Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I'm just messing with his universe. Don't mind me.

Halloween

James frowned into the bathroom mirror and scrubbed at his beard, his stubble was getting too long to be called anything else, he'd have to shave soon.

They'd stocked up on Muggle supplies before they'd gone into hiding in Godric's Hollow but they were limited and given how long they could be here for … James didn't want to run out of something and have to send out for it.

How'd that look if he had to ask Albus Dumbledore or some other Order member to get him some razors from the local supermarket?

James chuckled at the thought of Dumbledore in his colourful robes pushing a shopping trolley down the aisle in a Muggle store and pushed away from the sink.

He supposed he could always look up some of the old Wizarding methods, his father used to have a nifty little ointment for it but James preferred the Muggle approach. If you cut yourself shaving that was no big deal but if you got a bad bit of hair loss ointment on you … well he was hoping not to be bald in his twenties.

James flicked off the lights and plonked himself down on the edge of the bath. He should really go back to bed, Harry was asleep in his cot and while he was sleeping through the night now … thank Merlin for that miracle … he found himself regularly exhausted all the same.

Maybe it was just the adjustment from Harry waking him and Lily up eight times a night to … well not waking them up … that had his sleeping pattern all screwy.

Or maybe, a wicked little voice in the back of his head whispered, it's because you know you should be out there fighting and possibly saving lives instead of hiding like a coward because of some stupid prophecy.

That wasn't what he was doing was it? Being a coward because of a bloody prophecy made by some Seer? Especially when this supposed Seer was Trelawney of all people. James and Lily knew the woman in passing and other than being very airy fairy … there didn't seem to be any actual truth behind her visions.

Dumbledore hadn't said anything about who'd told him the prophecy of course but given that Sybil Trelawney had just become the new Divination professor at Hogwarts and Dumbledore had refused to give any more details than just 'a Seer' … well he might be rather green as an Auror but Mad-Eye had been pretty good at getting him up to speed on putting two and two together.

Moody would probably have preferred to have him out there too despite what he'd said at the time. The man had taken him under his wing the second James had stepped foot into the Auror's Office. James had soared through the Academy but it wasn't his talent that had caught the mad old bastard's attention but his sheer will and determination to become the best Auror that he could be.

When James had told him about Dumbledore's plan to put him and his new family into hiding even though the war was getting worse … his mentor had told him to do as Dumbledore said and to keep his family safe, he'd even given him some pretty nasty books on home security. Some of it couldn't even be legal if James was strictly honest but to hell with it if it kept the bastards from his door he'd use whatever he had to.

But most of his friends were still out there fighting against Voldemort and while most were more than capable with a wand … only the Longbottoms, Sirius, Moody and himself were actually Aurors. Frank and Alice were hiding too and Sirius wasn't fighting anymore because he was playing the stupid decoy Secret Keeper bollocks.

Peter was hiding too and Remus was away on a mission somewhere that had to be something with the werewolves. Remus couldn't say any more than what Dumbledore allowed him but what else would the werewolf be doing?

It all came down to the fact that all his friends were either hiding or fighting for their lives against a seemingly unbeatable monster in the form of Voldemort. And here he was sitting on his arse in a secret little hidey hole when he should be helping win the war.

Merlin he hated the thought of his friends needing him and him not being able to help.

Lily was trying to make the best of it and while most of the time she succeeded in keeping both their spirits up, Harry was perpetually happy so there was no worry there, it was the moments when everyone else was asleep and James was alone that his brain started to taunt him about his supposed cowardice.

'Get it together Potter,' he murmured to himself. 'Remember what your dad said? Do what you can and don't worry about what you can't.'

That had always been his dad's first bit of advice when James screwed something up as a kid and it had always helped. James hadn't been very good at Potions at the start of school and about a month in he'd written home telling his dad all about how badly he was doing with Potions.

He'd received a simple note back. Do what you can and don't worry about what you can't.

It'd relaxed James enough that he wasn't as stressed out in class and with Remus' help he'd managed to get himself to at least a passing mark by the end of the year. Nowadays he wasn't too shabby at Potions if he did say so himself especially when he'd been able to ask Lily for help too.

Lily could still brew circles round him but the woman was a fucking genius at nearly everything so he didn't beat himself up about it. There was a reason Slughorn had fawned over her.

With a weary sigh James forced himself off the bath and stumbled out onto the landing. His bed was calling to him but he knew he wouldn't sleep probably if he didn't check on Harry first.

He shuffled his way to Harry's room and eased the door open, trying not to wake him up but thankfully Harry slept soundly in his crib his blue pyjama top riding up slightly. They'd have to lengthen his clothes again, the kid seemed to be going through growth spurts daily for Merlin's sake.

A rush of affection swarmed in James as Harry smiled and gurgled in his sleep. James stroked his son's cheek with his forefinger as the nasty voice in his head promptly shut up. Harry was why he wasn't out fighting.

Because his son needed him and Harry James Potter was the single most precious thing on this planet and the rest of the world could burn as long as Harry Potter slept soundly.

A pair of arms wrapped around him as Lily materialised by his side.

'You okay James?' Lily asked sleepily. She smiled down at Harry and rested her head against his shoulder.

'Yeah, I'm alright.' James kissed the top of his wife's head as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 'Why are you up?'

Lily poked him in the side. 'My husband woke me up by getting out of bed and not coming back.'

James smiled. 'That husband of yours, he's an arse huh?'

'Yeah, he's lucky he's pretty.'

James laughed into his hand and kissed a smirking Lily gently.

