Author's Note:
I enjoy watching the previews and then writing one-shots to speculate about the episode. I experimented with second person in this story for the first time, having read several cool stories that used this point of view. I've also never written a story that's Mike-centric. I like him so I hope I've done him justice. Enjoy! And let me know what you thought with a review, please!
It's the day after Valentine's Day, and as usual, you're making out with your hot Asian girlfriend. You're totally into it, just like you always are. You open your eyes to make sure she's enjoying it, too, and that's when you catch her playing a game of Angry Birds over your shoulder. She immediately apologizes, looking guilty. You panic and offer her a look at your perfectly-sculpted abdominal muscles.
Tina responds with a shrug, saying, "If you want to." You've barely lifted up your shirt when you notice she's staring at the screen of her iPhone again. You can't believe your abs have lost their power. You knew you shouldn't have had that bacon cheeseburger.
"What's so great about that game?" You demand, angrily.
She gives you that guilty look again and then sticks the phone in her purse. "Oh, nothing," she says, unconvincingly. You counter with a questioning look, and she delivers another blow: "Artie showed it to me this morning after we finished correcting my Pre-Calculus take-home test. I'm sure I'll be sick of it by lunchtime."
Artie. You should have known.
A few hours later, Glee rehearsal rolls around. In saunters newbie Sam Evans, clad in a lightweight hoodie with his shaggy blonde hair pushed forward like… oh, no, it couldn't be. And then Sam – who's been enduring snide remarks about his resemblance to The Bieber for weeks now – delivers a heartfelt rendition of Baby that has every male member of New Directions doubled over in stitches. But the girls aren't laughing. They're swooning. Brittany and Santana sing along and dance. Tina and Mercedes are swaying back and forth, wearing memorized expressions. Lauren covers her mouth to hide the fact that she's grinning. Even Rachel is leaning forward with her chin cupped in her palms, smiling dreamily. As for Quinn – his former flame and the apparent target of his impromptu serenade – she actually looks impressed.
Wheels are turning…
You decide you want to use the power of the Bieber to make Tina swoon, too. You'll need Sam's help to pull it off. But since two guys singing Justin Bieber songs would look kind of gay (not that you're homophobic), you decide to make a trio out of it. Finn still looks a little puny after his bout with mono, plus his dancing would be a serious obstacle, so you can quickly rule him out as the third member. As everyone starts to leave, you pull Puck aside to see if he's interested in joining up. You fervently explain your troubles with Tina.
Puck surprises you by agreeing right away. "I found a picture of Justin Bieber in one of Lauren's binders when I was copying her homework…"
You're about to suggest that Puck accompany you to present the idea of a Bieber tribute band to Sam after football practice when you hear a subtle cough level with your waist. You look down to find Artie Abrams staring up at you, bright-eyed and hopeful.
"Count me in, too," he says. You recoil slightly. It's not that you don't like the dude. You even joined forces with him on Valentine's Day to serenade Tina and Brittany. The whole thing was your idea. You needed Artie to supply the vocals while you danced around his chair with your flawless Michael Jackson moves.
It looks like you're stuck with a fourth member. Artie does have the hair for it, whereas Puckerman's going to need a wig to look the part. "Dude, Brittany's all over you," you say. "Why do you need Justin Bieber to help you get some action?"
"I gave her a chocolate heart and she ate the entire thing in one sitting," he reports, glumly. "She was on a sugar high for an hour, and it was great because when we were fooling around, she tasted like chocolate. But then she crashed and, it's weird, the effect doesn't seem to be wearing off. She's lost interest in me."
"It was inevitable," Puck tells him. Artie scowls.
"Why do you need Justin Bieber to keep Tina interested, Mike?" Artie turns the question on you. You suspect he has hidden motives for needing to know. You go back and forth, trying to decide what to tell him. You don't want to say anything that might give him the impression that your relationship with Tina is on the rocks.
"I don't. It's about being proactive," you say. Artie wears a dubious expression, but you ignore it. "Come on, we've gotta get to practice."
You're going to channel the essence of Justin Bieber, and Tina won't be able to keep her eyes or her hands off of you. She'll remember that you have the most incredible washboard stomach she's ever seen. She'll recall your first kiss by the lake at camp. And maybe, just maybe, she'll finally forget all about the guy in the wheelchair.
The Bieber might be your last chance for a comeback.