I run up the stairs, dabbing furiously at the edges of my eyes, wiping away the salty evidence that I have been hurt. I pass through the doorway and leap onto my bed, snuggling down in the nest of blankets and pillows. I grab my favorite and let my suppressed agony pour down my face, soaking my pillows, thinking that I can cry my pain out.
As if it were that easy.
I think of each thing that was said; how could she mean to say that? I had just asked for some help, no big deal. Now the only help that I receive is that of my pillow, comforting me in the way that only an old friend can. I roll onto my side, taking my friend with me. Tears are streaming down my face as I think Why does she not help me? Why does she cause me pain when all I want is her acceptance? Nothing surrounding me gives me an answer.
I burrow down in my blankets, thankful that it is cold enough for me to be able to. The comfort that these simple sheets bring me is enough that I eventually stop crying. All the while, my pillow has been here comforting me with its familiar smell, reassuring me that I have been through worse things, things that it has also helped me through.
As I move around in my bed trying to find a comfortable position, the pillow stays close to my heart. It starts to dry, the reminders of my crying fading with time. I keep remembering what she said, and with these memories comes a fresh wave of salty tears, though I try to hold them back. I want the evidence to disappear; I want to be able to move past this moment, to forget what has happened.
Easier said than done.
As I dwell on the harsh tone she had used, and the words that she so willingly shared with me, I start to believe them. Maybe what she had said was true… Maybe I am exactly what she said. Then I remember that she is jealous of me. Of my good grades, of my being younger, of my having friends, and of our parent's seeming to side with me in every argument.
I do not see how I am supposed to fix these things so that she will be kinder to me. Am I supposed to fail school? That will make my life more nearer to her own, but that is not what I want. Am I supposed to make all of my friends dislike me? How can I justify this? They have helped me through tough times and they do not deserve to be discarded like that. Do I act out so I do not receive the favor of my parents? All of these things are possible, but my life would be ruined if I achieved them.
What about me be younger? There is no way to rectify that situation and, according to my mother, that is the main reason why my sister is jealous of me. This is not something that I can control!
Now, as I start to get mad at my sister for ever treating me this way, for ever thinking that she is better than me, for ever thinking that I am the lucky one, I realize that I do not care what she thinks. Let her be jealous; I will ignore it. Let her get angry with me; I will be cautious. She may say and do things that she regrets but I will hold on to my integrity. I will not stoop to her level. She may deserve it sometimes, but I do not deserve the classification of 'The Mean Sister'. Let her have it.
All through this, my pillow has been hugged tightly to my chest. I feel the spot where my tears once were and realize that it is now completely dry. My resolution to be the better person has dried my tears. I thank my pillow for helping me come to the realization that I can be better than she is, even if she does not think so. So, thank you pillow, you have helped me to become a better person.