'Come on love,' Lily muttered as she kissed his bare shoulder. 'Bed.'

'Just a sec,' James said and unravelled himself from his wife's embrace. He leant down and kissed Harry's forehead softly. 'Good night Harry, I love you.'

Lily was smiling fondly at him when he came back up and led him back to their bedroom by the hand.

'Ha! We kicked your arse!' Lily cheered, baby Harry sitting in her lap and clapping, as her queen moved into position to place his king in checkmate. Again. 'You suck.'

James peered down at the chessboard, littered with the fallen bodies of his pieces and grumbled. Bloody woman was far too good at this game.

'Seriously Lils, how the hell are you beating me?' James asked, a swish of his wand repairing the broken pieces as they moved back to their squares on their own accord. 'I've been playing Wizard's Chess since I was five. Muggle-borns, creeping in on all our good pure-blood traditions. No wonder Voldemort and his lot want rid of you.'

Lily just beamed at his attempt at grouching. 'Yeah but I've been winning at proper chess since I was four. Besides, you're just grumpy because you suck and me and Harry rule, right Harry?'

Baby Harry smiled up at his mother and nodded happily as he touched his hands to Lily's open palms.

'I will remember this treachery kiddo,' James leant in close to his son's face and fake-glowered. 'Us men have to stick together.'

Harry giggled and rubbed his pudgy fingers over James's face and glasses.

Lily's body shook as she tried and failed to repress her own laughter, Harry looking like a cherub sat in his mother's lap.

James tapped his son's forehead gently with two fingers and then knelt forward to kiss Lily.

She returned the kiss softly, one arm wrapped around Harry and the other around James' neck as he went to pull away. 'Not yet James,' she murmured and pecked his lips again.

Lily released him a couple seconds later and slouched back into the sofa with a happy sigh. Her free hand grabbed the TV remote and clicked it on.

TV was still somewhat of a mystery to him. However his wife had grown up with it and she was doing her best to bring him up to speed on it. It was essentially like listening to the plays on the wireless only you could see the actors.

It was all kinds of cool to be honest, the first time Lily had popped on a James Bond movie he'd been sold on it. The 'soaps', what the hell TV shows about supposedly normal Muggles and their scarily fucked up lives had to do with soap he had no idea, were just Merlin cursed bollocks but some of the Muggle Auror TV shows were pretty cool.

Still didn't know how the damn thing worked and when he tried to call the remote a wand Lily shook her head and taken the remote from him. It had been patronising but then she'd put on Star Wars and screw it, that just blew his freaking mind.

The chess set cleared away and stored with a notebook that acted as a scoreboard to prove Lily was soundly kicking his arse from here to Hogwarts and back, James snuggled up with his family on the sofa as Lily channel surfed until she landed on the news.

The Muggle reporter was prattling on about yet another terrible thing happening somewhere around the country, Merlin, it had surprised him just how miserable both Muggle and Wizard news shows and papers were. It was something he wanted to point out for all the radical pure-bloods that treated anyone with less 'blood purity' than themselves as if they weren't even human that they shared something with Muggles.

If the Daily Mail had moving pictures he didn't think he'd be able to tell it apart from the bile in the Daily Prophet.

He allowed himself a dry smirk when he pictured Lucius Malfoy picking up the Daily Mail by accident and reading it without knowing it wasn't the Prophet.

It'd only taken a couple seconds before the news was beyond tolerable that James reached for the remote.

But Lily grabbed his hand and held him as a breaking news interrupted the usual misery of the evening news. A poor Muggle family had been murdered in Little Whinging. Wasn't that where …

'James … that's where Petunia lives …'

They sat glued to the screen as the news reporter detailed the rather grisly events of the kidnap and murder of a small family of Muggles. Lily's white knuckled squeezing of his hands lasted all the way through and James wasn't sure if Lily's grip had been tighter now or when Harry was born.

James had met his sister-in-law and her blubbering walrus of a husband once and that had been more than enough. Lily had left that particular meeting silent and the second they'd got home she'd burst into tears and he'd spent the rest of the night soothing her and silently praying the horse faced bitch was just as distressed as her lovely sister.

Lily still loved Petunia desperately and wanted nothing more than to mend the burnt bridges between them. James did his best not to show how impossible that was gonna be though. From what Lily had told her about Petunia Dursley, she was a jealous and vindictive bitch who was more worried about her appearance of normality than loving her family.

She and her family could rot for all he cared.

But not Lily. James wrapped his arm around her as the newsreader started.

'A family was found murdered in their home in Little Whinging, Surrey this morning. The events of this horrific tragedy are not clear at this point but the entire family appears to have been submitted to torture …'

'Please, no.' Lily's grip on him and Harry tightened and James rubbed her arm, reassuring her he was still here but her eyes only focused on the television screen.
Merlin, please tell us the names you stupid woman, James couldn't help but think as his wife's face lost more of its colour.

'Neighbours described hearing cracks sometime after midnight but thought they were just fireworks …'

Apparation probably … fuck, this was definitely some sick Death Eaters looking for sport … there weren't any Wizarding families in Little Whinging last he checked. They couldn't know about the Dursleys could they? This wouldn't be the first time Voldemort had coaxed someone out of hiding by attacking Muggle relatives.

'One neighbour mentioned a green skull above the house but when pressed for further details he refused to comment …'

'Oh Merlin,' Lily moaned as silent tears wet her face. Her white knuckled grip bit into his arm.

'The family were revealed to be John and Claire Cowin and their two young sons, their loss has shook the town and our deepest sympathies are with the family of the victims …'

Lily slumped into him and sobbed heavily into his shoulder as she clutched to Harry.

