I know Martha comes off extra bitchy in this, but trauma and frustration can make people act out of character and I don't think this is unbelievable. Set at the end of The Last of The Time Lords, Series 3, Episode 13, when dropping Jack off at Torchwood. 1st Dr. Who fic. Vague references to past abuse.
I do not own Dr,. Who or Torchwood, or It's characters.
~~~jackandthedoctorjackandthedoctorjackandthedoctorja ckandthedoctorjackandthedoctor~~~
It had been a long year, a long, hard year. Standing watching Captain Jack Harkness walk away felt like the hardest part for The Doctor, though he knew it wasn't. He couldn't let him leave, not after finding him after all this time. "Jack!" The Doctor called. "Wait a moment."
Jack turned back and made his way towards The Doctor and Martha Jones. The Doctor turned towards Martha and asked for a few minutes alone with Jack. "Could you wait in the TARDIS? I just want to have a private word with Jack, if you don't mind."
Martha rolled her eyes. "Sure. It's not like I have anywhere to be or a family to see or anything."
The Doctor flinched as if she had hit him. "I'm sorry. Just a minute please?"
Martha sighed. "Sorry. Of course you can. I'll wait in the TARDIS. Goodbye Jack."
"Bye Martha. What's up Doc?" Jack asked as she walked away.
"I just need to tell you some things before you go." The Doctor replied, avoiding Jack's eyes.
"Alright."
"I know you have a certain fondness for me and I don't want you to leave thinking it isn't returned. I don't want you to leave at all really, but I do want you to know I am very fond of you. I like you. I enjoy your company. I know I can be- I guess the word would be standoffish, but I do like you Jack. I really do."
"Even though I'm a fact?"
"Yes, well... I may have said some things to get you to stop asking questions, but I regret that now. I was worried you would try to be too close. And I am not safe, no that's not right, I'm not- I'm not comfortable when people, males specifically are too close. I haven't had the best experiences with men. Let's not get into that actually. I just mean that I said some things which I didn't mean in order to push you away and I'd like to set the record straight."
"So, do."
"I left you on the game-station because I was dying-regenerating. I was unconscious for almost a day after that. Rose let me stay with her mother and then there was an invasion of Sycorax. That's when my hand was chopped off. Anyway, later I went back for you, for what I thought would be your body, but it wasn't there. You weren't there." The Doctor explained, as he paced agitatedly.
"I left you a message on the wall." Jack pointed out.
"I know, but I didn't know where you were. I looked for you, but you were gone. When you were suddenly at the end of the world with me, I was elated, but when you came back to life, I froze. It was everything I wanted and at the same time I was scared. There you were, just as you had been, but different. I could feel you and instead of repelling me it drew me to you more. My affection had grown while you were gone. It-it grew into love."
"You love me?" Jack asked incredulously. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
"Because I can't act on it. I can't give you what you want if you stay. I know I can't. I'm broken in ways you can't imagine Jack. Broken completely and you deserve better than that." The Doctor sighed dejectedly.
Jack took the opportunity to put an arm around The Doctor. "I don't care if you're shattered into a million pieces. All I've ever wanted since the day I met you is you. Just you, as you are."
"And if I can never go beyond flirtations and innuendo, you'll still be happy? You'll still be content? Because that's all I want. You to be happy." The Doctor asked, his voice wavering, dreading Jack's answer.
"You know me Doc. You know I like sex." The Doctor's face fell. "However, I think you underestimate yourself and me. You always do everything you set your mind to. And I am very careful and I am capable of taking things slow, snail pace even. You're worth the wait, Doc. Always have been, always will be."
The Doctor blushed slightly. "I think that if this year had never happened, then you would be right, but The M-master knew things, knew exactly what to do to break me. I- I mean, how could you even still want me after what he did?"
Jack frowned. "What are you talking about? What did he do? Kill me, because that's really not a big deal. I always come back and it wasn't your fault."
The Doctor hesitated. "No. Well, yes. It was my fault and you dying constantly for a year is definitely a big deal and I am so very sorry for every one of those deaths. I know it must have been painful, but I meant the things he did to me."
"And what did he do to you?" Jack asked.
"Um well, you know. He showed you. He said he was showing you, that he was making you watch everything." The Doctor glanced up and saw a look of intense confusion on Jack's face. "He was lying?" The Doctor asked softly. Then, with more conviction. "Of course he was lying." He let out a laugh that was half a sob. "So you don't know. All those things he said and did and you didn't have to watch? Oh. I think that's the best news I've had in a long, long time."
"I want to know." Jack said intently. "What happened?"
The Doctor averted his eyes. "I don't want you to know. I don't want anyone to know and now no one does and I feel so much better for that." Seeing Jack open his mouth to argue, the Doctor added quickly. "So, I know I said terrible things to you, I know I'm broken and can probably never have a real relationship with you, and I know you have a life and responsibilities here, but is there any chance you'd be willing to come with me and give this love/relationship thing a try?"
