A/N: Hello! I decided to sit down and write a series of chapters detailing the thoughts of each character throughout important events in the original novel. Originally, I intended for it to be completely from Erik's point of view, but I realized it would be interesting to delve into other character's thought processes, as well.
This particular chapter is from Christine's point of view. This is at the point of the book where Erik makes his intentions of marrying Christine clear, and she realizes she must make a decision before Raoul leaves Paris. I intend to remain as close to canon as possible.
For those of you who are reading my 'Three Phantoms' story, I intend to update soon. I have a few weeks of school left, and things have been rather chaotic. Now, enough of my blabbering – on to the story!
I lie awake in bed, tossing and turning in the vain hope of coming to some sort of resolution about the dark mess my life has become. The tension of my situation has been steadily building over the last three months. I know I can't pretend to be secretly engaged to Raoul forever. Erik won't allow for the game to continue much longer. I don't know how I feel about the man who was once my idol and secret friend. He has given and taken so much from me…
When I am with him, he lavishes me with all sorts of gifts and affection. He's like a faithful dog trailing behind me at every waking moment. He claims I have more power over him, but I'm not so sure I believe his words. In his mind, nothing is given freely. Everything comes with a price. When he was simply my Angel, he expected me to devote my soul to him and ignore everything else in my life. I was required to give up everything in order to receive what I believed to be the most precious gift: the gift of music, which was the one and final link to my dead father…
Despite Erik's entreaties, he is very much the one in control and I see that clearly now. He's always careful to keep me under his thumb. I'm the dog in this equation, and my leash continues to grow shorter with each passing day. He wants me to marry him. Could I be a good and dutiful wife to a demon? Could I force myself to compromise my mind and heart to prevent Erik's hopes and dreams from being dashed to the floor? As horrible of a man he has the potential to be, I cannot bring myself to hate him. I care about him. I do not wish to bring him pain. My heart cringes at the thought of walking away from him with the intention of never looking back… but I feel there is no other way to save myself.
The truth is, I cannot bring myself to love him. At first, everything seemed too good to be true… but over time, his darkness has crept into my soul and choked out my happiness, my hopes, and my dreams. As long as I remain with Erik, I will continue to have no voice and no sense of self. Nowadays, I no longer recognize myself when I look in the mirror. My face is ashen and gaunt with dark bags under my eyes. My once golden hair hangs limply about my face. My body looks frail, as if the briefest gust of wind could carry me away.
I almost wish such a thing would occur.
If I don't act now, Raoul will leave Paris for his expedition to the North Pole, and leave me to fend for myself. He believes I'm in love with another man. He doesn't know that every cruel gesture I've paid him these past months was born of love and not hatred. How else was I supposed to protect him from Erik's wrath? I highly doubt I would able to survive my situation if Raoul left me. I once believed my love and acceptance would be enough to heal Erik, but I realize now that his wounds are irreparable. He depends on me for some sort of transformation, but I'm afraid he has overestimated my abilities.
I cannot wrestle with my heart any longer. I love Raoul with my heart and spirit combined. His pure love and innocence restores me. It breathes new life into my soul. His presence is like a shield, protecting me from darkness and helping me to see the light once more. I know the most honorable thing for me to do would be to approach Erik with honesty and sincerity. I have deceived him far too long… but I don't know if I have the courage or the strength to face him.
Would he kill Raoul if I made my intentions of leaving clear?
Would he kill me?
I shudder to think of what my life has become and the decisions I'm being forced to make. Please God, guide me through this time and help me to understand what I must do. I do not wish to hurt anyone, yet it seems inevitable. I was the one who blindly chose to follow a shadow, believing it to be an angel. I must now be the one to rectify my mistakes by following this dark path until the end.
A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me if you think this should continue or not. I'll give you a mask-shaped cookie if you do. :o)