James held her tight and rested his chin on the top of her head. 'Shh love, it's okay, it's okay.'

'Oh God James, I thought …' Lily choked out. 'What if?'

'I know Lils, but it wasn't. They're okay, everyone's okay.' James kissed her hair and smiled for Harry. Poor kid looked so confused.

'But it could have been!' Lily's face was red and her eyes puffy and scared. 'They were so close to Petunia, what if the sick bastards go back again and this time they find her or if this was just a message that he knows where my family are?'

Yeah James, what if he does? He took your parents didn't he?

'I need to talk to her James … I need to know she's okay.' Lily interrupted his thoughts.

'Lily … we can't, Dumbledore will never let us. We can ask him to check in, I'm sure he's keeping an eye on them anyway.'

'That's not good enough,' Lily said. 'I need to see her.'

James sighed and rubbed his chin. 'I know you love her Lily, but she wouldn't appreciate it and quite frankly she doesn't deserve you.'

'I don't care. She's my sister,' Lily snapped back. 'You don't get it.'

'Oh I get it Lily.' James scowled. 'This war has taken my parents and the friends that aren't dead already are hiding in safe houses all over the country praying their doors aren't gonna be kicked in and I can't do fucking anything to help … I have to hide too because a psycho wants to kill what little family I have left.'

'But no one's hiding my family!' Lily shouted, her tears starting again. 'She's got no idea what's going on! I have to warn Petunia.'

'She wouldn't believe you if you did and she's not worth risking our lives for,' James' voice went cold as he stormed to his feet. 'She stopped being your family a long time ago Lily and don't you dare tell me Sirius, Remus and Peter aren't more like family than your jealous bitch of a sister.'

Lily reared back like he'd struck. 'I never said that.'

'No, but despite the fact two of them are risking their lives for us and our son this very second you still worry more for a sister who would care more about her garden being less than immaculate than all of us dying.'

Lily bowed her head in defeat and James instantly felt like a knife had been buried in his chest. Oh Merlin, what had he just said?

'I'm sorry,' Lily blubbed. 'Just … she's my sister and … I can't stop loving her and worrying about her.'

James knelt in front of her and pulled her close, Lily clinging to him desperately. How could he say that? Lily's ability to love Petunia despite everything the other woman did to hurt her was something he'd never been able to figure out but she was never going to stop loving Petunia. It was like asking him to stop loving Sirius, Remus or Peter. It wasn't going to happen.

'Don't be,' James said. He lifted her head up and kissed her gently. 'That wasn't fair of me, she's your sister of course you love her. We'll ask Dumbledore to set something up when he's next in contact yeah?'

Lily nodded and gave him a watery smile. She leant down and snuggled Harry close and the confused little boy quirked his head to the side and ran his hands over Lily's wet cheeks.

'It's alright Harry, Mummy's okay,' James said as Lily wiped away her tears on her sleeve. 'No more tears yeah Mummy?'

Lily nodded with a big smile for Harry. 'Nope, all gone.'

Harry didn't look convinced and cuddled further into Lily's lap. Lily laughed and bundled Harry up and fell against James, who wrapped his arms around his family. Merlin bless Harry, with one simple act he'd cheered up his mum more than anything James could've done.

He'd have to hope Harry kept that trick going for the rest of their hopefully very long lives.

'I love you Lily.' James kissed her gently. 'Sorry for shouting.'

'Love you more,' Lily replied. 'Sorry I freaked out, you're right, they're probably fine. If it's ever them being attacked though?'

'Life or death situations love,' James said. 'Only exception yeah?'

With a nod Lily relaxed and used her body to push James down as the news droned on to some Muggle politician went on about some unimportant thing that nobody but politicians seemed to care about.

White smoke filtered in through the living room window, James went for his wand instinctively but lowered it when it settled in a cloud in front of the window.

'James! Help!' Peter's voice echoed and broke up as his message filtered through. 'Sirius … checked in on me … bleeding all over … Death Eaters … he's dying!'

James was on his feet in seconds, his wand up twirling madly to try and salvage as much of Peter's mangled message as he could but the smoke dissipated and the message was gone.

'Shit, the Death Eaters must have found Sirius and tailed him …' James turned to a white faced Lily. He couldn't leave Sirius to die, this was different from Petunia but he still felt like a hypocrite. This was life or death though. 'Lily … I-'

'Go James,' Lily said. She cuddled Harry but her eyes never left her husband's face. 'Life or death situations are the exceptions remember?'

His shoulders loosened and James rushed forward to kiss her fiercely.

'Thank you.' James held her tightly and kissed Harry on the forehead. 'I'll be right back.'

'You better.' Lily pushed him back. 'Now hurry.'

He hesitated though. Could he really do this? Leave Lily and Harry alone? Lily was a shockingly talented witch but if Voldemort came through the door Lily wouldn't stand a chance. But it was Sirius …

Also if they'd followed Sirius to Peter … the whole bluff of Peter being their secret keeper would be worth fuck all. Especially if they tortured Peter. They trusted Peter but James wasn't sure if he'd hold up under prolonged torture.

Not to mention thered been rumours of a traitor in the Order … what if it was Peter?

What if this was a trap and he was leaving his family open to attack or if just by leaving he gave away their hiding place?

Or what if it was genuine and by refusing to help Sirius died?

But it was Peter, he wouldn't betray them. He'd known the bloke since he was eleven. It was Wormtail for Merlin's sake. James had got him his first girlfriend and helped him through Transfiguration for most of Hogwarts.

