Okay this story is an 'extension' to The Life and Times of Grandma. Explaining how John came home with no trousers and a cat!
Still don't own them!
John was home from University for the summer, he had been looking forward to seeing his long term girlfriend Katherine. They did text and e-mail each other and on the rare occasion phone each other, it was difficult with them being so far apart.
"Come on, Kat," John pleaded, "Come out, so I can see you, I miss you,"
"No, listen John, I am catching up with my girlfriends tonight," Katherine said.
"Pleeeaaaassseeee, I've been looking forward to seeing you for ages now!" John argued back.
"Look, I have to go now I will talk to you soon," Katherine said.
"Want me to come round to yours then?" John asked hopingly.
"I am not at mine, John I have already told you what I am doing tonight! Maybe later in the week we could catch up?" Katherine said.
"Kat, are we still together?" he asked.
"Yeah why?" she said impatiently.
"It's just your acting as if you aren't interested in me anymore," he could feel his cheeks start to burn and eyes start to water up, biting his lip he managed to stop himself from crying.
"Hmmmmm, maybe we do need to talk, but I'm going out with my friends now," and with that she hung up.
John pulled the phone slowly away from his ear and looked at it.
'How do you like that?' he thought to himself still looking at his phone in disgust. 'What have I done now?' his frustration growing he wanted to lash out at the nearest thing but he restrained himself.
"That's it!" he said to himself out loud, "I now have a choice, I can go and see Gordon play King Triton in his high school production of The Little Mermaid or I could out for a couple of quiet ones," pretending to think, mainly to humour himself, "It's a difficult one, I might as well go out on my lonesome!" he sighed as he threw on a t-shirt and 'V' neck jumper over the top then slipped on his favourite jeans and made his way downstairs.
He walked into the living room, noting how unusually quiet it was. He was expecting to see his father rushing round worrying whether or not he would have enough scotch to get him through the performance, Gordon practicing his words – in costume, waddling around in his fin and beard pointing his trident pretending to zap things. But instead he found only his Grandma in the kitchen busying herself with some chores.
"Hey Grandma!" he said suddenly, making her jump.
"Oh John! I thought I was alone. Everyone has gone to Gordon's play!"
"Except me," he said slightly disappointed as his own family had forgotten about him again.
"What are you going to be doing tonight then?" she asked.
"Well Kat and I…." he started.
"Ah I might have known, just be sure to keep it in your pants until your married!" she said quite calmly.
"Grandma!" he exclaimed.
"Well you two have done so well to not give in to temptation!" she said.
John closed his eyes and bowed his head pinching his nose; 'shit' he thought 'Kat was right I am like my Dad!'
"Grandma, Kat and I are not seeing each other tonight, I think she has lost interest in me altogether!" he said.
"Oh baby, I'm sorry to hear that," she said regretting winding him up like that, "so are you just staying in tonight then?"
"Nah, I thought I might go down our local and have a few drinks," he said, leaning in to give his Grandma a farewell peck on the cheek.
"I feel like I can't go out by myself sometimes, I am very vulnerable!" she said sighing, continuing to do things around the kitchen.
Stopping dead in his tracks with his back to her, he looked to the heavens shaking his head. After a moment he spoke again, "Would you like to come with me?"
"Oh what a lovely idea, let me go and put my tights on and I will be right with you!"
John had to give it to his Grandma; she was very sly when she had to be. Although, he was still feeling slightly upset from his conversation with Katherine earlier, he could do with some company, even if it did mean going out for a drink on a Friday night with his Grandma.
A few moments later his Grandma appeared in the hallway.
"Are you ready, Grandma?" John asked.
"Yes, but I'm not getting in that rickety old truck of yours, we will walk," she replied as she turned and started out of the door. John just rolled his eyes muttering "yes Grandma," and followed her locking the door behind him.
After about 10 minutes of listening to his Grandma telling him how he shouldn't let Kat get him down and how he could do so much better than her if she wasn't interested in him anymore, they reached the pub. John pulled open the door with ease and let his Grandma though the door first and he followed.
"Okay Grandma, what are you drinking?" John asked.
"Sherry please," she said as they approached the bar where there was a barman waiting to take their order.
"Sherry and errr…vodka and coke for me," John requested to the barman who just nodded in acknowledgment.
"Ruthie!" came a deep husky voice from behind them.
"Bobby!" Grandma said in return.
"I've not seen you around lately! Nothing to wrong is there?" Bobby asked slightly concerned.
"No just taking care of my family," She replied.
John, who had been quite up until this point could have sworn they shared a 'moment' he cleared his throat successfully breaking the moment.
"Oh, Bobby, you remember my Grandson, John?" she asked.
"Ah yes, at university now, eh?" Bobby asked.
"Yes Sir," John responded handing his Grandma her drink.
"Good boy, now excuse us won't you, your Grandma and I have some catching up to do," Booby said putting his arm around Grandma and sweeping her off to a different part off the pub.
'I don't believe it!' John thought, 'Grandma has pulled! O the shame of it!"
John then turned to his drink downing it in one, making him go slightly light headed, he had to steady himself against the bar momentarily, signalling to the barman to get him another.
