Which way to go?

A Kaoru Koganei Fan Fiction

By: Klyukaizer

I held my Kougan Anki with me as I walked the streets of the dark and cold night. Night lamps were on and the wind blew stronger than any other day. This is not only the first time I've been to a cold and damp place.

"You promised you won't hurt her! You promised!"

"You're just a boy Koganei, you can never understand!"

"Why? Why are you doing this?"

"She's just like a guinea pig!"

"NO!"

I shivered as I continued walking... Not because of the wind, but because of the thought... I care! I care for sister Yanagi! But then...

"You will never belong with us, no matter what!" Recca yelled at my face. "What if you would pull another trick on us?"

"Recca, you got to learn to trust, Kaoru!" Yanagi-neesan defended.

"Yada, hime! I will never accept him as one of us!"

I don't blame Recca for not wanting to trust me. After all, who would want to forgive someone with a cold heart?

Listening to the sound of the night reminds me of the time when I was still in the orphanage. I don't want to remember it, but there's no use! The memories of my pains and sorrows are implanted within the garden of my mind. Soon to sprout out and haunt me until fear drives me crazy. That was when, I tried to commit suicide.

I ran past the entrance gate as some nuns and guards yelled after me.

"Kaoru! Come back here!"

"Guards! Call all guards! We must stop him no matter what!"

I continued running even though my legs were about to give up. They were getting very tired. I hid behind a tree and saw them run past me. Finally, I can't believe it! I'm free!

I hated my life; my existence... everything around me! I held the knife close to my wrist as I closed my eyes. I felt the sharp blade run through my skin as warm blood began to ooze out.

My vision began to grow dimmer and dimmer when I opened them again as I dropped on my knees. Right before I was about to fall to the ground, I felt someone catch me. Then, everything went black.

I woke up in a bed 2 days later, only to find a man in red suit and white mask. Those eyes... those cold, sad eyes. I could see that his past was more miserable than mine was. He must've experienced sadness more than I had.

"Why... did you save me?" Were the first words that came out from my mouth. He paid no attention at all and looked at me with those eyes.

"What's your name?" he asked me.

"Kaoru! Koganei, Kaoru!" I blurted out.

"I'm Kurei! Mori, Kurei!"

So many things that'd happened, no matter how sad or happy they are... They're still in my mind. Inside a chest, locked forever! The only way to free it... is for someone to hold the key to that chest and free me from this misery! But the question is... Who and where is this person?

I ended up in an abandoned building and was forced to sleep there. Of course! Where would I go? Where CAN I go? No one would accept me!

Dreamless sleep is very rare to me. Every night, my past and fears come to haunt me... and yet, they disappear the moment I wake up.

Sometimes, I ask myself: "What did I do to deserve this? Why is it... the moment I grasp the knife and prepared for the end... someone always comes to stop me?"

I was thankful I had a dreamless sleep last night. I woke up early in the morning and went out of the building for breakfast.

I sat at the park's bench and ate the last piece of bread when a little girl approached me. "Hisashiburi... Koganei-kun!" she smiled.

"Ganko?"

"I see... so I guess you're doing well?" I smiled. "Yeah! Fuko-neesan said that we might be able to go to America someday!" she let out a fake smile. "I... I guess, I'm studying there when I reach High School!" she sighed.

"Good for you, Ganko!" I smiled. "Omedetto!"

"Arigatou... Koganei-kun!" she blushed frantically. "Well... how about you?"

"Me?" I pointed at myself. "Well..."

"I'm sorry Recca had to yell at you so much!" Ganko sighed.

"Eh?"

"I knew what happened when Yanagi-neesan asked you to join us!" she sighed. "I'm sorry, but I overheard your conversation!"

I know she felt sorry for me. And I hate it when people show it to me. "You know, I can take care of myself!" I smirked as I looked away.

"Umm... right! Haven't you considered staying with Raiha or someone else rather than roaming around the streets?" she suggested.

"Nope! Too risky! Kurei might find me there and-"

"Kill you?" she continued. "Yeah..." I paused as I dropped my eyes. "...I can't seem to face him ever since the day I left Uruha!"

"Are you scared of him?" she asked.

"No!" I said immediately. "It's just... I don't want him to be the person who's going to kill me; he's too..." I paused.

"Too... what?" Ganko asked.

"...Special..." I continued as Ganko gave out a small gasp. "The world pretty mush hates me... Recca and the others, Kurei and Uruha, the orphanage, the family of the people whom I slaughtered." I enumerated.

"Is that the reason why you tried to kill yourself?" she asked tactlessly. "Yeah!" I grunted. "I have no use in this world!"

"Well..." she began as she looked away. "I don't hate you, Koganei-kun!" she confessed. I looked at her as she blushed tremendously. "Ganko..."

"Arigatou!" I smiled as she stood up and brushed the dust off her skirt. "Anytime!" she smiled back. "It's been nice talking to you again, Koganei-kun!" she softly said. "I'll tell Yanagi-neesan that you're doing well!"

"Aa..." I nodded.

"Ja!" she waved as she ran off. The wind blew stronger again and my bangs swayed. I gave out a grin as I saw her disappear into the horizon.

After our conversation with Ganko, my dreams began to change! I never had those nightmares anymore! And I had her to thank for that!

Finally, my heart had found the key. And it didn't know that it has been near me all along.

~ Owari ~