Peter Pettigrew was one of his most trusted friends, and to even think to doubt him, was insulting to the trust Peter put in him.

But what if?

'James?' Lily asked.

He couldn't wait any longer … if he was gonna go he'd have to go now. He'd never forgive himself otherwise.

James summoned a random ornament and with some very fast wand work created a Portkey to Sirius' safe house.

He turned to Lily and memorised every little detail of her and Harry's faces.

'I love you,' he said.

'I love you more,' Lily replied.

James activated the Portkey with a forced smile as the tell-tale tug behind his navel whisked him away.

'Merlin please be okay.'

James' feet slammed down on the front garden of Peter's safe house.

The Portkey thumped into the grass as James bolted for the door and with a swift thrust of his wand it was blasted clean off its hinges and into Peter's hall.

James was dimly aware that that shouldn't have been possible if Peter was still in the house. All the wards they'd placed were focused on his presence in the building. If the door could be blasted off … Peter wasn't …

'No, no, no.' James leapt through the now open doorway, his wandtip glowing with white light. 'Sirius?! Peter?! Anyone! Please answer me!'

Going from room to room James couldn't find Sirius or Peter. They had to be somewhere. He couldn't have been too late to help, they should still be here. But Peter's small kitchen, living room and hall showed no sign of either of his friends.

There weren't even any signs of a struggle, that didn't mean there hadn't been one though, it wouldn't take much for the Death Eaters to clear up after themselves if they'd carted Peter and Sirius off, either dead or alive. The sick fuckers might even have healed Sirius' wounds just to take him somewhere for torture and interrogation. Probably in that order.

The sick bitch Bellatrix would love to torture her own fucking cousin. She'd always been a sicko and it wouldn't surprise him a fucking bit if the bitch led the attack on Sirius and Peter.

James shook his head to clear the images that came up when he imagined his friends in the clutches of Bellatrix Lestrange. That wasn't what had happened. Sirius and Peter had beaten them off or were just hiding in the panic room they'd set up for Peter when they'd picked out his …

The panic room!

Stairs disappeared under his feet as James mounted the thin staircase that led to Peter's upstairs.

'Peter!' James screamed as he reached the locked bedroom door. He pounded his fist against it. 'It's Prongs Wormtail! It's me, let me in for the love of Merlin, it's PRONGS!'

But the door didn't budge. Peter didn't come to let him in.

Of course he wasn't, he was in the panic room. It was soundproofed and James could holler his lungs out and Peter would never hear him and if Peter wasn't in the bedroom he didn't need to worry about hurting him with the door.

James blasted the bedroom door into splinters and rushed through the cloud of dust and chipped wood, earning himself a few cuts to his face.

James rushed to the wall opposite the en-suite and planted his hands against the plaster. Tears building in the corner of his eyes.

'I am James Potter and I solemnly swear I am always up to no good,' James shouted into the wall.

A few seconds passed where nothing happened and James was about to say the password again when a hiss came from the wall.

'Thank Merlin,' James whispered.

The wall pulled away like a patio door to reveal a spotless chamber that had everything somebody would need to survive locked away for at least a week. A bed sat in the middle of the back wall, a shower and toilet stood behind a curtain and cupboards and drawers lined the wall opposite the door.

Potion kits and Portkeys lay on a bedside table and there was even a spare wand.

But it was empty of anything else. There was no Peter, no Sirius. Nobody was in here and they hadn't been for a damn long time.

James dropped to his knees and stared.

No, no, no. They had to be here! They had to be! The only other place they could be if they weren't in the house was … with the Death Eaters.

He was too late. His best friend was at the very least being tortured and his Secret Keeper was probably getting the same treatment. He'd been too slow.

Eager to fall tears were let loose and James slammed his fist into the wall until it bled.

'Fuck, fucking bastards!' He punctuated each sentence with a smack against the wall. He'd fucking kill them all. He wouldmake them pay.

If only he'd been quicker. They could have fought off the Death Eaters, got Sirius to the Order and relocated Peter. If only he'd been quicker off the mark then his friends wouldn't be dead and his family's safety wouldn't be fucked to hell.

His family.

Lily and Harry were still in danger. Neither Peter nor Sirius would give them up willingly and if the Potters were very lucky, the two Marauders would die defending them. Like he'd have died for them if it would save them. Like they all would for each other.

But Sirius and Peter were lost. He couldn't help them. It broke his heart to admit it but he'd failed them and he'd never forgive himself for that. He also couldn't be one hundred percent sure they wouldn't crack.

He could still save his family though. He had to go.

With a halting breath James rose to shaky feet and took a steadying breath and took in his surroundings for the first time.

Peter's bedroom was immaculate … other than the damage James had done to the door the bedroom was practically spotless.

It was almost as if Peter hadn't even made it up the stairs.

James shook his head as nightmarish images filled his mind and made a beeline down the stairs.

Again he was struck by how clean the house was. Peter wasn't a tidy person. He'd always been a bit of a pack rat and it had only got worse once he'd mastered his Animagus form. Anywhere Peter Pettigrew had lived, even if only for a little while, being this clean was just wrong.

Too wrong.

If Peter had been taken all his stuff would still be here, the Death Eaters wouldn't give a fuck if the Muggle Police or even the DMLE investigated the house. He'd just been kidding himself to think any different. The desperate plea of a scared boy looking for his friends.

Peter's stuff was all gone and the Death Eaters wouldn't have let him pack. Nor would Sirius for that matter. Things could always be replaced was Sirius' fucking watch word.