Jack didn't answer for a few minutes, mulling everything over as the Doctor waited anxiously. "I want to say yes, but there are some things I need first, some assurances. I need you to give this a real chance, no running or giving up when it gets hard. I need you to talk about some of the things you've implied, in full detail, so we can work through them together. I need you to give yourself a break, not everything is your fault and not everything is preventable. Lastly, I need thirty minutes to say goodbye and explain everything to a couple people. Can you do that?"
"On the first three, I can try. And the last one of course." The Doctor said quickly. "Is trying good enough?"
"Of course it is. Nothing more I can ask than that." Jack smiled slightly. "I'd like to kiss you now. Is that okay?"
The Doctor blushed again, deeper this time. "Of course you can. We're in a relationship now and that that's what people do in relationships, isn't it? But I mean only if you want to, you don't have t-"
Jack effectively hushed The Doctor's rambling with a sweet chaste kiss. The Doctor's eyes closed and he sighed contentedly. Jack pulled away and smiled. The Doctor opened his eyes and asked self-consciously. "T-that was perfect, wasn't it?"
"I thought so too." Jack replied happily. The Doctor smiled back at him finally. "I should go inside and get some stuff, say good bye to everybody. You'll still be here right?"
The Doctor nodded. "Of course I will." He sat on a bench as Jack walked towards Torchwood 3.
~~~jackandthedoctorjackandthedoctorjackandthedoctorja ckandthedoctorjackandthedoctor~~~
It took longer than thirty minutes to say goodbye to Ianto and Gwen and all he had built over the years. Ianto understood that this was The Doctor and nothing was going to change his mind, even if Gwen didn't and only frowned disapprovingly. Describing where he had been and what had happened in the year that never was was difficult, but he left out the most unpleasant bits. After a little over an hour, everything was taken care of. All the authority split between Ianto and Gwen and the final goodbyes made, Jack could feel their sorrowful gazes boring into him as he walked out of the building.
The Doctor was where he had left him, but he had been joined by Martha. Even from a distance he could see they were arguing heatedly.
"-can't just tell him that to get him to stay with you. It's wrong." Martha was saying angrily with a look of disgust on her face.
"I'm not. I wouldn't do that. I do like him. I really do." The Doctor looked shell shocked and it made Jack wonder how long this had been going on.
"You never said anything till he was leaving. You said yourself you probably won't go beyond kissing. You're taking him away from people who care about him just so you won't be lonely." Martha snapped angrily.
The Doctor's eyes started to fill with tears as his frustration and emotions became harder to handle. "No. I can't, not that I won't, but I don't think I can and he said he was okay with it and Jack said he was. I promise I explained it. Martha please don't be angry. I- I didn't do that. I would never do that. I-"
Jack interrupted The Doctor's rambling with a hug. "Shhhhh. It's okay. You don't need to explain anything. It's alright. Shhh."
"It's not alright." The Doctor mumbled into Jack's shoulder as Martha looked abashed.
Jack glared at her. "You don't know what we talked about, you don't know what his feelings are for me and you certainly don't know my feelings for him. You have no right to take your jealousy out on him, when he's not in the best place already."
"I'm sorry." Martha said sincerely, realizing she had overstepped.
"Jealousy? Do you like Jack too? I'm sorry. You two can be together. That's better anyway, because I'm not right. I'm broken and Martha isn't and she'd be better at everything anyway. I can just leave you two or take you somewhere if you want and you can be together and I won't get in the way I swear." As he spoke, he slowly backed away from Jack and Martha. He tripped, but Jack caught him swiftly.
Jack shushed him and assured. "She doesn't love me. She loves you as I love you. I don't want her, Doctor. I want you, only you. Alright?"
"Me? Why would you like me?" The Doctor asked Martha.
She rolled her eyes. "Of course I like you. You're brave and exciting and adventurous. You save my life and everyone's around you on a regular basis. That still didn't give me the right to snap at you. It wasn't jealousy really. I'm just tired and frustrated and it's been a long year. I just want to go home and see my parents. Check on them. Check on my sister. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I had no right to interfere like that. Forgive me?"
"Of course." The Doctor replied instantly. "Of course. Let's-Let's take you home, if you're ready Jack?"
"I am." Jack replied, not releasing the Doctor from when he had caught him earlier.
"Good. Good." The Doctor said, breaking free from Jack's arms and heading to the TARDIS, his shoulders slumped.
Martha and Jack glanced worriedly at each other and followed slowly. Jack whispered to her quietly. "I forgive you too. I know you're just exhausted and upset, but don't take it out on him."
"I won't I don't know what got into me." Martha whispered back. "Is he okay? He seems different, but at the same time, I feel like the things he's saying, he's always felt. Like the look in his eyes sometimes when he thinks I'm not looking."
"I don't think he's okay right now, but he will be. I'll make sure of it." Jack promised to himself as much as Martha.
They looked up and realized The Doctor was starring at them in irritation. "Are you two coming or are you just going to whisper to each other all day?" He huffed into the TARDIS as they followed quickly this time.
~~~jackandthedoctorjackandthedoctorjackandthedoctorja ckandthedoctorjackandthedoctor~~~
Thanks for reading. Review if you want.