the second coming of the bowl haircut, so you know, it doesn't look bad."
Quinn chuckles in the same guarded way that she's always done and Santana thinks that it's about as good as it's going to get.
"Thanks."
"Yeah, sure."
Santana looks back out of the window. The plane starts moving and she tenses up.
"Are you ready?" Brittany asks. She knows it's just about the plane ride and nothing more. But it feels like a lot for her right now.
She squeezes Brittany's hand and smiles at her. When they start ascending from the runway, she feels Brittany squeeze back. She likes to think that Brittany's not as ready as she lets on and is holding on to her for dear life, too.
"You know it."
-l-
For such a hodge-podge of teenagers, she thinks that they clean up nicely. Better than the baby blankets they considered wearing for regionals.
They all huddle in a room before they're set to perform. The carousel of personal issues they have endured over the last two years is enough for them to hold themselves together despite news of Mr. Schuester's possible plans of being away from them. They've dealt with a pregnancy, a stolen set list, and Kurt transferring for a chunk of the year. Surely they can handle this.
But they band together anyway as a group. And, okay, she's not going to repeat herself but glee club continues to be one of the best parts of her day. And it's times like these that she remembers why.
Vocal Adrenaline finishes their performance and they're up next. Mr. Schue wishes them luck and walks back to the audience leaving them to their own devices. In true Santana Lopez fashion, she looks for reflective surfaces and inspects herself one last time.
She's in New York and she's competing in a national competition doing the things she's good at: performing. She's going to make sure she looks damn good. But her flawless hair and make-up ends up giving her a lot of extra time on her hands to keep staring at herself.
A part of her is still afraid of the future, but she's come such a long way that she can't look back. It's like flying. It's hard to get off the plane when it's 30,000 miles in the air.
"San?" Brittany asks beside her, bringing her hand to Santana's face and tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Wha-oh."
"Don't be nervous, okay?" Brittany reassures her. Santana's never been more anxious about anything in her life and they're not even talking about the same thing. "You're gonna kill it out there and you're gonna be amazing."
"I can say the same for you." Brittany nudges her and offers her an encouraging smile. "Britt, listen."
Brittany looks at her, seemingly always patient.
"I love you."
Brittany smiles wider that Santana can see her eyes light up.
"I love you too, San. We're gonna be great. I can feel it in my bones."
Santana doesn't hesitate to mirror the smile. The words hold more meaning than she thinks Brittany means, but it lightens the heaviness she's been feeling for a long time. If she thinks landing on the ground safe and sound the day before is a good sign, then she thinks this is fate laying a hand directly on them.
"Time's up. Are you ready?"
Santana looks up at Brittany and remembers that Brittany has always been worth it. She lets Brittany take her arm and tug her forward.
She doesn't know if she's ready. She thinks she's pretty close, but with Brittany by her side, ready or not, here she comes.
"You know it."