This was all wrong. His Auror training kicked in and he realised that there weren't any signs of a struggle in the house, not even the hints of it. No attacker would have had the time to clean the entire house if Sirius Black had got here and was injured. Sirius, even if he thought he was going to die, would have left a mess that would clue James in to what had happened.

This wasn't the house of a kidnap victim. This was the house of someone who'd packed up his life and run.

'Peter, what have you done?' James said to no one as dread filled him. Could Peter have actually betrayed them?

Peter couldn't be the spy could he?

Home. He had to get home.

James ran from the house and swept up the Portkey he'd left on the grass and with a pull in his stomach that had nothing to do with Portkey travel, James Potter left the empty safe house behind.

James was dropped back in the ruins of his living room.

He fell to his knees as he took in the desolation, knick knacks and all the home comforts that he and Lily had brought from their old flat strewn around the softly burning room, the telly screen exploded and glass littering the floor all around the exploded remains of the machine.

The carpet was burned and furniture was upturned and cleaved into pieces. It stank of ash and blood. Something had activated the traps they'd put in place in case Peter was compromised.

In case, he managed to scoff to himself.

The traps going off must have warned Lily that someone was breaking in. Probably Voldemort himself. The fucking prophecy more or less demanded it at this point.

The carnage led out of the room, probably all throughout the house. Voldemort had probably cut through it all without breaking stride, they'd seen him in actual duels … Hell they'd duelled against him briefly before Dumbledore had stepped in once, the prophecy talked about evading him three times, each of those times involved running the fuck away.

If he got up would he find the bodies of his wife and son? Or would he be left with another empty house?

He wasn't sure which would be worse. Seeing the proof that he'd failed his family for not realising that one his oldest friends was probably the traitor they'd all been worried about for Merlin only knew how long or not knowing what'd happened until somebody told him Lily and Harry were dead. Probably a newspaper or Dumbledore.

Oh Merlin, he should have never left them alone.

Sweat trickled down from his hair as he slumped down to rest on his ankles. He couldn't move, couldn't see the bloody point of moving. In one night he'd lost the two most important people in his world, because he was selfish and had had to try and save Sirius.

The house could fall on him and then at least he'd be able to beg Lily for forgiveness on the other side. He'd just wait here until the ceiling finally gave way to the damage and crushed him. It wasn't like he had anything left to live for.

A cry rang out. A baby crying in the distance. Somewhere far away. It couldn't be Harry. Harry was dead. Maybe if he ignored it the tortuous sound would go away. The child's parents would come and soothe them soon enough anyway, cus that's what proper parents did. They didn't leave you defenceless against a madman, they stood in front of him and died for you if they had to. Like Lily had.

Lily had definitely lain down her life for their son. She'd always been such a wonderful mum, just her touch seemed to put Harry under, it'd never been something he'd been able to do himself. Not as easily at least.

The crying child interrupted his thoughts again and James' heart broke just a little more. He willed someone, anyone, please go to the poor child and make them feel better. Cuddle them, kiss them and love them for the rest of their lives, make them feel loved like every child should.

'Oh Harry.' James leant forwards until his hair brushed the burned carpet under him. 'I'm so sorry.'

Maybe the crying was Harry's ghost and his son was haunting him from beyond the grave. Yeah, that'd be fair. He deserved that. Harry didn't deserve to be stuck in limbo though. Maybe … if he went up to Harry's room and waited there it'd quiet his son's ghost until James was with him again.

James hauled himself up and trudged through the broken remains of his home until he reached Harry's room.

With a shudder and a sob, he stepped over the downed door. Voldemort had made it to the nursery then.

Lily was sprawled across the ground in front of Harry's cot. Green eyes frozen open and vacantly staring. Her clothes barely ruffled by how her body had landed but otherwise there wasn't a mark on her.

The Killing Curse, oh Merlin, thank Merlin it was The Killing Curse, she hadn't suffered. James pulled her body into his arms and littered her face and hair with kisses, taking in the last of the smell of her hair and whispering useless apologies to her as he slowly rocked.

Merlin fucking Merlin, he'd kill Voldemort his damn self for this, he would hunt down Pettigrew and gut the traitorous bastard with his bare hands for what he had unleashed on his family. Then he'd curse his way through every Death Eater he could find and he would kill everyone who stood between him and Voldemort.

For Lily. For Harry.

Fuck, just to end that Merlin cursed crying! He'd walked into his worst nightmare, he'd forced himself to breaking point what more did Harry want from him?

James let Lily's body slacken in his arms and stared at the cot, where the crying was from. It just wouldn't stop.

What kind of ghost continued to torment someone when they were already broken? It wasn't like Harry was a poltergeist or something, he was just the ghost of his dead son.

James lay Lily down and closed her eyes, gently kissing her on the forehead, she could be sleeping now. Yeah, just taking a little nap after a long day of taking care of Harry and him. Her two boys.

'Don't you worry love, you rest.' He tidied her clothes and stood from the floor on timbering legs. 'I'll get Harry don't you worry.'

Hands rested on cot and the ghost turned to face him, face red and crying big fat tears. Arms outstretched up to him and his chubby fingers spread out.

'It's okay sprog,' James muttered, his voice breaking. 'Daddy's got you. It'll be okay.'

The ghost clung to James as he lifted the surprisingly heavy spirit into his arms and onto his chest.

He smelled of Harry and soot. Merlin he was warm and his fingers grabbed him so tightly.

James rocked the ghost from side to side and hummed a tune Lily had always used to soothe Harry when he was particularly grumpy at night.