"Make it a double this time!" John said suddenly becoming full of self-pity, one drink turned into two, two turned into three and so on.
He hadn't realised how woozy he had become from the alcohol until the barman spoke.
"She stood you up?" the barman asked.
John slowly looked up, glancing at the barman then looking to his left then right side to see if he was talking to someone else.
"Who?" John responded coming to the conclusion that he must have been talking to him.
"Whoever it is you're waiting for," the barman said.
"I'm not waiting for anyone," John said.
"So why the long face and half a bottle of vodka?" the barman said.
"Nothin'," John mumbled looking down into his glass drinking the last of the liquid, "Same again," he said.
"Listen mate, I think you've had enough!" the barman said.
"No you listen," John said grabbing the barman's arm, "I've been away for a while and come home to find out that my girlfriend isn't interested in me anymore, my family still forgets about me and so I come out for a quiet drink with my Grandma who pulled thirty seconds after we walked in the door, I think I deserve another drink!" the barman pulled his arm from John's grasp holding his hands up as a sign of surrender and got John another drink.
John was suddenly aware of music coming from the piano in the corner of the room being played and cheerful singing. He turned slightly to where the music was come from only to turn back and put his head in his hands.
"For God's sake," he mumbled into his hands as his Grandma getting quite a crowd from her singing. The barman gave him his drink, John looked at the barman. "How many has she had?" John slurred out.
"Not as many as you!" the barman exclaimed back.
John forced himself to stand up to go to the toilet. He walked past his Grandma who was still singing.
"What's new pussy cat whoa whoa whoa!" to which John just ducked his head while tripping over chairs that 'weren't' there.
He finally managed to make it to his destination stumbling and tripping the whole way there.
"Can't believe her! So embarrassing, what have I forgotten?," John said to himself while swaying at the urinal, "Shit," he moaned as he felt his trousers becoming wet and suddenly remembering he had forgotten to undo his trousers.
"Can't go back out there, I wet myself!" he said giggling, "there 'as to be 'way out," he said between hiccups, doing a very drunken impression of Charlie's Angels pose. He then noticed a window above the toilet in the cubical. "Ah ha!" he exclaimed, "My ticket outta here!"
Climbing up onto the toilet lid he pushed the window which opened with ease and caught John by surprise as he tumbled out of the window and into the bushes below. He got up quickly but the fresh air seemed to make his drunken state worse, a sudden wave of nausea came over him which turned into vomiting. Once he had finished blowing the remainder of the sick out of his nose, he felt something rubbing itself against his leg, he looked down at first he didn't see anything and wondered actually how drunk he was. He looked around noticing that it had gotten dark.
"When did that happen?" he asked himself, he suddenly feeling his trousers were all wet, so he took them off leaving them in a pile on the floor, "why are my trousers wet?" he slurred to himself. Feeling something rubbing against his bare legs he looked down letting his eyes adjust to the dark he saw a black cat.
"Are you my cat?" he asked bending down to stroke it failing miserably when he lost his balance and ended up on his butt with a heavy thud.
"Owwwww," he growled, sitting for a moment while what pain he could feel passed, "Are you my cat?" he asked as if the cat was going to reply to him, "Come on cat what have I done? Giving me the silent treatment isn't going to help!" the cat just purred up at him.
"Okay let's go home," he said picking the cat up forgetting all about his trousers, he started walking his way home having no idea how long he had spent at the pub or what time it was. He stumbled the whole way home with the cat. It didn't help as he thought taking a short cut across the fields would take shorter time but it fact probably double the time with the amount of things he tripped over.
He finally got home stumbling onto the porch of the Tracy house letting himself in still holding the cat, he shut the door behind him which made a load bang.
"Shhhhhh," John said to the door, "You will wake them!" he giggled.
Sitting on the sofa he quickly felt sleep overcome his body as he fell into unconsciousness.
The early the next morning the phone rang Jeff answered it.
"Hello," he said.
"Hello, Jeff?" a voice asked.
"Yes," Jeff replied.
"It's Rosie, I was just wondering if you were missing anything this morning?" she asked.
Rosie was at the play last night so Jeff quickly checked his wallet, keys, cards etc.
"I don't think so, why?" Jeff asked puzzled.
"Do you have five minutes?" she asked.
"Well sure but I don't understand!" he stated.
"Neither do I! Just come as soon as you can!" was her last sentence before hanging up.
"Funny," he said out loud still puzzled, "Mother? I'm just popping round Rosie's she seems worried about something," he shouted.
"Okay!" was the reply from the kitchen.
A few minutes later Jeff arrived on the doorstep of his neighbour, Rosie. The door was slightly ajar so Jeff stuck his head around it.
"Hello? Rosie?" Jeff called.
"In here Jeff!" She replied.
Jeff followed her voice into the lounge, "Okay so what's u…." stopping himself from asking the question when he saw his second eldest son half naked and fast asleep on Rosie's sofa with a cat fast asleep on top of him.
"I'm so sorry, Rosie!" Jeff exclaimed with that he woke John up who was very confused.
"Urrgghhh," John uttered, "My head hurts!"
"You have no sympathy, Boy! This is what happens when you drink too much!" Jeff said sternly too him.
"I'm never drinking again!"
Please R&R