Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
I am in my old house. I can hear the rain playing with the windows, can see the numerous drops making their pointless journey to the ground where they mingle with millions of other drops. Why do they make this journey? It is a question I ask myself all too often these days. Silly little raindrops for giving their all for something pointless.
I am alone. I made a cup of tea but I do not feel like drinking of it. Now it rests next to me, on the floor. Mother would have been furious to have a cup of tea resting on the floor. 'Just imagine the mess!' she would have said. 'The wood you're sitting on is valuable, son.' My father would have added. I can't keep from smiling a bit. The memories come back with such overwhelming force at times that I couldn't help but smile.
In reality, I couldn't even manage that small movement of lips. I tried, once, seeing myself reflected in a puddle of mud. It looked ridiculous. Any emotion showing on my face looks ridiculous by now. It looks lost. My face is a blank page full of words no one ever understood..
That is why I know I am dreaming again. I don't smile in reality.
It is the same dream that comes back every night. It is a dream where I am still of young age, still where I belong. Nevertheless I am wasting my thoughts, my precious time with having my brother in mind.
Other than that, all I feel is loneliness. Plain loneliness. A feeling I became used to all too soon. My house is the emptiest place in the world, filled with memories of the happier times in my life. It is as lost as I am. Every single person that once lived in it is dead.
I know I am dreaming. Yet I don't want to wake up. The best part of the dream is not there yet. I just wish it would come sooner. The thoughts of my brother are annoying. They are the only thing that I don't like about this dream.
Time passes too slowly and I pick up the tea from the floor and take a sip. It's cold, and I quickly abandon it again. Cold tea is disgusting.
Three single knocks fill the large room and breaks the silence. My eyes become wide, my heart skips a beat, I am filled with a feeling that never stayed too long to let me determine what exactly it is. I know I shouldn't be running to the door, running as if it was so wonderful that I was going to open it to the sun.
The door just can't be opened as quickly as I want. I pull and I pull for what feels like hours, but I don't give up. I can't give up. This is the moment that makes my dream precious.
Finally the door is opened. My eyes are blinded for some time, they are not used to the intensity. Then, I am able to make out just who I opened the door to, and I breathe in the funny scent of noodles. Funny, because it is the scent I hate most in the world. And at the same time, it is the scent I miss the most.
Such a brutal dream.
Once my eyes become used to the light, they focus on a small amount of sunshine. It is strange how this person seemed to have cought a little piece of the sun and wore it as hair. It shines like nothing else in the world, sometimes it shines brighter than the sun in the sky.
My eyes wander further and what they see next is almost blinding them again. Two endless pools of blue, more beautiful than anything I have ever seen. The sky on the warmest summer day looks grey compared to them.
They take in the sight of bright orange and my mouth twitches lightly in amusement. As if this person's appearance wasn't bright enough already.
I open my mouth slowly, I want to talk to this person that smiles at me with a force that I never understood, but my voice does not work. I just stand there, longing to touch the hand he holds out to me, but I am paralized. I am unable to move.
And even though I know I will wake up every moment, even though I know that it is pointless to struggle, I give my best to break free of the paralysis.
I wake up in the darkness and covered in sweat. The dream is gone, as is the warmth.
I need a moment to calm myself. It will come back tommorow. I will be able to try again tommorow.
I just have to wait.