'Now I'm the king of the swingers, oh, the jungle VIP. I've reached the top and had to stop and that's what bothering me.' James sang as the ghost began to quieten. 'I wanna be a man, man-cub, and stroll right into town. Be just like the other men. I'm tired of monkeying' around.'

The crying stopped completely as James kept humming the tune, he'd never known what the song was from, he vaguely remembered Lily going on about something called Disney and orang-utans but he really didn't remember and now he supposed he'd never know.

James laid the spirit back down in the cot and was about to pull away when a little hand reached out and grabbed his thumb.

Lily's eyes stared back at him, tears formed at corners, how many times had he seen that look? Back when Harry was … alive?

No, Voldemort had been here … he'd have killed Harry … it would have been the entire bloody point of breaking into the house and killing Lily.

Harry squeezed his thumb with his hand. 'Da?'

'Harry?' James cracked and rested the palm of his free hand against his son's chest. He gasped and a desperate laugh escaped him as he felt his son's heartbeat thumping life against his very skin. 'HARRY!'

Harry gurgled as James lifted him into his arms and almost crushed the fragile form to him.

Harry was alive, oh sweet blessed Merlin, Harry was alive! Somehow Harry had withstood whatever Voldemort had thrown at him.

But how? What on earth could a baby have done against the most powerful Dark wizard in decades?

'Ma,' Harry said. He pointed at Lily. 'Ma!'

Of course, he was so fucking dense sometimes. Lily must have done something, Merlin only knew what but she'd done something to save Harry. That must have made Voldemort absolutely furious! Ha, bastard was bested by a 'lowly' Muggle-born and he'd never be able to do anything about it!

James laughed softly, hysterical laughter almost begging to rip free.

'JAMES!'

Harry fussed at the noise of Sirius bursting through the house searching for them. James didn't need to see Sirius to know it was him.

There were very few people who'd make such a racket when searching for someone in a burning down house.

James pulled Harry close and pressed his lips against the boy's forehead. His son's skin was so warm. Almost like it was brand new, everything about Harry screamed life and it was truly beautiful.

Tears slipped down his tears and he felt Harry's pudgy hands trying to wipe them away from James's face.

'Da.' Harry frowned and wiped more.

'JAMES! LILY!' Sirius shouted again, the crashing and banging of wood being pushed out of the way punctuating every breath with a creak. 'HARRY!'

James shook his head and slowly walked over to where he'd lain Lily's body. He stepped over the door and managed the barest of winces at the creak of the wood. He hadn't noticed that earlier.

Strange.

Sirius came pounding up the stairs and his panting breath was so loud it was like the dog Animagus had transformed and was standing over James' ear.

The man came scrambling through the door with a strangled yelp at the carnage of the room. James had already taken his seat next to his wife, Harry gurgling in his arms as he started to drift off in his father's arms. His steady heartbeat the only thing James could cling on to.

'Hey Sirius,' James said absently.

Sirius dropped on all four and panted some more, his grey eyes watery with loosed tears as he stared at the Potters.

'James,' his voice was ragged. His hair littered with splinters and what looked like ash. 'Thank Merlin.'

The private wards of St Mungo's were surprisingly quiet.

James had spent a good chunk of his life coming and going from here, especially in the last few years. Between his parents, countless friends and Lily … Merlin Lily … he'd seen a lot of St Mungo's that was for damn sure.

But sat here, in a chair, his son in his arms as he waited for the Healer to come and check the cut on Harry's forehead that just wouldn't close it was almost serene in its stillness.

He supposed most of the Wizarding community were out celebrating his son's defeat of Voldemort. It was all over the wireless and on the lips of nearly everyone who James had been ushered past. Thank Merlin for the thoughtful Healer who had enough foresight to put James and Harry under a Disillusionment Charm. The first person who came near him with any intention of lauding his son as some kind of messiah was getting their spine ripped out.

How a one year old was supposed to have beaten Voldemort escaped him. Maybe the bigoted morons found it easier to believe a half-blood baby beat a Dark Lord rather a lowly Muggle-born.

Bastards.

Merlin he was tired.

But he couldn't sleep, he had to stay awake for the Healer, for Harry. He couldn't let Harry out of his sight for a second. Not now, not ever. He had insisted all the diagnosis charms the Healers had cast on Harry be done in front of him. The Healers could look annoyed as they wanted he didn't give a damn.

Sleep would take him eventually, of course it would, he wasn't insane. Though it wouldn't be too hard to find himself some Pepper-Up Potion. Lily had all but lived on it for most of seventh year.

A dull ache thudded in his chest.

She was downstairs now. Hagrid had carried her out of the house when James couldn't. Good man that Hagrid, he'd have to apologise for screaming at him. When he started caring again, no, if.

Why did people keep the dead underground anyway? He understood the metaphor and he supposed it made sense in a deeply logical way but … well Lily wasn't supposed to be hidden away under the dirt. She was too alive for that. There was such fire about his wife that putting her anywhere below the ground was just wrong.

Some official looking wizard had been trying to talk about last wishes or something or other until one of the Healers had noticed Harry's forehead was bleeding and ordered everyone but family out.

Only Sirius had looked mutinous until Dumbledore had told him to go get some tea.

Dumbledore.

The old man had told James he would be back after the Healers had seen to Harry, so they could talk.

What the old man wanted to talk to him about today was beyond him and if he was totally honest, he didn't want to talk to anyone who wasn't a Healer or Harry. He'd even be quite happy if Sirius left him alone.

