So, I've got a lot of this written out, and it's mostly just sketches (some chapters are only a couple hundred words), but it'll be 20 or so chapters long. Expect frequent updates.

It's funny – I'm not big on slash, and I hate fics that don't capture the zaniness of the show, so of course that's what this is. It's mostly angst, but it's Kyle, so it makes sense, right?

HOMEOSTASIS

Kyle wasn't really gay.

He was pretty sure.

The summer after 8th grade, his mother had forced him to go to Jew Camp, despite her promise that if he were to graduate valedictorian of his 8th grade class, she would leave him be for the whole summer. She had technically kept her word, but had guilt-tripped him, had told him how lonely and scared Ike would be all alone, so far away, and so he had said "Goddamn it!" and resolutely packed his things.

He had told Stan that Jew Camp always sucked balls, that he would write him daily because otherwise he might shoot his fucking head off or do something drastic. Stan had been the awesome best friend he always was and had offered words of consolation and promised to make sure that someone told Cartman off in his absence.

And Jew Camp was awful.

Except for David.

David was the camp counselor. He was seventeen, and he wasn't a complete idiot. Kyle was shocked. David loved philosophy and art and he hated dumbasses as much as Kyle did. He made funny jokes, and he got Kyle's jokes, and Kyle mentioned in one letter that he reminded him of Stan. When Stan wrote back, he had been almost jealous … which Kyle thought so stupid, at the time.

Kyle found himself pestering David in the counselors' cabin. He knew, logically, that he was being an idiot, but it was just such a relief to find someone who could see through the bullshit, who sometimes doubted his faith just like Kyle did, and that day David had told him that he was very mature for his age, Kyle had puffed up and walked on clouds. Later that night, when he was in his bunk and David's kind words were still ringing in his ears, Kyle thought of David's dark hair and his nice smile, and, for the first time in his life, Kyle whacked off to someone real. The disheartening realization that it was a boy was both weird and … gross. Super mega weird and super mega gross.

Kyle spent the rest of the summer trying to figure out if he was attracted to David. He didn't get tongue-tied around him, or blush, but, then again, Kyle reminded himself, he had never been that way around girls, either. He tried to figure out if he found David good-looking, but he couldn't really tell. David was pretty average, although he did have that goddamn smile. Kyle wondered if noticing another guy's smile made you automatically gay. It certainly felt gay.

But Kyle was nothing if not rational, and he concluded that it could've been misplaced sexual frustration, or just a phase, or even a one-off asexual-type sexual thing. Kyle was mostly convinced that's what it was, until that last damn day at camp, when he had pried Ike away from his friends so they could board the bus home. He had gone to find David to say goodbye. Patricia, the other counselor, had told him that David had gone swimming, and Kyle went to the lake. David was coming out of the water, pulling himself up on the ladder, and Kyle could only think of one thing:

Wow, he's got a nice back.

It was very, very gay, but Kyle thought that watching the water dripping down David's back was the single most erotic thing he had ever seen.

"Kyle, you're breaking my arm!" Ike cried, but Kyle couldn't loosen his grip because his brain was mush and his legs were jelly and he was a faggot and when Cartman found out he would just laugh himself to death.

When Kyle got home, he didn't mention it to Stan. He didn't know why. Stan would've been very supportive and understanding. Stan would've offered advice, would've been totally judgeless. He was Kyle's Super Best Friend, always had been, in fact, and maybe that's why he didn't tell him. Because Stan wouldn't automatically assume that Kyle had a thing for him – or at least, Kyle hoped he wouldn't – but things would change. Things would get complicated. And for all their closeness, they didn't talk about their feelings much. They weren't sharing-feelings-and-secrets kind of friends. When they were together, it was always just about each other and no one else, and Kyle didn't want to mess up their homeostasis.

Besides, Kyle still wasn't really gay. And so there was no reason to raise the alarm.

Sure, he enjoyed gay porn, and he found that what he really loved was when beefy men dominated twinks, and he especially loved it when backs were to the camera because men just had such nice back muscles. But he didn't have feelings for anyone real. He never had a crush on any guy he went to school with, he never thought about real men in any way. And he actually enjoyed flirting with girls, and he even went on a few dates.

Kyle wasn't gay. Not even a little bit.

And he managed to keep that little fact a secret for three years.