Out of the only people left he trusted one was his dead wife and the other was the little boy gently sleeping in his arms. James pressed the tissue that was soaking up the slow bleeding blood from Harry's cut.

He wanted to go home. Where was home though? The house in Godric's Hollow was still burning when they'd left and most of the other stately homes the Potter family had were razed or destroyed during Voldemort's rise to power. They'd sold whatever was left to be given to Harry as a school fund and later a massive inheritance in case the worst had happened.

Well … the slightly worse than what had happened.

Charlus and Dorea Potter had been very clever and very wealthy and even while funding Dumbledore's war effort the Potter vaults were still brimming with galleons.

James supposed he should be relieved that he had the money to buy another house, most people who Voldemort and his servants attacked weren't so lucky, but all the money in the world wouldn't bring back who had been taken.

Lily was still dead.

Tears were fighting against his lids but hadn't fallen yet. It wasn't because he didn't want to cry … he just didn't have the energy to. One of the Healers, Merlin he should really learn their names, had told him it was due to shock and that once he'd come out of it he'd more than likely cry his eyes out.

He'd rather wait until he watched the life bleed out from the traitorous bastard Pettigrew to cry but he doubted he'd be able to hold it in that long.

Sirius had gone looking for Pettigrew when Dumbledore had dismissed him. James knew the man well enough to know that Sirius wouldn't have been satisfied becoming a glorified house-elf. He, like James, would want justice … or revenge. Yes, revenge.

But he wouldn't find Pettigrew, no the man had always been a sneaky son of a bitch. Pettigrew would get away and Sirius would come back to James and apologise for letting him down. Pettigrew would live … for now.

The ward doors opened and, where James expected to see a Healer, Albus Dumbledore came walking in.

'James, my dear boy, how is young Harry?' Dumbledore had the decency at least to not ask him how he was. He was even decidedly sombre in the way he spoke.

Good, he didn't think he could take the cheery grandfatherly routine right now.

'Sleeping.' James wrapped Harry a little more tightly in his blankets. 'Where's the Healer? He said he'd be right back.'

A swish of his wand and Dumbledore had conjured a comfortable chair for himself to sit in. 'Yes, Healer Swayne was just on his way here when I interceded. I thought you might prefer to receive the news from a friend.'

'You were wrong.' James' chest tightened and the hand that had absently been stroking Harry's hair stilled. 'I'd have preferred Healer Swayne.'

Dumbledore nodded apologetically and if James had the strength he'd curse the understanding look off the man's face.

'I understand but while Healer Swayne is a very competent Healer … Curse marks are something I have a more intimate knowledge of.'

'Curse marks?' James asked. The lightning bolt cut on Harry's head pulsed lightly under James' fingers. 'How did Harry get a curse mark?'

Dumbledore reached out to touch James' arm but retracted it when James flinched away.

Blue eyes searched over James before he nodded again and settled back in his chair. Dumbledore must have gotten used to dealing with people who'd lost people now.

'You are safe here James, Voldemort has fallen thanks to Lily and Harry.' Dumbledore smiled warmly but it failed to lift James' spirits like it used to.

'If you know what happened in my house Dumbledore you can tell me after you've explained what you mean by Harry having a curse mark on his head,' James hissed.

Safe his arse, he was in a building of strangers and the dying.

'Have you slept at all since we left you?' Dumbledore pivoted around the important matter again, he was determined to act like he could be trusted.

'I'm fine. Explain why the cut on my son's head won't stop bleeding or get out and send in the Healer.'

The old man had the audacity to look hurt before he steepled his fingers in his lap.

'I believe Voldemort must have attempted to murder Harry with the Killing Curse, thankfully he was unsuccessful and due to the protection Lily had put in place Harry is forever protected against Voldemort.' Dumbledore smiled at Harry. 'The curse mark will eventually heal of its own volition. It, like Voldemort's spell, will be countered by Lily's protection and Harry will be perfectly fine. He may get some phantom throbs every now and then, I still occasionally get the odd pulsing sensation in my knee, but there will be no adverse effects to him as far as myself and Healer Swayne can determine. It would not surprise me if the cut has stopped already.'

Dumbledore motioned for James to check the wound.

With a suspicious look at the old man, James lifted the pad of tissue away from Harry's cut to see a thin lightning bolt shaped scar in its place with dry blood caked on either side of it.

His shoulders slumped a little and James set to cleaning the dried blood away. Dumbledore waited patiently until James was satisfied Harry's forehead was clean again.

'What did you mean by Lily's protection?' James eyed the old man. 'We put every protective ward we could think of on the house and especially in Harry's room. There wasn't anything that could stop the Killing Curse, we looked at everything.'

Dumbledore rested back in his chair. 'That is, I'm afraid, not strictly true.'

'Explain.' James glowered. 'Now.'

'Lily came to me shortly before you were moved to Godric's Hollow. She had found something she wanted to put into the wards but she felt you wouldn't have approved and I apologise for deceiving you my boy, but I agreed.'

Anger surged him with renewed energy and James glared down at the elder wizard. 'What did you do to my son?'

Dumbledore raised his hands apologetically. 'I have done nothing to Harry James, you have my word. I merely helped Lily with her preparation of a Blood Magic ward that would protect Harry if Voldemort had killed you both on his way to Harry.'

Blood Magic?! What the hell had Lily been thinking? Yes Blood Magic was immensely frowned upon by most of the magical community but they'd been at war and he'd have more than understood the need for it but Blood Magic was fucking dangerous! There were so many thousands of ways it could go wrong if not done perfectly! Lily was the most talented witch he'd ever known but if she was wrong by a drop of blood it could have done something irreversibly wrong to their son.

She should have told him so they could have worked together to work out all the kinks.

'Tell me everything, what did you two do?'

'Lily, like yourself, was very aware that in the event that Voldemort found your hiding place that it was more than likely he would kill you both to get to Harry and she found something that would hopefully mean you hadn't both died in vain.' Dumbledore sighed deeply and cleaned a spot off his glasses. 'It required blood from herself, you and a little from Harry. She got your blood from when you sealed your wills.'

James closed his mouth and grumbled.

'In the event of your deaths, Harry's body would become a protective shield against any attack from Voldemort. A parent's love for their child is a fierce thing I have always found. All Lily used to protect Harry was love James.

Love … yes, that sounded like Lily alright and it also sounded just like how she'd have convinced the great Albus Dumbledore to help. Dumbledore always had had a weakness for loving people.

'How did you know the Killing Curse would be knocked back too?' James asked. Nothing deflected or defended against that sickly green light, that was something they'd all seen proved too many times.

'I confess, we were not positive it would.' Dumbledore waved a hand at Harry's forehead. 'Though I can think of no other curse that would leave that kind of wound and Voldemort does favour the use of the Unforgivables.'

The old man smiled gently at him but James wasn't done asking questions just yet.

'So, your precious prophecy has been played out now? Can we go back to living our lives now that that Merlin cursed thing has been proven right? Voldemort is gone after all, the whole bloody world seems to believe an infant boy killed him.'

As if sensing his disdain Dumbledore frowned and cast a look back at the ward doors.

'That is again, I am afraid to say, not strictly true my boy,' Dumbledore said in a hushed tone. 'It is also the second reason I am here as opposed to Healer Swayne.'

Coldness gripped him and James fought against the urge to go for his wand. He'd settled it between him and Harry's sleeping body in case anyone else had gotten any smart ideas about taking his son away from him.

'What are you talking about?'

'I do not believe Voldemort is truly dead. His body was not found at your home and I have long suspected that he has gone to monstrous lengths to cheat death. He does not look like the young man I taught and turned away from Hogwarts so very long ago. I fear he will return eventually.'

'The snake look isn't a glamour then?' James couldn't help but ask. He'd seen Voldemort up close a couple of times and he'd just always assumed the snake-like appearance was a scare tactic.

The old man shook his head. 'No James, Voldemort has turned himself into a monster in more ways than we could imagine. He will return. Not tomorrow and hopefully not for a long time yet, but I am certain he will come back eventually. It is why I must ask further sacrifice from you, for which I am so very sorry my boy.'

No. No. The bastard could not be asking him for more, James didn't have any more to give for Merlin's sake!

'We must think of what is best for Harry James, it is him Voldemort or his followers will come after … and with Lily's blood being what protects him I think it would be wisest if we placed Harry somewhere where this protection was strongest. With family.'

Wait … Dumbledore couldn't be suggesting …

'You are not taking my son from me Dumbledore.' James' hand wrapped around his wand and he glared at the old man. 'If the Blood Magic is protecting Harry with both my and Lily's blood he will be safe with me.'

'I wish that were true James, but the spell only works with the blood of those who have died for Harry, it must be where Lily's blood is strongest. She has a sister who still lives yes?'

'The Dursleys? Are you insane old man?! You think I would let you put my son in the hands of those bigots? Over my dead body.' James wandtip flashed as his grip tightened. 'I don't care where you think my son will be safest. Those … people aren't fit to raise anyone's children, let alone mine.'

Dumbledore moved forwards in his chair and raised his hands. 'Please James, you are not thinking rationally, Harry will be safest where Lily's blood still resides. I understand your apprehension but they are his family too and if Voldemort or his followers come for your son how will you defend him without Lily's protection?'

'You are not listening,' James said coldly. 'You are not taking my son from me. Not to the Dursleys and not anywhere other than where I am. I am through doing what you think is best for my family. If you try to interfere again I will use every last bit of my family's influence to ruin you.'

'James I –'

'GET OUT!' James roared.

Dumbledore looked stricken, then he sighed and rose from his chair. 'I am sorry James, I was only doing what I thought was best for you and your son.'

'I am the only one here who knows what is best for my son,' James snapped. 'If his skin is capable of deflecting the Killing Curse because of Lily it doesn't matter where he lives. Now leave us alone.'

Dumbledore shook his head and left without another word.

James slumped back in his chair and let his wand fall back in between him and a miraculously still sleeping Harry. The boy hadn't even noticed James had just stood up to possibly the most powerful wizard in a century for him.

That was okay, hell it was even good. He didn't want Harry to know all of this yet. Prophecies and Blood Magic could wait. He'd tell him eventually, nothing good would come from keeping Harry in the dark.

They would need to prepare for Voldemort's return though. If Dumbledore was even remotely right about the return of the Dark Lord they'd need to be ready for him and who knew how many of the Death Eaters would slip through the cracks?

Once he had figured out who he could trust and where was safe … then he would start preparing. But not yet. First he had a son to care and protect. From anyone who would dare to threaten him, be it a supposed friend or a psychopath looking for revenge for their fallen master. He would stop them all.

No one would take his son from him.

James lifted his son up in his arms and kissed his head gently.

'I love you Harry.'

There you have it. Just an idea that wouldn't leave me alone. For the readers interested, this is the start of the What A Difference A Father Makes series, to see where the story continues please read my other story The Reluctant Champion.

You can also treat it as a stand alone if you'd prefer, completely up to you guys.

Please read and review!